I chose adoption about a year ago but it was not my decision. I was getting pressured into it by my family and I was wondering if I could get him back. Can anyone help me.

You chose adoption, and that was the final word.

If the adoption has been finalized by the court, then it is almost impossible to reverse.

Each state or area has its laws, and during the process there are questions. Next no one is forced, the family can make pressure but it is always your choice.

Now after a year it would all be final at this point and you can not.

All decisions are made with influence, even if it's an ad on TV or a friend whispering in your ear or something about what your remember you liked as a child. YOU made the decision. That child has your DNA only, and isn't 'yours' any longer. He or she knows a woman as her mother and a man as her father, and to wrench her away from them would be a disaster for her growth and mental health. You have done a very good deed for the world, for that couple specifically. You can register your name in the 'hope to make contact' file and if the child searches for you after turning 18, you two can connect.

I hope you can't.

You probably cannot.

You have to PROVE that you were coerced to overturn an adoption. That means that you have to have PROOF that someone was forcing you to make the choice you made.

When I stood in court 20 years ago to relinquish my rights, I was asked SEVERAL times if the choice was of my free will or if I was being coerced. I would HOPE that the courts still do that.

Have you had ANY counseling for your adoption grief? If not, I strongly suggest you do so.

Is your adoption story an open adoption?

I hope you can't.

Why do you say that?

Why do you say that?


There are adopted children in my family. I cannot imagine raising a child for a year and then having the birth mother change her mind.

In Court - at least in NY - the birth parents are asked multiple times if they know their rights, understand the process, are giving consent. Every effort is made to keep all parties informed and comfortable.

I understand a change of heart BUT all feelings aside this was a legal process. That child has new parents. The Court made certain that the child is well cared for in every way (and, unfortunately, that sometimes includes financially. I say "unfortunately" because the statistics concerning unwed, single mothers and their children are downright scary), by a couple (or a single person with means). Your natural child? You are able to have sex and conceive, you're "qualified" to be a parent!

I just don't know how anyone can attempt to reverse that process, particularly claiming family pressure, any other kind of pressure. It was not OP's decision? Yes, it was. Perhaps it was a decision made under pressure but it WAS her decision.

I think it's sad all the way around - sad for what appears to be a young birth mother, perhaps easily influenced. Sad for adoptive parents who love and legally adopted the child.

And if the birth mother gets the process reversed is she going to change her mind again next year when someone else "influences" her?

Posts like this are discouraging for anyone who considers adoption - the "what if he/she changes his/her mind" scenario echoes in your head.

I realize you are a labor/delivery RN and possibly see the other side of thing. I am only exposed to adoption because of family history, what I see/hear in the Courtroom, having investigated that option myself. What do you see that I am missing?

I agree with you Judy, my husband was adopted as were 2 of his siblings. My sister-in-law even gave a child up for adoption before she met my brother. This was a custody battle where I live... Custody battle for Anna Mae He - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Custody_battle_for_Anna_Mae_He)

I was just curious why you said what you did, the way that you said it.

I agree with you Judy, my husband was adopted as were 2 of his siblings. My sister-in-law even gave a child up for adoption before she met my brother. This was a custody battle where I live...Custody battle for Anna Mae He - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Custody_battle_for_Anna_Mae_He)

I was just curious why you said what you did, the way that you said it.


Perhaps I should get paid by the word - then I would be more "wordy."

When a post hits close to home I tend to have a knee jerk reaction -