:( OK guys ima give it to you straight, I'm a brotha that has a Caucasian girl friend, well had. We've been together for 4 years, I'm a Saggitarrius, and she's a Pises.
I love this girl so much! I made the mistake of trying to keep her in check by saying I want to break up, When I don't mean it at all! I never wanted to break up with her, I love her! I know, terrible thing to do, but you have to understand, she has hurt me so many times and I kept looking back at the past.But for once in my life, I'm done looking back! I want to move on with her in my life! I finally understand! I just wanted to make her see that if she lost me, what would happen. And for a while, it worked. She kept coming back.And I took her back! But then one day, everything changed. She actually wanted to break up with me. For good this time. Then everything clicked in my head. Why did I do this to her, the one I loved with a passion so deep. I must be stupid, so I pleaded with her to stay with me, but she won't. She keeps saying "I need time to think" and I keep telling her lets work through it! But she won't listen. She dwells on the past just like I did! And I told her! I said"J look, dwelling on the past has destroyed this relationship. Look at my mistakes, look at what has happened because of me looking back! Dont make the same mistake i did. Please, just let it go and lets just start ova!" But she won't. She can't let go of the past and start over with me, when its so easy, she just doesn't see it anymore, she's finally given up. I made her feel so low, we've been back and fourth struggling trying to keep our relationship alive, her mom hates me because I'm black and her family won't approve, my family up in New York loves her they think she's great but my family down south hates the fact that I'm going out with a white girl and they hate her. I love her to death and I don't care what any one thinks! But how can I try to make this work when she won't even let go of the past, she won't even try to make it work... I just wanted one more chance! I know I can make a difference! But she just wants "time to think" she thinks we should "seperate" and then she thinks we should be friends! I tried that for a little and then I told her that I can't do it any more it hurts too much! Seeing her and knowing I can't hug her or kiss her like I normally do! Come on!
I really messed this relationship up guys and I need help!

I love this girl so much! I made the mistake of trying to keep her in check by saying i want to break up, When i dont mean it at all!

I’m thinking you must be young. That is a stupid game to play. It’s a stupid game to play for a couple reasons. The first is any man that has to threaten his woman with anything to “keep her in check” is not a man. A man “keeps her in check” by standing his ground and not budging from his values and core beliefs but is open enough to allow her to at least view hers. If she yells or whines then you stand your ground but if you have to threaten to leave to get your way then you aren’t a man. You’re a baby.

Threatening baby tactics works in elementary school, some in middle school, less in high school, but in real life they don’t mean a damn thing. Maybe I’m wrong but that’s why I’m guessing your young, like under that age of 21. If your older I’m surprised you’ve gotten away with this for so long. But my point is as your girlfriend gets older she sees the cool guy that she thought had it all together really doesn’t and she begins to see that if you can’t hold a relationship together then you can’t hold yourself together and she’s not interested in that. That’s what babies do and she wants a man.

Another reason this is a stupid game to play is because the very idea of telling her that your going to break up only lets her know that she can’t trust you and should be weary of you. If you do it enough, as you have your eventually just going to have her say, “Okay I’m moving on.”


I never wanted to break up with her, I love her! I know, terrible thing to do, but u have to understand, she has hurt me so many times and i kept looking back at the past.

Well you never really say what she’s done so it’s hard to know what you mean by hurt you in the past. But that being said, if your hurting her, and she’s hurting you then what exactly are either one of you getting from this relationship other than a bunch of pain?


But for once in my life, im done looking back! i want to move on with her in my life! I finally understand! I just wanted to make her see that if she lost me, what would happen. And for a while, it worked. She kept comming back.And i took her back! But then one day, everything changed. She actually wanted to break up with me. For good this time. Then everything clicked in my head. why did i do this to her, the one i loved with a passion so deep. i must be stupid, so i pleaded with her to stay with me, but she wont. she keeps saying "I need time to think" and i keep telling her lets work through it! but she wont listen.

But why would you expect her to listen? This goes back to that thing I said about people bullying people through school, and make no mistake if you dump someone to get your way, your bullying them with your emotions. That stuff works in school but doesn’t mean jack in the real world.


She dwells on the past just like i did! and i told her! i said"J look, dwelling on the past has destroyed this relationship. Look at my mistakes, look at what has happened because of me looking back! Dont make the same mistake i did. Please, just let it go and lets just start ova!" But she wont. She can't let go of the past and start over with me, when its so easy,

Again, you don’t say so I don’t want to speculate what happened in the past but whatever it is must not be easy to get over, if you couldn’t for a long time and now she can’t.


she just does'nt see it anymore, shes finally given up. I made her feel so low, we've been back and fourth struggling trying to keep our relationship alive, her mom hates me because im black and her family wont approve,

With all due respect maybe her mom hates you because sees you as a jerk who keeps toying with her daughters emotions.

If she’s made reference to your race then I guess your right but if I was this girls mother or father I could look beyond your skin to find reasons not be thrilled with the way you treat people. I’m not giving her a pass her because I don’t know exactly what she did to hurt you but I just don’t think being black is the thing that jumps out at me.


my family up in new york loves her they think shes great but my family down south hates the fact that im going out with a white girl and they hate her.

Well I live in Florida, so I sometimes catch a little bit of the ole south, and about 4 years ago I dated a black girl (me being a white male). When I was questioned about this by a neighbor I pointed out something that I think you could point out to your relatives down here. Before the civil rights laws were passed and you had all these marches on both sides of the issue there was one phrase that trumped them all. “Segregation by day, Integration by night.” No matter how bad the races in the Southern United States wanted to claim they hate each other, when push come to shove humans of any color have no problem hooking up.

Is that going to change your families long standing southern beliefs, the truth is no. But to pretend that your doing something immoral or unheard of is not factual either. If there honest they can’t deny people have been sleeping with, in relationships with, and even married to other races, long before the south was segregated.


i love her to death and i dont care what any one thinks!

Nor should you if it’s about race. Again though you don’t say what happened in the past or what she did that hurt you. If they don’t like her because she cheated on you then maybe you should listen to them.


But how can i try to make this work when she wont even let go of the past, she wont even try to make it work....I just wanted one more chance! I know i can make a difference!

Well you can’t if she doesn’t want you. That’s what I meant earlier about playing that game. You can only do it for so long before it means nothing.


But she just wants "time to think" she thinks we should "seperate" and then she thinks we should be friends! I tried that for a lil and then i told her that i can't do it any more it hurts too much! seeing her and knowing i can't hug her or kiss her like i normally do!? come on!
i really messed this relationship up guys and i need help!

Well the truth is I think you’ve made a lot of mistakes. The ones that happened in the relationship have been covered and I think you even got the message and learned from your mistakes.

Again I’m saying this without knowing what the big problem was from the past, but I think when this was over you should have said to her one time, and one time only, something like “I’ve made some mistakes with you, in regards to how I’ve treated you, how much I value you, and expressing to you how much you mean to me. If you wanted to give this another opportunity I’d be willing to put whatever problems in the past behind us, and move forward together since I have a better understanding of who you are, who I am, and what this relationship means. I’m going to now give you the space you want.”

Then I would have backed away. I think by continuing your friendship with her it allowed her the opportunity to emotionally come down after the relationship. In other words after you dumped her again she may have still had some emotions for you but by moving you into the friend zone she was able to bring them down while still having you around. Thus it made it easier on her. Remember women are so much better at dealing with emotions then men and can control them 100 times better than we can. This was her way of controlling them.

I think for you to have any chance now, and to be honest, I’d say there slim, but for your to have any chance you need to break away completely. Pull back and do not contact her at all. For no reason. The only way you can get her to come back is to have her miss you, but if your there all the time you’ll never create that emotional response in her.

Thanks a lot for the input chuff . I've realized a lot. But now let me get deeper. In the beginning of the relationship when everything was everything, I first met this girl and wanted to date her. So bad, that I decided to ask her mom. Her mom took me in a secluded room looked me dead in my eyes and said... "honestly, i just dont want my daughter dating black people"... that's the 1st incident. I didn't know people were still like that. At the time I didn't know what to think. So I did what I thought best, I told her that her mom didn't want me with her. I never told her why though. So she was crying and begged her mom to give me a chance. The next day she calls me and says her moms going to give me a chance but I was still very uncomfortable about the whole situation. Later I told her and she was shocked, but I told her not to say anything to her mom about it.

That's not even the only problem, my sister, lol man, my sister. Anywayz, my sister talks waaaay too much for her own good, she's a very bad influence, and I tell my girl not to chill with her. So one day I see her chilling with her. I have a question. What do you do when your girl does not listen to you at all? Even when the advice you're giving her is good advice. Anyway this resorts in all kinds of problems meaning less arguments and just nonsense. Even till this day. Plus she told me she was going to the city with her grand parents right? Well my grandmother calls me the next day, come to find out she was in the city with my sister... again... so what am I supposed to do?

There is so much more that she's done. So I did the only thing I thought was right, I started making rules. That's when everything goes nuts. That's when I start the nonsense break up thing I did, and just all sorts of other nonsense. BUT what can I do! She doesn't listen to me, she always finds out the hard way that I was right and she was wrong, over and over.

But for once in my life I'm ready to make amends and move on from the past to have a better future with her and she won't give me a chance! Don't you think I deseve a chance too? I gave her sooo many, I've been through hell and back with this girl so why am I the only one that sees that we can make it work? Why does she have the right to just give up?
I never gave up on her, even when I did do that nonsense I never broke up with her. I always gave her a second chance.

Oh an by the way I'm 21 and she's 18. Maybe that has something to do with it.

thanx alot for the input chuff . ive relized alot. But now let me get deeper. in the beggining of the relationship when everything was everything, i first met this girl and wanted to date her. So bad, that i decided to ask her mom. Her mom took me in a secluded room looked me dead in my eyes and said..."honestly, i just dont want my daughter dating black people".... thats the 1st incident.

Ouch. Well I stand corrected from my first post then. And to think you were even polite enough to ask her mom and you still got met with rejection.


i didnt know people were still like that.

Yeah look at what Hillary Clinton just got away with this past weekend.


At the time i didnt know what to think. so i did what i thought best, I told her that her mom didnt want me with her. i never told her why though.
I’ve got to say that’s taking the high road.


So she was crying and begged her mom to give me a chance. The next day she calls me and says her moms gonna give me a chance but i was still very uncomfortable about the whole situation. Later i told her and she was shocked, but i told her not to say anything to her mom about it.

Well I guess that means she not full blown racist, but a cautious over overprotective racist. What I mean is there are some people who would disown there kids for dating another race and she wasn’t that person. Just somebody cautious about someone dating her daughter that was of another race.


Thats not even the only problem, my sister, lol man, my sister. Anywayz, my sister talks waaaay too much for her own good, shes a very bad influence, and i tell my girl not to chill with her. so one day i see her chilling with her. i have a question. what do you do when your girl does not listen to you at all? even when the advice youre giving her is good advice.

But you have to let her learn on her own. You can’t control every aspect of her life.


ne wayz this resorts in all kinds of problems meaning less arguements and just nonsense.

How are less arguments more problems?


even till this day. plus she told me she was going to the city with her grand parents right? well my grandmother calls me the next day, come to find out she was in the city with my sister.....again...... so what am i supposed to do?

Well I agree that you have every right to be upset for her lying to you. I just don’t get why she felt she had too. What was she trying to prove?


There is so much more that shes done. So i did the only thing i thought was right, i started making rules. Thats when everything goes nuts. Thats when i start the nonsense break up thing i did, and just all sorts of other nonsense. BUT what can i do!? She doesnt listen to me, she always finds out the hard way that i was right and she was wrong, over and over.

And that is exactly where you become a man and she becomes a woman and your relationship is defined.

Let me explain. Your role in a relationship or the role women want from men is to be strong, offer advice of which they will generally not take, be funny and entertaining and an overall rock to her water. She is going to come and ask you for advice but ignore it many times as but she thinks differently than you do. It took me years to get this but some time just take a step back and watch how men and women operate. Have you ever noticed you can talk to a guy for hours about anything and not feel pressured. That’s because most guys think logically and thus can communicate logically with each other much better than we can with women. Women think emotionally and lead with there emotions. The thing is they can talk that way with other women and it makes sense to them like it makes sense to us to talk with other guys. Most guys hate reading a romance novel because it speaks directly to a women’s emotions and when we read just a couple pages we are thinking to ourselves, “what is this crap?” Even though it’s written in English it’s like a foreign language to guys because we don’t think like that.

But the point I’m trying to make is she can have emotional needs met with other women. But you have to let her do her own thing and be solid like a rock. Now having said all this, I’m not giving her a pass because she’s lying to you about where she and who she’s with. That is unacceptable and I’m siding with you on that. If she lying she needs to be called on it and offer an explanation. If she can’t then maybe she not the one for you. You don’t need to spend time with someone that lies to you. If you catch her lying you should call her on it and if she can’t give you an explanation cancel your plans with her for that night or weekend. Let her know there will be consequences for treating you badly with actions, not with more words or through emotions. Being a woman she will always understand emotions better. But you can stand your ground through actions and being tough on what you say and backing it up with actions. Not only does that make you look strong, women like that because women like strong guys and that’s inner strength.

But I’m saying you can’t say to anyone, woman or man for that matter, “don’t do this because I said so” or “this is the rule of life your going to follow“ because they are going to do it and rebel against you. But if you say to a something like, “Look here are reasons A, B and C that I don’t want you to do this and the consequences that are going to happen” that is a better approach. If she does and learns the hard way you just stand firm and revert back to what you said initially. That makes you the rock but not overbearing.


But for once in my life im ready to make amends and move on from the past to have a better future with her and she wont give me a chance!?

She won’t give you the chance so stand up for yourself and remove her from your life for awhile. Let her know your strong and don’t need her. Make her see that she wants you by showing her what it’s like with you gone.


Dont you think i deseve a chance too?

I think you deserve a chance if she wants it. But you can’t force it.


i gave her sooo many, ive been thru hell and back with this girl so why am i the only one that sees that we can make it work? Why does she have the right to just give up?

She has the right because she’s half of the relationship.


I never gave up on her, even when i did do that nonsense i never broke up with her. I always gave her a second chance.

With all due respect, your not giving yourself a second chance. Back up from her and let her miss you. Constantly being there is killing your chances.


Oh an by the way im 21 and shes 18. maybe that has somthing to do with it.


I think that is does yes.

I’m going to reiterate this again and I think you need to do it for this to work but back up from her. Give yourself some breathing room here.

Thank You! You've Helped Me So Much! I Really Appreciate This! Now Its So Much Clearer, And It Makes So Much Sense, Why We Argue All The Time!
She's Always Trying To Get Me To See It In An Emotional Perspective! And I Never Understand What She's Talking About! And I Always Think She's Wrong Because I Look At It From A Logical Perspective! Hmm, So Basically, Instead Of Completley Blocking Her Veiws Out Thinking She's Wrong All The Time, I Should Open Up And Try And See It From Her Point Of Veiw! And That's Where We Communicate! Which Also Reels In Respect And Understanding! Wooooow.
Why Didn't I See This Before Lol.

Thank You So Much! Well I Guess For Now I Got to Give Her Her Space. Sucks.
But I Love Her, So I Don't Want to Mess This Up. I Guess I Have To.thanx Chuff!

Yea I have another question, I saw a post earlier and the guy said that he has a diff problem from everyone else's, but I think its similar to me in a way.

Let me explain,

Before I let her go on her break, (which has went on for a couple weeks now,still no input from her.)

I would talk with her. Its plain to see she's upset with me, but the point I'm trying to get at is she's very confused as well, I ask her if she wants a relationship with me or not? Because if she doesn't let me know now, she says"no i want a relationship with you, i just think that if we got back together the same thing is going to happen". I tell her "well thats what happens in relationships! theres ups and downs but only the stong survive! lets work through this! she insists that we take a break, she claims shes taking an "alternate route" to fix our relationship and hold us together. but i dont see how. let me elaborate,she takes her break right? ok when she comes back to me, isint it going to be the same thing? arent we going to be faced with the same problems, before she went on her break in the 1st place?
this is why i think shes making a big mistake. we didnt even try to "work things out" before she went on her break, what makes her think that those problems are going to be resolved just by "thinking about them", as she likes to put it.

plus i asked her what does she really want? she says "nothing, I don't know."
then she says "I have so much feelings for you. Half of me wants to stay but half of me wants to leave" then i say "after four years you don't know if you want to be with me or not"!? then she says "I love you but I don't know" then she started crying again.

Plus she also has a problem with saying NO too!
I just don't understand it. Problems arouse, talk to me about it, I'm willing to change, to help heal our relationship, to be a man and help! To understand where she's coming from and listen to her opinions!
But she won't give me a chance! Doesn't she know alls she has to do is open up to me and stop liying to me and everything will work itsself out! I can't help but to appraoch this as a logical matter! But she's all torn between 2 worlds an stuff! What's with this! I'm willing! I just don't understand, she told me she loved me but she won't let me help us! If only she understood, it takes 2 to work things out she'd realize I'm only trying to help!

yea i have another question, i saw a post earlier and the guy said that he has a diff problem from everyone elses, but i think its similar to me in a way.

Dude, there always the same. You will see people post here or claim in life that there love is so different and unique and nobody can understand them but the two in the relationship. You what that is - fantasy. That’s the kind of stuff movies are made of and people don’t want to deal with the fact that BILLIONS of other people have been in love and had there heart broken. It sucks, it hurts, and it’s painful. But so does a broken bone, and with time and proper care you anybody can heal a broken bone, just like a broken heart.

The problem with a broken heart is, it’s emotional and that hurts worse than a broken bone so the pain can stay around longer. Sometimes it stays around because people let it and continue dwelling on the past or “what could have been.” But that’s not reality. That’s fantasy. Sometimes you just have to let go and know that it was great for a period but there are better things out there for you.


let me explain,

before i let her go on her break, (which has went on for a couple weeks now,still no input from her.)

i would talk with her. its plain to see shes upset with me, but the point im trying to get at is shes very confused as well, i ask her if she wants a relationship with me or not? because if she doesnt let me know now, she says"no i want a relationship with you, i just think that if we got back together the same thing is going to happen". i tell her "well thats what happens in relationships! theres ups and downs but only the stong survive! lets work through this! she insists that we take a break, she claims shes taking an "alternate route" to fix our relationship and hold us together. but i dont see how. let me elaborate,she takes her break right? ok when she comes back to me, isint it going to be the same thing? arent we going to be faced with the same problems, before she went on her break in the 1st place?
this is why i think shes making a big mistake. we didnt even try to "work things out" before she went on her break, what makes her think that those problems are going to be resolved just by "thinking about them", as she likes to put it.

plus i asked her what does she really want? she says "nothing, i dont know."
then she says "i have so much feelings for you. half of me wants to stay but half of me wants to leave" then i say "after four years you dont know if you want to be with me or not"!? then she says "i love you but i dont know" then she started crying again.

plus she also has a problem with saying NO too!
i just dont understand it. problems arouse, talk to me about it, im willing to change, to help heal our relationship, to be a man and help! to understand where shes comming from and listen to her opinions!
but she wont give me a chance! doesnt she know alls she has to do is open up to me and stop liying to me and everything will work itsself out!? i can't help but to appraoch this as a logical matter! but shes all torn between 2 worlds an stuff! whats with this!? im willing! i just dont understand, she told me she loved me but she wont let me help us! if only she understood, it takes 2 to work things out she'd realize im only trying to help!


Your dwelling on all this, which is natural but at some point you have to quit asking questions about the relationship, because as of now it’s over. She’s asked for time to think, and you held up your end of the bargain. You gave it to her. That doesn’t mean you have to sit and wait. She could take a months or she could decide that she doesn’t want to be apart of that anymore. Now you have to start putting together some positive things for yourself. I’m sure you’ve put some things off that you wanted to do, while now is the time to search them out and do it. Make plans for yourself and enjoy what you do.

Take this time to rebuild you mind and well being so that if she does come back your stronger. If she doesn’t you will still be stronger for yourself in the future.

It would help if you could accept the fact that this relationship is broken and learn to get a life that you enjoy and makes you happy without her in your life. It takes time and a lot of hard work, but you will be in a healthier state of mind and make better decisions, And you won't have to hijack other threads with the ranting. We all feel your pain and dissappointment, but you'll get there, just hang in.

Just because on pewrson treated you poorly doesn't mean everyone will. You must stuck one screwed up, unhealthy be-atch.

Your very emotional at this time and your basing all your thoughts and posts here on that position.

Let me just tell you that you are WRONG!

If this is your attitude then it is little wonder your in a broken relationship!

I understand it hurts but everyone here is only trying to help and we base our advice on experience and REALITY. It hurts sometimes but it is better than the hurt that will come your way if you believe everything your thinking and saying right now!

Not the bad guy at all. However you have hijacked almost every thread here and posted the same rant, which in my opinion is wrong.

There are many people here who can testify to that. They are in healthy and loving relationships that have withstood the test of time, and many other things as well.

You do certainly seem a little emotional right now and it is coming through in all your posts. You need to relax a little and try to appreciate what people are trying to say to you.

**EDIT** He deleted a post before mine that I was responding too!

Yes - that's a little much there.

Too bad some girl and I mean girl treated this guy like crap. You can't put your total heart into it for a long time.

Update. Well, I found out the real reason why she took a break, she was cheating on me the whole time. I found out myself. 1st I asked these women what they thought, and they said"yeah its someone else" so then I went searching for the answer and I found it. Not the answer I was looking for but it was true. She was cheating on me. I guess there was one little problem, and she got fed up and started cheating behind my back. Amazing... 4 years I was loyal... and now this, its amazing. Well I broke up with her. I'm doing fine. I still think that relationships are a waste of time,as soon as one person gives up, its automatically over for some reason. I strongly advise the real men who don't cheat to stay single. Seriously, or you'll just end up getting hurt. Its inevitable.

Just like the frog and the scorpion. Women,its in they're nature.

All youth (to varying degrees) plays games out of inexperience until grown up enough to know how to substitute honest communication for games and how to lovingly insist on mutual respect by giving it and requiring it back. Hard lessons but we all learn them... sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

I hope for your sake its quickly. You sound like you are awake, aware and willing to learn -- all promising things.

I do take exception to your character assassination of all women though -- definitely not a good thing.
I think that's just your anger talking trash now.

i strongly advise the real men who don't cheat to stay single. seriously, or you'll just end up getting hurt. its inevitable.

Just like the frog and the scorpion. women,its in they're nature.
Now don't be pessimistic! Be more optimistic.. in the sense that you found out now.. better than later!

She is a cheat... does not mean all women are cheats... remember that!
Women also get cheated on!
ITS nature!

update. well, i found out the real reason why she took a break, she was cheating on me the whole time. i found out myself. 1st i asked these women what they thought, and they said"yeah its someone else" so then i went searching for the answer and i found it. not the answer i was looking for but it was true. she was cheating on me. i guess there was one little problem, and she got fed up and started cheating behind my back. amazing... 4 years i was loyal...and now this, its amazing. well i broke up with her. I'm doing fine. i still think that relationships are a waste of time,as soon as one person gives up, its automatically over for some reason. i strongly advise the real men who don't cheat to stay single. seriously, or you'll just end up getting hurt. its inevitable.

Just like the frog and the scorpion. women,its in they're nature.

Sorry you had to learn the hard way, but when one partner has other ideas its best to pick up the pieces and move on. Also don't let your anger cloud your judgement, and put the blame on someone else (all women) as you had a part to play in this also. You were the one who vowed to never give up and accepting that this was over, probably for a while. So before you point fingers realised that you made mistakes too. Reread all of the things you've written and think about it. When you are finished with the anger allow yourself to heal and get healthy.

Alizeblu, your angry and hurt and I totally understand and so does everybody else. But your going to live for another 80 years, probably longer and this in the grand sceme of things was just a little time in your life. Trust me you'll get over her and move on and there will be better women out there for you.

But I want to second something Val said, despite all that has gone on and some of your emotional rants you have something that few people have at your age, and that is a willingness to learn. I encourage you take some time and let your emotions calm down and get yourself back in order. I also encourage you to stick around here and just soak up the knowledge here at this board so that when the next girl comes along you will be better prepared.

Trust me, I never had anyone teach me anything, I've learned through trial and error and many times repeating the same sceniro with different woman before I figured some things out. I've also learn a lot just reading other posts here and figuring out what to do. I've often said that I wish I had a site like this 10 years ago and that would put me right about your age. I know you don't see it now, but maybe this whole thing was the best thing that could have happened to you because it sent you in another direction in which you can become a better and smarter person when the next better and smarter woman comes along.

All youth (to varying degrees) plays games out of inexperience until grown up enough to know how to substitute honest communication for games and how to lovingly insist on mutual respect by giving it and requiring it back. Hard lessons but we all learn them... sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.

I hope for your sake its quickly. You sound like you are awake, aware and willing to learn -- all promising things.

I do take exception to your character assassination of all women though -- definately not a good thing.
I think that's just your anger talking trash now.

Yea but I'm not trash talking. I'm only speaking from experience, every woman I've been with has cheated on me and I've stayed faithful, so how can you tell me that its not going to happen again? Why should I open my heart to other women when the same things bound to occur? I don't feel I should take this chance any more.

You just have to see where I'm coming from. I treat women with the utmost respect, until they present themselves as lower than women... I went through hell with this girl, and when the fire gets a little hott, you want to bail out on me? I thought we were in this together? Guess not. You know the funny thing too? I was willing to give her another chance, but she wouldn't let me in, its like we were never in love. So angry? Nah, I just don't want that part of my life anymore. Honestly I don't need it. Id rather stay single and party anyday than to devote myself to someone who sneaks behind my back.

Now dont be pessimistic! Be more optimistic.. in the sense that you found out now.. better than later!

She is a cheat... does not mean all women are cheats... remember that!
Women also get cheated on!
ITS nature!

And I understand this. But to look at the glass half full, that was the old me. I tried to hang on but I got shut out, and eventually shut down. People give up too easily, and then they cover it up with hopes of a better future. Honestly, when I look at the glass, it seems to be empty to begin with, then we pour something into it, drinking it, drinking it, until eventually there's nothing left, and now we're back where we started... empty.

So why bother? I think ill just let it sit there empty then to try to fill it again. There's just no point in trying anymore. Its bound to happen again, age is nothing but a number, its people.
There's always going to be conflict and change in peoples hearts, so id rather just leave it as it is, and not touch the hott coals again. I really don't want to get burned again. Not ever.

OK look, I'm not saying that all women are cheats, I'm just saying that there's going to be problems in relationships, no matter how big or how small, but the way you handle the problem is what makes or breaks the relationship. From what I've experienced, its easier for people to take the easy way out and give up, rather than taking the harder route and talking things out or at least try to understand what's wrong in the relationship and correcting it. People just don't think that way anymore. They just cover it up and give advice about how to break up, or how to stop thinking about the person , or how to direct all of your emotions to something positive.

I'm pretty sure I'm pessimitic here, but its only because I've seen it from both sides and I've chosen the lesser of 2 evils. Either way it hurts, but this is the way I've chosen to perceive it, helps me out a lot. Other people may be different, but this is the path that I have chosen.

You are not being honest with us or yourself. Reread your own post and you will see that you have been cruel, and manipulative in your relationships as well as controlling, so don't think for a minute that we buy that oh woe is me line your trying to feed us. You have a lot of growing to do whether you want to face it or not.

Sorry you had to learn the hard way, but when one partner has other ideas its best to pick up the pieces and move on. Also don't let your anger cloud your judgement, and put the blame on someone else (all women) as you had a part to play in this also. You were the one who vowed to never give up and accepting that this was over, probably for a while. so before you point fingers realised that you made mistakes too. Reread all of the things you've written and think about it. When you are finished with the anger allow your self to heal and get healthy.

OK look, anger has played a big part in this OK you got me there, but that is an emotion, an irrational act out of confusion, to tell you the truth, I'm not confused anymore. So angry? Nah I'm not angry. Not anymore, after I found out what she did I callmed down a lot.

You see it made me realize that this kind of stuff happens all the time, and not just to me,but the mistake people make is covering it up. You can't cover up your feelings toward another person no matter how hard you try. By this I mean, (allowing yourself to heal)
Physically, you are not wonded. Emotionally yes, but what can't be felt physically obviously can't hurt you, so why keep thinking about past history? Its gone its dead correct? So we just move on. Live with it, learn from it, and just move on.yea it takes time for so called emotional wonds to heal, but honestly, I look at myself in the mirror and I'm fine.

Sticks and stones my friend, sticks and stones.
I'm actually very excited, I haven't been single in 4 YEARS! I can't wait to get out finally and have some fun, rather than wondering what my girlfriend is doing on her so called "break".lol, relationships just aren't for me. So id rather stay sigle and forget about locking myself down to one person for the rest of my life.

You are not being honest with us or yourself. Reread your own post and you will see that you have been cruel, and manipulative in your relationships as well as controlling, so don't think for a minute that we buy that oh woe is me line your trying to feed us. You have a lot of growing to do whether you want to face it or not.

Wait hold on, just because I've said things out of anger doesn't mean that I'm not being honest, I know I have a lot of growing up to do, I've read my own post about 7 times already, what you don't understand is that I'm going to think this way because I haven't started to grow yet. Obviously because I'm still the same age correct? I mean I'm still here typing on this keyboard, growing up doesn't happen over night guy, but people do change with the wind. As have I, I read my post, I know what I did, I ackknowledge what I've done, I've done as much to her as she's done to me, but I did want to give her another chance didn't I? I tried to hang on didn't I? So now I'm the bad guy because I finally understand that it was never meant to be in the first place? Now who needs the growing up? I just think you're still mad at me because of what I was typin a couple days ago, I told you I've realized, what more do you want? A verbal apology? Why aren't you trying to help me with my problem rather than dwell on what I WAS typing? Hm?

The past is the past, leave it at that. The things I did and said was because I was unable to except that it was over am I right? So now I accept it finally and I get pennalized? Common. At least I'm moving on here...

yea but im not trash talking. im only speaking from experience, every woman ive been with has cheated on me and ive stayed faithful, so how can you tell me that its not going to happen again? why should i open my heart to other women when the same things bound to occur? i dont feel i should take this chance any more.

you just have to see where im comming from. i treat women with the utmost respect, until they present themselves as lower than women... i went through hell with this girl, and when the fire gets alittle hott, you wanna bail out on me? i thought we were in this together? guess not. you know the funny thing too? i was willing to give her another chance, but she wouldnt let me in, its like we were never in love. so angry? nah, i just dont want that part of my life anymore. honestly i dont need it. id rather stay single and party anyday than to devote myself to someone who sneaks behind my back.
Could it be that your "picker" is broken? It stands to reason that if you manage to only select the unfaithful ones among a wide range of women, then it has something to do with you. How else can you explain that there are honest women in the world and you don't seem to ever hook up with them? Maybe that's worth taking a closer look at-- just a thought meant to be helpful. You're right about growing up doesn't happen overnight but it is facilitated by a willingness to look at self.

Alizeblu, your angry and hurt and I totally understand and so does everybody else. But your going to live for another 80 years, probably longer and this in the grand sceme of things was just a little time in your life. Trust me you'll get over her and move on and there will be better women out there for you.

But I want to second something Val said, despite all that has gone on and some of your emotional rants you have something that few people have at your age, and that is a willingness to learn. I encourage you take some time and let your emotions calm down and get yourself back in order. I also encourage you to stick around here and just soak up the knowledge here at this board so that when the next girl comes along you will be better prepared.

Trust me, I never had anyone teach me anything, I've learned through trial and error and many times repeating the same sceniro with different woman before I figured some things out. I've also learn a lot just reading other posts here and figuring out what to do. I've often said that I wish I had a site like this 10 years ago and that would put me right about your age. I know you don't see it now, but maybe this whole thing was the best thing that could have happened to you because it sent you in another direction in which you can become a better and smarter person when the next better and smarter woman comes along.

And chuff you are absolutley right, I agree with everything you say because its all true,
But look at it like this for a moment, why keep wasting time trying to search for the right woman when you know there are more mistakes to be made ahead? I know that I won't find the "perfect " woman because they don't exsist, they might be 10 times better than the one I've been with, but I know that there WILL be problems, which is where the turning point takes place in the relationship. So instead of wondering if we will be strong enough to go through the fire, why not just not go through it at all?

I mean there's tons of stuff I can do single that you can't do in relationships, but the only downfall for me is the "love" part of it. Love is a wonderful thing, but like anything else, it can also corrupt, it is also an irrational emotion that can't be controlled, you already seen what love has done to me correct? You've seen the rant, you've seen the foolishness, and the childish things I've done out of anger. Honestly people can live without love. They do it all the time.

So I choose not to, not because I'm a coward or because I'm not being honest with myself, only because I've chosen not to get hurt anymore. Id rather have all the material things in the world, than to devote myself to a person that I have to build a realationship with in order to be able to trust the person. And even then, it can be years of a great relationship,but there WILL be problems. Which is why I've chosen to stay as far away from relationships as possible, so I can stay in the right state of mind and stay on track with my own life.

This is the path that I have chosen to walk.
It may be alone, but I have friends, I can handle it. Loves not even that important, it may get you through the night, but it doenst pay the bills.

The past is the past, leave it at that. The things I did and said was because I was unable to except that it was over am I right? So now I accept it finally and I get pennalized? Common. At least I'm moving on here...

Don't be so defensive, the whole point is how to handle your emotions with positive actions, not the impulsive rants that come from your keyboard. More thoughts before actions. It's a process that takes time and practice.

Also, its good that you are moving on and wise to take a break for a while too but you might want to change what you listed on your profile under experience since it currently reads:
I love my girl all I need is help to keep her! I want her that's all there is.

I would have pm'd you privately but you have that feature shut off.

Could it be that your "picker" is broken? It stands to reason that if you manage to only select the unfaithful ones among a wide range of women, then it has something to do with you. How else can you explain that there are honest women in the world and you don't seem to ever hook up with them? Maybe that's worth taking a closer look at-- just a thought meant to be helpful. You're right about growing up doesn't happen overnight but it is facilitated by a willingness to look at self.

My picker? Never thought I had one, I just thought that life throws these people at you, which are complete strangers,then love steps in. and in order for you to absolutley know if this person is right for you, you HAVE to BUILD a relationship with them.

I don't know I might be mistaken.

And I am willing to take a closer look at myself, I've been doing it the whole time. And I know what I've been doing was wrong and acknowledge that.

But look at it this way, would I even be here if I wasn't in a relationship at all?

?? please correct me if I'm wrong??

Also, its good that you are moving on and wise to take a break for a while too but you might want to change what you listed on your profile under experience since it currently reads:

I would have pm'd you privately but you have that feature shut off.

Oh shoot lol that's my bad on my part lol sorry about that ill change that right now. Lol that's probably why people think I'm lying! Lol

and chuff you are absolutley right, i agree with everything you say because its all true,
but look at it like this for a moment, why keep wasting time trying to search for the right woman when you know there are more mistakes to be made ahead? i know that i wont find the "perfect " woman because they dont exsist, they might be 10 times better than the one ive been with, but i know that there WILL be problems, which is where the turning point takes place in the relationship. so instead of wondering if we will be stong enough to go through the fire, why not just not go through it at all?

i mean theres tons of stuff i can do single that you can't do in relationships, but the only downfall for me is the "love" part of it. love is a wonderful thing, but like anything else, it can also corrupt, it is also an irrational emotion that can't be controlled, you already seen what love has done to me correct? youve seen the rant, youve seen the foolishness, and the childish things ive dont out of anger. honestly people can live without love. they do it all the time.

so i choose not to, not because im a coward or because im not being honest with myself, only because ive chosen not to get hurt anymore. id rather have all the material things in the world, than to devote myself to a person that i have to build a realationship with in order to be able to trust the person. and even then, it can be years of a great relationship,but there WILL be problems. which is why ive chosen to stay as far away from relationships as possible, so i can stay in the right state of mind and stay on track with my own life.

this is the path that i have chosen to walk.
It may be alone, but i have friends, i can handle it. loves not even that important, it may get you through the night, but it doenst pay the bills.

The 'Perfect Woman' does exist. I am married to her. And somewhere in the world there is the 'perfect woman' for you. However, I must add a caveat. When you find your perfect woman bear in mind that she may well be looking for the 'perfect man.'

True love pays the bills of a happy life and keeps the light of life, optimism, hope, and peace of mind glowing brightly and steady adown the years.

Never give up on yourself or on your search for happiness. It is available.

Wishing you all the best.


M:)RGANITE

:( ok guys ima give it to you straight, im a brotha that has a caucasion girl friend, well had. We've been together for 4 years, im a Saggitarrius, and shes a Pises.
I love this girl so much! I made the mistake of trying to keep her in check by saying i want to break up, When i dont mean it at all! I never wanted to break up with her, I love her! I know, terrible thing to do, but u have to understand, she has hurt me so many times and i kept looking back at the past.But for once in my life, im done looking back! i want to move on with her in my life! I finally understand! I just wanted to make her see that if she lost me, what would happen. And for a while, it worked. She kept comming back.And i took her back! But then one day, everything changed. She actually wanted to break up with me. For good this time. Then everything clicked in my head. why did i do this to her, the one i loved with a passion so deep. i must be stupid, so i pleaded with her to stay with me, but she wont. she keeps saying "I need time to think" and i keep telling her lets work through it! but she wont listen. She dwells on the past just like i did! and i told her! i said"J look, dwelling on the past has destroyed this relationship. Look at my mistakes, look at what has happened because of me looking back! Dont make the same mistake i did. Please, just let it go and lets just start ova!" But she wont. She can't let go of the past and start over with me, when its so easy, she just does'nt see it anymore, shes finally given up. I made her feel so low, we've been back and fourth struggling trying to keep our relationship alive, her mom hates me because im black and her family wont approve, my family up in new york loves her they think shes great but my family down south hates the fact that im going out with a white girl and they hate her. i love her to death and i dont care what any one thinks! But how can i try to make this work when she wont even let go of the past, she wont even try to make it work....I just wanted one more chance! I know i can make a difference! But she just wants "time to think" she thinks we should "seperate" and then she thinks we should be friends! I tried that for a lil and then i told her that i can't do it any more it hurts too much! seeing her and knowing i can't hug her or kiss her like i normally do!? come on!
i really messed this relationship up guys and i need help!

Brother you made a complete mess of this relationship by not being honest and by jerking her around. Do you wonder that she got tired of being treated like this and ditched you? You have to show respect, commitment, honour, love, affection, interest, concern for her welfare, but all you did was play mind games with her to try to keep her under your control. That's a no-no, and you need to ditch that behaviour. Perhaps it is time for you to talk to your Momma and Poppa again and listen to them this time, huh? They will tell you what works and what doesn't.


Your life is at its beginning, not at its end, but unless you change your destructive behaviour you will continue to alienate those who love you. Have you seriously considered relationship counselling?



M:)RGANITE

Don't be so defensive, the whole point is how to handle your emotions with positive actions, not the impulsive rants that come from your keyboard. More thoughts before actions. Its a process that takes time and practice.

See? That's what I meant by people giving up so easily. By covering things up and handling your emotions in a positive manner, the truth is, you can't handle your emotions, as I have proven this in a negative manner, I choose to let them rise surface as they see fit.

The only thing I'm changing is my perception on the situation.
I used to think that love will find a way no matter what.
But then I found out that I was wrong, so I've chosen to stay away from loves grasp before behaving irrational again.

Time and practice? Not needed. I feel better than I did when I was with her. 10 times better!
I could do backflips!

The point is, there's no point in risking your feelings by taking chances with a complete stranger, OK you might find the right on someday that will go through the fire with you all the way, but I choose not to risk it. Because chances are I won't find that person right away anyway.

Trial and error. I believe that's how someone put it.
But look at it this way,

?? with no trial, how can there be any error??

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Brother you made a complete mess of this relationship by not being honest and by jerking her around. Do you wonder that she got tired of being treated like this and ditched you? You have to show respect, commitment, honour, love, affection, interest, concern for her welfare, but all you did was play mind games with her to try to keep her under your control. That's a no-no, and you need to ditch that behaviour. Perhaps it is time for you to talk to your Momma and Poppa again and listen to them this time, huh? They will tell you what works and what doesn't.


Your life is at its beginning, not at its end, but unless you change your destructive behaviour you will continue to alienate those who love you. Have you seriously considered relationship counselling?



M:)RGANITE


Sigh... look its deeper than that, in the beginning everything was fine, why do I find myself repeating myself?

Anyway everything was fine,we loved each other everything was good blah blah blah, then there were problems, in the beginning she chose to give up, but then I stuck it out and I told her we could do it, then she kept messing up, and that's when I started making the rules that's when I did all that non sense, its not all my fault and its not all her fault, we were just too young to understand. We were on the path of destruction to begin with.

And look, I don't need relationship conseling, just because it worked for you doesn't mean that its going to work for everyone. I'm sorry, but I thought we were living in the real world, cause last time I checked, someone left me a post saying "lifes not a fairy tale, there are no happily ever afters".

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Just enjoy your relationship while you can, because there WILL be problems, and I hope that you guys are both willing to go through the fire, because if it's a BIG problem like cheating or somthin, I can garuntee that one of you is going to bail.

And then you will know if you are TRULY meant to be.
I put that on everything.

I just choose not to take the chance anymore.
?? If there is no trial, how can there be any error??

Correct me if I'm wrong.

Look everythings 2 ways in this world, good-evil,yin-yang,up-down,left-right,love-hate,optimisim-pesimisim...

Love can be a beautiful thing, but it can also corrut the mind, so honestly I see love as evil.Im being pesimistic I know,but this is the path I have chosen,to stay as far away from it as possible.

But that's just how I perceive it.

I've chosen to walk this path alone, but I'm pretty sure I can handle it.

You know the crazything about this comment? People were telling me that you shouldn't put your lover first, because you run into dependency problems, heh.

Seems to work for you though huh?

Loves just not meant for everyone, a select few, only because they are strong and can get though the fire, I admire that, but id rather just not take another chance, cause I know there's going to be a lot more trials and a lot more errors.

?? If there is no trial, how can there be any error??

and chuff you are absolutley right, i agree with everything you say because its all true,
but look at it like this for a moment, why keep wasting time trying to search for the right woman when you know there are more mistakes to be made ahead?

Then why get out of bed in the morning? You make mistakes every single day. I make them every single day. Jeez dude, I’m at the library right now, and I brought my bag with that I carry my laptop, only problem was I forgot to put the computer in it. I had to run home for that. Then I got here for the second time and realized I forgot some information I needed so I had to go back home again. I’m already worked up over that but that stuff happens in life. I’m not trying to equate that losing a girlfriend but I’m just trying to say life is never perfect. Life will never be perfect. Your going to get mistreated by people in life that do know you and don’t know you. But other people’s negative behavior can’t be a reason to give up or continue with your own negative behavior.

Again, your hurting and it’s going to hurt for some time. I won’t lie to you about that. But I said this before, and I’m going to say it again. Your already ahead of most people your age, because your searching for an answer. Your searching for something. I’m here to tell you your going to have some rough struggles in your life. That’s reality. How you approach them and overcome them is up to you. But you can start developing positive strategies now that will make a world of difference for the future.

After I got dumped from a 3 year relationship when I was either 21 or 22 I was talking just like you were. But I’ve had some girlfriends since then and the break ups have always been easier. The relationships might have gone better too if I had searched out answers as opposed to doing the same things over and over again, which is where you have a total advantage over me. Your young, and your willing to learn. Like me, you also sound hard headed so that’s going to be a challenge, and it’s one I deal with from time to time but it’s not something that has to stop you from enjoying life.


i know that i wont find the "perfect " woman because they dont exsist, they might be 10 times better than the one ive been with, but i know that there WILL be problems, which is where the turning point takes place in the relationship. so instead of wondering if we will be stong enough to go through the fire, why not just not go through it at all?

Well that’s your choice and I’m not going to disagree with it. I say all the time, “I’d rather be happy and be single then to be with some one and be miserable.” If that applies to you then do. But what I guess I’m really saying is don’t let one woman or situation stop you from moving forward.


i mean theres tons of stuff i can do single that you can't do in relationships, but the only downfall for me is the "love" part of it. love is a wonderful thing, but like anything else, it can also corrupt, it is also an irrational emotion that can't be controlled, you already seen what love has done to me correct? youve seen the rant, youve seen the foolishness, and the childish things ive done out of anger. honestly people can live without love. they do it all the time.

They sure do, and if you happier that way, go that direction.


so i choose not to, not because im a coward

In no way do I think you’re a coward, nor did I see anybody else call you a coward but if that‘s the case they are flat out wrong. You‘ve made some mistakes but you at least facing them and being open about it which is pretty damn respectable if you ask me. In fact, as I’ve said before I think you’ve got something different than most people because you have a willingness to learn. Quite honestly I wish I had that when I was 21. Your still emotional but you are coming back and in all these posts your asking questions, getting answers, and hopefully evaluating what happened and how to improve. You may not be perfect, but you are definitely not a coward, and you choose to live alone then do it but have fun and don’t beat yourself up for it.


or because im not being honest with myself, only because ive chosen not to get hurt anymore. id rather have all the material things in the world, than to devote myself to a person that i have to build a realationship with in order to be able to trust the person. and even then, it can be years of a great relationship,but there WILL be problems. which is why ive chosen to stay as far away from relationships as possible, so i can stay in the right state of mind and stay on track with my own life.

this is the path that i have chosen to walk.
It may be alone, but i have friends, i can handle it. loves not even that important, it may get you through the night, but it doenst pay the bills.

Well if that’s the path you choose have fun with it. But also understand your young and in time this pain will wear off. When that does, all I’m suggesting is that you build a better inner self so that you will handle life’s difficult path’s with greater ease.

I tried to read all of this but found it hard with all the negative replies to good, honest and genuine advice.

alizeblu, I know it is no consolation but you aren't the first guy to have more than one relationship break down. Lots of people go through many many relationships before they find one that is meant for them. Just because you have had a bit of a rough trot doesn't mean you give up. What a weak and pathetic attitude and in my opinion is probably an indication as to why these things keep happening to you.

You are trying to blame everyone else for your problems which, I'm not denying that a lot of the blame must lie with these cheaters, but you also have to shoulder some fault and accept it and learn from it. And so far you have showed that you have learnt nothing other than how to be bitter and twisted. And trust me here when I say that the path that those emotions will lead you down won't be worth it and will be very unpleasant.

You said some interesting things in your replies that reflect a lot of what you have to learn.

When Val suggested that perhaps your "picker" was a little broken you responded that you didn't know you had one. Fair enough mistake to make in my opinion. But the fact is that you do have a picker. You do control who you let in to your life and how far you let them in. You also responded to someone else about not having control of your emotions. Well to a certain extent yes you are right. But again you are also wrong. You will learn. Just like all of us here have that you do have control of your emotions. These painful times teach you that. We learn the hard way.

Ultimately it is us who controls ourselves. No one else. Sure they impact on us, but we still have control. We control how much and who we give ourselves to. So it is important that we are careful and selective in who and how much we give. You can't blame anyone else for giving too much of yourself to someone else and then it back firing. That's you alone my friend.

And you also must learn that when negative things happen in your life, although the instinctive response is to be negative and angry yourself, it is the one response that will help matters the least. You need to learn to control that anger and use it in a positive manner.

It is all learning and you will understand in time. Heck, I was exactly like you are not too long ago, but with each setback if we are smart enough and willing to there are some great lessons to learn. The way your acting at the moment indicates you aren't willing to learn these lessons.

But you seem like a pretty smart guy and I would like to think that it is still just the rubbish in you talking all this crap. Soon enough I'm sure you will agree with me. And if not it would all have been a complete waste of time.

You said you didn't know about having a "picker"-- we all have one. That you didn't realise you do means there is a possibility you don't know other things about you (or people in general). Learn more about this topic and relationships (of all kinds) will become much easier, I promise. There are quite a few people here who know a great deal about how people operate and you are certainly welcome to learn from them.

I agree with Skell. It seems you take two steps forward (which is good) but you may also take three steps back (which would not be good). There is no need to be defensive. A reasonable part of exploring solutions to any problems is looking at how someone is thinking, feeling and behaving.

Maybe drop that "yeah but" response style? I was told once that everything after that kind of "but" is bull. When I stopped and looked at it objectively (once I got past my initial hrrrmph LOL) they were right! It stopped then and there-- opened up new vistas of learning for me. Could do the same for you. Just a thought meant to be helpful.

OK umm lets clear this "picker" situation up right now. Guys, you have no "picker".

Let me elaborate, I don't go around choosing women that's going to cheat on me intentionally, I think that would be kind of stupid, you know what I mean?

I choose women carefully, I mean that's obvious seeing that I've been hurt multiple times right? Why would I go out and intentionally search for a woman that's going to cheat on me a couple years into tha relationship? No I don't think a "picker" has anything to do with ending up with the wrong women.

I believe that I find good women, its just that you never really know the person until you build that relationship. And that's what I used to do, I fell in love with women that I believed were good women, which they were, its just that they were all weak when I really got to know them.

(ONE PROBLEM)- and they go nuts, get confused, cheat or just plain bail out. All the women I've been with cheated. I consider this weak, which means love wasn't as strong as I was led to believe. Correct? I mean I WAS willing to get through the problems, I would try,
The only reason I'm giving up on love is because I don't believe its meant for me. Loves only meant for a select few, the STRONG.

So I just coose not to deal with it. I'm happier this way. Pesimistic, yes, but I choose this perspective of my own free will.

So I'm not blaming anyone that I'm like this, I made me like this. You know why? Because I learned that when the fire gets a little hott in relationships people bail, then cover it up like they didn't need the person anyway, but on the other side you couldve worked things out,which wouldve been HARDER, but people tend to lean more towards giving up and moving on, which is EASIER, which I don't knock because its in our nature, we do tend to lean toward the easier side to cover up our pain, it's a natural defense.

But I'm done trying to decide which side to lean on, I just want to leave both sides alone and just watch other people from the sidelines, knowing good and well that eventually its going to end.

And then they are going to be back where they started,

... < an empty glass>...

Do you realise the more you rant and rave, and talk of nothing but your hurtfeelings you show us all, that not only are you hurt but know nothing about how to deal with thee hurt or anything else about how the hurt came about and what does it do to you. All you know is hurt. So stop ranting and listen for a change and you may figure this out without running head long into a brick wall... Again. What Val referred to as a picker is something we all have, and that is enough info to make a reasonable decision based on fact, and not some emotional notion. For it to work properly you must be healthy, mature and experienced in the science of knowing yourself well enough as not to be fooled by BS. Knowing yourself is the key ingredient by the way which is, if your paying attention exactly what you need to know, so an honest look at yourself is in order. I know its easier to rant and rave and talk like a lunatic, but roll up your sleeves, and take an honest look at who you are and learn what you are about.

Alizeblu its time to treat this whole stage in your life as a learning experience. Learn from it! Become a new person and forgive the past and move in with the future. There awaits a new life. Do you want to look back on your life when your 80 and think what the hell was I doing? All the things I could have done, seen or become... Common pick yourself up and get a new direction in your life. Workout, do something! Join the club of broken hearts and learn from it and help others here with what you have learnt.

Do you realise the more you rant and rave, and talk of nothing but your hurtfeelings you show us all, that not only are you hurt but know nothing about how to deal with thee hurt or anything else about how the hurt came about and what does it do to you. All you know is hurt. So stop ranting and listen for a change and you may figure this out without running head long into a brick wall .... Again. What Val referred to as a picker is something we all have, and that is enough info to make a reasonable decision based on fact, and not some emotional notion. For it to work properly you must be healthy, mature and experienced in the science of knowing your self well enough as not to be fooled by BS. Knowing yourself is the key ingredient by the way which is, if your paying attention exactly what you need to know, so an honest look at yourself is in order. I know its easier to rant and rave and talk like a lunatic, but roll up your sleeves, and take an honest look at who you are and learn what you are about.

What are you talking about? Who's ranting and raving?

Let me ask you a question,

How do you look at a glass with half a drink in it?

Half empty or half full?

Alizeblu its time to treat this whole stage in your life as a learning experience. Learn from it! Become a new person and forgive the past and move in with the future. There awaits a new life. Do you want to look back on ur life when your 80 and think what the hell was I doing? All the things I could have done, seen or become...Common pick yourself up and get a new direction in your life. Workout, do something! Join the club of broken hearts and learn from it and help others here with what you have learnt.

Umm I thought I was doing that by being on here chattin it up with you guys?
Look I went in search of an answer and I found it, just because you don't like my perspective, doesn't mean I didn't learn anything.

Why do I find myself repeating myself?

OK let me explain once more,

OK ill start from the beginning, I've been hurt about... 20 times, k?
OK so instead of sitting here ranting and raving about how I'm never going to give up on the one I love,when I know its over, I've come to the conclusion that in order to maintain a healthy relationship it takes 2 to go through the good times and the bad times.In healthy relationships when problems arise couples work together to get past the problem, to build a better foundation for their relationship. Every time I'm willing to go through the bad times, the one I'm with either cheats or bails,which means the relationship is over because ultimatley it takes 2 to succeed in a relationship. Instead of dwelling on the situation I've chosen to search for the ultimate answer of what I should do when I've lost the one that I loved.changing my negative energy into positive,which means,learning from you guys on here. Correct? So obviously I'm not in a state of anger nor any other emotion is clouding my judgement on the topic.

I've come to the conclusion that everyone's different but all relationships are the same.
In order for me to maintain a fun healthy relationship, I need time to mature, and make more mistakes, and learn about myself before entering another one. And also heal from my last relationship.in order to heal from my last realationship Ishould direct my energys into doing something positive like running, or taking boxing lessons, basically build yourself up before going back to searching for the right one.

K you all know this because this is the advice I've been given correct? OK...

Here's my thing though, I've chosen not to take the path of finding the right one for me.

Instead, I've chosen to just stay single. OK so I've given up on love, but that's my decision.

I've chosen not to go out and search for a reason, I stongly believe it is a meaningless search.

Let me explain why, lets use your "picker" for instance. And I find a woman that is smart, kind,well basically my ideal girlfriend that I want to be with for a while k? So I find this girl and we make it work for a while,lets say about 6 years, and everythings going great. Then something happens, I don't know lets make something up, uhh... she wants to see other people for some reason. OK there it is right there, "the problem", its going to happen right? Its inevitable because all relationships go through problems, to prove how strong their love for each other really is. Makes you or breaks you. Here's where you have the choice, you can either keep searching and searching becoming more efficient at what you do because at the same time you're learning from every situation that you encounter.you can keep doing that until you hit the jackpot, or you can stop buying lottery tikets.

I've chosen to stop buying tikets.

In our scociety today, divorce is common, friends with benefits is common, sex without emotional attachment is common(1 night stands) and break ups are common. This is the scociety we live in today.

I've chosen to believe that true love nolonger exsits and is only a thigment of our imagination.

I think that this true love idea is a con to keep people searching for something that really doesn't exsist, ultimatley leaving people with hope for the future when in reality, the only hope you need comes from within yourself.

And like I said, people that actually have this "true love" is a select few with a STRONG belief that they are going to make it work no matter what, which is true love.

But honestly I still believe they are blinded, and this will ultimatley be their downfall.

Right? Because it happened to me. I loved her, she needed a break, I gave it to her, come to find out the reason she needed a break was to cover up the fact that she's been cheating on me all this time,but blinded by love, I never thought she would do it, but she did.

Ultimatley, leading to my downfall. Which won't happen again.

You said you didn't know about having a "picker"-- we all have one. That you didn't realise you do means there is a possibility you don't know other things about you (or people in general). Learn more about this topic and relationships (of all kinds) will become much easier, I promise. There are quite a few people here who know a great deal about how people operate and you are certainly welcome to learn from them.

I agree with Skell. It seems you take two steps forward (which is good) but you may also take three steps back (which would not be good). There is no need to be defensive. A reasonable part of exploring solutions to any problems is looking at how someone is thinking, feeling and behaving.

Maybe drop that "yeah but" response style? I was told once that everything after that kind of "but" is bull. When I stopped and looked at it objectively (once I got past my initial hrrrmph LOL) they were right! It stopped then and there-- opened up new vistas of learning for me. Could do the same for you. Just a thought meant to be helpful.


"yea" and "but" are words. My perspective on things, more complicated than mere words.


Sigh... I used to look at the glass half full, until I found out that it's the same from both angles. Now look at it half empty.

I came to the conclusion half full or half empty, the glass still has liquid in it, up to the half way point.

Now pick up the glass and pour the liquid out, now something different happened.
I sit the glass down and its completley empty,

So wait a minute wasn't it empty to begin with?

I rest my case.

Does anyone's agree with me yet? Lol
Or am I still an immature idiot who knows nothing about love or how people work?

This is why I think I should leave love alone. No matter what way you look at it, the same thing is going to happen whether we like it or not.

Good Relationship<-->Problems<-->Make or Break<-->Solution
The solution depends on the persons perspective and veiws about the relationship.
So why go through all the hassle? When I could be sitting on the beach with an umbrella drink watching the sunset, glad because I have no relationship worries.

Good luck then and good bye...

Just by any chance is that blu in your name significant to you in any way??

"yea" and "but" are words. my perspective on things, more complicated than mere words.
I can appreciate a complicated perspective, LOL -- I probably have one myself. :o


does anyones agree with me yet? lol
or am i still an immature idiot who knows nothing about love or how people work?
And for the record I do not think you are an idiot, in fact I have not thought someone was an idiot for a very long time now. I have seen them do things that don't work for themselves and then complain about the result they got and that seems a little sad to me. I have also seen them debate to the point that they lose the point and that is usually my exit cue. :rolleyes:


i could be sitting on the beach with an umbrella drink watching the sunset, glad because i have no relationship worries.
I am glad you have found your solution.

Just by any chance is that blu in your name significant to you in any way????

No just a name. My fave drink though. Alize Bleu. Good stuff.

I can appreciate a complicated perspective, LOL -- I probably have one myself. :o


And for the record I do not think you are an idiot, in fact I have not thought someone was an idiot for a very long time now. I have seen them do things that don't work for themselves and then complain about the result they got and that seems a little sad to me. I have also seen them debate to the point that they lose the point and that is usually my exit cue. :rolleyes:


I am glad you have found your solution.

are you implying I lost the main idea of which I was trying to debate about?

well in that case I guess I should sum everything up and end my chaos.

well its like this, a couple weeks ago I had a g/f, loved her till death, my mistake? Putting too much love into something. Because when I lost it, I had a problem with excepting the fact that it was gone and there was nothing I could do about it. She just gave up on me, just like that... clouded by my love for the girl, I never really saw through her, I never saw that slowly she was falling out of love with me, so much that she was cheating on me the whole time. Hm... so to cover that up she calls for this "break" which was a sham to make me think that it all happened over the break when in reality she was cheating on me the whole time.

never saw that commin. So I wanted her back and I did everything I could but even my best just... wasnt enough. She's finally given up. And who's to blame? I guess both of us, seeing that the relationship was on the path to destruction to begin with.

and the whole moral of the story? Bottom line, @#$% happens... live with it, learn from it, move on.

to tell you the truth I was so blinded I honestly thought I could get her back... but that's the kind of stuff movies are made of.

I've learnded a valuable lesson here, I've also learned to change and adapt myself to avoid future love breakdown situations.

I'm just posting this as a question.

Why is this so confusing? I mean, when I actually wanted to get her back, people were telling me ways to forget about her and move on,basically just give up. But when I don't want her back and also don't want to get into future relationships, people tell me not to give up because someone's out there for me, but then they say that you probably won't find her so soon because you are young and you have a lot more mistakes to make, I just don't get why people continue to hurt themselves.
Its like you know the coals are hott, why touch them again?

Back and fourth and back and fourth...

Maybe I just need a shrink. Lol

It's a confusing time. If you cling on something it will pull away. So best thing is to get soemone who is worse than u ;] take it easy x

You are not the only one to have gone through this, believe it or not and everyone who has done the same as you, is hurt and confused, but we all survive and learn from it and move on. As you get it together and get healthy, you will see that you will make better decisions, and handle your feelings and emotions better. We all know how you feel, now just relax and let time and a little hard work heal you.

im just posting this as a question.

why is this so confusing? i mean, when i actually wanted to get her back, people were telling me ways to forget about her and move on,basically just give up. but when i dont want her back and also dont want to get into future relationships, people tell me not to give up because someones out there for me, but then they say that you probably wont find her so soon because you are young and you have alot more mistakes to make, i just dont get why people continue to hurt themselves.
its like you know the coals are hott, why touch them again?

back and fourth and back and fourth......

maybe i just need a shrink. lol

While since I went through what you going through multiple times I can tell you that my biggest problem was myself. For one I'm completely stubborn and if I get something set in my head I believe(d) it and kept trying. You know the phrase holds true though, if you keep doing the same things over and over expecting a different result it only leads to insanity. Secondly I didn't take a step back and see what was really going on and I think that happens to most people, and will probably happen to me again at some point, to be perfectly honest. But when you get caught up in someone or a situation sometimes you can't see beyond it. I was actually just thinking this afternoon about some of the situations I've been and the advice that 30 year old me would have given 25 or 20 year old me. Then it hit me. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because I was so hard headed that I wouldn't have listened. Sometimes you have to live the experience and sometimes you have to live it multiple times before you realize what your doing isn't working and there's a better way.

While since I went through what you going through multiple times I can tell you that my biggest problem was myself. For one I'm completely stubborn and if I get something set in my head I believe(d) it and kept trying. You know the phrase holds true though, if you keep doing the same things over and over expecting a different result it only leads to insanity. Secondly I didn't take a step back and see what was really going on and I think that happens to most people, and will probably happen to me again at some point, to be perfectly honest. But when you get caught up in someone or a situation sometimes you can't see beyond it. I was actually just thinking this afternoon about some of the situations I've been and the advice that 30 year old me would have given 25 or 20 year old me. Then it hit me. It wouldn't have mattered anyway because I was so hard headed that I wouldn't have listened. Sometimes you have to live the experience and sometimes you have to live it multiple times before you realize what your doing isn't working and there's a better way.

I know right? I'm just too young to understand right now. That's why it'll never work until I'm older. My mind isint on point really, that's only because I'm too nieve. I just wish I could grow up faster, or yea like you said, get advice from an older me from the future, lol.

Sigh, I wish. Heh, the only thing to do now is just let it pass and maybe when I'm older something will click one day, who knows, maybe ill fall in love again... naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa... lol

I don't know, maybe though. Lol can't tell the future, if I could id be rich though, lol.

Lifes funny that way... one minute you're crusing along, not a worry in the world, then just out of nowhere your whole world shatters.

Guess its lifes way of bringing us back to reality. Lol love has a tendency to give us wings lol

You know what I say to that! Go drink some redbull! Lol


Its a confusing time. If you cling on something it will pull away. So best thing is to get soemone who is worse than u ;] take it easy x

Lol very funny. Naa, I won't make that mistake 2wice, once is enough for me.

i know right? im just too young to understand right now. thats why itll never work until im older. my mind isint on point really, thats only because im too nieve. i just wish i could grow up faster, or yea like you said, get advice from an older me from the future, lol.

Whoa! I never said you couldn’t understand or were naïve, I said I was at your age. You have an advantage that I didn’t have and that is information and a willingness to learn. You keep coming back and you are posting some things that are a result of your emotions talking. And don’t get me wrong I’m not saying you shouldn’t be highly emotional right now given what’s happened recently in your life. I think you keep reaching out for some kind of answer but your emotions are sort of blocking it from getting to the logical part of your brain at this time. When those emotions die down I think you’ll have a better grasp at what we have been trying to express to you.

I didn’t have the internet 10 years ago, and I certainly would never have thought about using the net to seek out advice. You have that going for you, and you also keep coming back which tells me your searching……you may not like some of what your hearing or you may not even believe some of it, but your thinking about it. Just by doing that your already ahead of where I was and where most people are.


sigh, i wish. heh, the only thing to do now is just let it pass and maybe when im older something will click one day, who knows, maybe ill fall in love again............................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................naaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa....... Lol

Trust me, when you least expect it some girl will probably slip into your life.


i dunno, maybe tho. lol can't tell the future, if i could id be rich tho, lol.

lifes funny that way....one minute youre jus crusing along, not a worry in the world, then just outta nowhere your whole world shatters.

That’s very true. That’s why I think you have to really sit back if you’ve had a good day and just appreciate it because some days will not be as good. But that’s not just with women either, you might have a job you like and get dismissed or downsized, or a relative will die, or you will lose a friend or something else. Life will have it’s moments where the world shatters around you but if you hold onto instead of learning from it and appreciating the life lesson you got from it then your repeat those mistakes over and over. But if when the world shatters you look for the good in the situation and learn from it you’ll be better prepared for the future because history does tend to repeat itself.


guess its lifes way of bringing us back to reality. lol love has a tendency to give us wings lol

you know what i say to that!? go drink some redbull! Lol

I drank 4 Red Bulls once when I hadn’t slept for about 28 hours. I was jumping around like crazy but the crash was horrible. That has nothing to do with you but since you brought Red Bull into this I thought I’d share my only real Red Bull story.

Keep and open mind and keep learning and you’ll being doing much better then most people in relationships. Also if your going to be rich like you said, you better really watch out because women will be all over you then……but will it be for you or your money?? See even money brings it’s own set of women’s issues.

To tell you the truth, with my kind of personality, ill probably end up rich and lonely, and no it won't be me that they love, it'll be the money. I'm pretty sure that its going to be the money. Lol

You know what though chuff, we spend our whole lifes searching for something, I just don't know what it is yet.

Maybe that's my problem too. Still haven't found what I'm searching for. Its not the perfect girl though. Cause I know they don't exist. I'm done with the searching for girl friends thing for a long time. You're right though. Some girls going to come strolling back into my life. But I don't think I'm going to let her in.

But I'm not emotional or anything, its just that I don't want to go through it again. Its just annoying to me, I hate making the same mistake over and over. It's the reapettitiveness that gets me.

And I know if I let another woman into my life the same things going to happen again.

I don't know. My whole perspectives probably completely wrong anyway, cause I'm still young. I just don't know. What in the world are we searching for? What am I searching for?

to tell you the truth, with my kind of personality, ill probably end up rich and lonley, and no it wont be me that they love, itll be the money. im pretty sure that its gonna be the money. lol

No woman would ever use a guy for money! :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:


you know what tho chuff, we spend our whole lifes searching for somthing, i just dont know what it is yet.

Neither do I. It changes with time, what I wanted 10 years ago was not the same as what I want now and what I want 10 years from now will probably be different. But that's kind of cool too because it allows you to explore various options.


maybe thats my problem too. still havent found what im searching for. its not the perfect girl though. cause i know they dont exist. im done with the searching for girl friends thing for a long time. youre right though. some girls gonna come strolling back into my life. but i dont think im gonna let her in.

Trust me, I've been where you are and you will eventually. And you'll fight it at first which will only make her try harder. Eventually you'll cave and start liking her and really get into her then she'll leave. Well that's what always happens to me.

So learn from that and allow yourself to like future women but also be sure to like yourself more. That's not selfish it's protection for yourself and it allows you to have strength and power in the relationship instead of giving it all to her.


but im not emotional or anything, its just that i dont wanna go thru it again. its just annoying to me, i hate making the same mistake over and over. its the reapettitiveness that gets me.

and i know if i let another woman into my life the same things gonna happen again.

But that's what I guess I'm trying to say. If you get some knowledge and self awareness before you enter the relationships of the future you might not make those mistakes. If you do make the mistakes you'll know right away and not repeat them.


idk. my whole perspectives probably completly wrong ne wayz, cause im still young. i just dont know. what in the world are we searching for? what am i searching for?

I can't help you with what your searching for. Sometimes I don't know what I'm searching for but I just try to keep an open mind and allow positive information to come into my life.

UPDATE: lol guess what?

I went back to her house to get my stuff, and she started bawling! Like she's just now starting to relize what she lost. While I was getting all of my stuff she just kept appoligizing to me, and I ignored her, I just got my stuff and walked away.

Heh, sadly I want to give it all back to her, but no. I cant, and I won't, I got to stay in the right state of mind.

You do sound like you're sincerely sorry, glad you learned your mistake of being an @$$ to her, anyway, give her time and space, if she comes back, cool, if not then take what you learned with your relationship with her and apply it to another girl, seriously, girls can only take so much before they can't take anymore, good luck, if you get her back, be good to her

UPDATE: lol guess what?

i went back to her house to get my stuff, and she started bawling! like shes just now starting to relize what she lost. while i was getting all of my stuff she just kept appoligizing to me, and i ignored her, i just got my stuff and walked away.

heh, sadly i wanna give it all back to her, but no. i cant, and i wont, i gotta stay in the right state of mind.

Exactly. You did everything right! You didn't get emotional in any way, happy or hurt, you didn't start a shouting match, you didn't cry when she cried, you didn't accept or reject her apology, and you didn't act arrogant. I guarantee when you left she was more confused then ever because after 4 years she thought she had you figured out and would react to her emotional states. Not this time. Alizeblu, congrads you turned the tables on her.

There are so many posts so I haven't read them.

But here is what I think, you saod she hurt you so many times. Man, let her go. Try to be just friends But if that doesn't move on!! I know its hard and I'm sorry but like you said you can't dwell in the past.

Kriscool

REPUTATION PLEASE!!

The above rep was meant to be a disagree. Alizeblu came here a month ago and has made great srides since then. When he first came here he was emotionally hurt, and seeking anything in terms of advice. To be honest, he seemed like a younger version of myself, with one exception that I noticed early. He was willing to learn where I was willing to repeat my mistakes like a complete fool for my entire 20's. I've personally spent hours answering questions here and in other posts by Alizeblu. I did it to help a fellow guy, who in his heart and mind did what he thought was right and got screwed over in the end.

Alizeblu didn't like a lot of what he was being told at first and many of his first statements are based in emotion with little logic. But he kept coming back. He wanted to learn. He wanted to better himself. And he did. He's now branching out into other posts, offering help and incite. He's not over what happened with his ex but as you can see by his last post he's farther along then she is and farther along then he was a month ago.

Alizeblu, as emotional as some of his posts are has something at this time that you kriscool don't have, but you can get if you truly want it. The willingness to learn and the willingness to help others here at this site, for the betterment of them which in turn will better himself in the future as he truly builds a inner core based strength and disipline not on reputation points.

Ok I get it, DON'T LISTEN TO ME OK...

I'll go to a different question...


Kriscool

Chuff was the first to respond to this thread and said it all. Sorry, but got the "spread it" jazz again.

Ok I get it, DON'T LISTEN TO ME OK.........

I'll go to a different question...


Kriscool

Actually you don't get it. Istead of bailing on this question which is quite honestly not fair to Alizeblu or anybody else that can learn from being in a similar situation you choose to run around posting the most quick answers possible with no depth or explanation. How exactly is that help? If you can't commit to taking 5 minutes and reading the first 6 pages of what has gone one since the poster first posted a month ago, why offer any help at all? How can you become an expert in anything when you cheat your way and don't commit to to achieving real results.

When I first started posting here I spent a couple weeks reading old posts to see exactly what I would do and compare it to what is consistent in the advice. Sometimes if I was way off in my thoughts, I would reevaluate if I was right and had been doing things right my whole life or if I needed to change. That's how you acquire knowledge and then when you spread that around it only deepens your mental and emotional strength because your forcing your brain to think about something as opposed to emotionally react to it.

I never set out to get reputation points, I set out to cure my own "nice guy" problem and assist others that were doing and making the same mistakes I was. In return I have received many good reps and a few bad ones but it was based on the advice offered not the goal of getting the points.

Do You Get It Skell I Don't Care Any More!! So Be Quite And Get Out Of My Face!!

Do You Think I Really Care What You Have To Say!! No!!

Do You Get It Skell I Don't Care Any More!!!!!!! So Be Quite And Get Out Of My Face!!!!!!

Do You Think I Really Care What You Have To Say!!!!!! No!!!!!

First of all, I'm Chuff not Skell.

Second of all I don't think you ever did care.

Third of all I'm not in your face, I'm sitting at a computer in central Florida and I have no idea where you are at. I'm trying to explain how you could be an asset to yourself and others instead of begging for repuation points like dog begs for scraps. (No offense against dogs)

Fourth of all I know you don't care what I have to say which is exactly why you shouldn't be here offering "advice." You didn't care enough about this poster to even read his concerns which would have taken 5 minutes, then you just gave him another 2 line answer like you do everywhere else. You strategy is hit and run just get the message down and go and hope that someone reps you. But you have no intention of offering help to anybody that really needs it.

First of all you don't know me, your going off my posts. If you have really sat down and talked to me you would understand. And your right I should think it over before I rush and write something down. I'm sorry to everybody out there.

Well thanks chuff.

Kriscool



Not trying to be mean skell but if your trying to help me the smart posts and reputation is making me furious and aren't helping. I do understand now though.

Kriscool

What smart posts??

Start your own thread and if I can help I will try my best!

Well For One People Get Tired Of Hearing The Same Stuff Or I Want to Break Uo With You... Even Though You Know You Didn't Mean It And She Kept Coming Back... That Is One Thing That Really Sucks Is Being Stuck On The Past... I Mean Like They Say If It Comes Back You Know It Was Meant To Be... Till Then Let Her Try Something Different And Maybe Shell Miss You Too??

OK kriscool, calm down guy, they trina help, here allow me to explain the quick version of my situation,

Basically, we both have been hurt, I hurt her, she's hurt me, OK, I wanted to rectify my mistake, but she didn't want me to, instead, she chose to push me away.

So I took the nessesary steps to get her back, well everything kind of backfired in the end,because she was cheating on me all along. Lol

Here ill just recopy the post and put it on my thread. It was used to help another person but this might help you get a better understanding of my situation:



I am so sorry for what I am about to say, but I'm going to be brutally honest with you.

You're missing the point. "love".<----this thing right here is what's making you stay with him. The reason you can't see a life without him is because you are BLINDED.

You can't see right now. You can't think straight, and your judgement is off key.

If you were thinking logically, you'd realize that you're in a relationship with a man who's cheating on his wife with you and cheating on you with his wife. And is probably cheating on both of you with someone else.

You will not leave this person. Why? "love"<----because of this thing right here.

In order for you to really grasp this concept is for something to happen. To make you realize what you are doing. Which probably won't happen now, why? Because of this thing right here:

-->"love"<--

Our advice you will take with you and you will know and understand what you are doing.
But, will you use it to correct and rectify your mistake?

NO. you know why? There it is again -->"love"

You will continue to make the same mistake unless something is done about that emotion.

It controls every aspect of you. It prevents you from making rational decisions.

Here, let me elaborate from a personal experience:
I fell in "love" with a girl and we had a relationship for four years, in the beginning I knew she was cheating on me, I just knew it, it never showed itself to me, it never reared its ugly head, but I knew, blinded by my "love" for her I continued the relationship. Years into the relationship another problem happened, another sign she was cheating on me. Once again I knew, but never did anything about it... still blinded... well, it finally reared its ugly head. She broke out in tears and told me she was cheating on me the whole time I was with her. She told me she was weak and wanted me to move on, still... blinded... I wanted to give her another chance. I told her we could make it work. But she told me it would only get worse and stongly advised me to move on...

I didn't listen... still... blinded... the next day I tried to pretend everything was all cool.
Yea I got my girl back its all good. We talked, blah blah blah... then I asked her to go to the movies with me. She said no, she never says no. well any ways she calls me back to tell me she will take me but she won't go with me, so I ask my friend to go with me. So its us three in the car and I wanted to throw up, my friend and I noticed it at the same time and we looked at each other. He wanted to say something but I told him not to, its my burden, I told him not to worry about it.

THE WHOLE CAR SMELLED LIKE SEX. I snapped...

The thoughts that were racing through my head... I literally wanted to strangle this girl to death, but I came back to reality, just for that moment.

I told her it was over.

This thing right here ------>"love"<------

Until something happens to purge it from you and break your connection with him, you are not going to be in the right state of mind.


Now you got to understand if you didn't read all of the posts you aren't really going to grasp the whole situation, therefore, giving misleading advice, which causes meaningless arguments.

So pretty much, all of the beginning rants from me was because I was still blinded by my love for tha girl and I didn't want to give up on her, when in reality, she already gave up on me. Heh...


I was supporting a meaningless cause, the glass was empty to begin with, you see?

Then I filled it with my love for the girl, to the half way point of coarse.

Then both of our veiws and perspectives on the relationship, pesimistic or optimistic, continued to clash, eventually leaving me back where I started:

"an empty glass".

Its poetry in motion...


Life isint about giving your all to one person for the rest of your life, its about making decisions to better ourselves, and move on in creating a better future for ourselves.

So you see kriscool, I can't be her friend, and honestly I already tried it and it didn't work.