I know many of you will disagree with me

Ive been best friends with this guy for about 5 years. We were so close that we did everything together, we saw each other almost everyday. I loved him so much. For a while we even tried dating, but I realised I loved him more than anything but he was my best friend, not in a boyfriend way.

I know he loved me, more than any other guy. I felt it whenever I was close to him, and I know without him, and the love he's given me, I wouldn't be the person I am today. I'd be bitter and sceptical about people's feelings.

Anyway for the past year we've drifted apart. We're still friends but not close. I still love him but I don't miss him like I used to, and that makes me feel so guilty. Ive seen him with other girls, and it doesn't make me feel jealous. It actually makes me feel happy knowing he's got someone. But none of these girls seem to last long, and he doesn't seem to get too deep with any of them. Which makes me realise just how much he did love me, and how rare it is for him, yet he gave it to me and once again this makes me feel so guilty.

This is all just confusing me so much

Originally Posted by adrianna89
I had my heart broken 5 years ago, and I didn't want to ever feel like that again... I started talking to this guy... We became close, we were sleeping together.

Originally Posted by adrianna89
But when we slept together... I could feel the way he treated me that he loved me... it wasn't like sleeping with other guys.

No need to worry, having sex for personal gain is a daily thing for many people. It's kind of sad really, because making love should be kept only for those you truly love. That's just my opinion though.

It doesn't surprise me that you began to have feelings for him after becoming intimate. In a way, making love can almost describe how a person truly feels about someone. The way a person can treat you in your most vulnerable state can tell a lot about the morals of a human being.

You described the way he made love to you as..


but when we slept together...I could feel the way he treated me that he loved me...it wasnt like sleeping with other guys.

That says a lot about his character, through my eyes it either means.

-He's really good at making girls fall for him.

Or

-He really does care about you.


I would think if he was a player, and tried to just play you. He wouldn't have talked to you so much, the sex would have been sex and it wouldn't have made you feel so different.


Maybe you both aren't mean to be together, but what makes you think you aren't? If you really don't feel a relationship there, then there probably never will be and it should be left at that. If you can't bring yourself to be with him, you need to forget him. Stop having these one night stands, stop running back to him and most importantly, stop talking to him. You're just stirring up the pot of old feelings and it's not a good pot to stir.

I had my heart broken 5 years ago, and I didnt want to ever feel like that again... I started talking to this guy... We became close, we were sleeping together.
The real problem is you did not properly heal from the first relationship. That is the true root of this emptiness.

You jumped into what you thought would be an NSA sex, but because you were vulnerable, you let your emotions get in the way and after he disappeared, you went through another break-up, which, compounded your pain.

Stay single for a while. Let enough time pass so you can heal. Learn to be happy without anyone in your life. Then date. Otherwise, the emptiness will always be there.

That was a long dysfunctional relationship. Personally I don't know how you love someone, yet sleep around and have relationships with other people, but that's just me.
You two may care for each other, but you may have been trying to have a relationship where there should not have been one (that is other than friendship) you said you fought like crazy.
When you started to have sex for the heck of it, you established a pattern. You could have continued to be friends if you had not continued to sleep with each other. Sex does not fill emptiness and that is what you and probably he is looking for.

Maybe he has just gotten tired of the game. If you do happen to talk to each other again, stay out of the bedroom and just be friends.
Maybe what you need is a friendship that develops in to something else with someone rather than mindless sex.
A genuine friendship with someone may move this guy right out of your mind and heart. Put him in a different and no so prominent place.

So I've seen this guy around the place and we hooked up a couple of times at a couple of clubs.

Except it turns out he's 12 years older than me, and I'm usually not into older guys. But I think I've already started falling for him a little bit. Im really confused about it all.
Any thoughts and opinions? Words of wisdom?

Ok are you 14 or are you 20, big difference when talking age difference.

If you are 20 and he is 32, great go for it, I am more than 12 years older then my wife, she always liked more mature guys.

If you are 14 and he is 26, then it is wrong.

One day you will end the confusion of your own feelings by learning the difference between love, lust, and what to do with attractions.

You don't seem to know the difference between love lust and attraction. Slow it down and just let it be.
You can just enjoy someone's company without it being anymore than that.