I'm a 25 year old male who is out of school and working.

I've been involved with a girl for the past 3 years, ever since both of us were still studying. We started talking to each other for a while, mostly with me having a crush on her and she needed emotional support at the time we met, as she had broken up with her boyfriend. Eventually, after about 5 months, our friendship turned into a more intimate relationship.

During our time together, we had our ups and we had our downs, like any other relationship. We resolved them and we moved on. We had grown really comfortable with each other and I guess that in my mind, we were meant to be together and thus, I have grown to really trust her. However, nearing the end of our 3 year relationship, she told me that there was a guy who was interested in her and she was a little bit interested in him as well. Thinking that this was one of our relationship problems and trusting in her to do the right thing, I decided to let her handle it. What I didn't know, is that she was crying for attention from me. In the end, she ended up hooking up with that guy behind my back.

I felt things were different between us and I honestly was very worried for her and for us, but I didn't want to pressure her, as that is what she hates most. In the end, I couldn't contain it and confronted her. She told me everything and we broke up.

During this period, I was really on edge and I couldn't control my actions. I was a complete slave to my emotions and acted upon them. I wanted desperately to get back together with my ex, but she said she was with someone else now and she can't do that to him. She said that what we had didn't work and she was sorry for what she did. I asked if she could really see herself being with him and she told me that she see's more of a future with him than with me. With that note, I finally started to move on, very slowly. I started being more open towards other girls again (I think I was looking for a rebound) and my ex noticed it. She confronted me and told me to stop cause it seems like I'm deliberately trying to get back at her. I had no intentions of that.

I never stopped talking with my ex, and she never stopped talking to me. She admitted that she still 'loved' me, but I took it as she wanted me as an emotional crutch. Thing is, I know that guy she is with is the type of guy who is only interested in girls for the chase. I still cared about my ex, if not as a lover, then as a crush, and if not that, then as a friend. I didn't want to see her get hurt. She took an effort to hide me from her new boyfriend. To him, she and I had a clean break. And because of that, he eventually got bored of her and she could tell. So she broke up with him after a month of us breaking up. She told me she didn't want to go through what she did with me again. She said she never felt that way to him like she did anyone else (including me), but she also said that she couldn't stand the fact of being in another relationship with someone who didn't 'fight' for her.

I asked her how she felt about it and she was feeling really depressed, like she's not good enough for anyone. She was still feeling horrible for cheating on me as well. After that, we started to hang out again. Don't get me wrong, I'm not playing with her feelings, or I'm not trying to. I'm there as support because I really do want to be there as support, like in the beginning when we first met. My heart is screaming at me to get back together, but my brain is telling my heart to shut up.

After a week of hanging out, something happened. We had another wonderful day together and when we both went departed and she went to bed, I left her a voice mail saying that I had a really good time and that I'm glad we could still keep each other company. That the past month has been pretty rough on me and this week was a complete turn around. I probably shouldn't had done that. Next thing you know, she comes over in the morning to hang out, more flirty than usual and we ended up having sex. Before it happened though, we had mutually agreed to it, asking each other if we were okay with it.

Since then, we were hanging out, like usual, but it was like we were a couple again. She told me that she was falling for me again and I told her I felt the same way. After another week of this, I asked her, "We are we now? Are we an official couple again?" She said that she didn't want to label us with anything and that she just wanted to be happy with what we have. No pressure, no obligations, just going with the flow.


My question is,
To the ladies out there, what's going on in her head? Do we have a chance of getting back together, or am I Mr.Rebound.
To the guys out there, what's going on with my head? If I have a chance, should I even get back together? Or am I just setting myself up for a hard break up again?

I don't think you are a rebound, I just think she wants to enjoy what you have and not call it anything leave her options open.
I think it is rather naïve of her to think she can have sex with you and spend time with you and no decisions need to be made, but If I were you, I'd tread lightly with her. Keep your head. If you think you are getting carried away, end it.

Thanks for the quick reply.

So am I to wait and let this continue the way it is without much thought of it and let her make the decision when she's ready?

Is this type of relationship even healthy..

I think you need to decide if this is what you want.
I don't think it is healthy, especially if you don't know where you stand.

I think you need to decide if this is what you want.
I don't think it is healthy, especially if you don't know where you stand.

Well... I decided that I do want to be with her and give this another try and I told her everything.

I told her how spending time with her again is stirring up a lot of good memories and she had told me it's the same for her. She said that she's falling for me all over again like when we just met. She wants to give us another try and we are officially together again, but she also doesn't want to get too serious. She just doesn't want the pressure at the moment.

Unfortunately, because of what happened in the past, I have become insanely jealous, possessive, and insecure now. Every moment she's not with me, I start to feel really edgy and I desperately try to get her attention again. I told her this and she said that she just needs her personal space, which I completely understand. I don't expect her to be with me 24/7 in the first place. But it's just these feelings inside of me that make me do stupid things to push her away. I can also tell she is spending a lot more time with me even when she's busy.. so she is definitely trying. But I feel it's not enough, and I feel so bad for feeling that way. She told me to stop over analyzing things and just have fun like we've been doing.

I guess it's all on me now, if I can accept her feelings again. If I'm actually emotionally ready to start a relationship again. Accept the idea that this isn't the same relationship as before (for good reasons) and take on this new one.

Thank you, Homegirl 50 for listening and replying.

I wish you well, and we're always here if you have another concern.

You're perceptions are dead on as you do have to get yourself under control and stop letting fear of losing her overwhelm you. You do need your own space as she does, as I think you are overly dependent on her, and should balance a life you share with her with one that makes you happy, and enjoy without her.

Then you can share your happiness, hopes, and dreams, NOT your fears, and insecurities.