Life changes and can't afford my condo anymore. The bank sent information offering a modification which has been more of a nightmere than 3 other buying and selling of houses. Started the process in Jan and it is now July. Don't want to go through a foreclosure and market value is a good $20+grand less than I owe. Can I just surrender it back to the bank

Only if the bank will accept it.

Agree, you may ask the bank, but why should they ? Are you offering to pay them additional money on top of it

Have you asked them about trying to sell it on a short sale ?