SilentSkills
Jun 28, 2012, 11:02 AM
This is probably a very common question. However I'd like some opinions outside of mine to help me understand the why.
Some background:
My ex-gf and I broke up about 2 years ago. We had a pretty bumpy relationship with many lows and few ups, probably due to our (mostly mine)inexperience and immaturity. I was really jealous and made obvious attempts at controlling and changing her lifestyle, which didn't work and caused a lot of friction between us. She did the same to me and tried to change my lifestyle, personality, etc, she succeeded at it, but that's irrelevant. The point is we were very similar beings but we weren't really compatible, I later realized that.
I can't really tell who broke up with who. At the heat of the moment I got dumped, and that seemed to be the end of it. However, we both broke the no-contact rule within a week or two after the incident. I'm not sure how to put this nicely, but I got the impression (from our conversation) that she did not want to date me anymore, but did not want to lose contact with me, and wanted to see me kind of secretly, on the side or so I interpreted. I did not (still haven't 2 years later) delved deeply into the why she still wanted to see me, but I already had enough with this girl so I decided to break all ties, out of the blue, with no notice.
And so I completely stopped talking to her. Proceeded with the no contact method, got myself very busy with work, school, and hobbies. In a relatively short amount of time I stopped feeling the post-break-up-sadness most of us have, I was a changed man. Eventually I started dating again.
Over the last two years she has sent me several messages through Facebook. The content of such messages evolved from asking me why I hadn't talked to her in so and so long, to explaining how she dreamed and thought of me to wondering how I am doing. The attitude of said messages also changed from "i don't really care" to "i wish" over time, no evidence of neediness at first sight.
I have never replied to any of the messages. Me and my current girlfriend have an unwritten rule about not actively communicating with our ex's, since we both have had bad experiences (cheating, sneaking out with them, lies etc) with our ex's previous partners intruding in our previous relationships. I understand this may sound confusing, but we both basically want nothing to do with our previous partners.
So I guess my questions are:
1- Why would my ex try to communicate with me behind her (multiple) bf's back?
I understand people think about their previous partners occasionally, even dream about them, get curious etc. I think it's normal. However in my case it does not make me inform her about it.
2- Do you think there is an underlying message in between the lines?
3- Why not just call me?
4- Should I reply to these messages to satisfy her curiosity?
5- In general why do some girls try to contact the ex they left?
It's a long post, but I feel the background info is relevant
Some background:
My ex-gf and I broke up about 2 years ago. We had a pretty bumpy relationship with many lows and few ups, probably due to our (mostly mine)inexperience and immaturity. I was really jealous and made obvious attempts at controlling and changing her lifestyle, which didn't work and caused a lot of friction between us. She did the same to me and tried to change my lifestyle, personality, etc, she succeeded at it, but that's irrelevant. The point is we were very similar beings but we weren't really compatible, I later realized that.
I can't really tell who broke up with who. At the heat of the moment I got dumped, and that seemed to be the end of it. However, we both broke the no-contact rule within a week or two after the incident. I'm not sure how to put this nicely, but I got the impression (from our conversation) that she did not want to date me anymore, but did not want to lose contact with me, and wanted to see me kind of secretly, on the side or so I interpreted. I did not (still haven't 2 years later) delved deeply into the why she still wanted to see me, but I already had enough with this girl so I decided to break all ties, out of the blue, with no notice.
And so I completely stopped talking to her. Proceeded with the no contact method, got myself very busy with work, school, and hobbies. In a relatively short amount of time I stopped feeling the post-break-up-sadness most of us have, I was a changed man. Eventually I started dating again.
Over the last two years she has sent me several messages through Facebook. The content of such messages evolved from asking me why I hadn't talked to her in so and so long, to explaining how she dreamed and thought of me to wondering how I am doing. The attitude of said messages also changed from "i don't really care" to "i wish" over time, no evidence of neediness at first sight.
I have never replied to any of the messages. Me and my current girlfriend have an unwritten rule about not actively communicating with our ex's, since we both have had bad experiences (cheating, sneaking out with them, lies etc) with our ex's previous partners intruding in our previous relationships. I understand this may sound confusing, but we both basically want nothing to do with our previous partners.
So I guess my questions are:
1- Why would my ex try to communicate with me behind her (multiple) bf's back?
I understand people think about their previous partners occasionally, even dream about them, get curious etc. I think it's normal. However in my case it does not make me inform her about it.
2- Do you think there is an underlying message in between the lines?
3- Why not just call me?
4- Should I reply to these messages to satisfy her curiosity?
5- In general why do some girls try to contact the ex they left?
It's a long post, but I feel the background info is relevant