joeviking11
Jul 29, 2012, 01:19 PM
My wife is 37 weeks pregnant. We are separated. I didn't want to divorce, but I know I can't even attempt to get sole custody without divorce. I have spoken with 4 lawyers. After explaining the situation, one told me that I was probably going to get whatever I asked for, but didn't clarify why. Another told me I would be paying child support, but when I mentioned I can work from home and would like full custody, he told me there's a 90% chance I would get it. Another didn't say anything, but was amazed at the crap my wife has pulled and doesn't understand why she left me. I recently spoke with a woman lawyer, who admitted to playing devils advocate with me. She said that I need to try for 50-50 until the hearing, then go for full, but even then it would take a social worker to deem my wife as unfit. Even if my wife doesn't show, which is a 75% chance, we would still have to do the social worker and she must deem her as unfit. My aunt's sister is social worker and upon meeting my wife only once, she could tell some social issues.
So now I don't know what to do? I guess before I ask, I should explain my fears with my wife.
She is almost 20 (I'm 23). From the ages of 8-16, she was molested by her stepfather. She never did tell anyone, but eventually he was caught. He is in prison now. The courts told her mother to get her help, but she never did. Her mother is still married to the guy, talks with him every day, and visits him frequently. She also claimed to have been raped by an ex once, but didn't want to do anything about it because the guy had kids and didn't want to take away from their father?
While we were married, my wife showed many signs of immaturity. She completely lacked an understanding of the real world, with paying bills, having a steady job, handling money, taking care of situations, etc. She once told me she sees dead people and was serious about it, her family even confirmed it. When we tried having a child, we went as far as to manually inserting my semen into her, when she was sore. When she found she was pregnant, she got mad at me for making her take more than one test, because I wanted to be sure. She still brings it up 7 months later. She also got mad at me for getting mad at her for not calling planned parenthood herself, instead I had to and explain the timeline of periods and such.
She left me less than 2 weeks after we signed a 15 month apartment lease and found she was pregnant. Now she claims she was planning on leaving for a while. When she says that, I ask why did she try having a child with me then? She said nothing for a while, although once claimed she didn't think she would get pregnant, which is bull.
Upon separating, she immediately went back to her ex. She even lived with him and his pothead friends for a while. She is very hostile towards me and can't do anything herself. My counselor argued that her past has to do with it. Other than her step-father, her ex, who she's with again, once choked her, was no good for her, and it was lust not love for him. So when she finally had a good relationship, the idea is she tried to recreate her past and make it a bad one.
I finally broke the silence this week and asked what her plans were for when our child comes. I had at one point told her we should live together for a while because I have a full baby room, money for supplies, and it would be stable for our child. Instead, she wants to do split custody. This means, half the week with her, other half with me and I live 150 miles away and she has no car. She recently moved back with her mom in fear of losing the child.
She told me this week she has other things on her mind besides our child and custody arrangement, which I don't get because she has no job, school, or anything other than pregnant.
Right now, my wife lives with her mom and 9 other people in a small, 3 bedroom house with no basement or upstairs. It is smaller than my apartment. There is also 2 dogs running around. The house is a disaster, always dirty, bugs, etc. At any point, there can be 15 people in this house. I don't want my child living there or with my wife. My fear is that my wife may become violent as soon as our child stops being cute.
She also is a quitter and doesn't adapt well to change. She wouldn't wake up to take care of the dogs, why a child? She also has no car or anything and no idea how to take care of herself, let alone a newborn. She would also rather put her child in a car for 3 hours twice a week and give her away for half the week, rather than be with her in a stable environment everyday. That worries me in a way, because I feel that she puts herself before our child.
She has done nothing to better herself the past 7 months for our child. She could've got out and gotten a job or something. Instead, she laid around, slept late every day, did nothing, and shacked up with people. She has no idea what is ahead.
What, if anything, will help my case? Is this usual? Can the courts make her get help if they can tell she needs it? How about for a married woman to try for a child and quit on marriage just like that? I need all the help I can get, I realize what I'm asking for while be an uphill battle and that I may not win. Still, I have to try because I get agree to something I don't feel is best for my child.
Before I get answers, I realize the mistakes I made. I realize I married and impregnated someone who is emotionally unstable, but I loved her and that was that. Yes, the child is mine, no doubt about that. Unlike some fathers though, I am willing to give everything to take care of my child. I didn't know these things about my wife until we were married, with her seeing dead people and stuff. I always loved her though, still do.
But right now, my child is who I'm concerned with. I would like my wife to get help and would support her for that, but she feels she doesn't need it. If my child is raised by her, in this state of mind, I fear for the worst...
So now I don't know what to do? I guess before I ask, I should explain my fears with my wife.
She is almost 20 (I'm 23). From the ages of 8-16, she was molested by her stepfather. She never did tell anyone, but eventually he was caught. He is in prison now. The courts told her mother to get her help, but she never did. Her mother is still married to the guy, talks with him every day, and visits him frequently. She also claimed to have been raped by an ex once, but didn't want to do anything about it because the guy had kids and didn't want to take away from their father?
While we were married, my wife showed many signs of immaturity. She completely lacked an understanding of the real world, with paying bills, having a steady job, handling money, taking care of situations, etc. She once told me she sees dead people and was serious about it, her family even confirmed it. When we tried having a child, we went as far as to manually inserting my semen into her, when she was sore. When she found she was pregnant, she got mad at me for making her take more than one test, because I wanted to be sure. She still brings it up 7 months later. She also got mad at me for getting mad at her for not calling planned parenthood herself, instead I had to and explain the timeline of periods and such.
She left me less than 2 weeks after we signed a 15 month apartment lease and found she was pregnant. Now she claims she was planning on leaving for a while. When she says that, I ask why did she try having a child with me then? She said nothing for a while, although once claimed she didn't think she would get pregnant, which is bull.
Upon separating, she immediately went back to her ex. She even lived with him and his pothead friends for a while. She is very hostile towards me and can't do anything herself. My counselor argued that her past has to do with it. Other than her step-father, her ex, who she's with again, once choked her, was no good for her, and it was lust not love for him. So when she finally had a good relationship, the idea is she tried to recreate her past and make it a bad one.
I finally broke the silence this week and asked what her plans were for when our child comes. I had at one point told her we should live together for a while because I have a full baby room, money for supplies, and it would be stable for our child. Instead, she wants to do split custody. This means, half the week with her, other half with me and I live 150 miles away and she has no car. She recently moved back with her mom in fear of losing the child.
She told me this week she has other things on her mind besides our child and custody arrangement, which I don't get because she has no job, school, or anything other than pregnant.
Right now, my wife lives with her mom and 9 other people in a small, 3 bedroom house with no basement or upstairs. It is smaller than my apartment. There is also 2 dogs running around. The house is a disaster, always dirty, bugs, etc. At any point, there can be 15 people in this house. I don't want my child living there or with my wife. My fear is that my wife may become violent as soon as our child stops being cute.
She also is a quitter and doesn't adapt well to change. She wouldn't wake up to take care of the dogs, why a child? She also has no car or anything and no idea how to take care of herself, let alone a newborn. She would also rather put her child in a car for 3 hours twice a week and give her away for half the week, rather than be with her in a stable environment everyday. That worries me in a way, because I feel that she puts herself before our child.
She has done nothing to better herself the past 7 months for our child. She could've got out and gotten a job or something. Instead, she laid around, slept late every day, did nothing, and shacked up with people. She has no idea what is ahead.
What, if anything, will help my case? Is this usual? Can the courts make her get help if they can tell she needs it? How about for a married woman to try for a child and quit on marriage just like that? I need all the help I can get, I realize what I'm asking for while be an uphill battle and that I may not win. Still, I have to try because I get agree to something I don't feel is best for my child.
Before I get answers, I realize the mistakes I made. I realize I married and impregnated someone who is emotionally unstable, but I loved her and that was that. Yes, the child is mine, no doubt about that. Unlike some fathers though, I am willing to give everything to take care of my child. I didn't know these things about my wife until we were married, with her seeing dead people and stuff. I always loved her though, still do.
But right now, my child is who I'm concerned with. I would like my wife to get help and would support her for that, but she feels she doesn't need it. If my child is raised by her, in this state of mind, I fear for the worst...