Ive been dating my boyfriend for almost two years, we are both 19 and he has never had an orgasm in his life. He used to masturbate when he was going through puberty but dropped the habit as he got older. Hes not a chronic masturbator and he deffinately doesn't have an erectile disfunction, what is causing my boyfriend to not be able to orgasm/ejaculate? He's tried getting there on his own and nothing. I don't feel like it's a problem but I'm starting to think it could probably be a serious health issue. If we were to ever along the line plan to have kids, I don't want to know it's too late for us. He has mentioned that his brother has had one of his testicles removed due to testicular cancer... Maybe that might have a part in this. He has also mentioned that when he was younger there was some sexual abuse. I've never asked him what happened exactly but I respect his choice of not telling me. He is studying to become a doctor and he's a very intelligent guy, so he must know a lot more than I do on the topic but for whatever reason he doesn't like to talk about it... I just want to know if there's anything I should be worried about. Thank you guys for your time.

It's time for him to see a urologist about this -- or maybe he has and isn't telling you about it. He needs to deal with the emotional fallout from the abuse too. I would think that doing that would make him a much better doctor in all sorts of ways.

What is this all about? "He used to masturbate when he was going through puberty but dropped the habit as he got older. Hes not a chronic masturbator."

He's not much of a liar, if he had something that wasn't very pleasing for my to hear he'd tell me but in a manner that kind of softens the blow. He's been wanting to ejaculate while we have intercourse for a while now so if anything he'd be ecstatic to let me know he has ejaculated during masturbation... Which he doesn't normally do on his own. He finds masturbation to be healthy but finds pornography offensive so he doesn't really madturbate only if we're having intercourse. That's also only when I ask him to. I feel I should have been clearer. He doesn't really like madturbating so he just doesn't do it. He would masturbate when he was younger but he told me he stopped. That's just the way he is, he can change his mind about something in an instant and just never do it again. For example, he was a vegetarian for about two years and just recently he started eating meat again just because. Sorry I feel I'm getting off track but I feel like mentioning these things are important to why he is the way he is...

His lack of interest in masturbating concerns me. I wonder if he has ever had his testosterone level checked.

As far as I know, he hasn't. I too found that strange... At his age it's usually the opposite. I also feel bad because I have multiple orgasms but he's never had a chance to have one, I'm usually the one who finds more interest in sex. I don't know what it is though because he loves having intercourse with me so it can't be his sex drive, and he has no problem (morally) with masturbation he just doesn't do it. I'll definitely talk to him about seeing a urologist.

Sometimes abuse creates a fantasy world very much like the abuse, whether the person wants it or not.
Did he specifically say he didn't want to talk about it? Maybe tell him that you are always willing to just listen, and won't quiz, just let him talk. (Perhaps you have said that.. )

Yes I've tried that a few times. Quite a few amount of people have told me about their experiences with sexual abuse and I have always been very careful about the subject. The moment he actually said he didn't want to talk about it instead of changing the subject, I stopped and never talked about it again. He had told me about it before we had started to have sex when we first started dating and I would be very carful and always ask if it was okay ifi did a certain thing. At first he was a bit shy but after two years we deffinatley have come out of our shells and we are both willing to try just about anything. Some people say maybe he needs to relax but I assure you that is not the problem. If it's a mental thing I want us to see a professional about it themoment he is ready to talk about things. We need to overcome whatever it is so I can show him my gratitude for all he's done for me.

I had a friend who quit smoking for a while and was able stop that one day just by lighting up. I am being a bit facetious but just not very impressed that someone can change from being a vegetarian to meat eater in no time flat. There is a ton of info available about this malady on the internet if you search. How much extensive medical education has he achieved so far at age 19?
Maybe he has a medical situation, an emotional influence, or maybe you aren't really arousing him. He only masturbates when you are watching him? Shouldn't you be more involved?
Sorry, but this sounds a lot like Jerry Seinfeld's girlfriend who contracted gonorrhea from a tractor seat to me.
If you were asking about the chances of getting pregnant here, others would be telling you about how easily that can happen when sperm starts getting released--maybe that is his real concern.

It sounds like he really appreciates you, and that it might just be a matter of waiting. He should see someone alone though, if he ever goes. If it does relate to his past, the therapy is for him, not for you as a couple. That might come later.
He may be wary of going because of the career path he's on, even though he shouldn't be.

The whole masturbation thing is hard for me to explain... He doesn't masturbate, only when we're having sex do I sometimes ask him to touch himself because I find it arousing. That's basically it. And he's still going to college, he just finished his first year. He knows a lot about mental health as well so I'm sure he knows what's going on with himself, he just tends to be a bit proud at times and that may be what's stopping him from seeing someone. I doubt he's afraid of impregnating me, we always use a condom and if anything he'd be a bit more fond of the idea than I would. If the problem is me not arousing him then I wouldn't know what to do... I'm not an unattractive girl and even if I was, I'm a D cup and I've lasted 6 hours with him having intercourse. If that didn't get me anywhere I get the feeling this is either a psychological or medical problem, maybe a bit if both?

I'm not reading that he's not aroused - I am reading that he can't ejaculate.

Once again - this is a two year relationship. Ask him. Sit him down and calmly and reasonably ask him.

I don't know what "I'm not an unattractive girl and even if I was, I'm a D cup ..." has to do with the situation. Does a cup size make up for ugly?

Hello S:

If he doesn't ejaculate, irrespective of whether it's because he won't or can't, IS a medical problem in any case. He needs to see a doctor.

excon

SIX HOURS?

Now it's starting to sound like you have some need to defend your attractiveness and aren't certain that this isn't about you. Time for that REAL talk, as JudyKayTee just said.

Can he have an orgasm, but doesn't ejaculate? There is something called retrograde ejaculation --

Retrograde ejaculation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Retrograde_ejaculation)

Well he finds big breast arousing, so I figured its not me. So far what I'm getting here is that it's a medical problem so I'll sit down and talk to him about it, I worry for his health. Other than this he's as healthy as a whistle. Thank you all for your advice.

If I'm coming off as cocky to a few of you that's because I want to make it clear that I don't blame myself for this. A few other girls on here have the same problem with their boyfriends and it's easy to blame oneself for this. I feel like this issue is more complex than just not being arousing enough. If that were true the problem would be not being able to get an erection.

If I'm coming off as cocky to a few of you that's because I want to make it clear that I don't blame myself for this. A few other girls on here have the same problem with their boyfriends and it's easy to blame oneself for this. I feel like this issue is more complex than just not being arousing enough. If that were true the problem would be not being able to get an erection.

I said that in #11 above - he is aroused; he isn't ejaculating.

Please post again to keep us informed as to how this plays out. He has such a great future ahead of him, so I hate to think he is shorting himself somehow.

Hello again, S:

Let's be clear.. It's NOT about you. It's NOT about being aroused. It's NOT about copulating. It's ABOUT ejaculating.

If he DOESN'T, that's NOT normal. I wouldn't TALK to him about it. I'd schedule an appointment with a urologist, and TAKE him.

excon

As much as I appreciate your concern, I'd rather not force him to go see a urologist. I have no say in what he wants to do with his body. He is mature enough to be able to say yes I want to go or no I don't want to go. Chances are after I show him how concerned I am he will agree to go.

As much as I appreciate your concern, I'd rather not force him to go see a urologist. I have no say in what he wants to do with his body. He is mature enough to be able to say yes I want to go or no I don't want to go. Chances are after I show him how concerned I am he will agree to go.


I assume you posted because you want honest answers.

I don't think his is mature enough to know what he wants to do with his body. His problem, whatever it is, is outside to norm - you are concerned. He doesn't seem to be. He appears to be happy living the way he is.

All else aside, his brother had cancer. That alone would scare a responsible person into the Doctor's office.

So you feel it's best I do what excon suggested?

I don't know that I'd make the appointment BUT I would talk to him, tell him about my concern, strongly recommend a medical checkup.

If he prefers to live "this way," then you have to rethink your options.

Is he already in medical school at age 19? Where did he get all the mental health knowledge? Have there ever been nocturnal emissions? Any oral?
If he recognizes that he has a problem (I'm still not convinced that he does but I am not a physician) and refuses to go to a Dr. about it, concerning a subject so critical, and if you are not satisfied with that outlook--move on.

Yeah that's what I was saying JudyKayTee :)
Smearcase he hasn't gone to medical school yet but it is his career choice. He has taken a few medical classes and he reads and does research on his own. Biology has fascinated him as a child and he spends a lot of his spare time reading text books, that's something I love about him. His Intelligence is what drew me to him when we first met. No he doesn't have nocturnal emission, I would know because he recently got his own place and I sleep over just about every night, before that I wouldn't know. The has been oral just about every time we have intercourse but it's gotten to the point where my gag reflex doesn't react anymore and he's hurt my throat on a few occasions so I stopped for a while. I don't know if he can ejaculate with oral since I can't last very long. If I find out he physically CAN'T ejaculate I'll stay with him regardless. I'm just hoping there's something I can do. So far I'm going to do what JudyKayTee suggested and I'll keep you all updated afterwards.

You have no idea how I respect you for listening to all of the opinions and expressing yourself so clearly - usually people ask, we answer, the person who asked gets hostile beyond hostile... and we're off and running.

He sounds like an intelligent interesting guy with a lot to offer.

I wonder if he climaxes but doesn't ejaculate - ? I've had female friends who are of the "is that all there is?" kind - expecting fireworks and the top of their heads to blow off when they orgasm - and I wonder if that could be a situation with a man?

I also found this (which Wondergirl referenced): "Delayed ejaculation (or retarded ejaculation) affects a much smaller number of men - as few as 3%, according to some estimates. It's one of the most poorly understood ejaculation problems. Some men cannot reach orgasm at all, at least not with a partner. Retrograde ejaculation is the least common of the ejaculation problems. It causes semen to back into the bladder during orgasm instead of exiting by way of the penis. The semen is then later flushed out when you urinate.

Retrograde ejaculation can be caused by diabetes, nerve damage, various medications, and surgery that disturbs the sphincter muscle. It's harmless and won't interfere with the feeling of orgasm. (It can also make for an easy post-sex clean-up.) But since it does affect fertility, some men may need treatment if their partners are trying to get pregnant.

What Causes Delayed Ejaculation?

There are lots of different reasons for delayed ejaculation. Some medicines -- like antidepressants -- are common culprits. For many men, it's age." Overcoming Ejaculation Problems: Delayed, Premature, and Retrograde Ejaculation (http://men.webmd.com/guide/overcoming-ejaculation-problems)

Well, "we" know it's not age - is he on any medication?

I've heard of this following a vasectomy but never without the surgery at that age.

Now you've got ME researching! (Come on over, we'll share a computer, I'll make lemonade and cookies and we'll research together.)

He's told me of retrograde ejaculation before actually. We were in bed and I pressed a certain spot and he told me to stop because that can cause semen to go into his bladder if there ever was any semen to come out. He also told me it delays ejaculation and that was a big facepalm for me. I'm very glad I can finally talk to someone about it though. It's a sensitive topic and if I were to talk about it with people I know he wouldn't like me telling them certain things. They wouldn't give me much feedback anyway. My goal is to give him at least one orgasm by the end of this year. Strange, I know but its something I want him to experience.

Mmmm cookies...

Which brings to mind his prostate... Has he ever had problems with it being infected or enlarged that you know of?

Hello again, S:

Orgasms ARE nice.

excon

Wondergirl I've never asked, why do you ask?

If he has any problem with the prostate, this can affect the urinary or reproductive system or both.

He doesn't orgasm or ejaculate, but you touched an area that he thought might make him ejaculate into his bladder, but he has never had an orgasm- that's the original title for this question.
Does he have a medical term that describes that part of the male anatomy?
Is he afraid to ejaculate-is it just that simple?

He said it was the perineum. If he has had an orgasm it's not very apparent. I doubt he's afraid to ejaculate, he just simply can't.

Well, at least here is some good news possibly-from Mayo Clinic:
"Infertility
If you have retrograde ejaculation, you'll likely need treatment to get your partner pregnant. In order to get your partner pregnant, you need to ejaculate enough semen to carry your sperm into your partner's vagina and into her uterus.
If medication doesn't allow you to ejaculate semen, you will likely need infertility procedures known as assisted reproductive technology (ART) to get your partner pregnant. With ART, sperm can be recovered from the bladder, processed in the laboratory and used to inseminate your partner (intrauterine insemination). Occasionally, more advanced assisted reproductive techniques may be needed. Many men with retrograde ejaculation are able to get their partners pregnant once they seek treatment"
But most sites indicate that those with this condition do have orgasm and I think you say he does not, so it is still possible that he does not have retrograde.
I would be looking for a urology clinic at a good teaching hospital. There can't be much they haven't seen. He needs to develop some trust in the medical profession if he hopes to be part of it one day.
Best wishes to you both.

Thank you so much for the information you've given me. If he had retrograde ejaculation at least I'd know he's able to orgasm. If not I really hope there's a way to fix it. You guys have really given me the guts to seek for an answer and talk to him about going to a urologist.

He's only 19, and this might be an easy fix now, whereas if he waits, he might need surgery or this might cause additional problems. If he is headed for a career in medicine, the old saying "Physician, heal thyself" is especially important if he wants to be a good doctor someday. And the childhood abuse is (or may not be?? ) a separate issue, so walk carefully around his emotions. His inability to ejaculate and orgasm may be an unconscious thing from the abuse, that he won't allow himself to feel pleasure ever again. (The human mind is a wonderful thing, but oh how it can work against our best interests!)

Well I said I was going to keep you guys updated and here I am. We talked about it but he didn't make much of it and somewhere along the line we grew out of each other and broke up. I broke up with him because he would drink a lot and he started experimenting with drugs and avoiding me. This was not what I had expected of him and I just couldn't take being treated the way he treated me. I know it's. It the kind of update people want to hear but life likes to throw obstacles at people when they least expect it. I have now met a really nice guy who is nothing but a good friend and we can talk for hours and he just made the break up a whole lot more bare able :) I have also started talking to new people and stopped hanging out with my ex's friends who are a bad influence and I can honestly say I'm happy for starting new. Thank you all for your advice I'm sure the next girl is going to need it, not me ;)

I have now met a really nice guy who is nothing but a good friend and we can talk for hoursHello Steph:

Glad to hear it... Uhhhhh, did you ask this guy if his gun was loaded?

excon