indogo39
Jul 30, 2012, 07:37 PM
My last boyfriend and I broke up about a week ago. We had been dating on-and-off for 6 months. It had all started when he learned that his grandmother was struggling with end-stage cancer. I sympathized with him, knew how close he was with her. Ever since the news, he had been acting distant from me. Usually we tried to see each other at least once a week. After a couple of days without any mention of plans to meet, I reached out to him, initiating him to come over. He got more distant, and I knew right away to back off. I asked him if he wanted some time alone, and he said yes. He said he needed a break from our relationship. He said it had nothing to do with me or the relationship, just that he needed some time to himself.
Even though I felt hurt, I didn't want to get too needy and I knew that men like to go to their caves when feeling overwhelmed. I told him to take as much time as he needed. We didn't talk for a few days. After 3 days, I broke the silence and asked him to define "break." He replied that he didn't have time now to do his "obligations and responsibilities as a boyfriend," didn't know how long he needed, and that he didn't "want to put a bullet in anything." I asked him if he plans on seeing other people during the break (which I thought was a valid question). He said that he wasn't talking to anyone else but if I were to see other people, he wouldn't be opposed to it.
There were several things wrong with his answers. First, it bothered me that he viewed our relationship as an obligation and a responsibility. Secondly, he didn't mind if I were to see other people? I felt that after 6 months of dating, if he cared about me, he wouldn't have said that. Plus, I would MIND if he were to date other girls during the break. So I told him right then and there that we should probably break up. We said our goodbyes.
A week after our break-up, he emailed me and told me he wished things have been different between us and that he definitely didn't want to a bullet in our relationship. He also mentioned that he appreciated me giving him time alone. He said good things about our relationship, how it made him happy and he thanked me for the good times.
I wasn't sure if the email needed a reply, but I wanted to clear any miscommunication and I replied to him, "I was ok giving you time to yourself but when you said you were not opposed to me dating other people, it didn't feel good to me and I felt as if that's a break up, not a break." He hasn't replied.
My question is, do I leave this guy alone now? I wanted to send him another email further explaining to him that maybe we just had a case of miscommunication. That maybe he THOUGHT I wanted to date other people when I didn't. What do you think?
Even though I felt hurt, I didn't want to get too needy and I knew that men like to go to their caves when feeling overwhelmed. I told him to take as much time as he needed. We didn't talk for a few days. After 3 days, I broke the silence and asked him to define "break." He replied that he didn't have time now to do his "obligations and responsibilities as a boyfriend," didn't know how long he needed, and that he didn't "want to put a bullet in anything." I asked him if he plans on seeing other people during the break (which I thought was a valid question). He said that he wasn't talking to anyone else but if I were to see other people, he wouldn't be opposed to it.
There were several things wrong with his answers. First, it bothered me that he viewed our relationship as an obligation and a responsibility. Secondly, he didn't mind if I were to see other people? I felt that after 6 months of dating, if he cared about me, he wouldn't have said that. Plus, I would MIND if he were to date other girls during the break. So I told him right then and there that we should probably break up. We said our goodbyes.
A week after our break-up, he emailed me and told me he wished things have been different between us and that he definitely didn't want to a bullet in our relationship. He also mentioned that he appreciated me giving him time alone. He said good things about our relationship, how it made him happy and he thanked me for the good times.
I wasn't sure if the email needed a reply, but I wanted to clear any miscommunication and I replied to him, "I was ok giving you time to yourself but when you said you were not opposed to me dating other people, it didn't feel good to me and I felt as if that's a break up, not a break." He hasn't replied.
My question is, do I leave this guy alone now? I wanted to send him another email further explaining to him that maybe we just had a case of miscommunication. That maybe he THOUGHT I wanted to date other people when I didn't. What do you think?