Please please don't juge me... First I have been pressured into having sex before but a cuple of different people they put so much pressure on me that it scared me the way they were acting and putting there hands on me I believed I would be hurt if I did not give in.. I felt like a slut for giving in.. anyway I met this guy It was love at first sight but I was afraid of sex... when the time came that he wanted to have sex he started kissing my neck and I started crying.. I liked him so much but the thought of all those other guys who had acted the way they did was just stuck in my head.. anyway I ended up telling him I was raped.. I don't know why I did it but I also said it was my step dad who did it ( my stepdad would watch me in the shower and would always make remarks about my boobs and butt.. he never raped me though.. I don't kknow why I said he did.. maybe I was afraid of him leaving me because he thought I was a slut.. point is I ended up getting married to this guy and he is the love of my life.. but I really want to tell him the truth.. but he will leave I know that he will that's just how he is.. I messed up so bad I don't know what to do. I fell like a horrible person... I need help.. I don't lie often I don't know why I did this someone please help me :(

If you were pressured into having sex with previous partners that pressure IS tantamount to RAPE, just because you didn't fight back or actually say NO does not lessen how it has made you feel since. The thing with your stepfather obviously had a deep impact on you and understandably made you feel violated, his actions verbal or otherwise were wrong and worrying.

My advise for what it's worth is firstly to go and see your doctor about getting referred for some counselling. There are issues here that you have not dealt with, the brain makes the strangest connections and they can and will last a lifetime if you do not face them. With regards to your husband... talk to him, he supported you before he will again...