I was in high school (12th grade) when I dated a girl from work (3 years older than me) whom I was really good friends with for over a year. I was the happiest person alive when we dated. However towards the end of the relationship, which lasted for about 10 months, she always got extremely emotional at times. Like really mad for little reason. There was also another girl on high school who led me on. The high school girl seemed like she was the better person for me after the current girlfriend would get so upset.

One day, I couldn't take her getting mad at me anymore so I ended the relationship. Turns out the high school girl didn't like me after all. My ex and I were still friends and in about a month or 2 we had sex again. She was such a good friend to me during that time. She was really like my best friend. The jackass that I am was addicted to online games. I always played them, which made me boring on the phone and also made me wake up late or arrive late to plans we made the next day. I see now that I was a horrible friend.

I'm not trying to make excuses but I'm sure you know the pressure college can put on you with homework and stuff. And I also work all the time. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that I had a lot of stuff to keep me busy. She seemed OK with the way things were, so I didn't want to create any problems. So I delayed making a clear decision of whether I wanted to go out or not.

The last time me and her hung out was about 3 weeks ago. We went to staples and I bought a new chair for my room. Then we went to Best Buy so she could look for a remote. Anyway when we got to my house she went to my room and I brought the chair in from outside. I asked my dad if he could put it together. Then I went back to my room, and she asked me for the $20 dollars I owed her (I wanted a movie at Best Buy and was broke because of the expensive chair and I told her I'd pay her back when we got home) I went to ask my mom for the $20 and my dad insisted I help him with the chair. It took 10 minutes tops and when I went to get the $20 my mom gave me it was gone! I looked everywhere for it! So I went back to my room and I find my 9 year old brother hinding. TURNS OUT, HE HID MY $20!! I was so mad at him, and she was extremely mad at me for making her wait. So she made me take her home.

I was sort of upset that she made me take her home. I really didn't want to make her wait, but she acts as if I was trying to just ruin her night (or 15 minutes of it) on purpose. So I didn't really try to hang out with her for a week or so. She never asked me to hang out and I didn't ask her either.

Last week, I came around to asking her to hang out. I asked almost everyday. She said she was busy. I asked her for her days off and she told me, but she said she had plans then too. Finally this Monday she says she will go out to eat with me on Wednesday. I was happy about that because it was like she was ignoring me. Then we talked on Tuesday (to plan out Wednesday) and had THIS conversation.

She thinks that the entire time, that I was taking advantage of her and using her just for sex. The last time we talked was Tuesday night, when she told me her feelings. She also thinks the entire time, I was leading her on, that we might date again.

Well I didn't know what to say, I was really upset and crying (this conversation took place when I was driving home from school). When I got home, I spent hours writing her an email about how I felt. I tried calling her and texting her and myspacing her, but I got no responses. On Wednesday, I did the same. She told me in a text message "Now u no how it feels 2 not get another chance, im done w/ this leave me the alone". That hurt really bad and I tried to call/text her again. Then she said "Leave me alone its not an option".

I wasn't using her. I really love her. During the relationship I had with her after we broke up, I was unsure of my feelings. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go out with her again or not. I DID know that I didn't want to cut her out of my life. I still liked her. Although I didn't want to go out again and end up breaking up AGAIN either.


It turns out that she has a boyfriend now and she hates me. That killed me. Here I was thinking about going out again and now I'm completely out of the picture for good. I don't know what to do. It seems that I got angry and ignored her for a week and I completely ruined any future I had with her.

I guess I have no chance of being her boyfriend now. If that is the case, I still want to be her friend. I'm not talking about the 'friends' we were after we broke up. If she has a boyfriend, you know I'll respect that.

I kept trying to contact her through her friends and she called my friend to tell me that SHE would call me when SHE was ready to talk.

Do you think I have a chance? :(

Dude.. There's nothing wrong with the way you acted. You were in good faith the entire time and there's nothing wrong with her waiting for you to get the $20 from your brother. Sounds she's got the upper hand and she wants to keep it. Tell you what: I know this is not make sense now and you're not going to like it, but leave her alone and get your upper hand back. If she does not call then she was utterly confused and didn't appreciate what she had with you. There's nothing you can do to convince her. But if she does call, then you guys will be on a level playing field and you will feel much better about your relationship with her. Trust me on this, gone through much of the same myself. Don't bother with her for now..

Thanks for helping amerchan. I read some other posts and it seems that I need to give her the space, there is no question about that. I'm a little concerned with her new boyfriend though. They have been together for a month now and her friends tell me that she's happy. She's been ignoring me for about 9 days now and it has been about 4 days since she told my friend that SHE would call me when SHE was ready to talk. The only thing I can think of, is to try to be her friend again. Then be a really good friend until (hopefully) they break up. Then maybe after a while rekindle the relationship. Also, if I did get to this point, would she even date me again? It's driving me nuts thinking about it. I feel though, that if I ever got her back, I would never let her go again.

What do you guys (and girls) think? One of my friends told me that right now she hates me, and that's better than her not having any feelings at all. So I guess in a messed up way, that's better than nothing.

Today she called me. We decided to forget about the past and just start new. She said basically, we could go out and do pretty much anything, except go to my house obviously. She also started talking about everyday things, like there was never a fight or anything, she even talked to me about her boyfriend. Is this good or bad?

We ended up talking a little bit about the past. It was painful to hear her say she was completely over us (as a couple) and how she had been in the palm of my hands the whole time we were "friends". I felt really sad/bad I neglected her during those times. She says I have the potential to be a good friend. We are going bowling Wednesday, then out to dinner, just me and her.

I feel that I have to regain her trust and be a really good friend to her. Please let me know your opinions. Do you think there would be a future for us together (obviously if and when she breaks up with her current boyfriend).

I talked to my mom a little bit about it. She said that if she was with a new boyfriend and over the old one (when she was young) then she would definitely not go out somewhere with her ex boyfriend. It makes sense to me. Maybe I really do have a chance :D

Honestly, I think she has shut you out. It hurts to hear that, but I really think she is trying to move on. My ex did the same thing, we broke up, she hated me, and that was that. I just left her alone and did my own thing and it helped not seeing her or talking to her, even though I wanted to so bad. Even though you love her, you have to start getting over it because if you wait around she may never come back to you and you'll be hurting even more. She is obviously trying to move on and you probably should try too. I am just finishing up the process that you are just starting. I am sorry, I feel for you, I really do.

If she is trying to shut me out, why are we going to go bowling, then to dinner? Just me and her none the less. Wouldn't that only cause problems for her and her new boyfriend? What if you had a new girlfriend and she told you she was going out with her ex boyfriend, then to dinner? Ugh, I don't know, I guess ill find out Wednesday.

If you are going bowling and out to dinner just you two... I would say that she is trying to keep you around as a security blanket in case things don't work out with her new boyfriend. I mean, she knows she has you in stitches about it (her boyfriend) and she probably knows that you would do anything to get back with her so she is definitely using that to her advantage. Man, my ex did the same thing, I was a security blanket until she figured out she didn't need me anymore, I got played like a damn fiddle and I feel like an idiot but I learned from it. It sounds like the same thing is happening to you. You ask how I would feel if my girlfriend said she was going out with her ex one on one?? I would NOT be cool with it, I would be pissed, especially after such a short time. Hope that helps.

If you are going bowling and out to dinner just you two...I would say that she is trying to keep you around as a security blanket in case things don't work out with her new boyfriend. .....

You ask how I would feel if my girlfriend said she was going out with her ex one on one??? I would NOT be cool with it, I would be pissed, especially after such a short time. Hope that helps.

Ok so is she intentionally messing things up with her new boyfriend then? Hmm...

Ok so first of all how long ago did this break up happen? Second of all I am going through the EXACT situation but... on the other end of it, I'm like your ex before you tried to get her back. She is hurting. That's it. The new boy friend is to make you jealous and realize that you are missing out. If you love her like you say you do and if you want to be with her again you need to not give up but stay strong but don't become to accessible. Make her miss you again. You have to understand my ex has tried to come back to me and I gave in just to have him back off again. I just know that if she's anything like me, which I'm sure she is, that she is or was (depending on how long ago it was) going crazy from the pain that you caused her. You have to understand that.

I broke up our 10 month relationship last June. We have been more than friends since then up until about mid-January (about 7 months). (She got her new boyfriend late January). She recently (after ignoring me since mid-January) told me that she had been in the palm of my hands the entire time, just hoping I would ask her out again. She said our relationship had gone downhill, then so did our friendship. Then one day (according to her) she said she was done with this s*** and decided to move on.

I realize I took her for granted that whole time, and I want to do anything to be with her again. I also know that what I'm feeling now (esspecially when she ignored me for a month) is what she felt the entire time after the break-up. Knowing this makes me so sad, I just want to fix things and give her the happiness and attention I should have.

I really do understand where she is coming from with the "eating out of the palm on your hand" and "waiting until you would ask her back out" and that is just how I feel which you have to understand. I feel that if you want to have a chance with her again you need to (on your own, not through friends) meet with her (even if it is in a while because she's still mad at you) and just flat out apologize. No crying, no begging nothing that makes you look weak. The stronger you are, the more honest it sounds. Just tell her that you took her for granted and you messed up, you are not asking for another chance (yet) but you just want her to know that you still are in love with her. Now if you don't mind.. since we are in the same position... ask you a small question. Should I just give up on my ex? He just ended it about three months ago and I've been acting like your ex did (I still want to be with him and blah blah). He still want to hang out and talk but am I just getting messed with?

I feel that if you want to have a chance with her again you need to (on your own, not through friends) meet with her (even if it is in a while because she's still mad at you) and just flat out apologize. No crying, no begging nothing that makes you look weak. The stronger you are, the more honest it sounds. Just tell her that you took her for granted and you messed up, you are not asking for another chance (yet) but you just want her to know that you still are in love with her.

I have been talking to her since last Saturday. I did apologize for many things. I did tell her that I took her for granted. And I did hint to her that I was still in love with her (after all she has a boyfriend, I didn't want to flat out say it).

I don't think she is as mad at me as she was (before last Saturday). After all she did agree to go bowling with me then to dinner. We talked Sat, Sun and Monday. All good conversations. No fighting at all. But one of the times, she did tell me about her boyfriend. She said that he loves her so much that he was afraid to even ask her out. Now is she telling me as her friend or... trying to make me very jealous :confused:


now if you dont mind..since we are in the same position...ask you a small question. Should i just give up on my ex? He just ended it about three months ago and i've been acting like your ex did (i still want to be with him and blah blah). He still want to hang out and talk but am i just getting messed with?

I responded in your topic :)

See because she told you that it would lead me to believe that she still has feelings for you because she wants you to get mad

Well I've never been happier about getting mad :) (if that is the case) lol. I'll post tomorrow night about how our bowling then dinner went.

Also I can't see her current boyfriend being cool with us hanging out like that. So I'm guessing he'll want her to make a choice between me and him (maybe, maybe not) anyway I can't wait until tomorrow

O and another thing I forgot to throw in there is the fact that she and her boyfriend jumped right into dating. Not really jumped but they didn't become good friends before actually dating. I heard that the basis of a good relationship (in most cases) is a good friendship. So that's another thing I'm considering in my favor (since we were good friends for a long time before we dated).

I'd say everything went well tonight. I noticed that in the beginning she kept checking to see if her boyfriend texted her (she said that). Maybe trying to make me jealous? I also found out that they only hang out like 2 maybe 3 times a week, which is nothing compared to how we used to hang out. I'd go for months before there was a day I didn't see her.

Near the end of the night (on the way home) we had a somewhat serious conversation in the car. She tried to hint that my life was so busy because I played video games all the time. I told her that I had stop playing after I had realized that it had messed up my life from playing them too much.

At first she didn't believe, but when we talked about us being friends, she was like, "if you want to be my friend then you'll have to change. Not playing video games is a start. but i won't be the one calling you for a while or asking you to hang out." She said that when we were friends (after break up) that she was the one doing that all the time and I didn't do anything.

I respect that, that she wants me to be the one that works on the friendship, since she said she feels she has done it enough before. I feel that I made a lot of progress since she stopped ignoring me. We had already made plans to hang out again on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I think I'm at the point of being her friend. Now I just have to get to the point where we both call each other asking to hang out. The I just have to wait for the break up.

Well. From my perspective, there are probably a few events that culminated to the current situation to be honest, women get irritable sometimes not as a direct consequence to the problem at hand. In your case it might seem like keeping her waiting for an extra 15 min could have been the causative point but it could be deeper than that, and women been women , they expect you to figure it out, in coclusion , I don't think you would have handled the episode much better than you did
Secondly... on the last and current situation . I will presume two assumptions. One, if she has another boyfriend, and soon after you guys, she is probably hurting and trying to get back at you for whatever wrong you might have done. If it is the make me jelous option , well, you have to take it in
If it is the hurting option, you have to let her heal, the worst part is that she might or is doing it in the hands of some one else
Finally, I think you still have a chance with her, reason? Because she is giving you the big clue... " she will talk when she is ready", that should be your beginning point, when you try to pick things up with her again
When the am "not ready" part, is over and it will be... you can take your chances... for now, give her the space, don't disappear, stay in the horizon, you still have a chance!

Thanks for replying angelica. She said "she would call me when she was ready to talk" when she was completely ignoring me. I gave her space and she called me last Saturday and we have been rebuilding our friendship since then.

Now last night she told me flat out, if you read the above post, that she wants me to be the one to call her and me be the one to make plans. I think that if I ignore her now, she will think I was the same uncaring person I was before. I think I need to be her friend until we are both calling each other, before I think about ignoring her.

She wouldn't be doing all this stuff with me if she really loved her new boyfriend would she? I know right now they are in the happy stage of the relationship (where nothing goes wrong), but when that changes like when they have fights (no relationship is perfect) surely her hanging out with me would be a problem.

A while ago when she first called me, she said she did ignore me because she wanted me to know how she felt... after we broke up and remained friends, she made it clear that she would NOT want to know ANYTHING about a new girlfriend if I got one (which I didn't). I think she is purposely telling me about her new boyfriend because she knows I don't want to know. Which is good I guess because she wants me to be jealous and want her right?

There is no new b/f or else she would be with him and kicked you to the curb. She is training and grooming you to be hers. You must of really PO'd her bad if she is going through all those changes to break you down. Not only is she setting the terms, but the pace things will go also. I sense an older female friend talking to her, and teaching her the ways of woman. Just my feelings.

Thank you Talaniman, I was hoping you would comment on this topic. I'm glad you didn't say I didn't have a chance.

I was at work today, and I was in the back for about 10-15 minutes and then I had to go into another room to get a garbage bag. I saw them in that room! I walked in and said "oh, sorry." then got the garbage bag and proceeded to leave. Her b/f said "why do people keep coming in here?" and then I heard her give him a kiss!

That really messed with my head. Knowing about their relationship is one thing, but actually seeing it!? (yes, by the way we all work at the same place) I played it as cool as possible, like I didn't care. That really got me thinking. Honestly, if you are looking for privacy, wouldn't you stop what you were doing?? I walked in and interupted whatever was going on. The only reasons I can think of her kissing him when I was in there is

1 She REALLY doesn't care about my feelings or

2 She wants to make me REALLY jealous.

Whether she is sending a messege or playing a game, I can't say, but going out with you, and having a b/f at work is puzzling at best. I'd have to backoff and see what happens for a while.

Hello again. Sorry it took me a few days to respond. It was nice to read that things seemed to go well. Explain more about the video game thing. If you want me to read it like today, leave it on my page. Thank you

I think I'll post it here, so everone can read it. Basically, I didn't hang out with my friends a lot when I was younger. Instead, I played video games a lot. Eventually, I moved to online games. (For those of you who don't know, online games are games, where you can play a game with people from all over the world [while sitting in your room].) So I felt the need to play as much as possible to keep up with the other people online. Sometimes this meant that she would come to my house and I would make her wait a little saying "Oh, can I just finish this real quick". Or another example is I would play deep into the hours of the night, making me wake up late, and more often than not I was late for everything (going on a date or even going to work). Another example is I would play video games while on the phone (when she called) making me very boring and absent minded. :( Another thing that really pissed her off (and I don't blame her) is that I told her how we were going to go out and do stuff during my winter break... I played video games the whole time and didn't really hang out with her (or anyone) much :(

I feel like such an a**hole. Looking back now, I can't believe I valued an imaginary thing over my real life friends. When she started ignoring me is when I really opened my eyes. I kick myself everyday for the way I treated her. I just wish that I could somehow get her to forgive me and hopefully make her happy again.

by the way, I haven't played video games since she ignored me. I actually gave away my playstation 2 because I didn't want it anymore.

Wow. Good for you. That is a great start. Does she know that?

I told her I stopped playing since she ignored me and how I realized it was messing up my life. I didn't tell her about giving away the system

Yeah I think you do have a good chance with her, just give her some time and space and she will come around especially if she said she will call you when she is ready so don't blow it and give her time and space

People keep saying "to give her space and she will call me when she is ready" I already gave her space and she did call me. I update the situation between me and her everyday. She last told me that she wants me to be the one to call her and ask her to hang out. She is not asking for space anymore. I'm just trying to figure out what my next move should be and taking it day by day.

I've been thinking more about why she tells me about her boyfriend. I talked with one of my friends and she told me that she could just be rubbing it in my face that she's happy without me. That is something you would do if you didn't like someone right? I doubt that she could be so messed up, that she would just pretend trying to be my friend just to make my life miserable. I feel that she really wants to be my friend, or else she would have left me out of her life and never called me. So maybe she IS just trying to get me to feel something.

Well maybe she is trying to rub it in your face. She could be trying to see what your reaction is. Well if your worring about it then maybe your still in love with her

I am still in love with her, that's why I made this post. I want to be with her again, but should I act jealous or pretend like I don't care?

Today was a very weird day (Sunday). I was at work and I bought something and my ex and my friend were there ringing me up. I stood there for a minute cause we talked, but then no one said anything so after the silence, I walked way. Later my friend tells me my ex said "what was the purpose of him standing there? I can't stand him!" then she said "he calls me almost every day and i've told him i don't want to talk to him that much"

The last time I called her was Thursday night, where I told her I would call her on the weekend and she was fine with it. I waited until tonight (Sunday) to call her, so I wouldn't sound too anxious or interested. Although hearing what my friend said, I wasn't sure if I should call her or not. I didn't want to be a liar, so I called her.

I said hi, how was work, etc. Then whatcha doing? She said watching TV. I said "oh, do you need me to let you go?", she said no. I asked her about making plans on Tuesday or Wednesday. She said she had plans on Tuesday and she didn't have much money. I offered to go to a restaurant and use a gift certificate I had (we had planned to use this months ago, but never got around to it). She agreed to that. I told her I would be free the whole day. I asked her about a time and she said "I don't know". Then there was a long silence. I said "Well I guess I'll let you go back to watching TV." Then she said "Wait, what's going on on Wednesday?" I said we would go out to eat. And she said that's it? I tried to offer a few other things to do, but she said she wouldn't have enough money for them. I said well if you had anything you wanted to do, let me know. She then told me she was tired. I said "Oh do you want me to just call you Wednesday, so you could go to sleep?" Then she said "I'm not going to sleep now" Then she told me about how she was up until 3am the night before going to dinner and a movie. She didn't tell me who she went with though (I can only imagine) Then she told me she was going to go now. So I said OK ill call you on wed.

The whole conversation she sounded disinterested (or maybe she was watching the TV, but I asked her what she was watching and what it was about, but she said she didn't know). I was so confused, if she doesn't like talking to me, why would she stay on the phone after I tried to end the conversation 3 times? So I sent her a text message saying "it sounded like you didnt want to talk to me" but it has been 2 hours so far and she didn't reply or call me. I have no idea what is going on in her head at this point...

Just curiuos , have you given her the idea that she has to contribute money to the date, if not what is the reference to not having money about?

Whatever we could do seems that it would cost money. (Such as going out to eat, rock climbing, the movies, going to the mall, etc) That's the way its always been. I would ask her to come over and watch a movie or w/e, but she made it clear when she stopped ignoring me that she would not come to my house (for obvious reasons). The only thing that would not cost money is going to the gym (since we already paid to be members). I guess I could suggest going to the gym then to dinner.

If you have any suggestions for what we could do without spending money, feel free to add. I would pay for everything, but that would be overstepping my boundaries as a friend right?

Anyone have suggestions for what we could do to hang out without spending money? It's one day away and I need ideas.

So far besides going to dinner, I was thinking about asking her to go to the gym or just driving around and chilling out. I'm favoring the driving idea, but I'm open to suggestions :)

This is really messed up. Really and truly messed up. I know you say you have feelings for this girl, but honestly this girl has sounded like nothing but trouble. How do I put it too you. She gets mad at you for no reason. You react. You get up tight all the time, you are worried about how she is going to react to the things that are not under your control like waiting for 20 dollars. She is giving you conditions on friendship. You have to be this way, you have to change , you have to stop doing this or there is no friendship. I know this might be hard to accept but she will never ever be a true friend to you. She has never acted like one before, she is not acting like one now, and believe me by what you have written she will never be one. A TRUE FRIEND, excepts you for who you are. Excepts you for who you are. Never tries to force change or tells you have to change or they won't be your friend this is emotional blackmail and emotional abusive.

Honestly, when you ended it the first time and it should have been over then you should have never went back to this girl. You would not be having the headaches you are with her now.

About the money issue it sounds like she's a real cheap one. Meaning money is a very sticky issue unless your paying for everything. I know in my days I spent lots and lots of money on eating out, and gifts and etc, but at some point you have to stop and do something that does not have to do with money.

As far as you talking to your mom about this problem. That is good that you did. She is trying to spare you any hurt and suffering and trying to give you hope in this situation because she knows how much you like this girl.

I am here to tell you now that this girl is always going to be trouble, always going to be emotionally abusive towards you, will always try to change you and put conditions on you. You do not need this, nor should you ever ever change for anybody else. It is not right or fair.

The only person that should change, is you yourself change for yourself and nobody else.

I think you should never have contacted this girl. I do not think you should go out with this girl anymore because all it sounds to me is she is playing games with you.

Now in the end the decision is yours. My advice is stop going out with this girl and stop looking for chanches or worrying so much about what she thinks all the time.

You do not know where she stands. You do not know from time to time how she feels about you and as far as I can see she is using you. It is up to you if you let this continue or not.

So to summerize I think when you first broke up with her it should have been final then. You should not have looked and acted so desperate to have her back by all the phoning and emailing and crying. Although it is good to communicate. When you went through a break and there are good reasons for it. This kind of behaviour from you becomes counter productive.

I hope I did not burst any bubbles and I know it sounds depressive or negative but I am just trying to let you know that in the long run and in the future your better off eventually being with somebody that does not want to change you, but actually likes you for who you are and does not put any conditions on being a friend. Which is not a true friend.

Best of luck no matter what you decide to do.

Joe

Thank you Joe. I've been thinking about your response for a few days now. I see truth in your words, however I do disagree at some points. I know deep in my heart that she was a true friend to me, maybe not now, but before the current situation, I can say without a doubt in my mind that she was.

As I am here looking for help, I try to name all the bad points in the relationship. I name them to give the readers incite as to what went wrong. But they are just a part of the relationship, and in my opinion there were certainly much more good parts than bad parts.

She is not a cheap girl. Usually money is not a problem. I caught her at a bad time is all. She is always more than willing to pay her own half (even when we were dating).

You are right, though. You should only change for yourself. And the more I think about it, the changes she wanted to see, are what I want now. I not trying to sound like her pawn. I feel so much better not playing video games. I have more time for my friends, I wake up earlier, I have more time for school, I'm making it to places on time or even early, and I can list more and more. I feel ALIVE. Maybe she wanted me to better myself, maybe she saw video games were ruining my life, or maybe she just wanted me to have more time for her. I'll never know, but regardless, I will continue to be her friend.

On Wednesday, me and her went to dinner. I want to say it was almost surreal. If our relationship was a movie and you started watching just as we walked into the restaurant to when we left the restaurant, you would be confused. You wouldn't be able to tell if it was when we were friends in the beginning, if it was when we were dating, if it was when we were friends after we broke up, or if it was now.

We were both relaxed and comfortable with each other's company. I felt really good at dinner. She even suggested running a few errands afterwards, to have more time to spend together. I wore the cologne I always used to wear around her, and ironically, she wore the perfume she always used to wear around me.

She talked about her boyfriend a few times, but it didn't bother me. I'm not sure if things are progressing in the direction of me becoming a solid friend, or in the direction of us getting back together. And honestly, right now, It doesn't matter. I found happiness in being her friend.

You know the fresh, clean, full of energy feeling you get when you get out of the shower? To me, it feels like our relationship just got out of the shower. Would I like to date her again? Yes, I would, but if she finds happiness in someone else, I'll be there to support her. Would I like to call her now? Yes, but I don't NEED to. I have other friends and family that can keep me occupied. I can wait for her to call me or I can wait a few days, a week to call her.

I think I was such an emotional wreck in the beginning of this thread because it was as if I lost a best friend and a girlfriend. I did a lot of reflecting since the first post. I came across what she wrote in my yearbook a couple days just before I broke up with her. "P.S. Thank you for always being there when I needed you. You're more than a boyfriend to me, you're my best friend." And I know I'm an a**hole for breaking up days after she wrote that and perhaps I don't deserve her again after that, but right now, I'm just looking to be that best friend she spoke of.

I'd like to thank everyone who helped me in this thread, esspecially 77rommis, talaniman, and Joe. Thank you for helping me to see clear, when I felt like I was losing it. You guys (and/or girls) are really great people to help others in need. I'll update again if there are any significant changes, so you guys know how things turn out, or as a reference to people in the same situation. No more nitty gritty details. Thanks again :)

I am glad you had time to think everything over and reflect on things. A lot of times what we write or say is something's that we see in a post, but like you said we do not always see the whole picture or know the whole story. Reading everything here and just reflecting and thinking things through is the best thing you have done. I am glad and happy that is what you did and you came to your own personal conclusions about your situations. Thank you for responding back and best of luck with everything.

Joe

She talked about her boyfriend a few times, but it didn't bother me. I'm not sure if things are progressing in the direction of me becoming a solid friend, or in the direction of us getting back together. And honestly, right now, It doesn't matter. I found happiness in being her friend.



If her having a boyfriend doesn't bother you, then you are a friend and it sounds like a good one. Nothing wrong with that. I am glad you backed away from the video games, for a better human balance, but just curious about her b/f and how he takes her seeing her going out with an ex. The bigger question can see see you with a g/f. Good luck, guy and keep us posted.

Well, I don't really know her boyfriend. I know he wasn't happy about me and my ex being friends (told this by my ex's friend). If he does have a problem, ultimately, my ex would have to choose between me and him. So it's completely in her hands. All I can do is be a good friend and find out.

I am curious to see what my ex's reaction would be if I got a girlfriend. I really wonder how she would react. But I'm not in a hurry to get into a relationship. I'm just enjoying life with my friends and family for now, but if the opportunity presents itself, we'll find out.

It sounds like this woman has a very fragile personality. Do you really want a chance with her? She really doesn't sound like very viable relationship material. There's better out there. I wouldn't waste my time on this one.

Hmm, something I would call a significant change happened. I called her today (Sunday) and I haven't contacted her since we hung out (Wednesday). She really acted like she didn't want to talk. Then after all the small talk, she said "I don't know how you can put up with this". She told me about how whenever she thought about me, she became mad, because it reminded her of all the bad things I've done to her. She said we could never be friends, like we used to be. She acted really detached and wanted to end everything all together. I cried, almost the entire time, telling her I was sorry and all I wanted was to be her friend again.

She always had migranes after we broke up, and she told me that after she moved on, the migranes stopped. She said she didn't like the person she was when we dated. She says she feels much better now. She said that she really likes her boyfriend and he really likes her. She says I don't know her.

I told her that everyday, I feel more and more miserable about the way I treated her. I told her about when she ignored me, that I cried going to sleep and I cried waking up everyday.

In the end of the conversation, she said "I guess we can be friends, if that will make you happy" She said she didn't want to be like me and not give someone another chance. :( She said I have a lot of growing up to do. I asked what was going to happen now. "Should I call you? Are you going to call me? Are we going to hang out again?" She asked me when my good days were and I told her and she said we could hang out not this Tuesday, but next Tuesday. She said "Don't call me, I'll call you, when I figure out someting to do."



I was happy being her friend, but again I am at a loss when she goes and does something like this. I'm not sure if she really wants to get rid of me or if this is just part of her game to make me feel like she did.

Please don't post to just forget about her and move on. She is someone I love more than anything else. When I think about what I did to her, I get extremely angry at myself. I can't just leave things as they are. All I want is her forgiveness.

You did nothing to her. What exactly do you think you did? Come on man, Wake up. Re read my post because I think I was dead on, the advice that I gave you from the start.

REREAD POST # 32.

Joe

I think I gave her ideas that we were going to get back together for seven months. And everyday that I didn't, it made her more and more miserable. And what did I do? I played video games...

Sitting on the pity pot will get you no where fast. Your zeal to have something with this female, even friendship has resulted in where you are now. Alone. Sooner or later for your own good you will have to realise that you have focused so much on what you want, you have ignored totally the bigger picture. She has a boyfriend yet she still sees you, and you took a date as a sign that the door was open and you could walk through it and she has slammed it in your face. Yet still she leaves it cracked enough to give you hope for the future. Your thoughts and actions have got you in a very unhealthy place and the only solution would be to take steps to get sanity back and heal. Leave her alone. I know that's not what you want to hear, but unless you do, and start putting your life on a better track, chasing after her will make an enemy of you, and leave you hurt and frustrated. Leave her alone and concentrate on other areas of your life and allow yourself to heal and grow, to make better decisions for yourself, and see things much more clearly.

Well, I see where you guys are coming from. I think I am going to hang out with her on Tuesday. I'm going to bring up the last conversation and put everything I feel on the table and have an honest discussion about everything that has happened. From there I want to figure out what would be best for both of us. I'm guessing it will probably end up being us not talking to each other anymore. I'll post next tues...

Hi guys. Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been keeping myself busy. Well, she never called me to hang out that Tuesday. She actually made plans with her other friends that night. The last time I've talked to her was that phone conversation I posted. It's been about a month I think since then. Although we are at work together everyday, I have not said hi to her, or even looked at since she made other plans that night. She has not said hi to me either. I look back at how I was 2 months ago. I feel soooo much better than I did then. I've gotten used to life without her and video games, and it's pretty good. Sometimes though, I wonder if she'll ever say something to me again or not, although it's no big deal

Glad to hear you have been busy with your life and are doing so well. Thanks for updating us and continued Good Luck to you.

Give her some space and see what she wants. If you try to hard your only going to end up hurting yourself. Good luck sweet pea!