gladpants
Jun 24, 2012, 01:42 PM
So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 1 year and 3 months. We are both extremely in love and will be going to the same college next year. I admit sometimes we bicker about things we later realize are unimportant, but we have never really discussed my weight before. What he doesn't realize is that I am very self-conscious about my weight and always have been ever since I was a young girl. I have tried a variety of different sports to stay fit, yet I've never had a perfect body.
This past week, I was wearing a dress, and my stomach was showing through a button hole, and he said it annoyed him. Throughout the day, he kept trying to cover up that little piece that was visible. Also, he tries to be a health nut, so whenever I even speak of eating fast food he seems disgusted by the thought. Most importantly, yesterday we were at the beach all day, and I wanted to buy an ice cream cone. He tries to be health conscious and was discouraging me from buying it, but I called him controlling and had one anyway. Later on that same night, we walked together to buy an ice cream of his own. When I asked him why he was being so critical of me earlier when I myself had a cone, he said the "situation was different between us". I am 5'3'' and weigh 128 lbs, and he is skinnier than I am, but we don't look unhealthily obese at all. Last night, after prying it out of him he admitted to me that he feels I should lose some weight. He said he notices how I look in a bikini, and that this has been on his mind for a few months.
When he told me that, my self-esteem dropped so low, and I felt reminded of how horrible I felt about my body image earlier in life.
He apologized to me the entire time he was telling me, and even admitted to being a "bad boyfriend." He is very aware that his thoughts are selfish and feels very guilty about telling me how he feels. At the same time, he told me countless beautiful things about how much he loves me and how everything else about me is perfect. He said my weight is just one little annoyance in our relationship, but that is all, and everything else he adores.
I can't help feeling really crumby about myself though. I look healthy, but I have always hated that I have a little tummy, and it makes me feel depressed. Weight has never been a good topic for myself esteem, and is one of those heed-with-caution zones in my life. I feel like no matter what he says, those few extra pounds from perfect will always bother him and myself if I don't get rid of them.
First of all, I don't like how he told me all of this via long text messages. He could have been more tactful, sensitive, and taken my feelings into mind regarding HOW he told me by planning it out and gently telling me in person.
I want to look gorgeous for him because he deserves an amazing woman, but at the same time, I am bitter about what he said because I have always struggled to lose 10-15lbs which would make me feel beautiful.
We decided we don't want to break up, but considering he is remorseful, how should I approach him from now on? And how do I deal with my low self esteem and feelings of disgust about being in my body?
Thank you
This past week, I was wearing a dress, and my stomach was showing through a button hole, and he said it annoyed him. Throughout the day, he kept trying to cover up that little piece that was visible. Also, he tries to be a health nut, so whenever I even speak of eating fast food he seems disgusted by the thought. Most importantly, yesterday we were at the beach all day, and I wanted to buy an ice cream cone. He tries to be health conscious and was discouraging me from buying it, but I called him controlling and had one anyway. Later on that same night, we walked together to buy an ice cream of his own. When I asked him why he was being so critical of me earlier when I myself had a cone, he said the "situation was different between us". I am 5'3'' and weigh 128 lbs, and he is skinnier than I am, but we don't look unhealthily obese at all. Last night, after prying it out of him he admitted to me that he feels I should lose some weight. He said he notices how I look in a bikini, and that this has been on his mind for a few months.
When he told me that, my self-esteem dropped so low, and I felt reminded of how horrible I felt about my body image earlier in life.
He apologized to me the entire time he was telling me, and even admitted to being a "bad boyfriend." He is very aware that his thoughts are selfish and feels very guilty about telling me how he feels. At the same time, he told me countless beautiful things about how much he loves me and how everything else about me is perfect. He said my weight is just one little annoyance in our relationship, but that is all, and everything else he adores.
I can't help feeling really crumby about myself though. I look healthy, but I have always hated that I have a little tummy, and it makes me feel depressed. Weight has never been a good topic for myself esteem, and is one of those heed-with-caution zones in my life. I feel like no matter what he says, those few extra pounds from perfect will always bother him and myself if I don't get rid of them.
First of all, I don't like how he told me all of this via long text messages. He could have been more tactful, sensitive, and taken my feelings into mind regarding HOW he told me by planning it out and gently telling me in person.
I want to look gorgeous for him because he deserves an amazing woman, but at the same time, I am bitter about what he said because I have always struggled to lose 10-15lbs which would make me feel beautiful.
We decided we don't want to break up, but considering he is remorseful, how should I approach him from now on? And how do I deal with my low self esteem and feelings of disgust about being in my body?
Thank you