My marriage has been full of drama and despair from very near the start, 10 yrs ago. Although it has included domestic violence I have been submissive and soldiered on as I am isolated and blame myself for making him so angry.

Of recent months he has stayed with me more due to circumstance and cannot control his moods.He have due to actions revealed himself a liar, which probably contributes to me not feeling any love but a numbness for him. I have never been able to communicate with him about anything serious as he leaves or says no time for it.

I really am in knots as recently I have met someone who I have bonded with and have feelings for them that I have never experienced before. It is blowing my mind . I can only see him about once a week but we talk and laugh and I cannot tell you how much it hurts when I have not seen him for a few days. I have little experience in relationships and don't know if I love him but I know I certainly have very potent feelings for him and would do for him what I have given my husband in the past and more. I just don't know how to deal with my feelings .

We have talked of sex and illicit possibilities but done nothing. I want him so bad but can't cope with a bang bang affair.

My husband has left again and I don't think I want him back but he is my only way to get out and see the guy I have fallen for.

I wonder if anybody understands and can give some advice?

I've never been in an abusive relationship but you certainly should not put the blame on yourself. Relationships need communication, respect, Love and understanding of one another... and it definitely seems like your relationship has none of the above. Well you say you don't want your husband back and yet it seems throughout the years you have always taken him back even after the abuse, the lies and so on... You just really have to set it in your mind to leave. I understand if you don't have a means of doing this cause it's all you've known for the past 10 years but how about asking this new guy you fell for or family for help... or even social services. You could try talking to your husband again but from what you've said I'm pretty sure he has no interest in you or your lives together. Pack up and get out before you really get hurt whether it be physically or mentally... Oh and if this new guy feels for you what you feel for him, I'm sure he wouldn't hesitate helping you in any way. I hope this helps and remember this is only my opinion.

This is your chance to get this guy out of your life with a divorce, and at least try to heal, and rebuild, and find out what love is starting with love for yourself, and the life you build for yourself.

So something good for yourself and see a lawyer.