Well for several months now I have been believing my step father has been cheating on my mom she works in Goodyear about 1 hr away from home so there must be allot of opportunity for him and my mom has been working all week 12 hour shifts and he leaves every day for 2,3,4 hours at a time and honestly I can't stand my step father at all so it would deffinetly be nice to have him ou of my life any sugestions on how to tell if he really is how do I know and how do I convince my mom to leave him?

Just because he leaves for a few hours a day, why do you think he is having an affair? Just because you can't stand him doesn't give you the right to break up their marriage. Is your Mom happy?

He lies to he constantly so she believes she id living fairy tale life but when I have found another woman's bra and panties in his room and he leaves everyday and gets all fixed you to go to wallmart but comes home 3 4 hrs later with no wallmart bags and quickly takes a shower before my mom gets home and if she is believing a lie then yeah I will break it up he hates me and my brothers and sister and has kicked out my older brother at 15 yrs old and now is trying to get rid of me (14) yrs old but my mom works too much to see any of the clues

Have you talked to her at all?

Why would a strange woman leave her underwear in his room? She would put them back on before she left. And maybe they are your mom's. He doesn't share a bedroom with your mom?

Why would a strange woman leave her underwear in his room? She would put them back on before she left. And maybe they are your mom's. He doesn't share a bedroom with your mom?


I'm working on the same thought - woman comes over IN underwear, has sex, leaves it behind - in HIS house?

I think somebody would be very happy if the mother and stepfather would break up.

Find an older person with a car and a camera to follow him, if you can't hire a PI. Unless you can prove he's having an affair, you need to keep quiet and not destroy at least 2 lives with accusations.

I think this child should mind his own business and stop making up things in their mind. Men do go out and do things for hours, and to be honest has no reason to tell you. He may be playing cards, or gambling, may be out drinking some. He may be going to a gym and so on.

Over active wishful thinking of a child in my opinon

Find an older person with a car and a camera to follow him, if you can't hire a PI. Unless you can prove he's having an affair, you need to keep quiet and not destroy at least 2 lives with accusations.


Love you, Joy, but dangerous advice. It's called stalking and harassing if you aren't hired (and/or experienced). I won't work without a letter of authorization.

People think surveillances involve trailing someone around while carrying a camera. It's a lot more complicated than that.

Even if the person he "hires" to do the surveillance finds something, what is the OP going to do with it?

A person his age can't enter into a contract, and that's the next problem.

I think the OP is trying to break up the marriage for his own purpose(s). Bet things were happier in his life when his mom was alone!

I am a girl by the way and I don't just want my mom alone I don't want him to hurt her like she hurt my dad and the quicker I find out he really is the problem won't get serously out of hand and no one else like dhs and the police won't have to get involved also.

i am a girl by the way and i dont just want my mom alone i dont want him to hurt her like she hurt my dad and the quicker i find out he really is the problem wont get serously out of hand and no one eles like dhs and the police wont have to get involved also.


I don't know what you are saying. How do you intend to "find out."

You don't want her to get hurt like she hurt your Dad? Sounds more and more like a problem between you and your stepfather (and, perhaps, your mother) and less and less like a relationship problem between them.

I think you are avenging your father - ?

You really need to talk to your mom. If she is happy, you need to let them have a happy marriage. Maybe you are causing the problems between you and your step-dad. How did she hurt your Dad? What kind of relationship do you have with your Dad?

You really need to talk to your mom. If she is happy, you need to let them have a happy marriage. Maybe you are causing the problems between you and your step-dad. How did she hurt your Dad? What kind of relationship do you have with your Dad?


I disagree - minor in Psychology here.

OP does not "need" to talk to the mom. This is the telling phrase (in my eyes): " i can't stand my step father at all so it would deffinetly be nice to have him ou of my life any sugestions on how to tell if he really is how do i know and how do i convince my mom to leave him ??"

I did ask about the Dad (#11 above). OP has not been back to answer.

I can see OP opening up this subject and the stepfather and Mom having their relationship with OP and each other adversely affected for a VERY long time. I don't recommend that friends tell friends about their "suspicions" unless they are VERY sure they are VERY right - and the friend wants to hear it.

If the OP is this unhappy he/she needs to speak to a counsellor, someone at school, a clergyperson, about suspicions, proof, whatever else is involved and solve her own problems.

I don't know if you are a stepmother. I am, times 5. If my stepchildren had ever gotten involved in my marriage my husband would have ended the conversation right then and there.

The OP is skulking around, gathering evidence. I don't see any indication that the mother is impaired in any way and can only assume she either isn't concerned OR she's not making the OP her best friend but maintaining the OP's position as the child in the house.

I'm not sure of OP's intentions but I don't think her plan is to make the stepfather look good.

I think OP is very unhappy and very involved in adult matters, both the mother/father marriage and the mother/stepfather marriage. WAAAY too involved.

Graduate degree in psychology here -- I fully agree with Judy.

Graduate degree in psychology here -- I fully agree with Judy.


I've been trumped AGAIN!

If your stepfather is doing something wrong, it is between them not you.
I think you may be looking for bad things to pen on your stepfather.

You said he put your 15 year old brother out, where did he go to live?

I've been trumped AGAIN!
Not at all -- and you said it better than I could have. I smelled a rat from the get-go, but you weren't afraid to mention the bad odor permeating the thread.

Not at all -- and you said it better than I could have. I smelled a rat from the get-go, but you weren't afraid to mention the bad odor permeating the thread.


I think sign #1 was: "my step father has been cheating on my mom ... so there must be allot of opportunity for him"

Must, not "isn't?"

I didn't suggest paying someone to stalk. I meant an older friend to follow, once. There's no law against driving down the road behind someone. I've done it, to see where they went.

We don't know the situation, how he treats the kids, how suspicious or not he is, anything. A little proof or not will go a long way. Maybe he has a part time job he isn't telling her about so that he has some spending money!

I didn't suggest paying someone to stalk. I meant an older friend to follow, once. There's no law against driving down the road behind someone. I've done it, to see where they went.

We don't know the situation, how he treats the kids, how suspicious or not he is, anything. A little proof or not will go a long way. Maybe he has a part time job he isn't telling her about so that he has some spending money!


We all have had different experiences. I am saying that if a friend, old or young, is driving behind someone with no particular purpose, trying to see where they are going and why and the person being "followed" gets a sense of it and calls the Police there are questions to be answered and problems for the person doing the following. I won't do it. I wouldn't follow you from here to the corner without a letter authorizing me to do just that.

I'm assuming the father isn't stupid. When and if the son gets the evidence then what does he do with it? He brings in the third party and that person admits he was following the father? I'm guessing the father at some time or other has a few words with him about that.

No question you're smarter than average and more cautious than the vast majority of people probably would be and you know what you are talking about BUT I'm saying this is risky behavior. I have actually had to go to the Police Station when one of my employees suddenly found himself blocked in by the very person he was following and the Police were on the way.

People are getting cautious and I think if you don't know what you're doing this is risky business, nothing like you see on TV (which you already know but a lot of the world doesn't).

I never recommend following anyone or "keeping" anyone under surveillance.

This is a classic "Do not try this at home" situation.