I am 18 and a half.. my parents are bible thumpers, my father is a pastor. I want to leave this city and move in with my fiancé, get a job and have an apartment together. I believe we can do it, we will both work hard but.. my mother keeps guilt tripping me. She And my siblings did the day of my departure and so I stayed. I know what I want but.. how do I leave with my family in hate for me.. I love them it's just.. I'm different, I don't want to be a bible thumper. What do I do..

You are 18 and can do what you want. But, it is obvious you want the support of your religious family and that isn't going to happen. Can you move out, get a job, and an apartment of your own or with a roommate rather than your fiancé? The issue is living with your fiancé without being married. How can you work around that?

The bible is supposed to tea h love and tolerance. If your family is that wrapped up in the bible, than they should be tolerant of your desire. They may not agree or support your decision, but they shouldn't stop loving you.

Try presenting that logic to them. They might be more accepting if you got married first.

You are 18 and can do what you want. But, it is obvious you want the support of your religious family and that isn't going to happen. Can you move out, get a job, and an apartment of your own or with a roommate rather than your fiancé? The issue is living with your fiancé without being married. How can you work around that?

No, I can't. My childhood friend also lives up there but she is living with someone else at the moment till she can afford an apartment, too. We've tried making this work but there is no other way. This time is my last chance I have to be picked up and if not then I have to find my own way and that could take a year or so. I plan on getting two jobs, one for us and one full check for my parents. I believe the problem is that I'm the youngest out of 6 children, the oldest is 37. We've dealt with drugs and alcohol with 1 of my brothers.. I've been patient, I've never said I've hated them, I've never yelled at them, I'm never disrespecting them, I gave them all my money when I had a job. I thought I wasn't doing anything wrong..

The bible is supposed to tea h love and tolerance. If your family is that wrapped up in the bible, than they should be tolerant of your desire. They may not agree or support your decision, but they shouldn't stop loving you.

Try presenting that logic to them. They might be more accepting if you got married first.


I've talked about this with him a couple of times and he told me this "I will marry, I love you with all my heart. But I want to marry you for us, not for them." It does makes sense, I want to wait a little longer as well, we want to save up money for it.

Well, I wish you luck, then. Your parents may end up coming around eventually, but keep in mind they may not and you will have to live with that.

Well, I wish you luck, then. Your parents may end up coming around eventually, but keep in mind they may not and you will have to live with that.

I will make sure to keep it in mind.. I just want to be myself. I just want to be happy. I'm not going into drugs or alcohol, I'm not going to be partying. I just want to live my own life without rules of the bible.
Thank you for giving me your time into replying my cry for help. I really need it, so thank you.

You are welcome. I hope to hear how you are doing.

You are welcome. I hope to hear how you are doing.

Yes, ma'am. I will make sure to tell you how everything goes.

I just want to live my own life without rules of the bible.
Actually, Christians live under Jesus' two commandments, love God and each other. We use the Commandments as a guide to do good things, not to curry God's favor and because we fear His anger (and hellfire), but out of love for God and love for others.

It sounds like your parents are stuck in the rule-bound Old Testament and not the freedom (with responsibility) of the New Testament.

- from another PK who grew up and lived for years in a church like yours

Actually, Christians live under Jesus' two commandments, love God and each other. We use the Commandments as a guide to do good things, not to curry God's favor and because we fear His anger (and hellfire), but out of love for God and love for others.

It sounds like your parents are stuck in the rule-bound Old Testament and not the freedom (with responsibility) of the New Testament.

- from another PK who grew up and lived for years in a church like yours

I know that they're just trying to do what is best for me but I don't want the same life they have, I don't want to live in the church. It's not me, not my happiness.

You are 18 and you can move if it is what you want. I doubt your parents will hate you, they will be angry but will get over it.
Why would you be working to jobs to give one check to your parents?

You are 18 and you can move if it is what you want. I doubt your parents will hate you, they will be angry but will get over it.
Why would you be working to jobs to give one check to your parents?

To show them that I am being responsible, that they're still important to me and that I still want to help them.

To show them that I am being responsible, that they're still important to me and that I still want to help them.
If you were my child, you would better show responsibility by saving a good chunk of money so that you have at least a year's salary in savings.

Do they need financial help?

Do they need financial help?

Yes, they do. They've been asking me to go get a job and help them, my parents aren't working yet.

my parents aren't working yet.
Please explain.

You can't move on your own and help your parents too.
What can't you save some money so you can move on your own or get another roommate.
Are you the only one in the family working?

Please explain.

My mother has been laid off for over a year and my father has been retired longer than her. My father is around his 70's and my mother is in her 60's.

What can't you save some money so you can move on your own or get another roommate.
Are you the only one in the family working?

I have a childhood friend up there as well but she is with someone else right now until she could have her own apartment. I did work for awhile but when school finished I was laid off.

So you are wanting to move, but you don't have a job. Does your fiancé have a job?
Are you wanting to be with him or just get away from your family? How old is your fiancé?

My mother has been layed off for over a year and my father has been retired longer than her. My father is around his 70's and my mother is in her 60's.
Your father should be getting social security payments. Maybe your mom does too.

Your father should be getting social security payments Maybe your mom does too.
This is true.

So you are wanting to move, but you don't have a job. Does your fiancé have a job?
Are you wanting to be with him or just get away from your family? How old is your fiancé?

He's starting when he comes to pick me up and the people I worked with said they might get me a job up there ( but I'm not putting my full trust on it, I'm putting in applications as soon as I get up there.)
And I believe it's both. I want to leave this place, been here over 18 years and there are too many memories here that I don't want. And.. I guess you can say that I love him, he loves me. We want to be happy. I want to be happy. If I just wanted to leave I could've gone somewhere else, I have some people who would be more than willing to take me but I want to be with him, have a job, go to an art school, live my life. And he turned 18 this May. I'm older than him by 5 months.

This is true.

My father receives, I believe they said, $300. And my mother receives $500, though I'm not sure. But they say they still need help, we go out of town a lot for church conventions..

"I guess you can say that I love him, he loves me. We want to be happy. I want to be happy. I just wanted to leave."

You really don't love him. He's your way to escape.

Someone is lying to you about SS payments.

"I guess you can say that I love him, he loves me. We want to be happy. I want to be happy. I just wanted to leave."

You really don't love him. He's your way to escape.

I do, ma'am.. I really truly do. I've thought about this many times. I'm going to be honest with you, I am afraid of being judged that it's selfish to leave them for a boy. I don't know how to defend myself, I never could. He makes me happy, I love him, I want a life with him, I want children with him.. I have been abused and always had trouble opening up, he has the ability to get me to tell him everything, I have never felt like this before. If I didn't love him I would be leaving with someone else. How many times do you hear that a girl is in love.. And how many times is it true? I love him and this is very true.

"I guess you can say that I love him, he loves me. We want to be happy. I want to be happy. I just wanted to leave."

You really don't love him. He's your way to escape.

I'm not mad, I'm just explaining.

Then why all the hedging?

That's what parents are supposed to do, raise their daughters (and sons) to be able to fly free someday.

Someone is lying to you about SS payments.

Why do you say this? And it could be that I have SS payments with something else. I overheard my parents saying that they receive $800 together.

I find that hard to believe. You must have heard wrong.

Is there a mortgage or rental? Who pays that? Food, cars' maintenance, car insurance, utilities, church offerings, clothing costs, etc.

Then why all the hedging?

I didn't mean to be and I'm sorry if it did seem like I was. I guess I'm so afraid of judgement.

I find that hard to believe. You must have heard wrong.

Is there a mortgage or rental? Who pays that? food, cars' maintenance, car insurance, utilities, church offerings, clothing costs, etc.?

Church offerings, everyone volunteerly give money and is saved up. But everything else I don't know..

I'm so afraid of judgement.
Then it's time you grew a spine. You're going to need one if you plan to leave. And once you are out in the world, a spine will come in handy, especially if things don't work out with this guy.

My sil has managed to keep her 23 yo and 30 yo daughters at home by means of guilt trips -- "You think life is better somewhere else?" and "How could you even dare think of leaving me here all alone with your father?" Don't end up like that, but don't do this the wrong way either.

Church offerings, everyone volunteerly give money and is saved up. But everything else I don't know..
If your parents have worked most of their lives, they have to be getting close to or more than $1000 a month each in SS payments.

I think if you want to go, you should do it. Work to take care of yourself, not your parents.
I wish you well

If your parents have worked most of their lives, they have to be getting close to or more than $1000 a month each in SS payments.

I know my father has been in and out of jobs but my mom had been working at a company before I was born.

I think if you want to go, you should do it. Work to take care of yourself, not your parents.
I wish you well

Thank you, you all have been a great help. I just hope I can have the strength to tell her that what I want to do..