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Clarity4
Jun 30, 2012, 09:12 AM
I'm in my mid 30's, finally! Finishing up my Ph.D in the States.
I've had my share of breakups, embarrassing moments where I would write a crappy chapter in my dissertation just because I broke up. But then, managed to find my way back... as life teaches us... time heals.

When I'm not working my butt off to finish this dissertation and teaching classes...

I fly home every summer and/or winter to spend time with family. Recent summer, I went on a few blind dates back home, thinking it was time to start dating since 1) it's been a while since I dated, 2) I would be graduating next year and returning home pretty soon, and 3) I'm in my mid 30's, so marriage and family is on the back of my mind.

Unexpectedly, I did meet someone on one of the many blind dates over the summer. We met for only 2 weeks before I came back to the States to teach a summer class. But before I left, he asked me if I wanted to continue dating him. I didn't reply right away, because I didn't want to promise something that I wasn't sure of (plus, this would mean long distance relationship? Contact?).

Ultimately, I said I was interested in keeping contact. I think we were aware that this was going to be tricky- both in our mid 30's, both probably at the stage of thinking about marriage or serious relationship material, both pretty independent people.. . but both ending up finding someone who lived halfway across the country (even if it would be for one year and I would graduate and return home)

The situation: When I'm busy, I can get extremely busy, but knowing that I had agreed to this long distance contact, I do my best to keep a consistent routine of contacting him. I also make the effort to keep promises and to remember them. It's been about 3 weeks since we've started this long distance thing.He does a pretty good job of making the effort to maintain things on his part. Only issue? He strongly suggested we skype since we haven't seen each other in a while. I agreed once, waited, but he never logged in. Found out something came up with work- some kind of deadline he was stressed over about. I overlooked it and was pretty understanding. Things happen.

Second time around, he suggested that we really needed to skype soon. I suggested this weekend. He forgot to bring his PC camera from his office. He said he would skype when he got to work instead. We set up a time for our skype meeting. I agreed. Will see if he keeps his promise


My question: I'm just irritated and not really looking forward to this skype date anymore. Burned out, maybe with someone always having some excusable reason not to keep promises? It's not as though my life revolves around him. I admit (embarrasingly) I do feel my ego/pride being tested. And I had to really think things through before I agreed to this long distance contact. His reasons seem acceptable, but emotionally I feel iffy. I guess I am a bit confused (maybe with the relationship, what the expectations are,etc). This is still the dating stage for us, so I guess there are no expectations?

Hmmm... do his actions speak louder than words? Is there something that I'm overlooking or am I just the typical female who is over-analyzing a relationship that really isn't considered relationship in the first place? What do you guys think? I'm open to any ideas or life experiences that may help.

I might be of want of some kind of confirmation about an answer that I already know. Either way, any feedback is welcomed... even if it hurts!

Thanks

TheGuyWithAFork
Jun 30, 2012, 12:03 PM
Well, in this situation, I would probably expect some bad things since he has been using work as an excuse for times he said that he would skype you. Since I am 14 and I have no experience in this, but I would recommend putting school as the top priority, since there are lots of fishes in the sea. Or ocean.
Ever since I started watching Drama shows, it gets me thinking of two things. One: Is the guy doing something else that he doesn't want you to know? Two: Is he telling the truth?
If you met his parents, give them a call and ask what they know. Or a close friend that can "look" after him.
If you want to do this by yourself, I would finish school and go to him directly and ask what has been going on. Sorry for not being helpful...

amicon
Jun 30, 2012, 12:12 PM
Emotionally I would feel ''iffy'' to-and let this go.

Clarity4
Jun 30, 2012, 01:47 PM
Emotionally I would feel ''iffy'' to-and let this go.

Do you think that waiting to see how he keeps his promise the 2nd time around would be fair? Or am I trying to hold on to false hope?

He did apologize the 1st time and I think it was really because of work.
But, I've also learned that guys can be quite simple minded; thus, their actions do speak louder than words. Contradicting myself here caz I'm confused.

Do guys take the extra mile to keep in contact with a woman- even if he is preoccupied with work deadlines, etc. Or are these expectations women fantasize? Just trying to get a reality check here.

TheGuyWithAFork
Jun 30, 2012, 11:02 PM
Well, I would try the second time since it seems like you like the guy. 3rd time's the charm or something similar to it. And yes, there is a VAST number of simpletons like us men. But if he's the "rare case", I would watch out.
And yes. If the guy says that he should skype with you, he should keep his word. Hence the GUY Code/Honor. He could consider having a schedule of setting a weekend with you over skype.

From me personally, I would try a third time, to see if he is working. The Fourth time? I'm done. I hope things turn out all right at your side. Stay strong!
Kelly Clarkson - Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) - YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xn676-fLq7I)