Hello,

Iwanted to get some honest opinions on this subject. I am very confused about my sexuality. I am a virgin at 33 years old, american born, female and only had a kiss and no dates in my lifetime! I am shy and introverted. Anyway I see some women and get turned on and then see some men and get turned on too. TMI: I masturbate regularly, enjoy made up sex fantasies and like porn films -- BUT I have no 'drive' to go out and seek real relationship with either gender. What is wrong with me? :( Can someone else give ideas on me... please do not tell me to go out and 'get laid,' I don't plan on doing this. Thank you.

Why not try Internet dating sites? I met my partner online on the ps3! Of all places unexpectingly, and we're so in love. I'm shy and he is shy, he was also a virgin. Try making friends with guys/girls. It's so much easier to talk to someone through a computer etc when your shy, but once you really get to know them eventually, your shyness will slip away, that's until maybe one day your ready to meet up? Well good luck and I hope you meet the right one someday! :)

WTH? This question had nothing to do with internet dating. Thanks for nothing!

This site is open for anyone to respond to, and if you don't like a response just because it's a little off topic, please just ignore it.

I don't see anything wrong with you. Many men and women fantasize about both genders. If you don't mind your life as it is, then there's no reason to worry about what is normal or not, and there's certainly no right or wrong when no one is being hurt.

If you're happy with way your life is than I don't think anything is wrong. If you're not happy with the way your life is than you need to seek help.

This might be the first step in the realization that you are not happy with your current station.

There is no definition as to what is normal or not. You're you and that's all that matters. I see nothing wrong with the way you're living your life. It isn't how I would live my life, but I am me and you're you.

Also, you are getting the advice your paid for. Don't get angry when people misinterpret what you're asking. I did get a serious lonely vibe. I know women like you and they're happy with their lives but they also dream of Mr. Right coming along. What LynseyJane was probably intending was that if you're lonely, online dating and chat boards and the like are a good way to meet people; if only for friendship sake.

We just want your happiness here.

WTH? This question had nothing to do with internet dating. Thanks for nothing!


I was trying to help.. Thought you might want to try it because you said you were shy.. You'll not get nowhere with an attitude like that >:( wasted my time trying to give helpful advice to someone ungrateful and rude..


If you're happy with way your life is than I don't think anything is wrong. If you're not happy with the way your life is than you need to seek help.

This might be the first step in the realization that you are not happy with your current station.

There is no definition as to what is normal or not. You're you and that's all that matters. I see nothing wrong with the way you're living your life. It isn't how I would live my life, but I am me and you're you.

Also, you are getting the advice your paid for. Don't get angry when people misinterpret what you're asking. I did get a serious lonely vibe. I know women like you and they're happy with their lives but they also dream of Mr. Right coming along. What LynseyJane was probably intending was that if you're lonely, online dating and chat boards and the like are a good way to meet people; if only for friendship sake.

We just want your happiness here.


That's what I meant, thought it might be easier there to start, that's what I would do :)

I have asperger syndrome. First of all I was not 'getting angry' just that one answer was so off topic, of course I know this is a 'free' site and everyone is not experts. No reason to tell me how respond towards the answers, as I am adult like the rest here. Obviously everyone is not going to like the answers they get and everyone is not going to like the questions posted either. No big deal. People getting way over sensitive about it... Anyway thanks for the advice that's all.

I am not happy and don't care anymore. Will be glad when life is over. I am sick of people and sick of their ways.


I was trying to help.. Thought you might want to try it because you said you were shy.. You'll not get nowhere with an attitude like that >:( wasted my time trying to give helpful advice to someone ungrateful and rude..


Are you serious? How old are you? -- Look it's not that big a deal. You gave an answer. I thought it was out of left field. No harm no foul.The end. My God.

Sounds to me like your problem is a social awkwardness issue, not a sexual one.
Perhaps take an adult class in something you are interested in and spark up a
Conversation with someone in the class. Find a FRIEND of the opposite sex and
Maybe the friendship will turn into a relationship. You obviously aren't just going to
Jump in the sack with a stranger. Work on the relationship aspect first, sex will happen
When you are ready for it too, sexually speaking you sound healthy & normal.
Good luck to you, I hope you find that special person who will love you as you are.

(**When I met my husband-to-be, he was a 24 yr old virgin with social issues as well,
And we are happily engaged now and the sex is fantastic.)

Well I'm not going to have no success in this area. It's obvious to me now

WTH? This question had nothing to do with internet dating. Thanks for nothing!


No, this answer has nothing to do with internet dating, it is a suggestion on how to get you opened up to new experiences and ideas; socializing with others is what it is about.

I would, if I were you, be more diplomatic regarding suggestions here. They are only meant to be helpful.


well i'm not going to have no success in this area. it's obvious to me now

Its obvious to me you can't take the bad with the good; what most people do coming here for advice is weigh every answer and take something away with them that helps.

I don't know why you came here if you can't do just that.

I don't think there is anything we can do for you unless you change your attitude.

Why not try Internet dating sites? I met my partner online on the ps3! Of all places unexpectingly, and we're so in love. I'm shy and he is shy, he was also a virgin. Try making friends with guys/girls. It's so much easier to talk to someone through a computer etc when your shy, but once you really get to know them eventually, your shyness will slip away, that's until maybe one day your ready to meet up? Well good luck and I hope you meet the right one someday! :)


What? Did you read the question before you answered?


I have asperger syndrome. First of all I was not 'getting angry' just that one answer was so off topic, of course I know this is a 'free' site and everyone is not experts. No reason to tell me how respond towards the answers, as I am adult like the rest here. Obviously everyone is not going to like the answers they get and everyone is not going to like the questions posted either. No big deal. People getting way over sensitive about it.... Anyways thanks for the advice that's all.


Quite frankly, do you know what your problem is?

It's your attitude which comes through loud and clear.

Your response "thanks for nothing" is hardly friendly. I agree, it was off topic, but still -

"No reason to tell [you] how to respond?" Well, obviously there is a need.

You are obviously an angry person - if I can "read" it I'm sure people in person can "see" it.

I also don't understand the pattern of your posts - here you're worried about your sexuality and dating.

Over here you are talking about suicide. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/when-okay-commit-suicide-over-problems-687035.html#post3211812

At best you appear confused.

Quite frankly, do you know what your problem is?

It's your attitude which comes through loud and clear.

Your response "thanks for nothing" is hardly friendly. I agree, it was off topic, but still -

"No reason to tell [you] how to respond?" Well, obviously there is a need.

You are obviously an angry person - if I can "read" it I'm sure people in person can "see" it.

I also don't understand the pattern of your posts - here you're worried about your sexuality and dating.

Over here you are talking about suicide. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/mental-emotional-health/when-okay-commit-suicide-over-problems-687035.html#post3211812

At best you appear confused.


I don't see why you and another person find it so hard to understand how someone can beboth suicidal and then worrys about why they are not normal and dating like everyone else. Did it ever occur to you one is the reason for other? OR that a person can be both wanting to die and still have to lives in this world with these other freaking people all the same time until they DO die. Anyway any of my other thread has nothing to do with this one again off topic.

If I am angry and my posts bother you certainly don't have to respond to any of them. Can just ignore and go on about your business.

i don't see why you and another person find it so hard to understand how someone can beboth suicidal and then worrys about why they are not normal and dating like everyone else. did it ever occur to you one is the reason for other? OR that a person can be both wanting to die and still have to lives in this world with these other freaking people all the same time until they DO die. anyways any of my other thread has nothing to do with this one again off topic.

if i am angry and my posts bother u certainly dont have to respond to any of them. can just ignore and go on about your buisness.

Unfortunately all of your issues come back to you getting professional help. Your suicidal thoughts, the Asperger's, your interactions (or lack of them) during groups sessions (another thread), your lack of 'drive' to go out and meet people, etc. are all tied up in one big knot.

Some people cannot put a label on their sexuality. They don't fit into a small box that is neatly labeled. Some people do not want to be labeled.

If you want a label, you could be bi-sexual if you are attracted to both males and females.

In your original post here you mention having a very active imagination and fantasy world. That may be part of your problem. You may be so caught up in a world you can control you are having difficulty dealing people and situations you can't.

Until you are ready to live, there isn't much help we can give you on this board. If you aren't comfortable interacting with others then there isn't much we can advise.

I sincerely hope therapy helps and I wish you the best for the future.

Unfortunately all of your issues come back to you getting professional help. Your suicidal thoughts, the Asperger's, your interactions (or lack of them) during groups sessions (another thread), your lack of 'drive' to go out and meet people, etc. are all tied up in one big knot.

Some people cannot put a label on their sexuality. They don't fit into a small box that is neatly labeled. Some people do not want to be labeled.

If you want a label, you could be bi-sexual if you are attracted to both males and females.

In your original post here you mention having a very active imagination and fantasy world. That may be part of your problem. You may be so caught up in a world you can control you are having difficulty dealing people and situations you can't.

Until you are ready to live, there isn't much help we can give you on this board. If you aren't comfortable interacting with others then there isn't much we can advise.

I sincerely hope therapy helps and I wish you the best for the future.

OK now that's all I was wanting was a label and to get some answers. I just don't want to live anymore, nobody can gives me answers I am done trying. I cannot deals with people in real like just like you said I rather stay in fantasy world where thing make sense. Well this world is obviously not for someone like me.

ok now that's all i was wanting was a label and to get some answers. i just dont want to live anymore, nobody can gives me answers i am done trying. i cannot deals with people in real like just like u said i rather stay in fantasy world where thing make sense. well this world is obviously not for someone like me.


The situation you're in isn't entirely of your own design but it mostly is. You're born the way you are and grow into your personality. How you that affects you and your life is your choice. If you don't like where you are than make the choice and change it.

Get help. I am not going to put it clearer than that. Go see a shrink and figure yourself out. If you continue on the path that you're going you're libel to do something you will regret. That is an end I KNOW you don't want. Stop with this trolling for sympathy and the like. It is hallow attention.

Get help.

i don't see why you and another person find it so hard to understand how someone can beboth suicidal and then worrys about why they are not normal and dating like everyone else. did it ever occur to you one is the reason for other? OR that a person can be both wanting to die and still have to lives in this world with these other freaking people all the same time until they DO die. anyways any of my other thread has nothing to do with this one again off topic.

if i am angry and my posts bother u certainly dont have to respond to any of them. can just ignore and go on about your buisness.


Don't attempt to dictate who will and who won't answer your posts. If you only want to talk to people who agree with you, talk to your friends. Oh, and AMHD is my business. We all have to share this world with other "freaking people."

You need help, professional help.

Don't attempt to dictate who will and who won't answer your posts. If you only want to talk to people who agree with you, talk to your friends. Oh, and AMHD is my business. We all have to share this world with other "freaking people."

You need help, professional help.


First of all I wasn't predicting who will and won't give me answers. I didn't say anythings about people only agreeing with me -- you did. I said if someone HAS PROBLEM with my posts or me they need to move on and go on about their business, if it's creating so much discord for them. You need to help yourself to another thread then. Plain and simple. Instead of derailing this thread into a personal back and forth. I read your opinion the first time. Noted... now back to the TOPIC: