A friend of mine was murdered last year. A woman from her AA meetings held a silent auction and dinner fundraiser to help cover funeral costs. When my friend's sister asked the woman from AA about getting the money from the dinner/auction to pay for the headstone for her sister the woman said she could have $1,000 and the rest of the money was to be used for a college fund for the deceased 2 young daughters. That was never published or discussed at all when the fundraiser was planned or executed. Now the AA woman has stopped taking calls and answering texts or messages from the sister about the money. It's an additional financial burden to the sister who has taken in her nieces. What we do? Can AA woman keep that money? She set up the memorial fund at a local bank in her name only. Do we call the police? Take her to small claims court? Any advice would be appreciated. I need to help this family! This is wrong!

A... I need to help this family! This is wrong!

Someone might be able to take the woman to court. You can't, unless you were a donor. Otherwise, you don't have standing.

The family can and should talk to her one more time and tell her that this is going to the police and court if it is not paid.

If she does not then, report it to the police and sue her in court

Fundraising accounts are supposed to be under public scrutiny and not listed in one individual's name, but a temporary name. If just under her name, the entire fundraiser was illegal. Have the sister talk to the bank.

A friend of mine was murdered last year. A woman from her AA meetings held a silent auction and dinner fundraiser to help cover funeral costs. When my friend's sister asked the woman from AA about getting the money from the dinner/auction to pay for the headstone for her sister the woman said she could have $1,000 and the rest of the money was to be used for a college fund for the deceased 2 young daughters. That was never published or discussed at all when the fundraiser was planned or executed. Now the AA woman has stopped taking calls and answering texts or messages from the sister about the money. It's an additional financial burden to the sister who has taken in her nieces. What we do? Can AA woman keep that money? She set up the memorial fund at a local bank in her name only. Do we call the police? Take her to small claims court? Any advice would be appreciated. I need to help this family! This is wrong!


Do you know if the "fund raiser" set up a not-for-profit corporation, something along those lines? This is not a Police matter. It might be something of interest to your local District Attorney.

What WAS discussed when the fundraiser was in the planning stage?

In my area the Courts do not find a headstone to be a necessity. (I've worked on fund raisers.)

Does the girls' caretaker get SS benefits on their behalf?

Someone might be able to take the woman to court. You can't, unless you were a donor. Otherwise, you don't have standing.

I did donate. I bought my plate of spaghetti and I donated 2 front row tickets to a NFL game to the silent auction.

Call the local fox affiliate. Tell them your story. They'll dig into it. If it's fishy they'll get answers. It was posted on their FB page. They'll take it personally. She'll end up on the news.

... other funeral costs were paid by the crime victims unit. ...

There you go. Contact this crime victims unit. They will have connections to the proper authorities who will want to look into this.

There you go. Contact this crime victims unit. They will have connections to the proper authorities who will want to look into this.

AK beat me to it.

The details were really unnecessary and I think a violation of the family's privacy.

I - again - question the cost of the stone if there is little money available. Originally you said that the "rest of the money was to be used for a college fund for the deceased 2 young daughters ... It's an additional financial burden to the sister who has taken in her nieces."

If the fundraiser collected $3,000, $1700+ for a stone is more than half of the money raised. That's a big expense if the sister is struggling to raise the nieces.

Again, I would contact the local DA - as well as Crime Victims - and ask for an accounting. UNLESS the money was spent for a purpose outside the "needs" of the victim and her children I see nothing criminal here.

Fund raisers are very, very touchy matters. My intentions may be very good when I put the time and effort into the fundraiser and I just may not agree with where/how you spend the money raised. In this case, yes, if funds are tight I would have a problem spending more than half on a grave marker.

You didn't answer my question about SS benefits for the children. What is your relationship in this (because apparently you don't know about benefits). Where is their father in all of this?