cohnj123
Jul 18, 2012, 09:32 AM
Ok, so I have been dating this guy for about 3 months now. He respects me, and has the similar liberal view that I do. There are certain things we do not agree on but he is OK with me going elsewhere to do things that satisfy me.
He's the same religion as me and although neither of us are religious in any way it will make things easier in the future (and makes mom happy). He is also quite passionate about music, as I am.
There are a few problems though, and I am not sure if these should outweigh the benefits, as its been a while since I've been in a serious, mutually respected healthy relationship and I know not everyone is exactly alike.
First, he said on his online profile he had a master's degree but when I asked him about this, it turned out he has no degree, just a high school diploma, and while I try not to be pretentious, I am seeing in certain respects this affects the way he thinks and he is more confident in some areas than he should be (e.g. making blanket statements about why people think the way they do because he has taking a few training classes on how to coach people). We recently saw a friend of mine together, who is super intelligent, and doesn't try to hide it when he talks to others, this is just the way this friend is and I've always accepted him as such. When I asked my boyfriend what he thought of this friend, and mentioned how intelligent my friend is, my boyfriend's reaction was "oh, yeah he was but I knocked him down a couple pegs," and went on to saw "when people act like that usually it is because of something in their past where they were called stupid or something and then overcompensate in other areas." This raised a small flag (being openly judgmental of friends 3 months in was a flag as was the statement where he relays more confidence than he should in the area of psychology).
And while he does have a good job and make decent money, I would be concerned down the road if he did not have a degree as education is very important to me and one day I hope to have kids and relay this message to them as well.
Finally, he is nearly 40 and has a "condo" which really just looks like a bad apartment (although in a good area, there's a somewhat rusty toilet and radiator, and it smells like cat pee) even though in his past he has supposedly struggled financially at first but then had jobs where he was making 100,000+.
My gut is telling me to end it, but I tend to be overly critical of everyone , including myself (I have used this for good, to light my fire in school and in work) and wondering if I am just being overly critical in this situation as well, or if my concerns sound justified.
Thoughts?
He's the same religion as me and although neither of us are religious in any way it will make things easier in the future (and makes mom happy). He is also quite passionate about music, as I am.
There are a few problems though, and I am not sure if these should outweigh the benefits, as its been a while since I've been in a serious, mutually respected healthy relationship and I know not everyone is exactly alike.
First, he said on his online profile he had a master's degree but when I asked him about this, it turned out he has no degree, just a high school diploma, and while I try not to be pretentious, I am seeing in certain respects this affects the way he thinks and he is more confident in some areas than he should be (e.g. making blanket statements about why people think the way they do because he has taking a few training classes on how to coach people). We recently saw a friend of mine together, who is super intelligent, and doesn't try to hide it when he talks to others, this is just the way this friend is and I've always accepted him as such. When I asked my boyfriend what he thought of this friend, and mentioned how intelligent my friend is, my boyfriend's reaction was "oh, yeah he was but I knocked him down a couple pegs," and went on to saw "when people act like that usually it is because of something in their past where they were called stupid or something and then overcompensate in other areas." This raised a small flag (being openly judgmental of friends 3 months in was a flag as was the statement where he relays more confidence than he should in the area of psychology).
And while he does have a good job and make decent money, I would be concerned down the road if he did not have a degree as education is very important to me and one day I hope to have kids and relay this message to them as well.
Finally, he is nearly 40 and has a "condo" which really just looks like a bad apartment (although in a good area, there's a somewhat rusty toilet and radiator, and it smells like cat pee) even though in his past he has supposedly struggled financially at first but then had jobs where he was making 100,000+.
My gut is telling me to end it, but I tend to be overly critical of everyone , including myself (I have used this for good, to light my fire in school and in work) and wondering if I am just being overly critical in this situation as well, or if my concerns sound justified.
Thoughts?