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View Full Version : How do I know if my boyfriend is using me for sex and his needs?


Noushy
Jul 9, 2012, 04:07 PM
I don't know how to begin with,I ve known him for 8 years,we ve been together before but we were so young and now I don't know how to call it ,I think an open relationship.. Everytime we make out or have sex ,he leaves afterwards without even cuddle for a while ,it bugs me so much ,I even talked to him about it in a really sweet way and he answered by some lame excuses.. the problem is we slept together after we had this conversation and after it he left me and went to sleep and we have sex in the morning ,he left me in the room and told me to dress up because we are leaving... I don't know what else to do.. the problem I ve been trying to broke up with him in a long time and still he refuses to accept the idea, I told him in his face that I don't want to know him anymore and his answer would be (what the hell are you talking about it ?or (is that easy for you to say ).. when he calls ,I ignore him,when he text ,I ignore him.. I don't know what else to do he doesn't give up.. the thing is we went to this party last night and we were on extacy ,I got so sick I puked ,he went crrrrrrrrrrrazy over me ,I took me to the bathroom and didn't let me go although he was on extacy but still he was there for me every minute ,he is soooo jealous even from his friends when it comes to me laughing or talking to one of them.. I don't know what to do.. Please Help!

Fr_Chuck
Jul 9, 2012, 04:14 PM
Stop having sex with him and see if he leaves you,

Noushy
Jul 9, 2012, 04:19 PM
I did that before... he didn't touch me and still he continued knowing me and calling me like nothing happened

Homegirl 50
Jul 9, 2012, 07:03 PM
i did that before...he didn't touch me and still he continued knowing me and calling me like nothing happened
Then stop answering his calls, stop going places with him and for goodness sakes stop taking drugs with him. You ignore him for as long as it takes. He'll get the message.

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 10:45 AM
Then stop answering his calls, stop going places with him and for goodness sakes stop taking drugs with him. You ignore him for as long as it takes. He'll get the message.

I think you didn't get the message... I ve been ignoriung him for over a year and still he doesn't give up.. I ve tried everything.. he calls from unknown numbers, he text me, he what's app me.. he DOES everything... :(

Homegirl 50
Jul 10, 2012, 11:01 AM
So what! You don't have to go out with him, you don't have to do drugs with him.
How old are you and how old is he? If it bothers you that much, if you are serious about getting rid of this guy, bring stalking charges up on him. Because it sounds like that is what he's doing.
This guy does not care about you other than someone to have occasional sex with. You are worth more than that.

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 11:30 AM
So what! You don't have to go out with him, you don't have to do drugs with him.
How old are you and how old is he? If it bothers you that much, if you are serious about getting rid of this guy, bring stalking charges up on him. Because it sounds like that is what he's doing.
This guy does not care about you other than someone to have occasional sex with. You are worth more than that.

.I am 22 and his 23.. I ve known him since I was 14...

Homegirl 50
Jul 10, 2012, 11:52 AM
Sounds like you two had a dysfunctional arrangement from the beginning and he wants to keep the open relationship going.
You tell him you want nothing more to do with him and don't contact you again and if he continues you'll have him brought up on stalking charges and mean it.
Document every time and how he contacts you and don't respond.

Wondergirl
Jul 10, 2012, 11:55 AM
"i ve been trying to broke up with him in a long time and still he refuses to accept the idea"

It's not his call. It's yours. If you want to break up with him, then do so, but don't keep giving in and going back and forth on it. You don't care if he accepts it or not. Ignore him and move on.

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 11:56 AM
[QUOTE=Homegirl 50;3189438] That's the problem.. I am egyptian , we don't ve stalking charges here unless it's a bg deal because its bad for the reputation.. My dad can't know anything about it unless it will be DEAD SERIOUS.. ALthough before ,there was this really ed up situation that my parents knew about and it was DISASTER and they called him and told him never to contact me again.. he kept an calling from unknown numbers and made some girls made the phone call first just to be sure that its not one of my parents who's on the phone.. he went to lebanon for 2 months and once he arrived he called me... I don't know what to do...

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 11:58 AM
HE STALKS ME... HE knows where I live..

Wondergirl
Jul 10, 2012, 12:00 PM
Have a secret word with your girlfriends that has to be used before you will talk to them. Or communicate only by email and IMs--no phone--until this guy gives up.

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 12:02 PM
Is it normal for him to have sex with me and then leaves me afterwards? I talked to him about it.. He still does it... It makes me feel like a prostitute

Homegirl 50
Jul 10, 2012, 12:03 PM
Then you need to tell your dad again. If your are serious about leaving this jerk alone, you will let your dad know this guy is still bothering you... Or you will ignore him for as long as it takes. He keeps coming back because you keep responding to him

Wondergirl
Jul 10, 2012, 12:04 PM
WHAT?? You are having sex with him?? I thought you are trying to get him out of your life!!

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 12:05 PM
I can't tell my dad... That's the last resort.. Please Guys find another way.. :(

Homegirl 50
Jul 10, 2012, 12:06 PM
is it normal for him to have sex with me and then leaves me afterwards ??i talked to him about it .. He still does it ...It makes me feel like a prostitute

The guy is a jerk and he treats you like his personal whore. Stop giving in to him.

Homegirl 50
Jul 10, 2012, 12:08 PM
You stop doing drugs with him, stop having sex with him. Stop responding when he calls you. Stop answering his calls and going out with him. This is in your power... Or you tell your dad .

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 12:09 PM
You guys,, Please understand,. I was with him 2 days ago,we were on a voyage ,and there we had extacy and we were together and he was drunk.. that's when he hit me cause he was drunk , and there was this ugly fight happened... and now when I returned , I took the decision that I don't want to know him anymore...

Wondergirl
Jul 10, 2012, 12:09 PM
Say no to this guy. You certainly aren't having sex with him in public places, so refuse to go anywhere with him.

Are you worried you won't find anyone else if you lose this guy's attention?

If you don't want to be with him, why are you on a "voyage" with him and taking Ecstasy with him?

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 12:14 PM
I can't find an answer for that... its like (LOVE U THE WAY YOU LIE )RELAIONSHIP

tickle
Jul 10, 2012, 12:14 PM
You guys,.,,,, Please understand ,... i was with him 2 days ago,we were on a voyage ,and there we had extacy and we were together and he was drunk.. thats when he hit me cause he was drunk , and there was this ugly fight happened ...and now when i returned , i took the decision that i dont wanna know him anymore...
You have had some pretty good input, but you seem to be going back to square one with your litany. You are weak, now you tell us he is abusing you in more ways then one. You have made your bed now lie in it, or go far away enough to lose him entirely. You are quite as disgusting as he is.

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 12:15 PM
Disgusting? ME?HOW??

Homegirl 50
Jul 10, 2012, 12:17 PM
You guys,.,,,, Please understand ,... i was with him 2 days ago,we were on a voyage ,and there we had extacy and we were together and he was drunk.. thats when he hit me cause he was drunk , and there was this ugly fight happened ...and now when i returned , i took the decision that i dint wanna know him anymore...
Then you stop answering call, you stop answering text. You stop going places with him. Leave him alone. It is in your power. Say NO!

Homegirl 50
Jul 10, 2012, 12:20 PM
You made it seem like he has been stalking you for a long time. This dysfunctional relationship has been going on for awhile, but you have allowed it. You went away with him a couple of days ago.
Stop this mess or continue to let him use you.

tickle
Jul 10, 2012, 12:24 PM
disgusting??ME?HOW???????

Think about it for a bit. If you can't quit him, then you both deserve each other. I guess that makes the both of you disgusting, him more so because he thinks he can get away with sexual and physical an use. It is a never ending cycle now.

You say the two of you went away and had 'extacy' ' what the heck, then he beat you up. How did that make you feel? Empowered to take more abuse?

You came here asking how to deal with quitting him and continued to put up roadblocks after every good suggestion'

So what do you want us to say ?

Wondergirl
Jul 10, 2012, 12:27 PM
i can't find an answer for that.... its like (LOVE U THE WAY YOU LIE )RELAIONSHIP
So the upshot is that you love him and can't let him go?

Noushy
Jul 10, 2012, 09:09 PM
Look,I ve done everything.. I stopped knowing him for 2 years , he calls me I ignore him.. he calls from random numbers so of course I will answer ,I won't doubt that it will be him.. when he conitnued talking to me from random numbers,every time I answer a random number ,I don't say hi or hello,I just be quiet till the other one on the line talks first.. that happened a lot , till one day I answered a random number , once I answered,he was like( STOP this sickness right now )answer me.. I didn't ,he called again and I didn't answer.. he was parking under my house few days ago, every time I go out of the house he will be like where are you ?who are you with ?answer me .stop this stupidity and answer me... I talked to him face to face and told him with all my heart crying out loud( Don't Want to KNOW U ANYMORE,UR NOT MY HUSBAND OR ANYBODY THAT MATTERS,I Don't Want to KNOW U OR SEE UR FACE ANYMORE) that happened in front of his friend and he still kept on saying (THAT wll be easy for u not to know anymore right?it's that simple , u won't feel anything right,but that's not going to happen)... I texted him today a lovely message wiz an end that says its better not to know each other anymore,he called mom told her to tell to answer my phone and called my brother.. till he got me and talked about it.. that I have to change because he can't trust me anymore bla bla bla... so I swear I VE TRIED EVERY LITTLE THING)...

Wondergirl
Jul 10, 2012, 10:49 PM
This sounds like such a lovely game for him.

Don't answer your phone any longer. I'm serious.

He's holding your family hostage too?

Homegirl 50
Jul 11, 2012, 08:48 AM
You need to tell your dad what is going on. This is affecting your whole family. I know you said telling him is the last resort. I think it's time for the last resort.

tickle
Jul 11, 2012, 09:39 AM
You need to tell your dad what is going on. This is affecting your whole family. I know you said telling him is the last resort. I think it's time for the last resort.

What is the last resort, Homegirl? According to OP she has done everything to stop seeing him. I imagine the last resort would be moving far away, but quite frankly I don't think she would do that. The drama, the excitement, the exctasy...

Homegirl 50
Jul 11, 2012, 09:48 AM
She said she did not want to tell her dad, that would be the last resort. This guy has had a problem with her dad before.
I thin she does not want her dad to know she has had sex with him and was using drugs.
Tis guy is a control freak

tickle
Jul 11, 2012, 11:41 AM
She said she did not want to tell her dad, that would be the last resort. This guy has had a problem with her dad before.
I thin she does not want her dad to know she has had sex with him and was using drugs.
Tis guy is a control freakHe is more than a control freak, he an abuser and knows she can't enough of him

Homegirl 50
Jul 11, 2012, 11:43 AM
Yes, no doubt an abuser. The situation is a sad one. He has been in her life a long time, probably family friends.

Bob1314
Jul 11, 2012, 11:55 AM
I think he's a stalker and more then that I think that he's scared if you leave him he can't get another girl to gve him what he wants... I think your strong and if you stop giving him what he wants he will give up in the end... stop seeing him don't go to he's house if that's where you go to have sex. Just stop the kissing and cuddling and see where it leads to

Noushy
Jul 11, 2012, 03:13 PM
I really appreciate all the help you guys are giving me.. Its really touching... But I ll do what you guys said and I ll keep you followed with the updates.although I text him a long message telling him its better for us not to know each other anymore with a civilized way ,then to cut it off with a whole lot of and that I don't hate him but he is hurting me in every way and that I can't take it any longer... He called me lke several times and I didn't answer,he called mom and my brother asking about me and to answer him till he CAUGHT ME and start talking to me and to solve things out and that he will change.. blah blah blah and ve had it ,so should I just disappear or do what exactly ?

Wondergirl
Jul 11, 2012, 03:28 PM
Stop texting him and stop talking to him on the phone and in person. Hang up if it's him at the other end. Can you block him?

Sue Beal
Jul 11, 2012, 03:41 PM
I dont know how to begin with,i ve known him for 8 years,we ve been together before but we were so young and now i dont know how to call it ,i think an open relationship..Everytime we make out or have sex ,he leaves afterwards without even cuddle for a while ,it bugs me soo much ,i even talked to him about it in a really sweet way and he answered by some lame excuses ..the problem is we slept together after we had dis conversation and after it he left me and went to sleep and we have sex in the morning ,he left me in the room and told me to dress up coz we r leaving ...I dont know what else to do ..the problem i ve been trying to broke up with him in a long time and still he refuses to accept the idea ,,i told him in his face that i dont wanna know him anymore and his answer would be (what the hell are u talking about it ?or (is that easy for u to say ) .. when he calls ,i ignore him,when he text ,i ignore him ..i dont know what else to do he doesnt give up ..the thing is we went to this party last night and we were on extacy ,i got so sick i puked ,he went crrrrrrrrrrrazy over me ,i took me to the bathroom and didnt let me go although he was on extacy but still he was there for me every minute ,he is soooo jealous even from his friends when it comes to me laughing or talking to one of them ..I dont know what to do..Please Help!
DUMP HIM, he sounds like a right idiot. You are worth a hundred and him and your deserve better. The drugs alone are wrong. You should have a cuddle after sex. Sounds like hese just taking what he can get. Sorry to be so hard but that's what it seems to me.

Think more of yourself and imagine if your daughter was with someone like that, what would you say to her?

Sue