Is it normal for a 13yr old boy to want to play with an 8yr old girl. There's this kid at the park who is always hanging around my granddaughter at the park, and I find it a little weird. Thanks

Well it depends on how they are playing, if the boy is acting very childish its wrong but if it's the other way about I would think its OK. Although me being 14 I would think the kid is queer and has no friends (the 14 year old)

Um... I would say no it isn't weird for 2 reasons. Reason 1 He is a family member. I have many older cousins that would play and hang out with me. But he doesn't sound related. Reason 2 He might be mentally disabled and your 8 year old grand daughter might be his age mentally. And if she is nice to him, he might be drawn to her because kids are cruel. Other than those reasons I would be wondering myself.

If it is an all the time thing and he hangs around her, I think it is strange. At 13 his interest should be playing with kids his age.

I would not even ask or wonder, I would tell him to go away from her without even thinking about it twice.

Um..............I would say no it isn't weird for 2 reasons. Reason 1 He is a family member.

Where in her post does she say he's a family member? No place does she say that... in fact, the way I read it, it seems pretty clear there is no relation to this boy.


To the OP... I think it is weird. He really should be off with other kids closer to his age.

I think it's a little strange as well. However, if this is a public park, there is a possibility this kid doesn't have any friends and is just trying to be nice.

As long as you are supervising, I'd keep a close eye.

My trouble is he gets to be friends, child see's it is OK and accepted by grandma to be with this boy, one day gramdma is not watching close, or child is in yard alone, I see a 100 ways this can go bad.

If it is a child I do not know, and there is a large age difference, they don't play together, call me protective,

Well it depends on how they are playing, if the boy is acting very childish its wrong but if its the other way about I would think its ok. Although me being 14 I would think the kid is queer and has no friends (the 14 year old)



Queer? Substitute any other racial, ethic, religious slur and you would be no less offensive.

I realize you have problems of your own (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mens-health/teenage-problems-s-691914.html#post3242157) but you are offensive, even for a 14-year old.

Wonder what your friends think of you, what terms they use to describe you.

I'm not sure how I feel about this. I don't think this is something that can be answered without knowing the children involved. I would hate to label a child just because of his age, and the fact that he's made friends with someone far younger.

My son is almost 14. He's going to be babysitting this year, getting his babysitting license, and hitting the pavement. He has a great rapport with younger children. He doesn't seek them out, but if a younger child approaches him, there are many younger children in our neighborhood, he'll play with them if he feels like it. He's taught a few of the neighbor kids how to ride a skateboard, and a few times he spent the day with the younger kids catching bugs, and telling them all about bugs. He's great with the younger kids. He likes them, and they adore him. All the neighbors are extremely excited that he's going to be babysitting this year.

I hate that people automatically think that something sexual must be the motivation when an older child befriends a younger one. That's not the case.

I'm not saying you shouldn't keep an eye out. I think you should. But really, unless this teenager is doing something inappropriate with your grand daughter, why can't kids play together? Why can't an older child take a younger one under his/her wing? One of my greatest memories as a child was the teenage girl that lived down the street. I was 8, she was 16. She would come over to ask if we could go to the park by our house. She'd push me on the swing, build sand castles with me. When she moved away I was distraught. She sent me a beautiful silver necklace in the mail when she left, it has doves on it, something to remember her by. I still have that necklace, and for years after she left we would write to each other.

I was molested as a child by my older cousin. If anyone should have been fearful of older kids, it should have been me. Don't judge all teens as a group. The majority of teens aren't sex fiends looking to deflower anyone they can get their hands on. :(

If this were a girl, it would be a bit different, but a boy that age hanging around a young girl, I'd keep an eye out.

If this were a girl, it would be a bit different, but a boy that age hanging around a young girl, I'd keep an eye out.

Homegirl, why would it be different if it were a girl? The person that molested me was a teenage girl. I was a 5 year old girl. Girls can molest too.

I understand what you are saying. I guess I should just say someone, boy or girl that old hanging around a child that young should be watched.

I understand what you are saying. I guess I should just say someone, boy or girl that old hanging around a child that young should be watched.

I do agree with that. But I also have to say that I really don't see this as a huge concern.

I find it odd that when a 13 year old plays with an 8 year old in a public park, in front of the 8 year olds grandma, people are so quick to assume something bad is going on.

But, if the parents of that child were looking for a babysitter, who would they choose? Likely a teenager. It could even be a teenage boy. The parents would expect that teenager to entertain the child while they're gone, and they'd see nothing wrong with the teenager playing with the child while they were away, not able to watch what's going on.

As far as we have been told, this young fellow is a stranger and was not asked to play with the younger child. I too would discourage it.

As far as we have been told, this young fellow is a stranger and was not asked to play with the younger child. I too would discourage it.

I don't think I've ever once asked a child to play with my children. We go to the park, and they find children to play with. I sit and watch, to make sure my kids are safe. If they play with an older child, I don't discourage it. But I do watch to make sure they're safe, that's my job as a mother.

All of the friends my kids have, or that I have for that matter, started as strangers.

I think the issue here is the boy's attention appears to be neither solicited or accepted. It is one thing for a teen that is known in the neighborhood to be nice to younger kids. It is another for an older child to pay attention that is neither solicited or wanted to a younger child.

I think the issue here is the boy's attention appears to be neither solicited or accepted. It is one thing for a teen that is known in the neighborhood to be nice to younger kids. It is another for an older child to pay attention that is neither solicited or wanted to a younger child.

True. But then I have to ask. If this kid is such a threat, and the OP is so fearful, why does she continue to go to that park , where she knows he is?

If he's that much of a threat, I as a mother would not put my children at risk by continuing to go to the place I know the threat is at. There are other parks.

By continuing to go to that park, by continuing to let her granddaughter play with this child, she's is soliciting the attention the young teen is paying to her grandchild.

What raised suspicion is the op said he is always hanging around.
We had a neighbor who was 4 or 5 years older than my daughter and he would on occasion play with her but he never just hung around her. It was generally when he had nothing else to do.

The grandmother shouldn't have to change parks (there may be another older child doing the same thing at another park). She needs to solve the problem now at this time and at this place. And I didn't read that she has allowed the boy to play with her granddaughter. It sounds like he hangs around and is looking interested.

What raised suspicion is the the op said he is always hanging around.
We had a neighbor who was 4 or 5 years older than my daughter and he would on occasion play with her but he never just hung around her. It was generally when he had nothing else to do.

What struck me is that they only see him at the park. That the kid plays with the 8 year old at the park. I don't see where he's hanging around anywhere other than the park.

A kid in your neighborhood you can't necessarily escape, but the parents should be able to solve that.

This is happening at a park. So, stop going to the park.

Homegirl, what you're describing, that's my son. He plays with all the kids in the neighborhood, when he has nothing better to do. He doesn't seek them out. He'll go outside to ride his skateboard, or his bike. We live in a culdesac with a lot of kids. As soon as the little ones see Jared, they come running. If he feels like it, he'll play with them, but most times he ends up coming inside because he's got 10 little kids screaming around him, asking him to pay attention to him. Overwhelming.

The two children are not playing together, Alty.

The grandmother shouldn't have to change parks (there may be another older child doing the same thing at another park). She needs to solve the problem now at this time and at this place. And I didn't read that she has allowed the boy to play with her granddaughter. It sounds like he hangs around and is looking interested.

I also didn't read that she's told the teenager to stop playing with her granddaughter. She says she's concerned, but she never said she's tried to put a stop to their friendship.

No, she shouldn't have to change parks. Are you saying that the 13 year old should be forced to leave the park because of this?

Also, solve what problem? I don't see any problem being expressed, other than feeling strange because of the age difference, and not doing anything about it.

Maybe it's time to tell the 8 year old to stop seeking this kid out at the park.

The two children are not playing together, Alty.


Is it normal for a 13yr old boy to want to play with an 8yr old girl.

Then what are they doing?

Then what are they doing?
"Playing with" and "wanting to play with" are two different things. Because the OP said she thinks the boy's attention is "weird," I don't get the impression the two play together, and the OP is wondering if she should allow it.

"Playing with" and "wanting to play with" are two different things. Because the OP said she thinks the boy's attention is "weird," I don't get the impression the two play together, and the OP is wondering if she should allow it.

Then why doesn't she do anything about it? Why doesn't she put a stop to it? Why is she subjecting her grandchild to this kid by continuing to go to that park? If this kid is bullying her grandchild to play with him, and she sits by watching, without doing a thing about it, that's wrong! That's not his fault, that's hers!

If the 13 year old is pestering the 8 year to play with him, and the 8 year old doesn't want to, then the grandmother is not a good grandparent. If she sits by, says nothing, and allows this 13 year old to pester her grandchild, that's wrong. Worse, not only does she not do anything to put a stop to his pestering, but she continues to go back to that park with her granddaughter, so that the poor child can continue to be bullied and pestered by this kid.

Is that what you're suggesting is going on?

To me it sounds like the two of them are playing, but the OP wonders if it's normal for a 13 year old to want to play with an 8 year old. If it's normal that they're playing together. It doesn't sound like the 13 year old wants something that the 8 year old is fighting against. It does sound like they're playing, but the grandmother, like so many people on this thread, sees something evil in a child of 13 wanting to play with someone that's younger.

What would I do? I've seen what 13-year old "kids" post on AMHD.

Were I the Grandmother I'd ask the 13-year old why he's hanging around the park by himself, doing nothing. If he's bothering the Grandchild, I'd throw that in, too.

If nothing else the "kid" will move his act somewhere else.

I'm also not above yelling, "Hey, get away from my Granddaughter."

(Yes, I have step Grandchildren.)

She may be swinging, and he leans against one of the upright support poles. She moves to the carousel, and he sits on the grass nearby and calls out to her.

The OP didn't describe the park scenario, so I don't -- WE don't -- know what is really going on. I wouldn't mind a group of children of mixed ages, who are already playing, wanting to play with my granddaughter, but one young teen boy hanging around? I certainly would first grill him.

I have to leave this thread.

We're not talking about a 13 year old wanting to date an 8 year old here.

We're talking about two children, with a gap in age, playing together. Frankly, if the grandmother is worried, she should get off the bench at the park and do something about it. If she sits by and watches behavior she's worried about it, while doing nothing, then shame on her.

Have we all forgotten that most 13 year olds are good kids? Yes, we get a lot of posts from 13 year olds on this site that would blow anyone's mind. But I have a 13 year old son! There are good kids out there! It's very sad that because of a few bad eggs, everyone else is ready judge and put all of them into that same category. :(

They're kids! Kids are kids! A 13 year old is very much a child! Please don't forget that when you get the stakes out and set up the noose because you see all 13 year olds as one of the miscreants that posted on this site. :(

Would you all judge Jared like that? He'll be 14 in a few weeks. I guess he's evil now. No babysitting for him. He must only have bad intentions because he's 14! :(

She may be swinging, and he leans against one of the upright support poles. She moves to the carousel, and he sits on the grass nearby and calls out to her.

The OP didn't describe the park scenario, so I don't -- WE don't -- know what is really going on. I wouldn't mind a group of children of mixed ages, who are already playing, wanting to play with my granddaughter, but one young teen boy hanging around? I certainly would first grill him.

That's just it. We don't know what's going on. But everyone that posted, minus me, were all ready to think the worst of this 13 year old kid.

That says a lot. Not about the 13 year old, but about how children of that age are viewed. That is just sad.

I have to go tell my son that he is now evil because he's 14. That's how he'll be perceived from now on. No babysitting for him, he must want to do it because he's a sick pervert! He's 14! Not a single good bone in his body. That's the gist of what was posted here.

I'm done. I don't want to start a fight. I for one will continue to judge people by their actions, not their age.

Alty out, and Alty very upset. I never saw this sort of prejudice coming from the people on this site, based on one post that never once stated that the 13 year old was doing anything wrong. Very disappointing.

Jared! You're 14! You're now evil in the eyes of the world. Thank God I still love you and believe in you.

Yes, I'm crying. :(

If Jared was a stranger to you and was hanging around your eight-year-old granddaughter at the park, you'd be concerned too. Think about it.

We are NOT thinking the worst of this young teen boy, but the age difference and interest/maturity level are huge, and he is a stranger.

You're the only one who has called him evil.

We are NOT thinking the worst of this young teen boy, but the age difference and interest/maturity level are huge, and he is a stranger.

You're the only one who has called him evil.
Exactly!

Read back. I did.

The question was innocent, is it normal for a 13 year old to want to play with an 8 year old.

Not once was anything inappropriate mentioned by the OP. In fact, she never came back to clarify why she feels this way.

But, read your threads. This 13 year old is up to not good, according to all of you. He should be watched, yelled at, kept away at all costs.

I don't think he's evil, that's what was implied on this thread by everyone but me. Otherwise why would anyone be concerned? If he's just playing, like many kids do, then there's no reason for concern. He must be up to no good. Should I quote all of you? Read back. I did.

I don't want to fight with any of you. I'm just in shock.

Jared is 13, he plays with his 9 year old sister. He tickles her, he plays stuffies with her, video games. You will all say that's fine, because you know me, and you grown to know my kids through me. They get the benefit of the doubt, but a very innocent question asked by someone on this site, about a child you don't know, with no hint of anything inappropriate, that turns into a sexual predator, someone to be afraid of, weary of. Read back.

That's just it. We don't know what's going on. But everyone that posted, minus me, were all ready to think the worst of this 13 year old kid.

That says a lot. Not about the 13 year old, but about how children of that age are viewed. That is just sad.

I have to go tell my son that he is now evil because he's 14. That's how he'll be perceived from now on. No babysitting for him, he must want to do it because he's a sick pervert! He's 14! Not a single good bone in his body. That's the gist of what was posted here.

I'm done. I don't want to start a fight. I for one will continue to judge people by their actions, not their age.

Alty out, and Alty very upset. I never saw this sort of prejudice coming from the people on this site, based on one post that never once stated that the 13 year old was doing anything wrong. Very disappointing.

Jared! You're 14! You're now evil in the eyes of the world. Thank God I still love you and believe in you.

Yes, I'm crying. :(


The person who asked is the only person who really doesn't care - she's never been back!

I think a good part of this comes down to instincts - if a situation makes me uncomfortable I assume there's a reason and go with my instincts. If the Grandmother thinks there's a problem then it's her problem to solve. How does she solve it? Apparently there are several opinions.

Who said Jared is evil, a sick pervert, shouldn't babysit? Was something so upsetting that it made Alty cry pulled from this thread and I missed it?

Are the pulled posts gone forever?

That is kind of weird, specially because that boy is just entering adolescence. If I was in your shoes I would keep an eye on him. Better to be safe than sorry...

Judy, it was just everyone's reaction to this post, despite the fact that nothing was posted by the OP to even suggest that this 13 year old had anything other than friendship on his mind.

No posts were pulled, to my knowledge. I read the thread, and everyone's posts, all the suggestions that the 13 year old is up to no good, be afraid, keep him away.

I don't think it's fair to judge someone because of their age, and I do feel that's what happened on this thread. I may be wrong. It's happened before. I'm not mad at anyone that posted here. I'm mainly sad that as soon as something is posted about a young teen, we automatically think they're up to no good.

It was very much implied that the 13 year old in this thread was going to harm the 8 year old, or had nefarious thoughts. I didn't imagine that at all. Not once did someone, other than me, say "they're kids. Kids play".

Jared is 13, he plays with his 9 year old sister. He tickles her, he plays stuffies with her, video games. You will all say that's fine, because you know me, and you grown to know my kids through me. They get the benefit of the doubt, but a very innocent question asked by someone on this site, about a child you don't know, with no hint of anything inappropriate, that turns into a sexual predator, someone to be afraid of, weary of. Read back.


She's his sister, not a stranger in the playground.

Why did you change your post? Now it looks like I'm talking about thin air.

With all respect, I think you are taking this way too personally. No one is talking about your children.

The Grandmother needs to trust her gut instinct - if she thinks there's a problem she needs to address it in a way that makes her comfortable. Of course, she hasn't come back so we'll never know -

That is kind of weird, specially because that boy is just entering adolescence. If i was in your shoes I would keep an eye on him. Better to be safe than sorry...

Yes, by all means, keep all teen boys away from anyone you know. They're entering adolescence, and none of them can be trusted! Grab your pitchforks and let's storm the hill, we must put a stop to this! None of them can be trusted! Not a single one.

By the way, how old are you? If you're a 14 year old girl then you're probably having sex, you're probably pregnant, you text 100 times a day. That's what all 14 year old girls do. It's a fact. But stay away from those 13 year old boys. They'll kill you!

Yes, I'm being sarcastic, and on that note, I really am done with this thread. :(

I hate that people automatically think that something sexual must be the motivation when an older child befriends a younger one. That's not the case.(


I couldn't agree more.

I grew up in an urban environment in a neighborhood composed mostly of young marrieds. There were kids galore in that neighborhood and us older kids (10 - 15) always played with the little ones, and not only was it accepted, it was encouraged.

It was a way of protecting children (tho nobody probably thought of it that way then) and the little kids enjoyed the attention as much as the slightly older kids enjoying giving it.

On the other hand, sad to say, in this day and age, a parent can never be too careful.

As far as the case mentioned here, more information is needed. Are they related? Neighbors? Do the parents know each other?

Common sense goes a long way.

She's his sister, not a stranger in the playground.

Why did you change your post? Now it looks like I'm talking about thin air.

With all respect, I think you are taking this way too personally. No one is talking about your children.

The Grandmother needs to trust her gut instinct - if she thinks there's a problem she needs to address it in a way that makes her comfortable. Of course, she hasn't come back so we'll never know -

I didn't change my post. :( I did add something to another post, but I changed nothing. Which post are you talking about? Looks like I may have been edited.

I do agree that if the OP is worried she needs to take action. That was one of my points. She hasn't done a thing other than post here. So how worried can she really be? Is she worried only because of the boys age? Just like everyone else?

I didn't change my post. :( I did add something to another post, but I changed nothing. Which post are you talking about? Looks like I may have been edited.

I do agree that if the OP is worried she needs to take action. That was one of my points. She hasn't done a thing other than post here. So how worried can she really be? Is she worried only because of the boys age? Just like everyone else?


I have no idea - this is what it did say and this what I answered (you will note that I quoted it):

"That's just it. We don't know what's going on. But everyone that posted, minus me, were all ready to think the worst of this 13 year old kid.

That says a lot. Not about the 13 year old, but about how children of that age are viewed. That is just sad.

I have to go tell my son that he is now evil because he's 14. That's how he'll be perceived from now on. No babysitting for him, he must want to do it because he's a sick pervert! He's 14! Not a single good bone in his body. That's the gist of what was posted here.

I'm done. I don't want to start a fight. I for one will continue to judge people by their actions, not their age.

Alty out, and Alty very upset. I never saw this sort of prejudice coming from the people on this site, based on one post that never once stated that the 13 year old was doing anything wrong. Very disappointing.

Jared! You're 14! You're now evil in the eyes of the world. Thank God I still love you and believe in you.

Yes, I’m crying."


Now it reads:

"Read back. I did.

The question was innocent, is it normal for a 13 year old to want to play with an 8 year old.

Not once was anything inappropriate mentioned by the OP. In fact, she never came back to clarify why she feels this way.

But, read your threads. This 13 year old is up to not good, according to all of you. He should be watched, yelled at, kept away at all costs.

I don't think he's evil, that's what was implied on this thread by everyone but me. Otherwise why would anyone be concerned? If he's just playing, like many kids do, then there's no reason for concern. He must be up to no good. Should I quote all of you? Read back. I did.

I don't want to fight with any of you. I'm just in shock.

Jared is 13, he plays with his 9 year old sister. He tickles her, he plays stuffies with her, video games. You will all say that's fine, because you know me, and you grown to know my kids through me. They get the benefit of the doubt, but a very innocent question asked by someone on this site, about a child you don't know, with no hint of anything inappropriate, that turns into a sexual predator, someone to be afraid of, weary of. Read back."

See the difference in tone?

I'm closing this thread. There has been too many emotions and not enough facts. As has been pointed out the only person who can shed light on what was going on is the OP who has not returned.

This thread was about a grandmother being concerned about an older boy and her granddaughter. Whether she had a right to be concerned we don't know. But we do know she was concerned. So our reaction was to echo her concern and advise her to watch the situation carefully.

I don't think people assumed the worst but simply advised caution.