Zabrina13
Jul 22, 2012, 06:34 AM
My fiancé and I have been together for about 3 years. I have two children from my prior relationship, and we will be having a new addition this December. A month ago I was diagnosed with systemic and discoid lupus. For the past two years, I have been fighting losing my hair, hiding scars and lesions, getting so tired that I would fall asleep in parking lots, and so many other things. Before I was diagnosed and the symptoms initially happened I tried to talk to him about how scared I was. I would go to the doctors and he would tell me that I was imagining things. I was afraid to show him the bald spots, scars, etc. A month before I was diagnosed I found out that I am pregnant, I also went to the ER because my condition had gotten so terrible that fingers would not stop bleeding from the lesions. Lovingly, my fiancé was there every moment of the hospital visits.
After seeing a few specialist, I was put on several medications. One of which has common reactions that I began to experience instantly. The Prednisone swells the face, commonly known as moon face, causes acne outbreaks, may cause heart palpitations, and has a few other side effects. Please understand, when I met my fiancé I was a swimsuit model. I am not superficial, nor insecure; however, I've noticed the difference in his actions.
Our normal routine consists of me waking up around 6 or 7 to prepare his lunch, getting the kids ready for school. We say our good-byes and give our kisses. He goes to work, and I drop off the children before I go to work. Whomever gets off work first picks up the children, I rush home to cook dinner and to clean. After dinner, I clean up, put the kids to sleep, and go to our bed for a little bonding. When we don't have work, I usually propose that he goes golfing or come hang out with the children and me in the park or at my parents. The past few weeks though, we've both been taking off work. Like, I mentioned I've noticed some differences in the way that he treats me.
For one, I rarely ask him to help with any cleaning. Every so often though I will ask him to throw the clothes from the washer into the dryer. Normally, he will do this immediately. The past week, I had asked him about 3 times. The first two times when I had gotten home he is sitting on the couch just watching television. It was like he had never even heard me ask about it. The third time he lied about it, which is pretty dumb on his part. "Hello! I can tell you lied because the clothes are still in the washer."
Also, the past few days I have barely even seen him. Thursday, as soon as our work day is over he spent the entire evening smoking his cigarettes on the balcony and talking on the phone. Friday he had decided to take off work, went golfing all morning, and as soon as we get home from grocery shopping he calls his friends to come over. And Saturday, he worked from about 9 until 12. I understand he does some hard labor, and that's why I try not to complain to him. When he called me to tell me that he was done from work, I had told him that I was at my parents house. I said that I would be home in a little bit, but he insisted that he would just meet me there after he took a shower. 3 hours later, he is still not there. I decide to call him up and miraculously he is almost at my parents. Unfortunately, he stayed for about 10 minutes. As soon as he arrived I had asked him if he liked the nightstands that my mom wanted to give us. He looked at me, and just walked out. I asked him what that was about, and he said, "I'm tired of your photo albums I just want to set it all on fire." This is odd because my photo albums are in a box in a storage right now. (We're in the process of moving). I told him to leave, and that's what he did.
I don't like to leave arguments unresolved, especially over something this minute and uncalled for. So I went back to our place, we talked it out, and headed back to my moms about 2 hours later. As soon as we got there though, he decided he had to run to his brother's house real quick. He didn't return for an hour. When he finally came back, I didn't question anything. We just headed home.
On the way home, we stopped by a gas station. Now, my fiancé has a bad staring problem. Not necessarily at attractive girls, but just in general. He will just stare at people unintentionally. When he was walking out of the gas station, he literally was staring at a silver car as he was walking. So I told him, "You've got to stop staring. It's so weird," and I giggled. His reaction, "You don't need to be insecure I wasn't checking out that girl. I was staring at the guy." Then, he said it, "You're just scared I'm going to leave you because your fat and ugly."
It hurts so much that he said that. To make matters worse when I tried to explain to him that I wasn't being insecure, he would just cut me off and continue putting me down. When we got to our place, I told him just to stop. I said that if we're going to have a good future we need to work through our problems, stop arguing over little things, and focus on making each other happy. His response was, " I'm not your future."
I don't know where this came from because we've never had these kind of issues. He's always told me how much he loves me and wants to grow old with me. And when he's the one mentioning marriage, I was the one who was terrified of the idea.
Normally, I would try to resolve things with him. If that is how he truly feels though I don't want to be with him. I want to be with someone who can treat me like an amazing person and treat my children even better.
I told him to sleep at his brother's last night and took his keys from him. I also packed up a few of his clothes for the week and some lunch and left them outside of the door.
The way I see it, if he actually cares for me he will apologize. If it is not meant to be, then I guess I won't see him until the baby is born. It's so hard though because it makes me feel like a failure. My relationship with my first two children's dad didn't work out because he was a violent alcoholic. I don't want this one raised by just a single mother too.
Is this the right thing to do? Or should I be the first to talk to him?
After seeing a few specialist, I was put on several medications. One of which has common reactions that I began to experience instantly. The Prednisone swells the face, commonly known as moon face, causes acne outbreaks, may cause heart palpitations, and has a few other side effects. Please understand, when I met my fiancé I was a swimsuit model. I am not superficial, nor insecure; however, I've noticed the difference in his actions.
Our normal routine consists of me waking up around 6 or 7 to prepare his lunch, getting the kids ready for school. We say our good-byes and give our kisses. He goes to work, and I drop off the children before I go to work. Whomever gets off work first picks up the children, I rush home to cook dinner and to clean. After dinner, I clean up, put the kids to sleep, and go to our bed for a little bonding. When we don't have work, I usually propose that he goes golfing or come hang out with the children and me in the park or at my parents. The past few weeks though, we've both been taking off work. Like, I mentioned I've noticed some differences in the way that he treats me.
For one, I rarely ask him to help with any cleaning. Every so often though I will ask him to throw the clothes from the washer into the dryer. Normally, he will do this immediately. The past week, I had asked him about 3 times. The first two times when I had gotten home he is sitting on the couch just watching television. It was like he had never even heard me ask about it. The third time he lied about it, which is pretty dumb on his part. "Hello! I can tell you lied because the clothes are still in the washer."
Also, the past few days I have barely even seen him. Thursday, as soon as our work day is over he spent the entire evening smoking his cigarettes on the balcony and talking on the phone. Friday he had decided to take off work, went golfing all morning, and as soon as we get home from grocery shopping he calls his friends to come over. And Saturday, he worked from about 9 until 12. I understand he does some hard labor, and that's why I try not to complain to him. When he called me to tell me that he was done from work, I had told him that I was at my parents house. I said that I would be home in a little bit, but he insisted that he would just meet me there after he took a shower. 3 hours later, he is still not there. I decide to call him up and miraculously he is almost at my parents. Unfortunately, he stayed for about 10 minutes. As soon as he arrived I had asked him if he liked the nightstands that my mom wanted to give us. He looked at me, and just walked out. I asked him what that was about, and he said, "I'm tired of your photo albums I just want to set it all on fire." This is odd because my photo albums are in a box in a storage right now. (We're in the process of moving). I told him to leave, and that's what he did.
I don't like to leave arguments unresolved, especially over something this minute and uncalled for. So I went back to our place, we talked it out, and headed back to my moms about 2 hours later. As soon as we got there though, he decided he had to run to his brother's house real quick. He didn't return for an hour. When he finally came back, I didn't question anything. We just headed home.
On the way home, we stopped by a gas station. Now, my fiancé has a bad staring problem. Not necessarily at attractive girls, but just in general. He will just stare at people unintentionally. When he was walking out of the gas station, he literally was staring at a silver car as he was walking. So I told him, "You've got to stop staring. It's so weird," and I giggled. His reaction, "You don't need to be insecure I wasn't checking out that girl. I was staring at the guy." Then, he said it, "You're just scared I'm going to leave you because your fat and ugly."
It hurts so much that he said that. To make matters worse when I tried to explain to him that I wasn't being insecure, he would just cut me off and continue putting me down. When we got to our place, I told him just to stop. I said that if we're going to have a good future we need to work through our problems, stop arguing over little things, and focus on making each other happy. His response was, " I'm not your future."
I don't know where this came from because we've never had these kind of issues. He's always told me how much he loves me and wants to grow old with me. And when he's the one mentioning marriage, I was the one who was terrified of the idea.
Normally, I would try to resolve things with him. If that is how he truly feels though I don't want to be with him. I want to be with someone who can treat me like an amazing person and treat my children even better.
I told him to sleep at his brother's last night and took his keys from him. I also packed up a few of his clothes for the week and some lunch and left them outside of the door.
The way I see it, if he actually cares for me he will apologize. If it is not meant to be, then I guess I won't see him until the baby is born. It's so hard though because it makes me feel like a failure. My relationship with my first two children's dad didn't work out because he was a violent alcoholic. I don't want this one raised by just a single mother too.
Is this the right thing to do? Or should I be the first to talk to him?