My name is cruz, Ive been going out with my girlfriend for about 6 moths, we knew each other in high school, we went out for about a week, but I broke up with her, after boot camp I started talking to her again, then we stared to go out again, we decided to get married, Im living in virginia and she is in Nevada, so I call her every day, its hard for us to maintain this relationship, but we love each other, Im going on deployment soon to Iraq for about 6 to 7 months, so I won't be able to visit her for about that time, I told her we should get married in June, but she wants us to get married after I get back, that was not the problem, the problem was that She told me that she is not sure if she wants to get married anymore, she tells me that she is not ready, soon after she told me that she told me that she was feeling numb, she told me that she knew that she loved me, but she wasn't feeling it, I understand her because I was feeling the same way a month ago, she asked me for time, and Im trying to give her that, its been a few days and she hasn't called, I know that she is going to call, but what is taking her so long? I don't have any days saved to visit her, so Im taking a three day weekend to do that, I already bought the plain tickets, but now Im afraid that when she sees me she'll turn me down, I know that we love each other, but I don't know what to do, some one please tell me what can I do.

First of all. I know this might sound not right, but you do not truly love her, and she does not truly love you. Love takes time and patience and actually spent time together.
As far as getting married and trying to rush things before leaving this would be a big mistake even when you come back it may be a big mistake. Time spent apart is not good and will not help you keep strong together. Distance does not help eighter and calling somebody on the phone all the time does not constitute a real true relationship.

You need to see her if you have time, but things have to be taken care of one way or another. It is best to know one way or another if this is going to have a chanch or not. Especially with you being deployed. What can you do. Listen to what she has to say first. Get her feelings first and then respond to her. Tell her how you feel and leave it like that especially if you come to some agreement. Your time is different from her time. You need to be patient and if your not you will defiantly lose out.

Joe

Thank you for your advice, And you are right, it doesn't sound right, because I know that we love each other, you might have come to that conclusion because I didn't tell you that I saw her after boot camp and during christmas, that's why I don't have any days saved up, She just called me a few minutes ago, she told me that she doesn't want to get married soon, she is not ready yet, so we are going to wait a little longer, it hurts so much that she thinks like that, but at least we know that we are getting married, I told her that she should give me some time now, to try to understand what she is going through, I want to be in the same time as her, so I need my own, I know that it sounds like is not a real relationship to you, but to me it means the world, I really don't see myself without her, I can't, or maybe I'm in denial, but thank you for all your words. Im seeing her this Friday, I know that we will work something out. Please tell me your thoughts

It is good that you are trying to work things out, but honestly seeing her after boot camp and during christmas is not a relationship. Anything part time. Any thing that is occasional is not a real true relationship. It can not develop into a relationship when your not even there most of the time to even get to know each other. Yes, I do believe that you are in denial, but I am trying to help you out as best as I know how, that is with truth, and the way I see things by what you have told me. I do hope you both work something out, but long distance relationships are hard and will only hurt the chanches of really getting to know each other unless one person or both decide to do something about it and get closer to each other some how.

So honestly even after telling me you have spent christmas and time after boot camp still does not constitute as a true love relationship. You might have to except the fact that maybe this is not a good relationship or a good time to have one and if depending on what happens Friday may have to except each other moving on.

I would appreciate you letting us know how everything goes, because I do hope the best for you, I am just giving you my thoughts. Right or wrong you need to decide for yourself.

Joe

Thank you for all your words, I really apreciate it, she told me that she wanted to move with me, and I told her "if you want to move with me why can't we get married", I didn't understand at the time what she meant, she was just trying to know me better, I think, and I actually would not mind that, the problem is I can't afford her being here, we don't make enough money to do that, so I told her to be patient, the day will come when we are going to be together again, but for right now all I can do is wait, I'll let you know what happened afte I get back, I know that we'll still be together, but I don't know about getting married anymore.

Unfortunately the military life isn't very conducive to marriage, especially when it involves an overseas deployment. I'm sure she has reservations about the fact that you're going to be away from her for 6-7 months straight and rightfully so. Your best bet is to be very understanding right now and don't try to push her into any kind of permanent decision. Wait until you're finished with your military commitment, then when you return to civilian life you can consider marriage if the two of you are still so inclined.

Like I said, Im not sure what's going to happen when I see her, all I know is that we are going to work something out, we have to, I understand that it's to fast to get married, but It's the only way we can be together, maybe I'm being selfish by just thinking of me but, I love her so much, I might have to wait after my remaining years to get married after all, but the important thing is that we know we are getting married. Thank you s_cianci

NO it is not the only way to be together. Your thinking about getting married for the wrong reasons. It is not going to work.

Joe

I say go for whatever makes the both of you happy. I am currently in a military relationship and some people just don't understand how hard it is... even if you get to only see them a few times a year... its worth it...

And when they ask "how do you do it"... the answer is simple... you can't control who you fall in love with.

I say don't rush things... let time take its course.. I am sure she is probably scared with your upcoming deployment.. but everything will work out... have a little faith. She is with you for a reason and it takes 2 special people to be in any military relationship.

Good luck and have a safe deployment!
Hooah~

Why are you being so... negative, I know what's best for me, I love her and I did say that I was going to wait, at least jkramer understands how I feel, or maybe I just want to hear what I want to hear, I'm sorry and thank you all anyway!

It is not been negative it is being realistic.

If you know what is best for you then you shouldn't need advice!