My situation is way different than most. My ex was very bitter in our divorce in 2000. We had 4 children. He had a six figure income, I barely made $800/mth. He did everything he could possibly do to financially break me... made outlandish accusations, so after thousands and thousands of dollars wasted, I gave him residential custody which he then asked for $400 in child support. I refused to pay it for about 3yrs which gave me arrears... now three of my kids are passed 18, all had jobs while with him and he won't cooperate with me on settling for $100 in child support for the one who is 16 and maybe $100 going toward arrears... He wants me to go to jail for the arrears,, this man is pure evil!! We are going into court in two weeks and I don't know how to fight on this matter... what are my rights? Ive paid him over $33,000 since 2003 and since 2008 my children have turned 18, have had jobs of their own while living with him and my arrears don't change. Its frustrating and disgusting!

Please help!
Z

Your arrears won't change. Arrears are payments you owe, but haven't paid. Until you pay them, they'll stay the same.

I'm a bit confused by your title, since you don't really mention the fact that you're trying to get out of paying child support because you're in school. Doesn't work that way. You helped make these children, therefore you have to help pay for them. Four hundred dollars a month for 4 children, you got a deal!

As for the children that are now adults, you'll have to discuss this with the judge when you're in court.

Thanks, I got side tracted,, I just wanted for some of my $400 to go toward the arrears like they should have starting in 2008 but I didn't know how to address that issue,, we will see what turmoil happens when I walk in there with no job and I haven't paid anything in 3 months

... we will see what turmoil happens when I walk in there with no job and I havent paid anything in 3 months

I suspect the judge may want to throw you in a cell for a few days. You are voluntarily unemployed, have refused to get a job, and as a consequence haven't paid for that length of time.

That's how the court is likely to look at it.

You made a choice to give up custody and child support is based on either state min or based on your earnings that you provide to the court.

You owe the money because of the court, his being evil has no bearing on this.

Your refusal to pay makes you wrong and you should easily go to jail and/or lose your drivers license for failure to pay.

At this point it has nothing to do with HIM, it has to do with court orders.

So you can pay or you may go to jail. If the money is wrong, that has to be corrected in court.

Going to school does not make any difference in paying support.

If your income changes, you can go back to court to get support changed.

I suspect the judge may want to throw you in a cell for a few days. You are voluntarily unemployed, have refused to get a job, and as a consequence haven't paid for that length of time.

That's how the court is likely to look at it.

I would not say voluntarily unemployed,, I can't find anything,, I'm trying every day... Ive lost my apt so now Im living with a friend,, I am hitting the pavement everyday. I do help out my kids, whether its groceries or $50 here and there since the past 6mths

You made a choice to give up custody and child support is based on either state min or based on your earnings that you provide to the court.

You owe the money because of the court, his being evil has no bearing on this.

Your refusal to pay makes you wrong and you should easily go to jail and/or lose your drivers license for failure to pay.

At this point it has nothing to do with HIM, it has to do with court orders.

So you can pay or you may go to jail. If the money is wrong, that has to be corrected in court.

Going to school does not make any difference in paying support.

If your income changes, you can go back to court to get support changed.

Thanks

...
all had jobs while with him ...

Are you suggesting that the fact they have incomes of their own makes any difference? It doesn't.


I would not say voluntarily unemployed,,, I can't find anything,,, im trying every day ....

I'm sorry. Your statement that you go to school full time suggests that you are not on the job market. If you can in fact show the court that you are doing your best to pay, that is quite different.

thanks, i got side tracted,,, I just wanted for some of my $400 to go toward the arrears like they should of starting in 2008 but I didnt know how to address that issue,,, we will see what turmoil happens when I walk in there with no job and I havent paid anything in 3 months

I'm confused. Are you ordered to pay $400 a month or less than that. If it's $400 a month court ordered child support then why would some of that $400 go towards the arrears? You'd have to pay extra in order to pay off the arrears.

Let me put it this way. If you owe someone $10,000, and you're also court ordered to pay them $400/month for services they provide you, that $10,000 isn't being paid by the $400/month payments for services. You would have to pay more than $400/month in order to start paying off the loan. Do you understand?

Sorry if I confused you, I was just asking if I went to school would I still have to pay child support... I don't go to school, just asking

sorry if I confused you,, I was just asking if I went to school would I still have to pay child support.......... I dont go to school,, just asking

Yes, you would still have to pay.

You see, it doesn't matter that you want to go to school. Your kids, the ones you helped make, still need to eat, need clothes, an education, etc. etc. You can't just choose not to help pay for that because you want to go to school. You can't just go to school to avoid paying. Doesn't work that way.

Children are children, they need to be cared for. As one of the parents of these children, you're responsible to help care for them. The only way you could get out of paying child support is putting the kids up for adoption. Of course the father of these children would have to agree, especially since he has custody.

Yup

My situation is way different than most. My ex was very bitter in our divorce in 2000. We had 4 children. He had a six figure income,, I barely made $800/mth. He did everything he could possibly do to financially break me... made outlandish accusations,, so after thousands and thousands of dollars wasted, I gave him residential custody which he then asked for $400 in child support. I refused to pay it for about 3yrs which gave me arrears... now three of my kids are passed 18,, all had jobs while with him and he wont cooperate with me on settling for $100 in child support for the one who is 16 and maybe $100 going toward arrears... He wants me to go to jail for the arrears,,, this man is pure evil!!! We are going into court in two weeks and I dont know how to fight on this matter... what are my rights? Ive paid him over $33,000 since 2003 and since 2008 my children have turned 18,, have had jobs of their own while living with him and my arrears dont change. Its frustrating and disgusting!

please help!
Z



I don't see anything terribly unusual in this. You could have gone back to Court and had the support amount reduced, if you qualified. You didn't do that.

There was Court-ordered support which you refused to pay because (apparently) you didn't feel you had to pay ANYTHING to support your children.

Arrears means "past due." The fact that the children are now legal age does not change "past due."

I don't think you have a defense. I also don't think your "ex" is pure evil. You COULD have fought to have residential custody and get support from him.

You didn't do that.

You are considering going back to school to avoid child support? You are amazing!

I'm totally puzzled as to how this all happened in the first place. How does a spouse who 'barely makes $800/mo' get ordered to pay a spouse who 'makes 6 figures' $400/mo? Why weren't you fighting for equal custody and child support from him? Something isn't making sense to me.

Lizett: Im sorry they upset you,, I take it with a grain of salt. Everyone on here seems to have an opinion rather than good legal advice, which was all I asked for, not someone's opinion. I simply asked a question, I never said I wasn't going to pay child support, matter of fact, Ive paid over $33,000 since 2003 so I am far better of a parent than most who don't pay.

My story is very unusual and most people do not understand it and then they start with their stupid misconceptions on why I don't have "residential" custody. If you've never live it, don't judge other people. People assume they lose or give up their kids because they didn't want the kids or they did drugs or horrible things, quite the opposite in my story. I don't have to explain anything to any of you but I will so you can have some sort of knowledge you have never experienced and I hope you never will!

After ten years of marriage and 4 children I asked for a divorce. I didn't ask for anything other than child support,, no allimony, no stock, no profit sharing, nothing so in 1998, we both had shared custody with me having residential... with about $2400 in child support. In March of 2000 he lost his job and had to be transferred to CO,, he asked me to go so I did,, It didn't work out so I moved back to our old house. I told him I was moving back and where and when but he made it look like I had kidnapped the children and was worried for their safety, which was a crock! He hired an attorney and slapped me with a restraining order as soon as spring break was over and the kids were safe in school. He had me spend so much money, he wanted to financially ruin me and he did. He asked the judge for a temp emergency hearing and asked to move back to co with the children while I completed numerous of things to prove I was a safe parent... he had his lawyer draw up a fictitious piece of paper to make it look as if my 10yr old son typed it up and had him sign it even though my son didn't know what he was signing.

I had two pyschological evaluations at $800 a pop, several meetings with therapists at twice a week,, which costs a lot of money, even with insurance, two home studies,, and in the mean time try to pay my bills, child support that was ordered and fly back and forth to CO twice a month. With lawyers and retainers fees plus all of the above, I must of spent over $30,000. He had a six figure income to my $12/hr job, so was that fair? This went on from March 2000- Sept 2000... during which that time, I lost almost everything, two cars and I sold my house,, the attorneys told me they wanted $11,000 more dollars to keep fighting or else they would no longer represent me,, I didn't have it, so THEY suggested for me to give him residential custody because financially I didn't have a winning chance. Against what I really wanted I did it. During the past 12yrs, all I have done is fight and fight against this man,, he hid the children from me, wouldn't answer my phone calls, wouldn't give them my letters or gifts in the mail, he told them that I didn't love them or wanted to see them,, tell me, how can someone with money get away with this? I have no issue with paying child support, clearly I have but now, three of my children are over 18 and things have to be appropriate according to that. As for the lady above me, you did the right thing in protecting the rest of your children against the other child. I have been there done that.

I don't see anything terribly unusual in this. You could have gone back to Court and had the support amount reduced, if you qualified. You didn't do that.

There was Court-ordered support which you refused to pay because (apparently) you didn't feel you had to pay ANYTHING to support your children.

Arrears means "past due." The fact that the children are now legal age does not change "past due."

I don't think you have a defense. I also don't think your "ex" is pure evil. You COULD have fought to have residential custody and get support from him.

You didn't do that.

You are considering going back to school to avoid child support? You are amazing!

You don't know my ex... I posted just the few things that he has done, he is pure Evil Ms. Investigator

You made a choice to give up custody and child support is based on either state min or based on your earnings that you provide to the court.

You owe the money because of the court, his being evil has no bearing on this.

Your refusal to pay makes you wrong and you should easily go to jail and/or lose your drivers license for failure to pay.

At this point it has nothing to do with HIM, it has to do with court orders.

So you can pay or you may go to jail. If the money is wrong, that has to be corrected in court.

Going to school does not make any difference in paying support.

If your income changes, you can go back to court to get support changed.


Soke? Im not refusing to pay,, where did you get that? I have been looking for a job every single day and there is nothing so far,, I haven't refused a job either, one hasn't been offered yet!

I don't see anything terribly unusual in this. You could have gone back to Court and had the support amount reduced, if you qualified. You didn't do that.

There was Court-ordered support which you refused to pay because (apparently) you didn't feel you had to pay ANYTHING to support your children.

Arrears means "past due." The fact that the children are now legal age does not change "past due."

I don't think you have a defense. I also don't think your "ex" is pure evil. You COULD have fought to have residential custody and get support from him.

You didn't do that.

You are considering going back to school to avoid child support? You are amazing!


No I did not go back to school to get out of child support. I have many issues on this.

Soke? Im not refusing to pay,,, where did you get that? I have been looking for a job every single day and there is nothing so far,,, I havent refused a job either, one hasnt been offered yet!

Sorry in your first post you posted

" I refused to pay it for about 3yrs which gave me arrears" so I got the fact that you refused to pay because you told us you refused to pay.

I did in the beginning, but then I started to because I was pissed off! I am referring to other things that was said that you guys think that Im a dead beat mother who wants to get out of paying child support, I simply asked a question, I've been paying cs since 2003

I did in the beginning, but then I started to because I was pissed off! I am referring to other things that was said that you guys think that Im a dead beat mother who wants to get out of paying child support, I simply asked a question, I've been paying cs since 2003

I'm confused again.


I haven't paid anything in 3 months

Are you or are you not paying?

We can only go by the information you post here. We can't read your mind, we don't know what your life is like. We can only give advice based on what you post, and from what you've posted, the advice you've gotten so far is dead on accurate. Sorry if you don't like it, or feel like you've been misunderstood, but it's in black and white. So please, post the truth.

Bottom line, we can give you advice, but that's all anyone can do online. The facts do stand though. You're the mother of 4 children, you owe back child support, and going to school won't get you out of paying that support.

If that's not the question you wanted answered, then please post what you want to know.

Soke? Im not refusing to pay,,, where did you get that?

As quoted, Chuck got that from what YOU said.

See that is the problem here. People come here and ask questions and we have to give advice based on what they post and our own knowledge and experience. So we have to make judgments because often we don't get all the info and we are getting it from only one side.

You think your story is unusual, but I don't see that. Your ex decided to stick it to you and had the money to get an attorney to do so. Whether he was justified or not, I don't know. But its not unusual.

But the fact is you lost and were required to pay support, You didn't, therefore arrears have built up. Until you pay those arrears you will continue to owe unless you get a court to change things. And if you don't have an attorney to represent you, you will likely lose again.

I'm sorry, but that's the facts of life.

This I do know, concerning the child support. My husband went to school for 5 years and 3 of it he did not pay child support. We have been paying on his arrears slowly for 6 six years and will finally be done this next year. If you want to go back to school, you could always get loans, and pay some child support from that, but you'd still have to pay off the student loans eventually. It may just initially help pay off the arrears so you don't get in legal trouble now (if that's the case).

{unnecessary comments edited}

We don't like dead people parents here in general, and sorry she said she refused to pay, did not say she could not afford to pay, did not say she tried to pay, she said she "REFUSED" to pay. A parent who just refused to pay child support is not on my list of favorite people. If we go by the posters exact words we are not judging, we are accepting them for what they say they are.

If they wish to change their story, fine, but then do so.

This I do know, concerning the child support. My husband went to school for 5 years and 3 of it he did not pay child support. We have been paying on his arrears slowly for 6 six years and will finally be done this next year. if you want to go back to school, you could always get loans, and pay some child support from that, but you'd still have to pay off the student loans eventually. It may just initially help pay off the arrears so you don't get in legal trouble now (if that's the case).

Scott: yes judgments are necessary concerning the law. I am wondering if personal judgments are necessary such as by "judykaytee" asking her if she was avoiding child support and stated sarcastically "you are amazing".


First, you carrying your disagreement with the law on another thread to this thread. If you want to resurrect that - and apparently you do because you keep challenging my every answer - you want to abandon your stepdaughter legally. Anyone who wants to review that history can find it easily. I moved on from that; you chose to reopen it.

The OP on this thread is the one who opens up that whole subject - and to quote her: "As for the lady above me, you did the right thing in protecting the rest of your children against the other child. I have been there done that." That's pulling in another thread.

Second - no sarcasm. I find it amazing (yes, amazing) that a person would spend the time and money to go back to school (and even with loans, grants, there ARE expenses) in order to avoid paying child support. Absolutely amazing. I see no statement about improving employment options, a desire for a career. I only see how to avoid paying child support.

I read "I paid support; I didn't pay support." Which is it?

If a MAN posted "I can't find a job and my ex is evil and I don't have my children and can I go back to school and avoid paying child support" the AMHD regulars would jump all over him with heavy shoes and flaming torches. Why is it different if it's a woman posting?

Third - the OP was married (apparently) to a man of means. She divorced him (presumably had grounds to do so) and walked away with nothing? No spousal support? No division of property? No settlement? Why? Highly unusual.

Unless, of course, it's his FATHER's money that she and her husband lived off (for 10 years, as I recall), and she had no problem with nothing in their name for 10 years - right up until the divorce.

Something about the divorce in general doesn't read true.

And, yes, another example of the OP posting one set of facts - and then dancing around, based on the answers.

Closed

Lizett: Im sorry they upset you,,, I take it with a grain of salt. Everyone on here seems to have an opinion rather than good legal advice,, which was all I asked for,, not someones opinion. I simply asked a question,, I never said I wasnt going to pay child support, matter of fact, Ive paid over $33,000 since 2003 so I am far better of a parent than most who dont pay.


You have paid $3,666/year; $916/child per year; $17.62/child per week. Not terribly generous. Yes, I do agree - paying $17.62/week to support a child is better than paying nothing. (This is the “I’m bad but they’re worse” defense.)

What makes you think you’re the only person on AMHD who has ever been in a custody fight? What makes your “story ... very unusual”? Again, why the assumption - “I don’t have to explain ... but I will so you can have some sort of knowledge you have never experienced and I hope you never will!” It appears you haven’t read any other threads.

Why after 10 years of marriage and 4 children you didn’t “ask” for anything other than child support after ten years of marriage and 4 children with a man you say is very wealthy is confusing. You asked for nothing - no spousal support, no division of community property, nothing. That isn’t even allowed in my State. So that I “can have some sort of knowledge,” why would you do that? Your Attorney went along with it? You work $12/hour jobs, he’s very well off and you get nothing after 10 years?

If I understand what you are saying, in 2000 (following the 1998 divorce) you and your children (you had residential custody) moved to Colorado to live with your “ex,” the “evil” man who, so far, had done everything he could to destroy you.

Did you get Court permission to leave your State and make the move, reconciling but not remarrying, protecting your options? Colorado became your children’s legal residence.

You moved back to your “old house” (I have no idea who owned the “old house” at that point if you received nothing in the divorce settlement). You “told” him you were moving. Through a series of scams and misrepresentations he (and, of course his Attorney, and your 10-year old son who admitted in Court that he didn’t know what he was signing and/or what the paper said) managed to get a restraining order against you and get the children moved back to their legal residence in Colorado.

For whatever reason the Court forced you to do “numerous of things” to prove you are psychologically sound, you had to undergo therapy “several” times (and twice a week, so I’m assuming for two weeks) and you had to prove your house is safe. I would think you passed with flying colors. Assuming your “ex” had to go through the same evaluations and had the same burden of proof, was it determined that he was a good parent? I’ve done a lot of background in a lot of similar cases and I’ve never seen a person who moved from here to there with children, with no other issues, having to undergo “numerous of things” UNLESS there’s an abuse problem of some sort - alcohol, drugs, children.

You then sold your house which apparently was yours before the marriage because you left the marriage with nothing. You petitioned for him to pay your Attorney fees but were denied?

How can this happen? I don’t understand it. That’s why I asked for an explanation.

Now you have a fairly large past-due child support balance and you want to know if you have to pay it (because your children are over 18) and if you can go to school so you don’t to pay it.

At 18 your children can decide where to live - they live with you now? With their father? What is their choice?

You protected one of your children from another one of your children? How did that factor into any of this?