I'm 16 year old now and I'm feeling so bad, depressed and so lonely. I'm thinking that nobody cares me. I've hurt myself for many times..
I won't even bother to tell my mom about my depression and everything. She's too busy at her work and always very tired and tensed. She's very tired because she has difficulty falling asleep every night and she can't sleep well. She's very tired at work and home. She always complains about her problems to me so I have to listen to her and I can't concern her more with my own problems.. She just yells at me everyday when she come home from work. Everyday when I'm laying on my bed and crying she always complains that I'm so lazy when I just lay on my bed.

My dad is dead and he left me and my mom alone when I was born. He never cared to even see me. One day some 6-7 years ago I just heard that he died so I could never see him. I just would liked to see him even once in my life. Now I'm so sad about this. He didn't care about me..

I also can't to tell to my best friend because she won't listen to me. She's very aware that I'm not feeling well. As being my best friend (and also my only friend here) I expected that she'd cares even a little bit. She has often seen my cutting wounds although I've tried to cover them from her.. The first wound which she saw accidentally long time ago she asked "What's that" with confused expression and voice. I tried to make excuses but she didn't believe them and said that she feel very sad because of me. And ever since I've tried to cover them..

Now she still doesn't seem to care about me. When we're chatting with each other on the internet and sometimes when I'm not feeling well I say that to her. She always says she doesn't want to hear or don't tell her anything. Sometimes she doesn't even answer me to that and change the subject.. So that's why I don't tell her anything anymore. She just says she want that I could change but how can I change if no one never wants to listen to me? Today I told her again that I feel so bad and she started to complain.. And then I said that I go off the computer and she said "Good, i don't have to listen you then." and then I said bye and she said coldly "Goodbye." This hurt me even more.. She doesn't care and doesn't even want to care..

And always when I'm needing her the most and asked her if she want to hang out with me or come to my house she says she's not sure if she can come. Or she promise to come but then every time when I'm waiting for her to come she doesn't. She not even bother to call me that she won't come and I'm waiting her all that long time sadly and in frustration. It makes me very sad and thinking that she doesn't care about me at all. But after that all I still love her. We still have good times together.. She's my best friend.. We rarely see each other, maybe 1-3 times in a week and when I'm alone I feel so lonely and sad..

I have old friends too but they live so far from me (because I have moved) so I don't even try to tell any of them about my feelings and we rarely chat with each other on the internet. And I'm always the one who start to conversation and they too seem not to care about be in contact with me.

About 8-9 months ago I realized that I was lesbian. I haven't told to everyone about that except to my best friend. She was okay with that. I have a crush on a girl even earlier when I realized I was lesbian. I know that she's bi-sexual but haven't told to her still yet. When my feelings toward her started to grow more and more I was so confused. Always when she looked at me I quicky turned my gaze to elsewhere. After a while it she started to stare at me weirdly and for a long time.. And I'm still thinking that maybe she knew about my feelings or something.. Every time when I saw her smile I felt so happy.

When summer holiday began I encouraged myself and started to talk to her on the internet. We chatted about many things and almost about two hours. She was so nice to me and I was so happy.. Then after a while it I decided to talk to her again but she didn't answer me even though she was online.. After that I was so ashamed and I haven't dared to talk to her anymore.. School will start soon and I can see her again. I'm just a little bit scared if she hates me or something.. I still remember her eyes, how she always looked me at school..

Somehow I'm happy when the school start again I'm able to see people and not being so alone. But every time when my best friend is not at school when she's sick or something I'm so lonely. She is pretty much absent from school. Nobody never talks to me and everyone always ignores me. And someone's even stare at me weirdly and angrily even though I haven't done anything to them..

I hate myself so much.. And I feel that others hate me too. I'm so shy and I have so bad self-confidence. I still cut myself and I'm very depressed, feel so lonely and cry every day in my room. I have also thought about the suicide many times. I'm so tired of everything and I'm feeling that I can't stand any longer..

I understand how you feel. I get like that sometimes and I even have a boyfriend so I shouldn't feel that way but I still do. I used to cut but not a lot because I am afriad of sharp objects. I used to be like that every single day but I kind of stopped. My "bestfriend" doesn't listen to me either. I would try and talk to her all the time and she would just be like "cool." or "Nice" or she would just try to compare her problems with mine. I always helped everyone with advice but when it came to me it was like no one was there for me. My mother would talk to me but not about my problems because I felt like if I would tell her she would blame her self or she would be disappointed in me and I never want to disappoint my family. But then I broke down all the time and I just had to tell someone. So, I told my mother. Yes she was disappointed for a few days but then she got over it and then she started to talk to me everyday about my feelings and problems and that helped me a lot. And then the fact I had a rabbit at the time and I still do just not the same one, but anyway, as crazy as this sounds I used to talk to my rabbit, I would cry to him and tell him everything and sometimes even just my rabbit would make me happy. But in your case, I would try talking to your mom. Sit her down and be like before you yell at me I want to tell you something, I have been crying every single day. I have been feeling alone and just go on and tell her how you feel and if she tries talking just be like I want you to hear me out mom. She might be mad or upset at first but she have that on her mind and she will learn to listen to you more. And with the school thing, I am a shy person, but don't be to shy. Try talking to someone, if they are jerks then show them you don't care. I never moved so I don't know how hard that is, but I do know how hard it is to make friends. I am antisocial. I can't talk to many, and I can't fit in at all, but I still manage. Just keep your head up and if you EVER need someone to talk to, you can personally message me. I will always be here for you. :) I will be your new friend :)

All I can say is that at least you have realized you are or might be suffering from depression. The BEST thing you can do is talk to someone about it. Your mother is your best bet to get you checked out. You might not even be depressed at that age lots of teenagers feel this way because of all the changes going on. Just talk to someone :)