niftyuk
Aug 2, 2012, 07:20 AM
Need some advice. I'm 32 she is just about to turn 31. We had been together for 3 years but known each other many more but never acted on our mutual attraction due to other relationships we were in at the time. Our relationship was amazing, but in April I sensed she was unhappy... she started to pull away and I tried to keep her close making me someone I am not, desperate and needy. We have children, an 18 month daughter and from our previous relationships 3 older children, aged 6, and 14 from my side and a 10 year old from hers. She made her decision to leave me over a weekend and told me there was nothing I could do or say that would change her mind. YEt she lived with me for the 6weeks it took her to find somewhere, it was torture and it made me ill and someone I was not. After moving out I found myself a new flat and have rebuilt my life. WE have lived apart now for 6 weeks so its 3months since the break up. SInce having my own space and time I have conquered the depression I had after my uncles suicide and identifying his body, losing a job I had for 14years, losing my home and recovered mentally from being run over on my push bike a year ago although the physical injuries need an operation
SInce moving out I have seen my ex most days but not down to seeing the kids, after moving out she came for tea the next day, the following day she came and asked If I wanted anything from the shop, the next invited me to hers for tea. 2 days later I was invited for a takeaway at hers, then that weekend again she came for tea, and stayed several hours each time. I am going with the flow. THe following week again lots of.contact, and inviting herself round for tea. THe 3rd week of the split, I did not see her all week and only spoke briefly at the alloted time for chatting to the kids in The evening. I moved in to my new flat and the very next morning she rang at 8am insisting I went for a coffee, I obliged but only stayed briefly. IN The afternoon again she called asking me to take my washing insistant I took it. I was going for a night out with work, she made me take my shirt off and she reironed it. SHe looked upset when I said it was just me as the only single guy going out as everyone else was bringing there wife or girlfriend. SHe text while I was out, but I did not reply. ON waking the next day she was round in minutes to hang the washing and was fun on the phone. ENjoying I was hungover. SHE helped me move stuff from our old house to my new flat that day, and again we shared kfc. I have been in my new man flat just over 2 weeks, and she has come for tea at least ten times and invited me there once for tea, she has stayed as late as 1130pm. SInce moving into separate houses we have not argued and I have pushed for a friendship but have made no secret I would love to take baby steps to reconcile. I hug her when she leaves and more often than not she hugs back. I Tell her its good to see her. HEr body language is at best her standing close enough that her breasts touch my arm, or our feet touch slightly. SHe dresses in clothes sheknows I like and wears perfume when she comes round, at worst she is stand off ish. BUT does not tell me to back off.
I have talked to her about my feelings but she says nothing back mostly.
I.Guess I need advice to know if she may want to reconcile or is this a normal way for a girl to behave in a break up even with kids involved? I don't want to scare her off by giving ultimateums. I just don't want to ultimately waste my time. ANY advice?
SInce moving out I have seen my ex most days but not down to seeing the kids, after moving out she came for tea the next day, the following day she came and asked If I wanted anything from the shop, the next invited me to hers for tea. 2 days later I was invited for a takeaway at hers, then that weekend again she came for tea, and stayed several hours each time. I am going with the flow. THe following week again lots of.contact, and inviting herself round for tea. THe 3rd week of the split, I did not see her all week and only spoke briefly at the alloted time for chatting to the kids in The evening. I moved in to my new flat and the very next morning she rang at 8am insisting I went for a coffee, I obliged but only stayed briefly. IN The afternoon again she called asking me to take my washing insistant I took it. I was going for a night out with work, she made me take my shirt off and she reironed it. SHe looked upset when I said it was just me as the only single guy going out as everyone else was bringing there wife or girlfriend. SHe text while I was out, but I did not reply. ON waking the next day she was round in minutes to hang the washing and was fun on the phone. ENjoying I was hungover. SHE helped me move stuff from our old house to my new flat that day, and again we shared kfc. I have been in my new man flat just over 2 weeks, and she has come for tea at least ten times and invited me there once for tea, she has stayed as late as 1130pm. SInce moving into separate houses we have not argued and I have pushed for a friendship but have made no secret I would love to take baby steps to reconcile. I hug her when she leaves and more often than not she hugs back. I Tell her its good to see her. HEr body language is at best her standing close enough that her breasts touch my arm, or our feet touch slightly. SHe dresses in clothes sheknows I like and wears perfume when she comes round, at worst she is stand off ish. BUT does not tell me to back off.
I have talked to her about my feelings but she says nothing back mostly.
I.Guess I need advice to know if she may want to reconcile or is this a normal way for a girl to behave in a break up even with kids involved? I don't want to scare her off by giving ultimateums. I just don't want to ultimately waste my time. ANY advice?