I will try to keep this short. Had a deeply emotional and passionate relationship with a girl. Broke up with her 3 weeks back. Reason we broke up was that we got into lot of arguments, some things more relevant than others, and the result was diminished attraction from her side and resentment on mine. We talked about it and agreed to call it a day. I said to her 'if you need me you know where to find me, I hope all your dreams come true' and she said 'I have nothing against u, I wish you the best in all you do'.

Fast forward 3 weeks after full NC and I saw her online, using an account that has only me as a contact, so I thought (yes, I feel silly for 'thinking') that it was her way of telling me she wanted to talk. So I said to her 'hi'. No response. I said 'hi hope you are ok'. She said 'yes, thanks'. I said 'well, nice seeing u' as a way to be polite, but she lashed out at me and said 'why do you ping me' to which I replied 'I’m being polite'. She then logged off and hasn’t logged on again after that for a day.

For the first time since we started seeing each other and after we broke up I am angry and hurt. I am not sure why, maybe I feel insulted. I was moving on quite well, have been on dates already, and now I feel miserable, even more than when we broke up. Somebody please tell me what to do, how I let go of this anger and hurt. Thanks for reading.

i said to her 'if u need me u know where to find me, i hope all ur dreams come true'

All of these problems you're having, are all because of you. Notice what I quoted you on? This is how you're relationship ended. Telling her you're basically going to wait for her to come back. No wonder you so quickly ran back to her seeing her online like that. You just stirred the pot of past emotions and it's not a fun pot to stir. Let things settle again, and continue with NC forever. It didn't work out, accept it and move on. Stop dwindling in the past, and focus on the future.

Hi C0bra_M3nace, thanks for responding mate. I messaged her because she logged in on an account she uses only for me and she stayed online 3 days in a row. Evntually I thought she wanted me to say something, so I did. I know I shudnt analyse why she would do that, but - why would she do that?

Maybe she was talking to someone else.
It's over and done with. Keep reminding yourself of that. You will get over this.

I KNOW she doesn't have anyone else on that messenger account (dont ask me how), it's a account that is in use for no one else but me.
As for the fact that its over, I know its over, and I was moving on well until this 3 weeks later.

So why would she login for 3 days back to back?

I don't know. Maybe she didn't know she was logged on or just didn't notice it.
I do that sometimes. I have a couple of accounts that login when ever I am on line.

It's the past, stop dwelling on the past and look to the future.

I don't know. Maybe she didn't know she was logged on or just didn't notice it.
I do that sometimes. I have a couple of accounts that login when ever I am on line.
I wish this explanation was the right one, but I know it isn't, because she logs in invisible always on every account, she's done this for dogs years ever since I know her, then changes status to visible again IF she wants to talk, and when she logs off then changes it back to invisible for next time. Maybe she is playing games with my mind, and wants me to beg and plead with her which I refuse to. I guess only she knows why she did it, isn't it?

i wish this explanation was the right one, but i know it isnt, because she logs in invisible always on every account, shes done this for dogs years ever since i know her, then changes status to visible again IF she wants to talk, and when she logs off then changes it back to invisible for next time. maybe she is playing games with my mind, and wants me to beg and plead with her which i refuse to. i guess only she knows why she did it, isnt it?

There you go again, trying to justify what she's doing. Stop. The more you force your mind to think about why, and what if the further backwards you go.

Stopppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp thinking about it and move on. Who knows why she did it, only her, but she's gone now so stop it for your sake.

There you go again, trying to justify what she's doing. Stop. The more you force your mind to think about why, and what if the further backwards you go.

Stopppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp thinking about it and move on. Who knows why she did it, only her, but she's gone now so stop it for your sake.

I was moving on well for 3 weeks, no email/txt/call nothing, deleted Facebook, avoided blank calls from private number (it was her), now this online dance, and back to square1. How do I erase her from mind?

All you can do is keep up what your were doing. You are back to square one, but that doesn't mean you can't keep going.

Leave here alone. It probably set her back too. An ex recently contacted me after 6 weeks of NC and it just pissed me off. Do both of you a favor and stay away.

Leave here alone. It probably set her back too. An ex recently contacted me after 6 weeks of NC and it just pissed me off. Do both of you a favor and stay away.

6 weeks is a LONG time I think. We used to talk every day! :/ how long will it be before emotions subside (pls don't say - years)?

Not years, but it will happen.

Not years, but it will happen.

Thanks homegirl, when I am ready and when she is could be different, how do I know when she is ready?

You don't worry about her. You concentrate on you.
You don't talk to her until you're ready.
You two may drift and not be friends after this, That is not unheard of . A lot of "friends again" after a break up don't work.
But you just worry about getting over the hurt on your end.

You two talked every day after you ended things?? 6 weeks isn't long enough to fully move on. For me I felt better after a couple weeks. The 4th and 5th weeks were tough because enough time had passed where I started to miss the him. That being said I wrote a list of all the reasons he was not good for me and will often read that list. It's a good reinforcer not to get in touch. I would say it takes me about 4-6 months to completely move on. The emotions subside much quicker then that. Whenever any ex has gotten in touch I'm able to play it off cool, act neutral and not show any emotion.

You two may drift and not be friends after this
The sad part isn't the relationship, it's the 1 year of friendship we had before the 2 year relationship. I lost not just love but the closest friend I had. But then she lost me too. That makes me more sad.



You two talked every day after you ended things??? I wrote a list of all the reasons he was not good for me and will often read that list. It's a good reinforcer not to get in touch. I would say it takes me about 4-6 months to completely move on. The emotions subside much quicker then that. Whenever any ex has gotten in touch I'm able to play it off cool, act neutral and not show any emotion.
I meant we used to talk every day for 2+yrs UNTIL we broke up. Even when we used to argue.I am doing te same thing, trying to notice what she lacked, and there is so much I am uncovering daily. However still all those tender feelings for her won't go away. It feels like it will never end.

Perhaps with time, after the pain is gone, the friendship will be missed and it can be repaired.

Perhaps with time, after the pain is gone, the friendship will be missed and it can be repaired.
I miss her being there to talk to most. Although I am fast losing feelings of love, I still care for her deeply, and that's not easy to drop.


All you can do is keep up what your were doing. You are back to square one, but that doesn't mean you can't keep going.
I'm doing NC, its painful, but I'm staying strong.

the sad part isnt the relationship, its the 1 year of friendship we had before the 2 year relationship. i lost not just love but the closest friend i had. but then she lost me too. that makes me more sad.



i meant we used to talk every day for 2+yrs UNTIL we broke up. even when we used to argue.i am doing te same thing, trying to notice what she lacked, and there is so much i am uncovering daily. however still all those tender feelings for her wont go away. it feels like it will never end.

The mind likes to play tricks on us. When you're in the relationship the arguments and problems are so draining and taxing however when you're out of the relationship all you can remember are the tender, loving moments. I know exactly how you feel. You just haven't given yourself enough time. Those feelings do lift and slowly but surely you'll find yourself in a better place. It's sad to lose your best friend in the process too but you can't immediately flip the switch from romance to platonic. It's just not possible. If you want to carry on a friendship at a later time you can try to reach out to her. I'd give it at least 6 months. Keep in mind, you may not get the response you want. She could be cold, indifferent, unpleasant or unresponsive. You have to decide for yourself whether you're prepared for that. I'd love to be friends with my ex down the road because we had such a nice time together however he's sooooo emotional and incapable of letting go of things. I can honestly say the thought of seeing him on the street with his arms around another woman doesn't even make me flinch. I don't know. I guess I'm fortunate because it's so apparent that he's not the right person for me. If you were fighting regularly do you really think she is the girl for you? Um... probably not. Know that if you ever got back together the same issues will surface. TRUST ME! I've been down that road and you end up separating only to have to go through the pain and awful agony of a breakup again.

If you were fighting regularly do you really think she is the girl for you? Um...probably not. Know that if you ever got back together the same issues will surface. TRUST ME! I've been down that road and you end up separating only to have to go through the pain and awful agony of a breakup again.
We were very good together for most of the time. But you are indeed correct a lot of the issues might still happen, but then they may not, I guess we both changed, I got less needy and she got more insecure. She is a very nice person, she is just hurt, as I am, and I don't blame her for anything. I just want a friendship with her because I am moving away love-wise, but I know she remembers the past and its probably not a good idea right now. She has retained the hurt whereas I have let it go, thinking of her as a 6 yo girl. I guess I could get hurt a lot if she is indifferent or curt to me.

Erase her from everything and continue with the NC... relationship still done, live your life elsewhere.

Erase her from everything and continue with the NC... relationship still done, live your life elsewhere.
I already am starting to, but we have a long history of closeness before things rapidly went toxic.

i already am starting to, but we have a long history of closeness before things rapidly went toxic.
Doesn't matter. She has decided to end things, you have to accept that and leave it alone.

We used to talk of going to paris and spending an evening by the eiffel tower (we never got a chance to do that), today she changed her profile pic on messenger to a picture of the eiffel tower. I saw her online but I didn't talk to her, the memory of what happened the last time still hurts my self-esteem.


Doesn't matter. She has decided to end things, you have to accept that and leave it alone.
I did accept that the relationship was over, and I didn't expect friendship either, but I didn't get why she couldn't be civil to me, especially when we both know I didn't hurt her with any malice in mind, it was simply us drifting apaprt and each feeling the other didn't care, which led to arguments.

i did accept that the relationship was over, and i didnt expect friendship either, but i didnt get why she cudnt be civil to me, especially when we both know i didnt hurt her with any malice in mind, it was simply us drifting apaprt and each feeling the other didnt care, which led to arguments.
Who knows, but it is what it is. Don't mess yourself up trying to figure her out. You really need to let go of this.

Who knows, but it is what it is. Don't mess yourself up trying to figure her out. You really need to let go of this.
You are right, I need to stop analysing, and just do full nc. While I am not begging, pleading or any of that, I am constantly analysing what/why, even about the profile pic change, and that is also detrimental to my peace of mind.

Delete the account then the temptation won't be there.

Delete the account then the temptation won't be there.
Although I can't delete my account (because I use it for everyone unlike her), I did block her on it, then after 3 weeks unblocked her, and then proceeded to say 'hi' which caused this turmoil. Something in me feels happy when I see her messenger icon light up.

You are your own worst enemy. Block her and stop torturing yourself.

You are your own worst enemy. Block her and stop torturing yourself.
We said bye so we blocked ourselves right there. I don't want her to think that she is affecting me, so I won't block her, I want her to think I'm happy and moving on, I am keeping happy status messages so she can see them as well. This way she can move on as well, otherwise she will be stuck in time, and I don't want that to happen to either of us.

I think you are lying to yourself.
She left you remember. I don't think she would care or think she is affecting you if you block her. If anything she will think you have moved on, and I don't think you want her to think that. You want her to be reminded of you.
Like I said you are your own worst enemy. You are the one blocking your recovery.

I think you are lying to yourself.
She left you remember. I don't think she would care or think she is affecting you if you block her. If anything she will think you have moved on, and I don't think you want her to think that. You want her to be reminded of you.
Like I said you are your own worst enemy. You are the one blocking your recovery.
U may b right. One of the reasons we broke up was because she thought I was dating other girls, which was not true. Me blocking her will make her think she was right. Won't that cause her to hate me?

Block her dude, its your account and be done with this useless dialog with yourself of what she will think about your actions. Who cares what she thinks except YOU!! She probably thinks you are a PUNK for NOT blocking her from using YOUR account. I do!

You are stuck in your own mind, and that's not good.

u may b right. one of the reasons we broke up was because she thought i was dating other girls, which was not true. me blocking her will make her think she was right. wont that cause her to hate me?
She left you. What difference does it make? Get a life!

She probably thinks you are a PUNK for NOT blocking her from using YOUR account. I do!
You are stuck in your own mind, and thats not good.
Just to be clear, it is HER account, but it has ONLY ME listed as a contact. My account has her and others on it, so I can't delete my account but can block her. Its my LAST connection with her, I deleted my own fb account, deleted her phone number so I do not drunk dial her anytime etc etc. what is punk-ish about letting her see me online? (lost)
I have been on dates with 2/3 girls but no one comes even close to how she smells smiles walks, nothing. How do I get unstuck?


She left you. What difference does it make? Get a life!
Yea you are right. I have a date today. But can't get her off my mind.

Oh, and she is logging in again for entire days last 2 days. Same pattern. I know she uses the account only for me (pls don't ask me how). I haven't said anything to her this time, and never will initiate dialogue. Its like she is mocking me, with the profile pic change and all that staying online business, I don't know. I like it when I c her online so I know she is well. We broke up one time earlier and that time she ended up in hospital.

OK, I'm going to be HARSH!
You are pitiful. If you want to keep torturing yourself, do it, but don't come here asking about when the pain will go away when you don't want to do what it takes to stop it.
Block her from your messenger and stop virtual stalking her like some lovesick puppy, or keep doing it and stay miserable.

Block her from your messenger and stop virtual stalking her like some lovesick puppy, or keep doing it and stay miserable.
I did block her for 3 weeks, it didn't get easier, but I guess I have nothing to lose either way.

Like I said stalk her like a lovesick puppy and stay miserable.

Punkish- Doing dumb stuff that is against common sense that makes you look very foolish.

To be unstuck, you have to cut the past loose, and replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones that allow you to keep your own dignity, and self respect.

I'm sorry but this is getting out of control. I think this thread needs to end. Here is a quote from you, "i already am starting to, but we have a long history of closeness before things rapidly went toxic." You used the word 'toxic' which means unhealthy and BAD. You need to pull yourself up by the boot straps and move on. You keep making excuses for cyber stalking her. You can't resign to blocking her so remove her from your IM contact list. Problem solved. Block her on Facebook so you won't be tempted to check out her profile and she cannot view yours. Remove her as a contact from email and your phones.

We've all been through a breakup and it's OK to feel sad and nostalgic afterward but you're just perpetuating your misery. YOU have the power to choose your actions, reactions and behavior. YOU can choose to enjoy your life by finding satisfaction in the things you do and the people you associate with. It's your choice now. We've all given you more than ample advice to help you feel better. You keep responding by saying you think she's mocking you or this, that and the other. Here's a reality check and I apologize if this is harsh but... she's not mocking you. She probably couldn't give a $hit how you interpret her online status or profile pic. She's living her life. You're reading into things and it's all in your head.

I'm sorry but this is getting out of control. I think this thread needs to end. Here is a quote from you, "i already am starting to, but we have a long history of closeness before things rapidly went toxic." You used the word 'toxic' which means unhealthy and BAD. You need to pull yourself up by the boot straps and move on. You keep making excuses for cyber stalking her. You can't resign to blocking her so remove her from your IM contact list. Problem solved. Block her on facebook so you won't be tempted to check out her profile and she cannot view yours. Remove her as a contact from email and your phones.

We've all been through a breakup and it's ok to feel sad and nostalgic afterward but you're just perpetuating your misery. YOU have the power to choose your actions, reactions and behavior. YOU can choose to enjoy your life by finding satisfaction in the things you do and the people you associate with. It's your choice now. We've all given you more than ample advice to help you feel better. You keep responding by saying you think she's mocking you or this, that and the other. Here's a reality check and I apologize if this is harsh but...she's not mocking you. She probably couldn't give a $hit how you interpret her online status or profile pic. She's living her life. You're reading into things and it's all in your head.
Maybe I am not being clear.
1. FB - deleted my FB account 3 weeks back. Didn't want to give/see updates.
2. Phone - Deleted phone entry 3 weeks back (altho number is memorised)
3. Messenger - She is using a account that has only me on it, no one else but me will see her profile pic changes or status updates etc, which is why I think she gives SOME sort of , whether its to get me to talk to her so she can reject me or to reach out, or to mock me is what I was wondering, although that in no way will decide what I do. I use my account for all my friends.

I have not been in misery of any kind since that day I broke NC to say 'hi', didn't beg plead or anything with her at any stage, yes feel hurt and pain every now and then, but then like you say that's natural. I have been feeling anger towards her for the first time, all the injustices have been coming to mind, I have been writing them down in a journal. She wasn't perfect in any sense, but she was my imperfect angel.

I am not cyber stalking anyone, I am using my own account which has all my friends on it. Meanwhile she is using a account that has only ME on it (I know that).

I hear what you are saying, I DO need to stop thinking why she is doing what she is doing, because it serves no purpose, and I will get soon to that stage maybe a week or so. She has been online all day on her account for couple of days again now and now I am not initiating any conversation with her. I did NC for 3 weeks and I am again NC for a week now, and will not break NC from my side. Hope that gives some clarity and insight into my thoughts and actions. Please tell me if I am thinking straight.

Punkish- Doing dumb stuff that is against common sense that makes you look very foolish.

To be unstuck, you have to cut the past loose, and replace unhealthy habits with healthy ones that allow you to keep your own dignity, and self respect.

I have deleted FB, phone number, the last thread is the messenger connection. I had blocked her for 3 weeks then unblocked her, I guess the last connection was the toughest for me to break, i.e. remove her or block her from my list, which I did just now. It feels strangely vacant, I don't feel sad or angry, just feel numb, which I didn't feel until now. Is that normal?

As long as you realize she WAS your imperfect angel, you are thinking clearly. What you have failed to do it seems is to block yourself from being able to see when she is on line, and wondering why! That's what really serves no purpose.

Your challenge now, since you have addressed that on line issue, is to adjust to the changes you have made, and in time those very normal feelings of being numb will be replaced by other things in your life that require your time, and attention.

The answer is yes, your feelings are normal, and typical of one who has finally taken a step in the right direction, and leaving the past behind.

As long as you realize she WAS your imperfect angel, you are thinking clearly. What you have failed to do it seems is to block yourself from being able to see when she is on line, and wondering why! Thats what really serves no purpose.

Your challenge now, since you have addressed that on line issue, is to adjust to the changes you have made, and in time those very normal feelings of being numb will be replaced by other things in your life that require your time, and attention.
Thanks, talaniman. I guess like you said I should let go of WHY and just focus on WHAT and end this misery. I was earlier wondering why she does what she does, but figuring out her mind is NO longer my job. She turned me into this ball of mush and I hate myself for allowing it to happen.

On a positive note let me leave you with some actions I took to feel better about myself and move on when I was forced to let go of someone I loved:
1. Remove clutter from your life. Organize your household. Do a deep cleaning and throw out unnecessary items you've collected along the way. Clean out your drawers. Organize your closet. Your environment is critical to your peace of mind. A clean, clutter free environment is a happy environment.
2. Eliminate unnecessary stressors. Unfortunately for me this meant ending a friendship that continuously caused me undue stress and brought me down. The people and activities in your life should bring you joy and enlighten you. Retain the people, things and activities that are good for you mind and spirit. Give it some thought.
3. Take on some healthy habits and eliminate bad ones. I quit smoking, cut back on drinking, started taking vitamins and made a conscious effort to eat more fruits and vegetables. You may want to start working out if you don't already. By introducing healthy habits you'll not only feel better but you'll look better too. Hey, you're single now and people are very drawn to those that care for themselves.
4. Fill the time and space that person once occupied with other things. Reach out to friends and family you lost touch with. Join an organization or take on a new project. I joined a few meetup groups, started making regular plans with friends and acquaintances. I picked up a hobby I used to love (cooking) and started experimenting with different recipes.
5. Escape in work if you can. There's nothing better than praise and a sense of accomplishment.
6 Take a vacation away from your current residence. I don't know. For me I find that when I get away I'm able to leave all my problems and worries at home. That's not to say they won't be there when you return however it's so freeing to get out of your head for awhile.

I hope this helps and you'll give some of these practices a fair shot.

On a positive note let me leave you with some actions I took to feel better about myself and move on when I was forced to let go of someone I loved:
1. Remove clutter from your life. Organize your household. Do a deep cleaning and throw out unnecessary items you've collected along the way. Clean out your drawers. Organize your closet. Your environment is critical to your peace of mind. A clean, clutter free environment is a happy environment.
2. Eliminate unnecessary stressors. Unfortunately for me this meant ending a friendship that continuously caused me undue stress and brought me down. The people and activities in your life should bring you joy and enlighten you. Retain the people, things and activities that are good for you mind and spirit. Give it some thought.
3. Take on some healthy habits and eliminate bad ones. I quit smoking, cut back on drinking, started taking vitamins and made a conscious effort to eat more fruits and vegetables. You may want to start working out if you don't already. By introducing healthy habits you'll not only feel better but you'll look better too. Hey, you're single now and people are very drawn to those that care for themselves.
4. Fill the time and space that person once occupied with other things. Reach out to friends and family you lost touch with. Join an organization or take on a new project. I joined a few meetup groups, started making regular plans with friends and acquaintances. I picked up a hobby I used to love (cooking) and started experimenting with different recipes.
5. Escape in work if you can. There's nothing better than praise and a sense of accomplishment.
6 Take a vacation away from your current residence. I don't know. For me I find that when I get away I'm able to leave all my problems and worries at home. That's not to say they won't be there when you return however it's so freeing to get out of your head for awhile.

I hope this helps and you'll give some of these practices a fair shot.

Hi, thanks for all these tips, here2assist. Right now I am able to concentrate only on my hobbies, and am able to hang out with friends and not think of her at all. I have reduced alcohol intake as I realised it made me very emotional then. While I am working I am able to not remember everything that's happened. Its when I have nothing to do that's when I read forum after forum after forum like this one and drive myself insane. I am unable to see any other girl the same way I do her and maybe that will come with time or it won't, time will tell. I used to gym until few months back I am going to enroll next week, filled out the forms but haven't had time to go there again. I am so afraid to go on vacations rightnow because I will miss her even more. I will begin to wish I would be able to do those things with her instead. Maybe its one of those things that will take time. I went to stay over at a friends home for the last weekend and that helped me a lot. I removed everything from sight that reminded me of her. There is a lot to keep me busy but the moment I'm alone with my thoughts the thoughts always go to her. Its this that needs to go away, the whys and the endless questions with no answers.

As long as you realize she WAS your imperfect angel, you are thinking clearly. What you have failed to do it seems is to block yourself from being able to see when she is on line, and wondering why! Thats what really serves no purpose.

Your challenge now, since you have addressed that on line issue, is to adjust to the changes you have made, and in time those very normal feelings of being numb will be replaced by other things in your life that require your time, and attention.

The answer is yes, your feelings are normal, and typical of one who has finally taken a step in the right direction, and leaving the past behind.
Its difficult to control thoughts, I have full control on my actions. I guess I accepted she let me go, and I will stay gone, but I guess too many useless questions plaguing my mind, am hoping will eventually go away. Thanks tal for the tough talk, I needed that I guess, I am NO punk! : )

I think I feel sanity being restored.. hope it lasts.

But an hour later.................................../T

Saw her walking down the street, I just smiled at her, walked on, but she still ignored me, and now the pain has come back. Why is it so difficult for her to be civil, its not like I did anything bad to her?

These are the lessons of life, good times/feelings never last forever, and if you don't dwell on her behavior/actions, neither will the pain.

These are the lessons of life, good times/feelings never last forever, and if you don't dwell on her behavior/actions, neither will the pain.
Thanks for putting this in perspective, tal. People smile even at strangers, and I thought (yet again) that I would be civil. The opposite of love isn't hate, its indifference I have read, and I am getting there now. Its sad that someone you used to talk to every single day for years can suddenly decide that you are not worth a smile, and that too when I did nothing that wrong to deserve this behaviour. I hope she realises what she is doing/has done.

Another life lesson, don't ever assume that others have the same sense of decency, or fair play, or even the same ideas of good manners as you do. People change, and life can change people.

Some change for the better, some don't.

Another life lesson, don't ever assume that others have the same sense of decency, or fair play, or even the same ideas of good manners as you do.
What should I do if I bump into her another time? Smile at her again? Frown and look away? Look 'through' her like she is invisible? I would rather not imitate her, that would seem petty. Any advice?

Smile, and keep going. Its no skin off your butt what she does is it? Shouldn't be. You are seeing a side of her you never knew, NOW YOU KNOW!!

Smile, and keep going. Its no skin off your butt what she does is it? Shouldn't be. You are seeing a side of her you never knew, NOW YOU KNOW!!!
Why don't I feel anger to her for insulting me this way? Is it because I have become accepting of bad behaviour or that I am simply being the bigger person?