I'm not entirely sure this is in the right section, but I'll try anyway.

I'm currently an exchange student in the US and I've been here for about 8 months now. I'm a senior in high school, and involved mostly in choir and drama things.

My host family consists of a mom, who's a teacher, a dad who works with business and a twelve year old daughter.

I like it here. I do. I love my host family, and they love me.
But...
My host parents are, frankly, not a good couple. Even my host aunt says as much. They are constantly arguing, especially my host mom. She has a very bad temper, and is, to be perfectly honest, very childish and selfish.

I've lived a pretty sheltered life. My parents were always nice to each other, so were others around me, even if I've had my fair share of troubles. And my host parents' arguing and the bad situation here sometimes really wears me down. I miss having family dinners where people actually have a decent conversation with each other.

Also. I'm a very social person. I need to see people, I need to talk to them and have fun. But for various reasons, I simply can't ask people to do stuff with me. I just can't. I came here hoping that being forced into a place where I didn't know anyone would cure me of that. It hasn't. And it makes me feel lonely and like a failure.

There's also a lot of things around me that hurt me. I've seen so many people here that have had horrible life. They've been abused, their parents are alcoholics,are dead, and they speak of it as if it's nothing. People don't care. Everyone knows but no one does anything. And the apathy hurts me, if it makes any sense.

And I've been in a really bad period of self hate in the past months. I feel pathetic for feeling this way and complaining instead of doing anything to improve my situation.

My parents and my friends know some of this, but I don't tell them everything. My parents still believe that my host family are perfect. I want to tell them that they aren't, but I feel like a traitor for even thinking something like that, because they've been so wonderful to me.

I feel so alone, and I can't tell anyone because I feel like the things I'm complaining about are absolutely nothing compared to what some other people go through.

And I've been... Involved with a guy for the past... Months. We're not dating, but we like each other and everyone knows. And it's hurting me. I'm really close with his best friend/ex-girlfriend (who wasn't his girlfriend,according to him) and she says I absolutely shouldn't trust him, while a lot of others just wants us together. I don't know what I want. I've never been in love, no one's ever liked me. Hell, I hadn't even been kissed before I came here. I just want to be normal, I just want to date and do all that stuff. I don't want to end up totally lonely for the rest of my life, but I'm afraid I will.

I don't even know what I'm asking. For some kind of advice, I guess.

Okay first thing is first.

This is a good experience for you. You might not appreciate it right now, but by experiencing new culture. Experiencing the life of an ordinary american will help you grow into a better person. It might be hard and diffulcult right now but remember by the time this journey is finished you would have come out of it by learning and growing a lot. I personally feel that experiences and new cultures even if it is tough and upsetting will give us an appreciation of what we do have at home. I guarantee you will appreciate your home a lot more, your parents, your situation back home a lot more when you do go back. I guarantee when you look back at this experience you will be thankful and will be so happy you went through it even though it was rough.

My advice is learn and grow and appreciate.

As far as being with somebody there is plenty and plenty of time for this. There is not a need to rush, especially you being an exchange student. You never have to be alone, and why would you want to depend on anybody. You need to depend on yourself and learn how to be comfortable with yourself, by yourself. Once you learn this then in the future sometime you will also be able to be comfortable with being with somebody. You need to be comfortable with yourself first.

I hope you read this and understand exactly what I am trying to say to you. If you have anymore questions, please ask.

Joe

Thank you for answering. I was kind of expecting no one would answer it...

I am happy I'm here. I have never, not once, regretted going. I dread going home, but at the same time I look forward to it.
I'm divided between two places and my friends and family here aren't making it any easier. They're constantly saying things like 'you can't leave', 'we just have to tell your parents we're keeping you' ,'why don't you just get married here so you can stay' and I know they're doing it to be nice but it hurts, because it makes it so much harder for me, and also stresses the fact that they don't understand I have an entire life back home.
I can't talk with my host parents about being homesick because all they say is 'why are you homesick? You have your life here now' which is true, but still.

I feel so selfish and ungrateful for even thinking things like this.

You are right. I'm not comfortable with myself. I just really want to. I just want to feel normal, and I never do. If normal even exists,.

Everybody is unique. Including you. We are all unique and none of us are normal. There is no such thing as normal. I hope that you are so glad that you decided to come here and write out your feelings. It is a way of healing.

Joe

Well I realize I'm a couple weeks left to this post but I also understand where you coming from. When I was 14 we moved from Minneapolis, Minnesota to Lansing, Michigan which is like trading in your Corvette for a the car on blocks in the trailer park. Although both places are in the US the culture was night and day difference as the people in Minnesota were generally happy, upbeat and the people in Michigan depressed, angry. The school I went to had gangs and in Minnesota when I heard of gangs I thought they were only in Los Angelous. But the thing was that I held onto longer then I should have was that was a temporary situation in the sense that once I got done with high school I could have left. I didn't and went to school in Michigan but I still didn't really like it. You don't have those barriers holding you back. When your year is up you will return home and it will be over. So the only thing you can do now is take everything in, good and bad, and use it to further your own self growth and direction in life.