molliebrynn
Aug 6, 2012, 11:53 AM
Boyfriend and I have been together for 13 years and living together for 12 years, since I was 17 and he was 19 (I am now 30 and he is 32). We have two children together, a 6 year old and a 5 year old. When I became pregnant with our first child, we initially got engaged, although there was no proposal or solid plan to actually marry any time soon. He just handed me his mother’s old ring and that was that.
After so much time had passed, I questioned him on whether we would ever get married, to which he replied that “he does not believe in marriage” and “does not want to get married” but does want to be with me forever and keep the family together. This makes me terribly sad because I really want to be married to him and wish he felt that “feeling” for me and had genuinely proposed years and years ago.
Both of us come from broken homes, giving us a kind of uncertainty about marriage (his mother was married several times and has yet to settle down, and my parents were married for 25 years and went through a nasty divorce). I, however, feel pretty confident that our obviously successful relationship will stand the test of time and would like to show the rest of the world that we are a united front and love each other. I feel somewhat judged by others for not being married, and also a bit insecure that my husband is out and about without a wedding ring. He does, admittedly, get hit on often.
As I get older, the thought of not being married to him bothers me more and more. We often get in arguments about it. If we broke up because of this, I believe he would marry someone else (he says he wouldn’t). I feel like he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice with another long-term girlfriend. This thought, which I believe to be true, makes me feel even worse and insecure, as if I am not good enough and don’t deserve his marital commitment.
I love him and believe he loves me, but I wish he was so crazy about me that he wanted to “take me off the market”, so to speak, and show his love to the world by making me his wife. I’m an attractive person and a great girlfriend and mother, and I know that there would be other suitors out there. I just can’t believe after all these years invested in our relationship, he still feels uncertain about me. Even when given the ultimatum of marry me or lose me, he said he wanted me to stay but couldn’t marry me so he would have to lose me. I am so sad and hurt. What should I do?
After so much time had passed, I questioned him on whether we would ever get married, to which he replied that “he does not believe in marriage” and “does not want to get married” but does want to be with me forever and keep the family together. This makes me terribly sad because I really want to be married to him and wish he felt that “feeling” for me and had genuinely proposed years and years ago.
Both of us come from broken homes, giving us a kind of uncertainty about marriage (his mother was married several times and has yet to settle down, and my parents were married for 25 years and went through a nasty divorce). I, however, feel pretty confident that our obviously successful relationship will stand the test of time and would like to show the rest of the world that we are a united front and love each other. I feel somewhat judged by others for not being married, and also a bit insecure that my husband is out and about without a wedding ring. He does, admittedly, get hit on often.
As I get older, the thought of not being married to him bothers me more and more. We often get in arguments about it. If we broke up because of this, I believe he would marry someone else (he says he wouldn’t). I feel like he wouldn’t make the same mistake twice with another long-term girlfriend. This thought, which I believe to be true, makes me feel even worse and insecure, as if I am not good enough and don’t deserve his marital commitment.
I love him and believe he loves me, but I wish he was so crazy about me that he wanted to “take me off the market”, so to speak, and show his love to the world by making me his wife. I’m an attractive person and a great girlfriend and mother, and I know that there would be other suitors out there. I just can’t believe after all these years invested in our relationship, he still feels uncertain about me. Even when given the ultimatum of marry me or lose me, he said he wanted me to stay but couldn’t marry me so he would have to lose me. I am so sad and hurt. What should I do?