I have been to court pro-se many times with regards to my ex and it has now been over a year since he has contacted my son who is going on 14 next month. He is a felon of our state and of another (Judge didn't see this as relivent during divorce) and we share joint custody, I am primary guardian. My son has made the choice not to have anything to do with my ex due to his treatments and the favortisim of the new family he has started. He only had everyother weekend, split holidays and summers. The last time he called he didn't want to even talk with my son. I also have court orders in place that he is in contempt of ie: medical, behind in childsupport; My son wants my last name as well. I also need to have an order abollished stating that I can't move with in 150 radius of the ex cause of his crimes. How do I go about the wording for something like this? I know part of it is abadonment, but not sure how to do the rest of it?

I have been to court pro-se many times with reguards to my ex and it has now been over a year since he has contacted my son who is going on 14 next month. He is a felon of our state and of another (Judge didn't see this as relivent during divorce) and we share joint custody, i am primary gaurdian. My son has made the choice not to have anything to do with my ex due to his treatments and the favortisim of the new family he has started. He only had everyother weekend, split holidays and summers. The last time he called he didn't want to even talk with my son. I also have court orders in place that he is in contempt of ie: medical, behind in childsupport; My son wants my last name as well. I also need to have an order abollished stating that i can't move with in 150 radius of the ex cause of his crimes. How do i go about the wording for something like this? i know part of it is abadonment, but not sure how to do the rest of it?

I don't know where you are - in the majority of the US this is not abandoment so I am guessing your are outside the US or you've been given incorrect information, although you do refer to your "State". Have you read this? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/child-abandonment-read-first-364259.html

Your "ex" was found in contempt and nothing was done?

Your son can change his name when he is of legal age - he/you cannot change it now without the father's consent. That's the law.

YOU can't live within "150 radius" (miles, feet, something else) because of HIS crimes? I don't understand that - how did the Court get control over you?

You would have to go back to Court and petition for the relief you need/want - that would include where you can live, changed visitation, anything else. You have a distinct disadvantage if you represent yourself.

(Please excuse the spelling my nerves get the best of me) I live in Idaho, and years ago I was offered a very prospering job in the st. of Washington, we went back to court, and due to my ex not willing to work with me on the meeting place being half way the judge just automatically set an order stating that I couldn't move outside of 150miles of where my ex lives. As far as the abadonment, he has neglected our son as far as emotional, educational, physical, and when he did call last I tried to get him to talk to his son, and he hung up on me and hasn't even tried since. Again it has been over a year without contact of any kind. And yes, I have only ever received a traffic ticket, and I am the one bound to live 150mil. Radius of him. The judge during our telephonic divorce hearing (due to him being incarcerated for his sex crimes against minor females) stated" the crimes on mr. bla bla were against minor females not minor males i do not see a possible threat to his son". Qoute un qoute... I remember this very well cause still to this day I am shocked! He only received 10 mo. Local jail time, 3 yrs. Probation, and still has all his rights. He has also been in court for domestic in the presence of children against the new wife, and last I knew he and her had their newest taken from them for a period for this. I also know that cps was brought in when my son alleged molestation while in my ex custody by another "close family friend's child" all physical evidence was gone by the time my son spoke of it, but it has been said that it did actually happen. My ex still to this day denies this alliagtion, and also was caught the last time we went to court by the judge for bribing our son to lie on stand. I have a lot of evidence against my ex, as far as denying my son to the dr. over the years, and taking stitches out on his own accord (even after the bill was covered) I do know he is an ex fellon from the state of Wa, and the state of Id refuses to pull up those records. He has many many friends in the police department and as well as the courts in which we have to hold our hearings. I had to actually threating the one judge if he didn't honerably remove himself due to personal relations with my ex, that I would see to it he would be this barred.. (yes I have been pro-se about 98% of our hearings. So I have been the one to draw up paper work etc. as the judge as requested. I do have a younger son with my current husband, and my boys would be distrought if they were split up for a period. Even with their age difference of 5 years they prefer to share a room together. My oldest son (who is in question) is also on a restrected medications that my ex has refused to give him, (even after judge ordered it) it was not given to him. He has a history of violence, alcohol, and a track record of over 27 cases in Idaho, again I would love to be granted to allow my son to know what it is like to have true family around that actually cares. We also have not heard from any of my ex side of family with regards to wanting to see or speak to my son. The last attourney I had, really and honestly didn't do anything that I haven't done, or couldive done myself. This is a tricky case due to who my ex is and the fact that we already have a circulitory judicial judge who is the main judge in over 4 counties here.. not many others will take this case with a change of venue ( I have already tried)... I need help, and no leagal aid denied me. This is truly a case of someone who grew up here who has family hear that is well known and who I know is an informant. So PLEASE any possible help we would be forever in debt and grateful!

By the way my ex is a very good con artist and has been able to play the 2 attourneys I did retain to his favor. And another aspect I didn't mention before, the sex crimes, one of them was committed when he had our son for a visitation, he has been arrested in front of our son neuroumous times, both at his residence, in his vechicle, and even at my house. My son while w/ his dad for visitation had gotten in trouble with the law and life their litterly boiled down to the favoritisim of the new family of 3 children against my son.. the pictures of their holidays when he had our son, my son is not in them, my son can even recollect times when he has actually been left un attended and alone to fend for himself when he was younger.

You paint a very unlovely picture of your ex! Why did you ever marry him, let alone have a child with him?

What I think you need is to have your current husband adopt your 14 yr old. Because without an adoption, I doubt if you will get his rights terminated. An adoption solve most of you problems by severing legal ties to the bio father.

... an order stating that I couldn't move outside of 150miles of where my ex lives. As far as the abadonment, he has neglected our son as far as emotional, educational, physical, and when he did call last i tried to get him to talk to his son, and he hung up on me and hasn't even tried since. Again it has been over a year without contact of any kind. And yes, i have only ever recieved a traffic ticket, and i am the one bound to live 150mil. radius of him. ...

That doesn't make any sense.

Move to have the movemment restriction removed for the reason that the boy's father has not seen fit to exercise visitation.

I think it is called abandonment in Washington, but I don't know about Idaho. But it doesn't matter what the technical term for it is. Just recite the facts.

I know it don't make sense at all AK, but I have the court documents proving it all. I do know Idaho and Washington do share A lot of the same laws with these regards but Washington is pro parent and stricter on these laws. I have sat for many hours in the law library, but in curcumstances like this, nonthing prepares a person I don't think it even prepares an attourney. At this point I'm at a loss of how to go about doing it. ScottGem, I was very young 16 yrs of age when we were together, and out on my own. Yes I made mistakes, but I still bare the physical and emotional scars from my years with him, and so does my son. He is a controlling person, and by him not allowing my son the diginity of finding himself before its too late without the burden of a sex offenders last name that gets printed in the papers with pictures every year in every county, and the freedom without the bullying and the judgements passed upon a child by his fathers actions by not only his peers at school, but by teachers and others as well. No child should have to be made to keep a last name or be forced to visit/ or see a person like that if they so choose not to. He has carried this burden since pre-school and it haunts him today. He diserves a new start where people don't know of his bio. Father nor his crimes. He is owed as a child by the state as well as the familys of the victims, and the ex's family and himself. When a person breaks the law to that extent, they shouldn't have any amount of custody of a child, cause you never know if and when they will turn on them. I wish people would remember Duncun and the things he did, they said he would never ever violate a young boy, he would never comment another crime so to speak... that man uproared our entire state, and each day we pray that the law and justice would crack down more on the sex offenders their first time, and we pray for those from Wolf Lodge, and for the children and their familys. We just want a stress free, worry free life for our son, and a life where he can grow to be himself. Apparently the courts here really don't care about the children involved. I am seeking serious help with this.

I told you what to do. Are you under tribal law?

I know it don't make sense at all AK, but i have the court documents proving it all. I do know Idaho and Washington do share ALOT of the same laws with these reguards but Washington is pro parent and stricter on these laws. I have sat for many hours in the law library, but in curcumstances like this, nonthing prepares a person i don't think it even prepares an attourney. At this point im at a loss of how to go about doing it. ScottGem, I was very young 16 yrs of age when we were together, and out on my own. Yes i made mistakes, but i still bare the physical and emotional scars from my years with him, and so does my son. He is a controling person, and by him not allowing my son the diginity of finding himself before its too late without the burden of a sex offenders last name that gets printed in the papers with pictures every year in every county, and the freedom without the bullying and the judgements passed upon a child by his fathers actions by not only his peers at school, but by teachers and others as well. No child should have to be made to keep a last name or be forced to visit/ or see a person like that if they so choose not to. He has carried this burden since pre-school and it haunts him today. He diserves a new start where people don't know of his bio. father nor his crimes. He is owed as a child by the state as well as the familys of the victims, and the ex's family and himself. When a person breaks the law to that extent, they shouldn't have any amount of custody of a child, cause you never know if and when they will turn on them. I wish people would remeber Duncun and the things he did, they said he would never ever violate a young boy, he would never comment another crime so to speak... that man uproared our entire state, and each day we pray that the law and justice would crack down more on the sex offenders their first time, and we pray for those from Wolf Lodge, and for the children and their familys. We just want a stress free, worry free life for our son, and a life where he can grow to be himself. Apparently the courts here really don't care about the children involved. I am seeking serious help with this.


I see a lot of emotion and rhetoric but little fact. This is more blog and less legal explanation.

Wolf Lodge? Are you on Sovereign Land OR bound by (American) Indian Law?

And trust me, Attorneys ARE prepared when they go into Court.

I told you what to do. Are you under tribal law?

No not what so ever. Again I have all the documentations, court papers, filings, orders etc. that backs everything I have stated. I have Drs. Behind me, schools, etc. The last attourney that I retained, was un prepared, and I did all the leg work. He didn't gain anything, but ended up losing a client within me, because he refused to speak against my ex, (I later found out they were friends). So again I tell you that not all attrouneys are prepared, and some of us who spend time in the law library can do better than some that go to school. This is just sooo far past my knowledge and from what I have been told, was actually illigeal for the judge to do (by a very well known sourse) so again I ask, how do I go about filing or taking care of this matter. I wish some would stop being judgemental of it all

I told you what to do. Are you under tribal law?

Scott, unfortunately in this state the law says that the step parent can not adopt said child in the drescession of the matter until the biological parent has been deemed by courts as un just, un fit, and un able to care for said child in the matter. So my ex's rights would have to be pulled from him by a judge and then at the same time, my husband would have to adopt. It is tricky and adoption papers have to be done litterly at the same time that the other parents rights are pulled from him. So again now I ask you... my son only wants my last name, he will refuse to see my ex, and refuse to speak to him as well. If he was to visit, he will do what he did before, run away and come home. I know this is the way it is here due to my brother just went threw the adoption process with his wife's child.

I don't know where you are - in the majority of the US this is not abandoment so I am guessing your are outside the US or you've been given incorrect information, although you do refer to your "State". Have you read this? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/family-law/child-abandonment-read-first-364259.html

Your "ex" was found in contempt and nothing was done?

Your son can change his name when he is of legal age - he/you cannot change it now without the father's consent. That's the law.

YOU can't live within "150 radius" (miles, feet, something else) because of HIS crimes? I don't understand that - how did the Court get control over you?

You would have to go back to Court and petition for the relief you need/want - that would include where you can live, changed visitation, anything else. You have a distinct disadvantage if you represent yourself.

Yes my ex husband was found in contempt of court of 5 violations and he walked without a punnishment, without a fine, and with a smile on his face looked at the judge and smiled said thank you and that he would see him at the bowling alley. So yes there are many places and many judicial people out their in charge of peoples fates, that are very croocked!

I see a lot of emotion and rhetoric but little fact. This is more blog and less legal explanation.

Wolf Lodge? Are you on Sovereign Land OR bound by (American) Indian Law?

And trust me, Attorneys ARE prepared when they go into Court.

The fact is this: my ex is a RSO of 4 counts, he holds 27 criminal cases against him in our state, he also is an ex fellon from another state who served 3 yrs in prision, he has been deemed (by other judges) un-fit for his other children, He is violent and has grand theft on him, as well as possession, domestic, battery, arson, rape, theft with a deadly weapon, battery with a deadly weapon, attempted rape (got away with it) he has been busted for running drugs just to name a few off the top of my head. All he has ever gotten is a slap on the hand. Some schools actually still allow him to attend the events they have, go into the schools, he is allowed at family functions out in public, still hunts, drives, fishes, and has to have forced payment of child support to all 4 of his kids. And no Wolf Lodge is a place where Duncun did a burital murder of a family (he was a RSO as well who was deemed fine for release) and then took the young kids raped them and then murdered one of them. So again.. I need help in my situation cause it pulls not only criminal in volved but custody and the well being of a child and the child's life as well. My son has been given a concussion at school by another child due to the parents finding out and making sure everyone around my son knew who his dad was. The school did nonthing. My son has been scared to go to school, and stay at any ones house. He carries his last name and its not one that people forget and it don't help he does look like his dad some.

yes my ex husband was found in contempt of court of 5 violations and he walked without a punnishment, without a fine, and with a smile on his face looked at the judge and smiled said thank you and that he would see him at the bowling alley. So yes their are many places and many judicial people out their in charge of peoples fates, that are very croocked!


I trust there were other witnesses and minimally you reported this to the Bar Association and a higher Court?

Or asked that the case be transferred to another jurisdiction?

I know it happens. I've seen Attorneys stand on top of each other to get to their favorite (translation: friendly) Judge. Whether the word "many" is appropriate is a matter of opinion.

Scott, unfortunately in this state the law says that the step parent can not adopt said child in the drescession of the matter until the biological parent has been deemed by courts as un just, un fit, and un able to care for said child in the matter. So my ex's rights would have to be pulled from him by a judge and then at the same time, my husband would have to adopt. It is tricky and adoption papers have to be done litterly at the same time that the other parents rights are pulled from him. So again now i ask you...... my son only wants my last name, he will refuse to see my ex, and refuse to speak to him as well. If he was to visit, he will do what he did before, run away and come home. I know this is the way it is here due to my brother just went threw the adoption process with his wifes child.

I have no idea what "drescession" means - what does it mean?

I appreciate what you are saying about what your son wants and doesn't want but it's not his decision, unfortunately. It also appears that "everyone" knows and so I don't know how that will help.

Me? I'd appeal to a higher Court OR I'd retain an Attorney from "somewhere else."

Here's my other problem. This is your "ex's" history (as you posted it): "my ex is a RSO of 4 counts, he holds 27 criminal cases against him in our state, he also is an ex fellon from another state who served 3 yrs in prision, he has been deemed (by other judges) un-fit for his other children, He is violent and has grand theft on him, as well as possession, domestic, battery, arson, rape, theft with a deadly weapon, battery with a deadly weapon, attempted rape (got away with it) he has been busted for running drugs ..." You married AND had a child with this man?

I have to wonder if he was a great guy who got married and turned to a life of crime or if he ALWAYS was "like" this - ?

he refused to speak against my ex, (i later found out they were friends).

If you have proof of that, you may be able to sue for malpractice. An attorney should refuse to take a case where the opponent is a friend.


Scott, unfortunately in this state the law says that the step parent can not adopt said child in the drescession of the matter until the biological parent has been deemed by courts as un just, un fit, and un able to care for said child in the matter.

What law says that? What does drescession mean (Please proof read more carefully)? Yes it is true that a TPR must be ordered before the adoption granted. But that's typical. What is also typical is that it is handled as part of the same filing. What typically happens is the step parent files to adopt. As part of the filing is a petition to terminate the other parent's rights. The courts are more inclined to grant a TPR when there is a replacement parent. That's why it should be part of a package. If the bio father will refuse to agree to the adoption, then the petition to terminate should include proof of why his roights should be terminated.


with a smile on his face looked at the judge and smiled said thank you and that he would see him at the bowling alley.

Do you have a transcript of the trial or witnesses to prove that? That should be grounds for appeal and change of venue.


how do i go about filing or taking care of this matter.

Do you have a local law school? Many have clinics to help people prepare filings and strategy. I can't tell you what you need to do specifically since I don't know the local courts. But unless you can show me a specific statute that says the TPR has to be part of a separate filing or that a step parent adoption can only be granted when there is no legal second parent, I stand by my recommendation that you file for the adoption.

Finally. As for your son refusing to visit, You have to make your son available if there is a court ordered visitation. You do not have to force him to go. If he refuses then let the father take you to court to hold you in contempt and then you show that it was not your decision but your son's.

I trust there were other witnesses and minimally you reported this to the Bar Association and a higher Court?

Or asked that the case be transferred to another jurisdiction?

I know it happens. I've seen Attorneys stand on top of each other to get to their favorite (translation: friendly) Judge. Whether or not the word "many" is appropriate is a matter of opinion.

Ok, you got me their on the many with regards to the Judge, and yes there are those that will climb Mt. Everest to get to their friendly. As far as the Bar association, no I didn't take it that far, but the higher court, I made many a phone calls and spoke with many people that sit higher than "this" circulitory district judge, much higher. The last time I made that phone call was before we went to court last, and in not so many words the judge is wanting me to come with a really good attourney to fix what he wronged for my son many years ago.

[QUOTE=WolfQueen08;3214340not so many words the judge is wanting me to come with a really good attourney to fix what he wronged for my son many years ago.[/QUOTE]

Yes, appellate courts prefer to deal with attorneys not people going pro se.

But if you want to protect your son, then you will do whatever is necessary.