I'm not a virgin. How to hide this on my wedding night?

You can't. You can lie and pretend pain but do you want to begin your marriage with a lie?

There is no way he can tell, not all women bleed, some have more pain than others.

What nation and/or what culture do you belong to.

Why do you have to hide this from your husband? That's not honest,or fair.

Seems to me like he wants a virgin, is that the case? Is that why you hid it from him. It would have hurt a lot less if you told him much earlier, or would that have pushed him away?

Seems to me like this whole relationship is bent on this lie. How many more lies are there?

You just don't say anything, not a great way to start a marriage though.

Why do you have to hide this from your husband? Thats not honest,or fair.

This my fixed by elders I can't hurt them...


There is no way he can tell, not all women bleed, some have more pain than others.

What nation and/or what culture do you belong to.

India... every one happy... I am confused... I am cheated by guy...

You cheated and now this is the price you pay. I guess you begin your marriage with a lie.
Do you have to marry him?

Leave the guy alone. He deserves better. Why can't you girls marry the person you slept with. Tell the guy who is marrying you that you are not a virgin. If he is OK with that then marry, otherwise don't, would you prefer to lie and carry the guilt your whole life? My suggestion would be to find the man who you lost your virginity to and marry him. He should be a real man and take responsibilities - if he is not willing to then file rape charges against him. That would teach him for not being honest and committed.

Leave the guy alone. He deserves better. Why can't you girls marry the person you slept with. Tell the guy who is marrying you that you are not a virgin. If he is ok with that then marry, otherwise don't, would you prefer to lie and carry the guilt your whole life? My suggestion would be to find the man who you lost your virginity to and marry him. He should be a real man and take responsibilities - if he is not willing to then file rape charges against him. That would teach him for not being honest and committed.


File RAPE charges against him? You are advocating the filing of false charges as some sort of revenge? Arrest as some sort of teaching someone a lesson?

Amazing - from a 20 year old, dating a 13 year old. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/13-year-old-girl-20-year-old-guy-682313.html

You are wrong - you are NOT very mature for your age.

At least I care not to sleep around and take advantage of girls. I tend to be very careful when dealing with other. Especially girls and I believe in staying virgin till marriage that is the reason I am worried about the 13 year old. I would rather prefer being in prison than sleeping with any girl and leaving her. If I do sleep with a girl then I would marry her for sure even if she was hooker.

At least I care not to sleep around and take advantage of girls. I tend to be very careful when dealing with other. especially girls and I believe in staying virgin till marriage that is the reason I am worried about the 13 year old. I would rather prefer being in prison than sleeping with any girl and leaving her. If I do sleep with a girl then I would marry her for sure even if she was hooker.


Oh, really? Come on - so if you have sex with a hooker you're going to marry her?

You sound younger and younger (and less realistic) with every post. It's good that you have a healthy ego.

You are very busy throwing stones at this OP - meanwhile, you were/are in a relationship with a 13 year old girl, hugging, kissing, cuddling, accepting gifts, "jerking off."

How does this post address justify filing false criminal charges against someone?

I don't go around sleeping with hookers. I was telling you that If I ever slept with someone (that I won't do before marriage) I would surely marry her. I don't think you would ever understand since you people don't stay virgins before marriage. I have my morals and standards, we don't go around hurting everyone's feelings. Goes to show the cultural difference between us. Out here If we get committed there is no turning back. We stay with only one person till death and the 13 year old you are speaking of is dear to me, Has I said yes on that day to her - I would not ever think of any other girl and would marry her for sure. For you guys it would be easy to sleep with a guy/girl and forget about him the very next day. For us out here there is only one person till death. Once we are committed will stay with each other for life and to make things clear I am not in a relationship with this 13 year old girl, I am only worried that she may feel depressed, but I don't think you would care for other persons morals and feelings.

For us out here there is only one person till death. Once we are committed will stay with each other for life
If you read many of the threads here in Adult Sexuality and Relationships, you will notice that younger Asians, in particular Indians, are no longer locked into that traditional idea of one mate and/or one sex partner until death.

I don't go around sleeping with hookers. I was telling you that If I ever slept with someone (that I won't do before marriage) I would surely marry her. I don't think you would ever understand since you people don't stay virgins before marriage. I have my morals and standards, we don't go around hurting everyone's feelings. Goes to show the cultural difference between us. out here If we get committed there is no turning back. we stay with only one person till death and the 13 year old you are speaking of is dear to me, Has I said yes on that day to her - I would not ever think of any other girl and would marry her for sure. For you guys it would be easy to sleep with a guy/girl and forget about him the very next day. For us out here there is only one person till death. Once we are committed will stay with each other for life and to make things clear I am not in a relationship with this 13 year old girl, I am only worried that she may feel depressed, but I don't think you would care for other persons morals and feelings.


"You people"? "We" don't go around hurting everyone's feelings"? Please - a generality at best.

I wasn't aware that you can't divorce in Asia, and marriage is for life.

Don't even attempt to say what would be "easy" or not "easy" for us (again with the "you guys") to do.

You don't seem to remember what you said. What you said was: "If I do sleep with a girl then I would marry her for sure even if she was hooker." You now remember saying, "If I ever slept with someone "

Don't even attempt to analyze if I do or don't care - I already know you don't think.

Again, PLEASE EXPLAIN, now that you've taken the moral high road, why it is appropriate (or even recommended) that the OP have her sex partner arrested for rape to teach him a lesson.

Apparently "you people" have little regard for the law.

We will never agree whether or not hugging, kissing, cuddling and exchanging gifts constitutes a relationship - to say nothing that you only dated (or "saw" on a friend basis) one person at a time.

PLEASE address the legal issue - otherwise I'm out of here and you're talking to yourself.

@wondergirl - I don't know about other indians but I am raised with the believe that only one person for a lifetime and our entire relations are bound by those standards.

@Judy- Didn't you see that she told "She was Cheated?" - that is why I used hard words.
I admit English is my third language and I am not good with phrasing my replied and questions and true in India we don't abide by the law cause in India laws are made only to accommodate the earning potential and favors of politicians and rich people. You can see politicians swindle off crores off money and still roam freely and people killing and blaming other (probably poor) for the deed.

@wondergirl - I don't know about other indians but I am raised with the believe that only one person for a lifetime and our entire relations are bound by those standards.
Then why, if you are fated to marry this young girl someday, are you thinking of spending time with a young woman your own age?

For your information - I am a virgin and I have never cheated any girl. Would being friends with another girl be considered as cheating. I never did committed to any girl before. Its just that I have been in her company for so long and If I spend my time with another girl I would be able for forget being with her for a few years. Mind you - I would never ever engage physically with anyone till marriage (My parents and myself are very strick on this point).

What if you fall in love with a young woman your age with whom you are spending time?

Falling in love isn't an option. Out here you marry the girl of your parent's choice. If you want to do love marriage then you have to run away from home and it means disgrace to the society (stupid culture, I know. But I am born and bought in it) no future in running away from home. So both the young women and I know from the very beginning that we could only be friends and nothing more and by going out with the young women means like hanging out like friends do.

But that doesn't prevent someone from falling hopelessly in love with you, and then you will break her heart. Note all the "I love him and want him to love me too" and "I want to convince my parents for a love marriage" and "we are from different castes but I love him" threads on this site.

Seems to me like he wants a virgin, is that the case? Is that why you hid it from him. It would have hurt a lot less if you told him much earlier, or would that have pushed him away?

Seems to me like this whole relationship is bent on this lie. How many more lies are there?

Totally a good question dear CObra? How astute you are.

@wonder girl - I am going off from this site with a last reply (because you care to ask and answer my questions, I am replying)

The people you are talking maybe are from north india(India is a big country) - In south India there are only 2 options - You either leave your parents, run away from home and marry the person you love (but don't expect your parents to accept your marriage for like 10-12 years, after 12 years they MAY forgive you) or you marry the person your parents choice and stay in a life long relationship (Even if you don't like you partner) The young women you are talking about know better about that and would never see me as a potential partner (therby never developing any feelings towards me) at the very best we can be good friends even after her marriage and my marriage and her family and my family and we would eventually become family friends. Those who think otherwise will be posting questions like you said, because there's hardly a way out

Thank you for the reply. I worked for years with three women born in India and from Kashmir, Delihi, and Goa. What you say is mostly true, but the times, they are a-changin' even in southern India. With modern conveniences such as tvs and cell phones and computers, the traditional ways no longer are good for the younger generation.

I'd still like to know how filing a false rape charge to teach someone a lesson is justifiable. That's all I want to know -

As far as the rest of this the story changes as people chime in.

Great info on Asia, but did we forget that this thread isn't about lqbal Khan? He does have his own thread, perhaps it would be better to discuss his issues there.

To uuuu. Can I ask why it's important for you to be a virgin on your wedding night? I do know that in some parts of India a girl can be killed for not being a virgin on her wedding night. Are you facing that sort of predicament, or are you just worried about telling the truth to your future husband?

Great info on Asia, but did we forget that this thread isn't about lqbal Khan? He does have his own thread, perhaps it would be better to discuss his issues there.

To uuuu. Can I ask why it's important for you to be a virgin on your wedding night? I do know that in some parts of India a girl can be killed for not being a virgin on her wedding night. Are you facing that sort of predicament, or are you just worried about telling the truth to your future husband?


OP was asked - her response was: "this my fixed by elders i can't hurt them......india ...every one happy ....i am confused ....i am cheated by guy....."

I have no idea what this means.

Alty, I don't know that this is off track. "Iqbal" recommends a false rape charge. I think that's bad advice. Maybe that's all that's left to be said BUT both the OP and Iqbal appear to be in India, so one of them must have an idea why this is a good idea - or not.

I don't know of any country where filing false rape charges is legal, or moral for that matter.

It would be nice to know why Iqbal thought this was a good suggestion.

I do not recommend filing a real rape charges - I feel that he should be punished for cheating a girl. My advice would be to marry the guy who you were with and leave the to be husband because the poor guy thinks you are a virgin. I have seen many movies, there is a chance that this First guy would come back after you have been married for some years and blackmail you that he would tell her hubby about her past relationship with him, these things does happens in reality. So beware. I hope you do realize that marriage is a whole life commitment and starting this bond with a lie is not the best thing to do. I hope you would find and solution that you won't regret later on.

I have no idea what is going on with this thread, Alty. I thought it was about a man not wanting to admit to being a virgin. Now we are talking about rape... sorry my IPad isn't as quick on the uptake and I am on vacation on my sundeck with a Cesar... burp. . sorry excuse me ! The drink not a man

I have no idea what is going on with this thread, Alty. I thought it was about a man not wanting to admit to being a virgin. Now we are talking about rape.....sorry my IPad isn't as quick on the uptake and I am on vacation on my sundeck with a Cesar...burp. .sorry excuse me ! The drink not a man

Now I'm even more confused. If the OP is a man then it's easy to hide not being a virgin, just act like you have no clue what you're doing. ;)

Maybe you should get me a chair, and a cesar would be nice too. Also not the man. ;)

I don't know of any country where filing false rape charges is legal, or moral for that matter.

It would be nice to know why Iqbal thought this was a good suggestion.


Don't mean to turn this into a conversation but "Iqbal" turned this into a "you people," moral, take the high ground speech right after he suggested trumped up charges.

I'd be curious to know where this is accepted but, alas, I'm sure I'll never know.

He mentioned somewhere along the line that he is in southern India.

There are hookers in India?

... cool.

There are hookers in India?

.....cool.


And so the thread ends on a happy note.

Laughing - priceless!

(Apparently the hooker career is short because if a person actually has sex with "one" he has to marry her, thus ending her career.)

Enigma, that post deserves 20 greenies! :)

I wish Istanbull (wait, that wasn't his name) Iqual? Oi! Iqbal? Whatever his name is. I wish he'd come back and explain how there are hookers when it seems that no one has sex before marriage, and if they do they have to marry that person. Prostitution doesn't seem like a good career choice in India, unless you want to hook yourself a husband. :)