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tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 01:40 PM
Me and my husband are young and married and we live with my mom until she kicked him out. He has been with us for 2 years and he has been trying to find a job that will take him in to help pay for stuff. My mom owns the house and she threw his stuff on the sidewalk in bags. Is she allowed to do that?

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 01:42 PM
Me and my husband are young and married and we live with my mom until she kicked him out. He has been with us for 2 years and he has been trying to find a job that will take him in to help pay for stuff. My mom owns the house and she threw his stuff on the sidewalk in bags. Is she allowed to do that?


In theory she has to evict him according to State law.

He's been with "us"? I thought it was your mother's house.

No, she's not allowed to do that. Did he get "thrown out" for a reason?

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 01:45 PM
In theory she has to evict him according to State law.

He's been with "us"? I thought it was your mother's house.

No, she's not allowed to do that. Did he get "thrown out" for a reason?

It is my mothers house but I am only a teenager. And she said to me that she kicked him out because he won't help with anything when he is trying to find a job that will take him to help my mom out but she has other people living with her doing the same thing that my husband was doing and she hasn't kicked them out

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 01:51 PM
it is my mothers house but i am only a teenager. And she said to me that she kicked him out because he wont help with anything when he is trying to find a job that will take him to help my mom out but she has other people living with her doing the same thing that my husband was doing and she hasnt kicked them out

It's her house so she gets to make the rules.

She needs to evict him according to law. I don't know that it's worth arguing the law with her or you will also find yourself out of the house.

Who supports the two of you? Do you work?

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 01:53 PM
It's her house so she gets to make the rules.

She needs to evict him according to law. I don't know that it's worth arguing the law with her or you will also find yourself out of the house.

Who supports the two of you? Do you work?

My mom supports us both because I am having a hard time looking for a job because of my age. And its hard for him to get a job for other reasons.

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 01:55 PM
my mom supports us both because i am having a hard time looking for a job because of my age. And its hard for him to get a job for other reasons.


Again, bad enough she has to support you, her daughter. Now she has to support both you and your husband. I can understand her concern.

But, again, she needs to evict him. Where is he living now?

I'm almost afraid to ask this but how old are you and how long have you been married?

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 01:56 PM
Again, bad enough she has to support you, her daughter. Now she has to support both you and your husband. I can understand her concern.

But, again, she needs to evict him. Where is he living now?

I'm almost afraid to ask this but how old are you and how long have you been married?

He is staying with a friend at the moment and I am 17 almost 18 and we have been married for a year and 2 months

AK lawyer
Jul 31, 2012, 02:03 PM
So you were 16 when you were married. Just out of curiosity, which state or country are you in? I assume you had parental consent to marry? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriageable_age#North_America

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 02:04 PM
So you were 16 when you were married. Just out of curiosity, which state or country are you in?

Yes I was 16 when I got married and I am in Ohio

Alty
Jul 31, 2012, 02:20 PM
yes i was 16 when i got married and i am in ohio

Did your mom or dad give you consent to get married at 16? Written consent, not verbal.

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 02:22 PM
Did your mom or dad give you consent to get married at 16? Written consent, not verbal.

My mom and dad are divorce and since my mom has full custody my mom signed the papers saying that we are allowed to get married because he was 18

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 02:23 PM
Did your mom or dad give you consent to get married at 16? Written consent, not verbal.


Now I'm going to change direction. Seems to me that when you allow/sign for your 16-year old to get married there is some level of expectation that you, the parent, will be at least part of the support. On the other hand - for how long?

I think this is sad. Every McDonalds, Burger King, fast food "restaurant" in my area is looking for help. I'm not saying it's a good paying job. I'm saying it's a job.

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 02:25 PM
Now I'm going to change direction. Seems to me that when you allow/sign for your 16-year old to get married there is some level of expectation that you, the parent, will be at least part of the support. On the other hand - for how long?

I think this is sad. Every McDonalds, Burger King, fast food "restaurant" in my area is looking for help. I'm not saying it's a good paying job. I'm saying it's a job.

Yeah I mean I am looking and looking and some places won't take me until I am 18

Alty
Jul 31, 2012, 02:27 PM
Now I'm going to change direction. Seems to me that when you allow/sign for your 16-year old to get married there is some level of expectation that you, the parent, will be at least part of the support. On the other hand - for how long?

I think this is sad. Every McDonalds, Burger King, fast food "restaurant" in my area is looking for help. I'm not saying it's a good paying job. I'm saying it's a job.

I agree. I don't know what mom was thinking, or if she was. I can say I never would have agreed to let my child get married at 16. If I did, they wouldn't be living under my roof eating the food I provide.

But, she did allow this, and obviously accepted that by allowing this she'd have one more mouth to feed. Having said that, she doesn't have to support the husband. She can kick him out. But she does have to do it legally. News flash, she can kick you out too.

I do have to ask. Why did you get married so young? Obviously you can't support yourselves. You're not adults. So why? Did you just want to play house? If so, get your own house!

Alty
Jul 31, 2012, 02:28 PM
yeah i mean i am looking and looking and some places wont take me until i am 18

Most retail and fast food places hire from 14 and older. You're 17. Have you applied at McDonalds? Has your husband?

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 02:32 PM
I agree. I don't know what mom was thinking, or if she was. I can say I never would have agreed to let my child get married at 16. If I did, they wouldn't be living under my roof eating the food I provide.

But, she did allow this, and obviously accepted that by allowing this she'd have one more mouth to feed. Having said that, she doesn't have to support the husband. She can kick him out. But she does have to do it legally. News flash, she can kick you out too.

I do have to ask. Why did you get married so young? Obviously you can't support yourselves. You're not adults. So why? Did you just want to play house? If so, get your own house!

Yeah I know she can kick me out to but she won't. We got married because I was pergnant at the time before I lost it and my mom was willing to take us in because none of us had jobs to support ourselves yet and every where we look for a job no one will hire us. We have tried all kinds of fast food places.

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 02:33 PM
I agree. I don't know what mom was thinking, or if she was. I can say I never would have agreed to let my child get married at 16. If I did, they wouldn't be living under my roof eating the food I provide.

But, she did allow this, and obviously accepted that by allowing this she'd have one more mouth to feed. Having said that, she doesn't have to support the husband. She can kick him out. But she does have to do it legally. News flash, she can kick you out too.

I do have to ask. Why did you get married so young? Obviously you can't support yourselves. You're not adults. So why? Did you just want to play house? If so, get your own house!


You summed it up - I know there are exceptions but I wouldn't want my daughter to limit her life at age 16 in this fashion.

Sigh -

Alty
Jul 31, 2012, 02:37 PM
yeah i know she can kick me out to but she wont. we got married because i was pergnant at the time before i lost it and my mom was willing to take us in because none of us had jobs to support our selfs yet and every where we look for a job noone will hire us. we have tried all kinds of fast food places.

How many applications do you fill out every day? How many resumes do you hand out every day? When you're looking for work that's your job. You should be getting up at 7am, showered, dressed and out the door by 8:30. From 8:30am- 4:30pm, you should be handing out resumes and filling out applications. You should be going to the job board, the unemployment office (most times they have listings of jobs that are available).

Are you doing that? Be honest.

What time did you leave your house this morning to start handing out applications and resumes? When did you get back?

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 02:40 PM
How many applications do you fill out every day? How many resumes do you hand out every day? When you're looking for work that's your job. You should be getting up at 7am, showered, dressed and out the door by 8:30. From 8:30am- 4:30pm, you should be handing out resumes and filling out applications. You should be going to the job board, the unemployment office (most times they have listings of jobs that are available).

Are you doing that? Be honest.

What time did you leave your house this morning to start handing out applications and resumes? When did you get back?

Its really hard for me to do all of that when my mom works and I can't drive yet. I put in like 20 applications in a day and I still get nothing back from anything and when my mom gets hoome she is to tried to take me and get applications from places.

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 02:51 PM
its really hard for me to do all of that when my mom works and i can't drive yet. i put in like 20 applications in a day and i still get nothing back from anything and when my mom gets hoome she is to tried to take me and get applications from places.


I find it difficult to believe you put in 100 applications a week.

I do believe you are sincere. I'm just not too sure you are being totally honest and/or realistic.

And while you are going door to door what is your husband doing?

Also - I honestly am sorry that you lost your baby. That's a death, a loss. Women who haven't experienced the loss don't necessarily understand it. I really am sorry.

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 02:53 PM
I find it difficult to believe you put in 100 applications a week.

I do believe you are sincere. I'm just not too sure you are being totally honest and/or realistic.

And while you are going door to door what is your husband doing?

Also - I honestly am sorry that you lost your baby. That's a death, a loss. Women who haven't experienced the loss don't necessarily understand it. I really am sorry.

Thank you and what my husband is doing is out finding a job also he has a friend he has been staying with taking him out and finding jobs.

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 02:56 PM
thank you and what my husband is doing is out finding a job also he has a friend he has been staying with taking him out and finding jobs.


I wish you luck - sounds like it's been traumatic and you are both trying to survive.

Can you talk to your mother, calmly and rationally? Is she angry with your husband because of the pregnancy and this is her chance to blow off steam?

You know, this happens to me every now and then. Your thread, your question, really has touched me. This is one of those questions where I swear if we were face to face I'd hug you and tell you it's going to be all right. I don't know why sometimes I just feel the pain.

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 03:22 PM
Thank you so much and I will try and talk to my mom and I hope that she will let him move back in if not then I guess I am staying with him until we can find a place of out own. Thank you so much for helping me out.

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 03:24 PM
thank you so much and i will try and talk to my mom and i hope that she will let him move back in if not then i guess i am staying with him until we can find a place of out own. thank you so much for helping me out.


Keep us posted, okay? Give your Mom a chance to understand, calm down.

Throwing his stuff out the door makes me think she lost it -

But keep me informed, please.

Fr_Chuck
Jul 31, 2012, 03:25 PM
Perhaps this will help motivate him to get a job. Sorry in a couple of years there is no excuse, at some job.

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 03:31 PM
thank you so much and i will try and talk to my mom and i hope that she will let him move back in if not then i guess i am staying with him until we can find a place of out own. thank you so much for helping me out.


And I will add - I have a niece I love dearly. She is part daughter, part friend, part inspiration. She got pregnant at 16, got married, had the baby, had a second baby in one year (exactly), went back to school, got her GED, got admitted to a local Community College, turned that into a College degree, worked in fast food restaurants and cleaned houses and she and her husband did what they could do so she could get her degree and raise her kids.

Her boys have never been in trouble (both of them are big time jocks), one just got married, she is absolute proof that you can meet the love of your life at 14, have a baby, get married (not exactly in that order) and be happy - which is more important than "successful," whatever that word means.

She's a good person, kind, giving. Her mother washed her hands of her when she found out she was pregnant (every family seems to have one of those people) and she lived with me for a while.

She and her mother have remained estranged over all these years - and that's a shame because her mother, my sister, will never, ever know what a fine person she is.

So, yes, you can work it all out.

Alty
Jul 31, 2012, 03:34 PM
its really hard for me to do all of that when my mom works and i can't drive yet. i put in like 20 applications in a day and i still get nothing back from anything and when my mom gets hoome she is to tried to take me and get applications from places.

Question. Why are you applying to places that you obviously can't get to once you get the job? If you can't get yourself there to fill out an application, or drop of a resume, and your mom is too busy to drive you, then how are you planning on getting to work if you get the job?

Makes no sense.

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 03:40 PM
And I will add - I have a niece I love dearly. She is part daughter, part friend, part inspiration. She got pregnant at 16, got married, had the baby, had a second baby in one year (exactly), went back to school, got her GED, got admitted to a local Community College, turned that into a College degree, worked in fast food restaurants and cleaned houses and she and her husband did what they could do so she could get her degree and raise her kids.

Her boys have never been in trouble (both of them are big time jocks), one just got married, she is absolute proof that you can meet the love of your life at 14, have a baby, get married (not exactly in that order) and be happy - which is more important than "successful," whatever that word means.

She's a good person, kind, giving. Her mother washed her hands of her when she found out she was pregnant (every family seems to have one of those people) and she lived with me for a while.

She and her mother have remained estranged over all these years - and that's a shame because her mother, my sister, will never, ever know what a fine person she is.

So, yes, you can work it all out.

I will surely keep you updated and thank you so much for all of this. And I do hope that everything will work out with my family and my husband

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 03:41 PM
Question. Why are you applying to places that you obviously can't get to once you get the job? If you can't get yourself there to fill out an application, or drop of a resume, and your mom is too busy to drive you, then how are you planning on getting to work if you get the job?

Makes no sense.

I am appling to jobs that I can walk to in my town

JudyKayTee
Jul 31, 2012, 03:42 PM
i will surely keep you updated and thank you so much for all of this. and i do hope that everything will work out with my family and my husband


You'll be okay - stay strong and focused. (By the way, you express yourself remarkably well for your age. Do you write, maybe a blog, diary, short stories, poems? You wouldn't believe what gets posted here, so your posts stand out.)

Alty
Jul 31, 2012, 03:44 PM
i am appling to jobs that i can walk to in my town

Then why do you have to wait for your mom to come home and take you out to drop off resumes and applications?

tjcurtis1731
Jul 31, 2012, 03:45 PM
You'll be okay - stay strong and focused. (By the way, you express yourself remarkably well for your age. Do you write, maybe a blog, diary, short stories, poems? You wouldn't believe what gets posted here, so your posts stand out.)

Thank you and I don't

ScottGem
Jul 31, 2012, 05:34 PM
Having read through this thread, I'm on a fence here. Where were you when mom was throwing his clothes? Why didn't you pack your things and tell her if he goes you go?

Why didn't he call the police? It was illegal for her to throw him out like that.

On the other hand, this is your mother who took you in, when you foolishly let yourself get pregnant.

Are you finishing school? Did he?

JudyKayTee
Aug 1, 2012, 05:16 AM
Having read through this thread, I'm on a fence here. Where were you when mom was throwing his clothes? Why didn't you pack your things and tell her if he goes you go?

Why didn't he call the police? It was illegal for her to throw him out like that.

On the other hand, this is your mother who took you in, when you foolishly let yourself get pregnant.

Are you finishing school? Did he?


Am I allowed to guess? I started judging this entire situation. Then I decided (based on nothing but very often faulty intuition) that OP got pregnant young, she and boyfriend did the "right thing" and got married (which often ends up to be the wrong thing), she and her husband move in with her mother who is not terribly happy with either her OR or husband, she ultimately miscarried (which is devastating, been there, done that, it's a death), suddenly there is no reason for the marriage and mother is paying for the adventure, mother watches the son-in-law not working, I will guess both husband and wife have dropped out of school, mother sees her daughter's future floating away and loses it.

I think the OP is caught in a trap of her own making.

We all preach about premarital sex, careless sex, nothing is 100% safe. Threads like this should be required reading.

But - no one listens.

At any rate for whatever reason I feel a great deal of empathy for this girl.

ScottGem
Aug 1, 2012, 05:28 AM
Yep, those were my initial guess as well. Most of which seems to have been borne out. I agree, I feel sorry for the OP, but we need more info to help her.

JudyKayTee
Aug 1, 2012, 05:30 AM
Yep, those were my initial guess as well. Most of which seems to have been borne out. I agree, I feel sorry for the OP, but we need more info to help her.


Agreed (aren't you glad I didn't MAJOR in Psychology?)