Hello my name is Tina-I have been with my boyfriend for almost a yr-we have no sex-if we do its once a month and he doesn't even -we don't finish.. :( I feel so insecure and he works an comes home and plays his stupid game on the computor-even on weekends all day into the night-just sits there-he does work and come home-latly he has been saying he's broke-dont know how.. we don't go anywhere or do anything... I feel like he doesn't want me-I give 100 + % to this relationship and I just want him to want me to want to have sex with me-when I bring it up he gets very angry and thinks its stupid... Ive worn nice nightys tried to get his attention and still nothing- nothing but a kiss goodnight and an I love you-we had sex in the beginning then he said he want to wait till we fell in love-well its been a yr in September plus I don't get why he doesn't or want me... :( what should I do?

How old are you both... this matters.

I'm 30 he's 37

I just don't understand... :(

When did he have his last complete physical? Is he on any medications?

I have no idea-he hasn't had one since we've been together-he smokes weed-alot.. and when he does have a hard on he covers it with his hand... makes me feel like he doesn't want me-but he says he loves me and wants a future-

And right now we live with his mom-he makes promises and don't keep them.

Dump him... his a pot smioker and a slacker. THere are lots of far better guys out there that have none of his failings.

He also likely has other medical issues that can compound the fact pot kills the libido... like diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol... etc.

And right now we live with his mom-he makes promises and dont keep them.

You two living with his mom is a real deal braker in the intimacy department. Is this arrangement for financial reasons, or is ths his idea?

Its so hard because I love him-and yes we are staying here to save money for a place but just yesterday he said he was broke! I don't lknow how I handed him$1300.00s for us to go somewhere and now he's broke! Its only been 2 days

Its so hard because I love him-and yes we are staying here to save money for a place but just yesterday he said he was broke! I dont lknow how I handed him$1300.00s for us to go somewhere and now he's broke! its only been 2 days

He spent it on Pot... and whatelse...

Like I said... proof he's a slacker. How much more money are you going to give him to waste? He's living at his parents... WHAT expenses does he really have anyway?

I'd say his lack of interest in you is due to either excessive drug use or excessive porn use or both. Also, he could be spending all of his money on both things if he isn't using free porn.

His drug use, living with him mom, spending all his time on the computer, his inability to manage money and giving you no sexual attention all points to someone that you should probably leave. He might say he loves you, but it doesn't seem like he's showing it and I think you could do MUCH better.

I'd say his lack of interest in you is due to either excessive drug use or excessive porn use or both. Also, he could be spending all of his money on both things if he isn't using free porn.

His drug use, living with him mom, spending all his time on the computer, his inability to manage money and giving you no sexual attention all points to someone that you should probably leave. He might say he loves you, but it doesn't seem like he's showing it and I think you could do MUCH better.

Viewing Porn does NOT equal having sex... or even whacking off to it.

I didn't say porn use was sex. What I said was it might be a reason why a man (who spends all of his time on the computer) might not be interested in his hot and ready girlfriend right next to him. Additionally, research and common sense, have shown that having an earlier orgasm can reduce sexual desire in achieving another one soon after. It was just a suggestion and one that, given the information she has supplied, is quite plausible.

I didn't say porn use was sex. What I said was it might be a reason why a man (who spends all of his time on the computer) might not be interested in his hot n ready gf right next to him. Additionally, research and common sense, have shown that having an earlier orgasm can reduce sexual desire in achieving another one soon after. It was just a suggestion and one that, given the information she has supplied, is quite plausible.


Please post your research - your common sense may not be the same as someone else's common sense but research is research, facts are facts and so forth.

Maybe I know what you're talking about. Maybe no one else does.

Here's my specific problem - you DID refer to excessive porn: "I'd say his lack of interest in you is due to either excessive drug use or excessive porn use or both."

Now you never said that?

I didn't say porn use was sex. What I said was it might be a reason why a man (who spends all of his time on the computer) might not be interested in his hot n ready gf right next to him. Additionally, research and common sense, have shown that having an earlier orgasm can reduce sexual desire in achieving another one soon after. It was just a suggestion and one that, given the information she has supplied, is quite plausible.

I call BS on this... can you present any credible evidence to back this up since YOU are making claims about research and proof when it flys contrary to common sense and real life experience for those of use who are well beyond our early 20's.

I call BS on this....can you present any credible evidence to back this up since YOU are making claims about research and proof when it flys contrary to common sense and real life experience for those of use who are well beyond our early 20's.


Well, I don't know, Mr. Smoothy - I read that Bigfoot actually does exist. It's on the Internet. It must be true.

Was it Bigfoot who was eating a burger at McDonald's or Elvis?

Good in Bed - Does Too Much Porn Mess with a Guy's Sex Skills? - Sex on the Brain (http://www.goodinbed.com/sex_on_the_brain/2010/08/does-too-much-porn-mess-with-a-guys-sex-skills/)
Good in Bed - Porn, and the thin line between Pleasure and Problem - Advice from the Experts (http://www.goodinbed.com/blogs/sex_doctors/2010/10/porn-and-the-thin-line-between-pleasure-and-problem/)
Your Brain On Porn Series: Porn Addiction | Your Brain On Porn (http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series)
Masturbation: 5 Things You Didn't Know on MedicineNet.com (http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=100371)
A research on the relationship b... [J Zhejiang Univ Sci. 2003 Mar-Apr] - PubMed - NCBI (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/12659241?dopt=Abstract)
Effects of Male Masturbation on Attracting Women (http://themodernsavage.com/2009/02/04/effects-of-male-masturbation-on-attracting-women/)

Well, I don't know, Mr. Smoothy - I read that Bigfoot actually does exist. It's on the Internet. It must be true.

Was it Bigfoot who was eating a burger at McDonald's or Elvis?

People also believe in Alien abduction and anal probing by extraterestrials...

Usually by people that drink heavily and live in trailer parks...

Lots of websites, 55,200 on Google alone. Must be true then.

How old are you... backpack2389... are you still in college?

Those aren't very credible links...

Some of this is peer-reviewed published research others are articles containing some factoids selected from other research. Most articles take neither a negative nor positive perspective on masturbation, but do mention that is reduces the amount of testosterone available for sexual arousal after the orgasm, which does take time to build up. They also discuss that frequent masturbation can reduce your motivation to have sex by numbing your responses to dopamine. This would occur because one's frequent exposure to high levels of dopamine release (as experienced during frequency masturbation) reduces the number of receptors for dopamine on post-synaptic neurons. This is a common phenomenon seen in parkinson's patients who experience DA deficiencies. Eventually they also become desensitized to L-Dopa, the DA precursor used in treatment. The two phenomena work by the same mechanism.

Just as I thought... young college student that thinks they have all the answers.

I am in school but working on my MD. I have a BA in neuroscience as well as a year of grad school in between my BA and MD during which I studied neurobiology.

I know that I don't have all the answers but I do have my own opinions, something I have tried to provide. I'm sorry if they upset you. I do feel qualified to provide some insight, however, as I have an educational background in the field of human behavior and psychology as well as knowledge of anatomy and specifically neuroanatomy. I know the research I posted isn't ideal and I wouldn't use it in a publication, but it was all I could put together in the few minutes I was willing to invest in the search.

Right... little real life experience... just because you r read it in a book or hear it in a lecture... doesn't make it so, or universal.

People have this funny way of not fitting neatly defined preconceptions... or even responding uniformly.

And why so many things that are touted as the next major cure fail so badly during clinical trials...

There are so many things they can't teach you in school that are critical to understanding people and what makes them do things.

And also why so many otherwise very smart people can be so unable to understand simple motivations of some people.

If porn desensitzed you... I would have sex once a month or two... fact is I have it every day and my desire hasn't been dulled in the least by it... even after 2 decades of marriage to the same woman, and I am far from being alone on this... that would disprove many of the generalizations characterized in those so called studies.

Like political polls... medical studies can be skewed to provide the desired results by those conducting them if they aren't careful and are actually conducting them without having their own opinions first.

That's why I don't trust many things posted on the internet... too much bogus information out there posted by people nobody knows.

Nothing personal... but I have very good reasons over the 3 dacades I've worked to not accept anything at face value. Including the news. See what I've seen where I've seen it and you would too.

Again, I'm sorry if my opinions and the information I shared upset you. I really only intended it as food for thought for the OP.

And just as the findings of clinical studies do not apply to everyone, neither does the experience of one individual reflect the entire population.

And just as the findings of clinical studies do not apply to everyone, neither does the experience of one individual reflect the entire population.

I'm far from being alone... and I'm far from being wrong on this.

And just as the findings of clinical studies do not apply to everyone, neither does the experience of one individual reflect the entire population.


And that's why the regulars here post their sources instead of "it's what I say" AND why they post their opinions as just that, their opinions.

You have a Degree; you have credentials; the post your resources. This is not posting your resources: "Some of this is peer-reviewed published research others are articles containing some factoids selected from other research. Most articles take neither a negative nor positive perspective on masturbation, but do mention that is reduces the amount of testosterone available for sexual arousal after the orgasm, which does take time to build up."

What?

And I read on the Internet that Bigfoot is alive and well.

I know that I don't have all the answers but I do have my own opinions, something I have tried to provide. I'm sorry if they upset you. I do feel qualified to provide some insight, however, as I have an educational background in the field of human behavior and psychology as well as knowledge of anatomy and specifically neuroanatomy. I know the research I posted isn't ideal and I wouldn't use it in a publication, but it was all I could put together in the few minutes I was willing to invest in the search.

Here we go again, back, thanks for the input; I am in healthcare as well, and there is nothing wrong with your posts. In fact I find them most informative.

Thank you tickle. :)

Here we go again, back, thanks for the input; I am in healthcare as well, and there is nothing wrong with your posts. In fact i find them most informative.


Love you, Tickle, but I think research without a site is useless.

I believe the medical and legal boards should be on the same terms. If I say it's this or that because I don't have time to research, I don't see the value of the post.

You know I respect your opinions and I know you know your stuff. My problem is NOT the info. My problem is the lack of follow through, back up.

Maybe I think porn is an addiction so that's what I post with vague references to my background, experience, education. That helps no one. Give me a site. Change my mind - teach me.

Do the same for the OP.

(So - are we still friends?)

Love you, Tickle, but I think research without a site is useless.

I believe the medical and legal boards should be on the same terms. If I say it's this or that because I don't have time to research, I don't see the value of the post.

You know I respect your opinions and I know you know your stuff. My problem is NOT the info. My problem is the lack of follow through, back up.

Maybe I think porn is an addiction so that's what I post with vague references to my background, experience, education. That helps no one. Give me a site. Change my mind - teach me.

Do the same for the OP.

(So - are we still friends?)

I totally agree, judy, and always friends. Synnen does not want us posting on this topic without medical journal back up. That is not the problem. I just don't think anyone should be shot down for voicing an opinion. Now backpack knows why we are hesitant. Right.

I totally agree, judy, and always friends. Synnen does not want us posting on this topic without medical journal back up. That is not the problem. I just dont think anyone should be shot down for voicing an opinion. Now backpack knows why we are hesitant. Right.


Okay, we're on the same page.

Whew!

Since we're having too much fun now and are off-topic, I am closing this thread. :)