My ex girlfriend and I randomly met online. It was really weird how we met and we both decided that it seemed like fate as we weren't actually looking for anyone at the time.

After that we just got on like a house on fire, we would always skype, draw pictures and write letters. She would come to mine 2 weekends a month and we would go out and do new things and it was perfect. Of course we did have some little arguments but nothing serious.

We had planned our future and it felt amazing, I felt like a kid again, I was so alive. She accepted that I have bi polar and she accepts everything about me.

One evening out of the blue she told me she wanted a break and I freaked out but she told me she was going out to clear her head with her best friend, I had to hound her for ages and she finally answered her phone. She was going out to get drunk and I told her if she did anything then we would be over. ( She had been to a funeral that week and needed to wind down I think)

I was then told the next day that she had bumped into the first guy she ever slept with and she spoke to him for a few hours but she was scared how I would react. But we are both honest and we tell each other how we think.

She told me that she wanted the break because she wanted to get the feelings out of her head and make sure she didn't have feelings for her.

We sorted it out and then a few days later we broke up due to a few things and she told me that she needed space.

I couldn't handle this and I hounded at her again. We spoke on the phone at night and she was in tears telling me she loved me and didn't want to lose me but she wanted me as her real boyfriend not her distant one. She has her career sorted and I have a year left of uni and she said she feels stuck and wants to do things but with me she feels stuck.

After that I left her alone for a day but couldn't cope with not talking to her. I spoke to her today and she says she still doesn't think it's a good idea getting back together but she doesn't know why she is doing.

She told me she has no idea why she is feeling like this and that I made her so happy so it doesn't make sense to her. She then said that she would probably regret it in a month. I told her if she wanted me to let go and she said I want you to be happy and not hurting. But she hasn't once told me to back off or that there is no chance again.

I keep holding onto all these pieces of hope and it's getting me down but I want her back. I told her that I would fight for her but is it worth it?

Any advice?

Sorry it's so long

I am 21 and she is 20 just to clarify

I think you need to leave her alone. All indications point to she wants you to do the same, then you hound her and she gives in.
You need to let her go.

Yes stop the hounding, all that does is drive them further away.
And no, you in your world and vision felt it was all perfect but it was not, or she would not have broke up.

Perhaps she got tired of coming to you, why did you not ever go to her ? What was the future plans, how long term was it. How far was she coming ever other week?

Yes stop the hounding, all that does is drive them further away.
And no, you in your world and vision felt it was all perfect but it was not, or she would not have broke up.

Perhaps she got tired of coming to you, why did you not ever go to her ? what was the future plans, how long term was it. How far was she coming ever other week?

Well she was very happy unless she completely put it on. I couldn't go to hers because I would have to go on the Friday evening to get there and I work Friday nights so she came here.

We weren't together long, about 3 months but she was the one suggesting everything about the future.

Yes stop the hounding, all that does is drive them further away.
And no, you in your world and vision felt it was all perfect but it was not, or she would not have broke up.

Perhaps she got tired of coming to you, why did you not ever go to her ? what was the future plans, how long term was it. How far was she coming ever other week?

It was about 5 hours away and I was going to move down there after my final year at uni.

At any rate she is the one who slowed it down, wanted the break.
Give it to her and don't hound her.