I meet this woman at a place we both worked at. We meet during a walk for coffee. After we meet and went on a few coffee walks she told me that she was thinking about getting a devorice and I listen and I really did not give her any advice during our walks.

Now as we did more and more walking for coffee we got to know each other better, and started to then meet once a week for lunch. We became friends and then we started to have feelings for each other.

She decided to get a devorice and then 6 months of the coffee walks and lunches we really started to get strong feelings for each others.

Her husband moved out in October and the next thing I knew she invited me over for dinner and then later some wine, and that lead to a nice romance time on the poach which then we ended up in bed.

The next thing I know is that we were dating, but we also committed a sin. She was finislly devoriced and our relationship started with a bang it was awesome. We rush into a relationship everything was going great. She was wanting to tell her kids about me and I was wanting to do the same, and that is when the problems started. Her kids was not excepting of me and she started to become uncertain and she started to become hot and a little cold, and I picked up on it and it started to make me feel uncertain about us. Now we are in about 14 months of knowing each other and about 9 months of dating and then the roller coaster effect started to take effect. The emotions were high and her son was getting married and then she did not feel like she could not invited me to the wedding. So I was not invited and was hurt over that.

I started to feel like the roller coaster ride was not fun, so I broke it off with her, but I had a knee jerk reaction and the next day ask her back it took a bit of talking and converting her, but she took me back and things were good for awhile.

Until I picked up on her really only be there 90 percent, so it gave me this uneasy feeling, and uncertainty and it show and my feeling got hurt easy because of her only being there 90 percent and then the roller coaster started again.

Some times I felt good that we were able to work things out but later found out that that she got tired of all of the emotion talks. Anyhow she then broke it off with me and with in a week she wanted me back and I took her back. One thing I have learned is that there must have been something wrong with me to take her back so easily.

Now we really was on a roller coaster coaster ride with her breaking it off with me maybe about 4 more times, I kind of lost track. Each time we broke up was make like two days to a two weeks, but we would get together just to talk and would end back up in bed, and back together.

We did have an awesome love life.

This went on for another six months, and each time she broke up with me I started to lose myself wroth snd self esteem. I do not think that it was that strong in the first place but all of the rejection was not helping.

But the final break up happen, now I did a bad thing. I was wanting to know how she felt about me so when she was our of town I resc her journal about me. That was a hugh mistake as that really was the last straw. She was pissec and of course I could not blame her.

Now I really thought that was the end. I put the whole realationship messing up and blamed it all on me and not only was I feeling guilty I was feeling the lost and got really depressed.

Now four moths went by and I was starting to come out of my depression and get over her, but then out of the blue she texted me. I was surprised but also happy. Now one thing I question today is why did I not put up a protective wall and allow her back into my life so easily. We started with some talks on the phone and then getting together for dinner once a week.

She told me that she was still getting over the hurt of me reading her jounarnal but was still happy to see me.

We got together about once a week for dinner, and we would visit at the restaurant for at least three hours each time. But I was still feeling guilty and now feeling that I had to fix myself if I was going to be good enough for her, and was at a point that maybe feeling like I had to not make any mistakes like I did in the past if I was going to not lose her again.

Wow I do not know what or how I turned this way, but it was not good and I know she picked up on it.

Anyhow I could tell my weakness might of given her concerns. It came down to me feeling weak becsuse I was wanting more, and she was good with about once s weak, but I ask her to get together for a dinner and she turned me down, so I thought it might be good to give her, her space and told her I needed mine.

Now I have taken a job back in the same city where she worked and ran into her at this same coffee place were we first meet, and we visited. I told her it was nice and that I was missing our time together and ask if she would like to do that again and she told that she was still needing her space but wanted to do coffee again sometime,

We got togther again for coffee but I did not get the strong feeling from her like I did before as she wanted to get a hug each time when we meet and esch time when we parted. I had to ask this time, now she gave me one, but I guess it felt odd to have to ask. Now I am an over thinking so I do have a way of over thinking. But she told me the only thing she wants to commit to at this time is coffee as she still wants her space.

Just a few more information to add to the mix. Her thephes had told her that she needed to take a year to not be in dating relationship and she really wants to do that for herself and I want that for her too.

I also told her that I am going to tske this time to work on myself, as I have been wanting to do that also.

But here is where the confusion comes in. Why did she come back into my life wanting to become friends again and getting hot and now cold again? Because this is hurtful to build up my feeling and make me feel like we could have and work on a good friendship just to pull the rug out again.

Now I had found a new apartment and getting ready to move into the same town she is. I meet some one I would like to ask out, snd actual have just need to pick the place to eat and time, but part of me is maybe doing it to protect myself and part of me like her and would like to date again, becsuse I am getting lonely.

So I guess I am trying to figure out how my ex girl friend redlly feels and keeping to my word and still wanting to date, but it seems to be for the wrong reason.

I guess if knew how she felt and still has feelings for me I would stick in there and enjoy the coffee visits, but if she only really wants just coffee and nothing more I would honor that also, but would know I could turn up the hest in dating. Now I had asked her about how she felt but she does never answers or skirts the question.