Hey,

I was in a relationship for 3 months. It started as hanging out together a couplle days a
week... He asked for the relationship more than once. I said no the first time. To me he was rushing so I made him wait. Finally I said yes. It was sweet, met the family (he has a daughter as well) He is a young father and I didn't judge him on that. As I think back on the whole situation I see my own mistakes. Its hard for me to even admit that. He slowly started to pull away. I didn't realize it at first. His behavior changed. I went to speak with him about it and he said that nothing was the matter. Of course he was lying. I mean I guess when you rush into things sometimes you don't know what u are getting yourself into. He even admitted that he was rushing things. So he went away on vacation. I asked him if he took any pictures and I just wanted to see what he did or where he went to have fun at. He said he didn't take any. I already knew that was a lie. I left it alone. I saw after that with him, I left a lot of things alone and unsaid.

But, I'm learning and I haven't been in that many relationships to know how to deal with certain situations. I saw a lot of yellow flags... The flags weren't red. Until he took long periods of times to call me back. I never pressed him or called him constantly. I was never that person. I would just wait until he called. He wanted his space I gave it to him. So I guess one day he made up in his mind that he didn't want to be in the relationship anymore and started to act strange. I guess he wasn't man enough to tell me. But what I don't understand is: I was nice to his family him & his friends. Very respectful, made time for him and this is the thanks I get? Why do guys treat the respectful females wrong? I want to know what did I do? Even though I know it's him with the problem I still ask: Was I factor in this? What did I or didn't I do? Fast Forward: A month later he said that he doesn't want a relationship right now and that we don't have anything in common. I was really mad but I didn't take it out on him. I just said I hope you made the right decision.

Me & his mother is cool. We talk so I went over there to pick up some stuff she had for me. He saw me looking nice and his mom asked how did I get over there I told her I had a ride. He automatically assumed that it was a guy. So he asked is that your man waiting downstairs for u? I lied and said yes. So he says: I know u have guys lined up but I didn't know u moved that fast.So I said to him: You didn't want me. He says: I didn't say I didn't want you. I said that I didn't want to be in a relationship. It's the same thing. So I guess he got jealous about that. Eventually he kept thinking that I had a guy. Then he found out the truth that I didn't. To me he plays a lot of games... What does it matter if I have a guy or not? Ur the one who didn't want a relationshp so wats the big deal? Anywayz... fast forward a month.. He calls me to say "HI". That was the converstation. I called him back and asked him if he was serious... He says I can't call to say hi... I said u can but is that all u have to say? He went on to ask me how I was doing etc...

So then he asks If I want to hang out wit him. I was like y? He was like just cause so I was like how am I getting over there he said he will pay for the cab. So anyway... He didn't call back. But when I woke up in the morning there was a message on my phone from him explaining what happened to him and how he forgot and he didn't do it on purpose. I didn't call him back... Another month I decided let me call to see how he is doing from my friends cell (my battery died). He says he is sick and he doesn't feel well... So I let him alone and said feel better... Couple hours later he calls my friends phone back claiming that he is returning a call. (OMG) we just had a converstation. By the way you have my number so y didn't u call me on my phone? He went around that.

I was on my way to a movie theatre and he asking me where the party at as if we are friends so anyway I was like Im going to a movie and I don't know... I got off the phone with him and the next day he calls me while Im sleeping. SO I got up and called him back. He had a meaningless conversation and then say oh Imma call u back. He didn't call back. I don't really care about that. Im saying what does all of this mean? He is just so random with the calls that I can't even tell what he wants. I mean he shouldn't care anymore right? Im single your single isn't that what he wanted? So what does he want from me because he is acting as if he really gets like interested as if he still wants me to be his girl... I don't know Need some insight... Thanks...

Chellzzzz

It sounds like if was more of a fling then a relationship. It also sounds like that's all he wants.

Ive been there with my ex- it sounds like he doesn't want you but doesn't want anyone else to either. Its like he knows that you are a catch but that isn't enough to make him comitt. He wants you there when it suits him and that's not on- you obviously meant something to him but he doesn't want to be exclusive or give you the commitment you deserve so move on. Whilst you are pondering what all 'this' means you are holding oyurself back and preventing yourself from finding someone who deserves you- he is not holding himself back in the same way and could well move on - cut all ties don't phone to see how he is- it doesn't matter he didn't care how you were when he was saying he didn't want a relationship- don't put him above you- your needs must be paramount you have to live inside your head you have to feel your feelings and you have to live your life- you matter.

I wouldn't worry about his confusion. Take him at his word that he is not interested in a relationship and cross him off the do list and seek other ways to enjoy yourself. He hasn't found himself yet.

Listen, sometimes it is not easy to understand any one aspect of human relationships or minds... and when that happens we get confused and do things on an impulse. Best recourse is to give yourself a breather from this guy... assume he never existed in your life(I know it's easier said than done... but try it)... and when you finally realize he's out of your system... then prick your buttons as to what you should do.. till then... read, eat, breathe... laugh and watch movies... minus him...