I was 18 when I me my boyfriend he was 24, I had a one year old daughter from a previous relationship, he accepted my daughter & 6 months after dating I became pregnant with another girl, my oldest started calling him daddy since her biological father wasn't in the picture... well everything seemed fine for the first couple years, after 4 years of dating he introduced me to meth but I never got into it because my kids mean more to me, when he would get high he liked to masturbate a lot. One time I remember waking up & he wasn't in bed he was in my daughters room in an empty bed because both my girls fell asleep in same bed, he was masterbating to porn & said that was the only place he could get signal which we didn't get good signal he got up when I told him too & I told him that's not right & he said he won't do it again. He is an alcoholic and druggy which he wasn't when I first met him... Well 5 years later we had another girl & he got high one night & I was sharing my bed with my 3 girls because we fell asleep watching a movie & my oldest fell asleep at the foot & I woke up to him trying to lay by her at the foot it looked like he was playing with himself so I woke my child up & made her get by my middle child... It was my 2 month old, me, middle child then oldest in my king size bed I fell back asleep when she got close to me, then about 30 minutes I woke up to hearing her say I'm tired real loud then jerking her hand away and rolled onto her belly. I immediately jumped up and yanked the covers and saw her pants pulled down just pastd
Her butt & before I could say anything I was crying & he was saying what's wrong baby, your tripping. I made the girls get up & we went to my parents I didn't tell anyone in my family but a few days later I went to detective & had her interviewed & they said she didn't say anything happened so they closed case & said I can go back home. Now he is a registered sex offender for sleeping with a 14 yr old when he was 19, his brother is in jail for being accused of raping his girlfriends 7 yr old daughter but his isn't true because the girl was told to say that, but I have seen things with my own eyes an I feel disgusted & I never asked her because I'm scared I do love him but I am going to protect my kids. He seems to only have interest in my oldest though, he gets drunk everyday just about & he stares at her weird & when I catch him he looks away quickly, He denied everything but doesn't seem to be honest! Please tell me what you think I should do. We have been together for 7 years now, my oldest is 8 our kids we have together are 5 and 7 months.

I think you are a sad excuse for a mother. Having kid after kid with a drug addict and then after issue after issue, picking to stay with him and not leave. After what was obvious abuse, just because a poor child could not tell a police officer it happened, ( what did you see remember) you go back.

I think social services should have came in and taken the kids away from you long ago, and most likely will if you don't get yourself out and away from him.

Strange behavior indeed, even stranger that you have continued in this relationship after he started doing meth, let alone got caught masturbating in the room where your children sleep.
I would say that if you now want to protect your children you will get yourself and them far away from him.

I think you are a sad excuse for a mother. Having kid after kid with a drug addict and then after issue after issue, picking to stay with him and not leave. After what was obvious abuse, just because a poor child could not tell a police officer it happened, ( what did you see remember) you go back.

I think social services should have came in and taken the kids away from you long ago, and most likely will if you dont get yourself out and away from him.

I was 18 when I met him & he wasn't on drugs or drinking at that time, he started drinking 2 years after we dated, he didn't bring meth around me until after 4 or 5 years because he knew I was against it, I wasn't raised around it so I didn't know he was on it because it wasn't a everyday thing and the drinking and getting high part is just recently getting heavier. He wasn't always a drunk until AFTER we had our 3rd child. I AM a good mother & I take care of my kids I am just seeking help because I was half asleep when all that happened & though maybe I was tripping. But I think about it everyday & I do not let him around my kids alone! I am looking for advise because this is a scary situation. Oh & he called me stupid & worthless and makes me feel like I don't have anywhere to go all this is recent. So along with the verbal abuse I never been In this situation and I didn't ask to either but I am & all I was doing was asking for advise

And it was hard to leave after 5 years because he is all I know & I loved him. But now I am packing my stuff and getting the kids out but I am scared of him, that's why it's taking me so long. Now another question is if she didn't saying anything to the cop then how am I suppose to do anything if he has been abusing her!

If you are suspicious enough to not let your kids around him alone then I think you have your answer.
Get those girls the hell away from him.
And I strongly suggest getting a good lawyer as he will probably want visitation.

Thank you, I didn't realize it before that all he does is abuse me, he has made me quit every job I had to "stay home & be broke" I had to be home when he is home, he spends all of my child support after he blows his check and I get nothing & he is so far behind I. Bills. He won't see my oldest daughter again because she isn't biologically his, but I won't take a chance on my other kids

If you're accept this guy in your life... with his abuse, isolation, drug use, alcohol use and possible sexual abuse of your kids - you need COUNSELING ASAP!! You should not have children in your care. It's OK to bring yourself down to disaster by staying with this guy and ruining your own life but you're involving your children, risking their safety and teaching them lessons about how to treat themselves they can never unlearn. If they survive this - your relationship with them will never repair and they will hate you for permitting this stuff to happen in their lives. Wake up.

Get help now before it's too late.

He's bad; you're worse.

Someone needs to save the children. Is it going to be you?

Hell, I'd like to call CPS on both of you. Those kids deserve better.

Just to add: in case you're confused --- this man has all the signs of being a sexual molester and he is sexually abusing your kids. Your daughter may have lied to protect herself.. or he may be on the verge of doing more... what you saw should be enough to get you out of there --- a shelter can help you.

Ok... I was young when we got together... SORRY... I was looking for advice, when we got together I knew of his past & I talked to the derivative he told me about his case & he was a great man... He brained washed me & all of these signs are recent except the one where he was laying in bed watching porn separated bed than the girls & they were asleep. And the drugs isn't everyday & he doesn't do them in front of the kids because I don't allow that & he does drink in front of them but that's not illegal& I only tried meth twice because I was young & dumb, I don't do drugs & I have learning disabilities & have trouble remembering & functioning things in my head but I have had this thought for awhile now & I AM trying to do the right thing because I am a damn GOOD mother, I am trying to protect my babies. Everything is recent & I am just now realizing what's going on... Sooooo why the hell am I the one being called dumb & stupid & a bad mom. I am young & trying to do the right thing & y'all don't know & not in my situation & don't know my life I was seeking help & advice but guess I came to the wrong place

Ok.... I was young when we got together....SORRY.... I was looking for advice, when we got together I knew of his past & I talked to the derivative he told me about his case & he was a great man.... He brained washed me & all of these signs r recent except the one where he was laying in bed watching porn separated bed than the girls & they were asleep. And the drugs isn't everyday & he doesn't do them in front of the kids because I don't allow that & he does drink in front of them but that's not illegal& I only tried meth twice because I was young & dumb, I don't do drugs & I have learning disabilities & have trouble remembering & functioning things in my head but I have had this thought for awhile now & I AM trying to do the right thing because I am a damn GOOD mother, I am trying to protect my babies. Everything is recent & I am just now realizing what's going on.... Sooooo why the hell am I the one being called dumb & stupid & a bad mom. I am young & trying to do the right thing & y'all don't know & not in my situation & don't know my life I was seeking help & advice but guess I came to the wrong place

Once again someone has posted info, been criticized or questioned and changed the story.

I have no idea what talking to his derivative means so someone will have to fill me in on that.

He does drugs but not every day and not in front of the children (although I would assume they are aware of the after effects) and that's all right with you?

He watches porn when they are in the next bed but they are asleep - right?

And the molestation part? How are you now explaining that?

Why are you being called a bad Mom - because a good Mom would not allow her children to be molested exposed to porn, drugs, and alcohol and then plead her age and "learning disabilities" as excuses.

You are aware that IF he is molesting the children and IF anyone finds out you will lose custody, right?

Stop excusing his behavior and protect your children!

Once again someone has posted info, been criticized or questioned and changed the story.

I have no idea what talking to his derivative means so someone will have to fill me in on that.

He does drugs but not every day and not in front of the children (although I would assume they are aware of the after effects) and that's all right with you?

He watches porn when they are in the next bed but they are asleep - right?

And the molestation part? How are you now explaining that?

Why are you being called a bad Mom - because a good Mom would not allow her children to be molested exposed to porn, drugs, and alcohol and then plead her age and "learning disabilities" as excuses.

You are aware that IF he is molesting the children and IF anyone finds out you will lose custody, right?

Not to mention the long lasting emotional effects on a molested child. The way they relate to people, feel about themselves, the life decisions that make all are affected.
Counseling is needed ASAP.

Once again someone has posted info, been criticized or questioned and changed the story. MY STORY IS STILL the same, where has it changed????

I have no idea what talking to his derivative means so someone will have to fill me in on that.
STUPID AUTO CORRECT.... Meant I have talked to detective about myhusbands past before we got serious, he explained his charge & assured me that he isn't a bad guy!!!

He does drugs but not every day and not in front of the children (although I would assume they are aware of the after effects) and that's all right with you? I NEVER SAID its alright, I said its recent & becoming heavier & he stays in the room & is up when the kids r sleeping or away!!!

He watches porn when they are in the next bed but they are asleep - right?
I ONLY Saw this happened one time & I packed my stuff because I was furious, he told me he wouldn't do it again & begged me to stay. I was with him for years, so u tell me... Could u leave ur husband of 5+ yrs over one mistake.... That was first time anything like that happened

And the molestation part? How are you now explaining that? It's Recent behavior that I saw, I already explained that!!!!

Why are you being called a bad Mom - because a good Mom would not allow her children to be molested exposed to porn, drugs, and alcohol and then plead her age and "learning disabilities" as excuses.
I am not making excuses for my age or disabilities, I don't expose my kids to all that. They ain't even aloud to watch scary, rated r or nudity movies...Idk for sure she been abused, that's why I was asking for help because I suspected it. I'm sure your miss PERFECT mom and I bet u were a snotty in school & grown to hate ur self because no body else like u because the way u judge & treat people


You are aware that IF he is molesting the children and IF anyone finds out you will lose custody, right?
I am aware of that, that's why I was looking for advice on what actions to take since the detective closed the case & told me its safe to take my kids back home. Because I DO want to protect my kids & get them away but also want to prosecute him for abusing my little girl!

Stop excusing his behavior and protect your children!

I'm not excusing his behavior I was stating information, maybe u have a messed up life so that makes u have the right to judge other when u don't know the whole story... Theirs only so much I was type at once

Whoa... YOU are the one that has the house with the molestor in it... with the drug use...

Its NOT Judging you when YOU are the one that said this is all happening... its a statement of fact. HUGE difference.

Everything JudyKayTee states is a fact... and exactly what most normal parents would be thinking and doing. Hell most normal SINGLE people would think it too. Not to mentioned people without kids.

And you are in fact making excuses by defending it... and your own actions, not just in words but deeds as well.

Seriously are you going to wait for CPS to take your kids before you acknowledge that there are a number of real problems that need addressing?

If you lived near me I would have called them... no kids need to deal with what is going on in your house.

This is one of those situations that are black or white... there are no shades of grey...

Meant I have talked to detective about myhusbands past before we got serious, he explained his charge & assured me that he isn't a bad guy!!!
I thought he was your BOYFRIEND, not your husband. This is one place where the story has changed. Past? He has a bad past? Hmmm, I wonder what that would be since he was such a good guy when you met him.


I NEVER SAID its alright, I said its recent & becoming heavier & he stays in the room & is up when the kids r sleeping or away!!! The children being awake or away is only your way of condoning his drug use. You do know what that is called don't you? Since you don't, it's called enabling behavior.



I ONLY Saw this happened one time & I packed my stuff because I was furious, he told me he wouldn't do it again & begged me to stay. I was with him for years, so u tell me... Could u leave ur husband of 5+ yrs over one mistake.... That was first time anything like that happened



Yes, I could and WOULD leave my boyfriend/husband over that. A child's delicate mind and body is more important to me than a sick drug addicted child molester.


It's Recent behavior that I saw, I already explained that!!!!
It doesn't matter that it's recent behavior... what matters is that it actually happened.



I am not making excuses for my age or disabilities, I don't expose my kids to all that. They ain't even aloud to watch scary, rated r or nudity movies... No, but they are allowed to lay in bed asleep, or pretending they are asleep because they are scared, while your boyfriend, or husband, or whatever you call him, watches porn or masturbates. That's better than watching "scary" movies right?


Idk for sure she been abused, that's why I was asking for help because I suspected it.



You don't know for sure if she's been abused but you saw him watching porn and masturbating in the same room/bed that your daughter was sleeping in. Guess what, that's abuse.


I'm sure your miss PERFECT mom and I bet u were a snotty in school & grown to hate ur self because no body else like u because the way u judge & treat people



No one here is perfect. Nobody, but what you are doing to your child is criminal and should be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law should you remain with this pervert. This man should be locked up and never see the light of day, while your children should be taken far from you.

Believe me, if I had the ability to report you to the authorities I would do that in a heartbeat. You are a very disturbed individual.

Oh, and Judy, sorry I had to quote you here, but the way the OP worded her last post it was the easiest way to quote her responses to you.

I'm not excusing his behavior I was stating information, maybe u have a messed up life so that makes u have the right to judge other when u don't know the whole story.... Theirs only so much I was type at once

The sad part of this is that the OP's story has shifted - husband or boyfriend - someone is using drugs and alcohol, maturbating and watching porn in the presence of the children and she thinks I'm the one with the problem.

Why post a question when you have absolutely no interest in any opinion other than that inside your head?

Enabler, not enabler, she is a co-abuser.

And, yes, I'd be on the phone with CPS in a heartbeat.

I will not call you dumb or stupid, if you have packed your bag and are not out of the house.

If you sleep another night with him in the house around the kids, then those are really nicer than I would use.

I was 18 when I me my boyfriend he was 24, I had a one year old daughter from a previous relationship, he accepted my daughter & 6 months after dating I became pregnant with another girl, my oldest started calling him daddy since her biological father wasn't in the picture....well everything seemed fine for the first couple years, after 4 years of dating he introduced me to meth but I never got into it because my kids mean more to me, when he would get high he liked to masturbate a lot. One time I remember waking up & he wasn't in bed he was in my daughters room in an empty bed because both my girls fell asleep in same bed, he was masterbating to porn & said that was the only place he could get signal which we didn't get good signal he got up when I told him too & I told him that's not right & he said he wont do it again. He is an alcholic and druggy which he wasn't when I first met him... Well 5 years later we had another girl & he got high one night & I was sharing my bed with my 3 girls because we fell asleep watching a movie & my oldest fell asleep at the foot & I woke up to him trying to lay by her at the foot it looked like he was playing with himself so I woke my child up & made her get by my middle child .... It was my 2 month old, me, middle child then oldest in my king size bed I fell back asleep when she got close to me, then about 30 minutes I woke up to hearing her say I'm tired real loud then jerking her hand away and rolled onto her belly. I immediately jumped up and yanked the covers and saw her pants pulled down just pastd
her butt & b4 I could say anything I was crying & he was saying what's wrong baby, your tripping. I made the girls get up & we went to my parents I didn't tell anyone in my family but a few days later I went to detective & had her interviewed & they said she didn't say anything happened so they closed case & said I can go back home. Now he is a registered sex offender for sleeping with a 14 yr old when he was 19, his brother is in jail for being accused of raping his girlfriends 7 yr old daughter but his isn't true because the girl was told to say that, but I have seen things with my own eyes an I feel disgusted & I never asked her because I'm scared I do love him but I am going to protect my kids. He seems to only have interest in my oldest though, he gets drunk everyday just about & he stares at her weird & when i catch him he looks away quickly, He denied everything but doesn't seem to be honest! Please tell me what u think I should do. We have been together for 7 years now, my oldest is 8 our kids we have together are 5 and 7 months.

This may seem harsh but you aren't 18 years old now and you lost the privilege of being considered 'too young to understand' what is going on around you when you had your first daughter. It is a part of growing up and being a mother to be aware any threats to your child's safety.

Please don't give me the 'no where to go' story after only five months ago (going by what you give as your youngest child's age), you went to your family. What happened in five months to close that door?

Contact your local police or children's services and ask for the location of the nearest women's shelter. They can also help you get there.

Contact a support group for family members of alcoholics and drug abusers. They can give you support to stay away from him and keep from repeating a bad pattern.

Be honest with yourself. Love doesn't conquer all. It can be a boulder that you carry on your back until you realize that it wasn't love. It was your own addiction and co-dependency keeping you there. Love yourself and your children enough to let the self-deception go.

Let the fear go. Take the blinders off and see where you have been ignoring red flags since you learned about his past. He isn't the person you thought he was or wanted him to be.

4+5=9
According to this post, you were with him for four years before the incident in the girl's room (backed up by your post about him not bringing meth around you for 4 to five years) and it was another five years until the more recent events. So you have been with him for about 9 years instead of 7.

I know it's hard and I know sometimes your head says, "But I love him"... and it doesn't matter if you were brainwashed by him in the past, if you have a learning disability, or you were just young and foolish. You're smart enough now.

You have to stay focused. If you are a good Mommy -- prove it. Don't let them be abused. Denial is so common in instances of child sexual abuse. Don't be a statistic. Don't let your girls down.

He has a past with underage kids even if he says it's all lies. Everything he's doing is a sign of a predator/pedophile as well as in trouble with substances and controlling/abusive to you. You need to get out.

Go to a women's shelter and just talk to someone. They CAN help you even if you have no where to go. My sister-in-law worked with a crisis shelter and helped women like you every week.

Please don't waste time on getting upset with people judging you - be a good mom and prove it: leave -- be independent and protect your kids. IT IS that easy... the longer you delay the more you put everyone in danger.

This may seem harsh but you aren't 18 years old now and you lost the privilege of being considered 'too young to understand' what is going on around you when you had your first daughter. It is a part of growing up and being a mother to be aware any threats to your child's safety.

Please don't give me the 'no where to go' story after only five months ago (going by what you give as your youngest child's age), you went to your family. What happened in five months to close that door?

Contact your local police or children's services and ask for the location of the nearest women's shelter. They can also help you get there.

Contact a support group for family members of alcoholics and drug abusers. They can give you support to stay away from him and keep from repeating a bad pattern.

Be honest with yourself. Love doesn't conquer all. It can be a boulder that you carry on your back until you realize that it wasn't love. It was your own addiction and co-dependency keeping you there. Love yourself and your children enough to let the self-deception go.

Let the fear go. Take the blinders off and see where you have been ignoring red flags since you learned about his past. He isn't the person you thought he was or wanted him to be.

4+5=9
According to this post, you were with him for four years before the incident in the girl's room (backed up by your post about him not bringing meth around you for 4 to five years) and it was another five years until the more recent events. So you have been with him for about 9 years instead of 7.


I am sorry I was upset when I post this I met he started bringing drugs around after about 4 yrs from the time we had our first daughter together she was about 3 at the time and we had our 2nd daughter 7 months ago which was about 5 1/2 yrs after we started dating. We got married 3 yrs ago. My oldest was 1 she just turned 8, then my middle is almost 6 now. We been together for almost 8 & he is the type that has lots of friends & no body would believe me when I first suspected it I took them to be interviewed at a office that's works with abused child & they told me that my kids didn't disclose of anything so they closed the case. But I still believe it has. He looks at my daughter the way he used to look at me & his brother is in jail being accused of raping his 8 yr old step daughter & every time I bring it up my husband doesn't want to talk about it but automatically says he is innocent. I did have cps come into my house because after they interviewed my children they wanted to do a in home visit & interview my husband & they told me that my accusations were fake & that I can get in trouble for accusing him if it hasn't happens. I was just trying to protect my kids & went they told me to drop it & go back home that everything is fine is when I started noticing this behavior after I came back from my parents house. I am back at my parents with no intention of going back but I think my daughter was just scared to disclose anything because she acts weird when I change them she covers herself & doesn't expose anything anymore & I am her mom & she calls her private "the bad spot" she doesn't really act out sexually she just crys a lot when she don't get her way & she begs to do stuff like ride her bike when I'm not outside because we live on a busy road & she throws a big fit to where she didn't used to. She is mean to me now & I don't know why because I take her swimming to the park shopping out to eat to the zoo fairs skating all the time I try to be a good mom but Idk how to come about asking her if her daddy hurt her, because if he has it's going to hurt me & I want to put him behind bars for hurting her plus her papa doesn't know what's going on because I don't want to tell him until I know for a fact & because he is behind bars because my dad loves my kids & will try something stupid and end up killed because my husband is a big man & will hurt him so I'm not ready to tell my family I just need a couple days to sort this out & figure out what I need to do!

You need to keep yourself and your children safe, whatever that takes - an order of protection, whatever.

YOU don't ask your children what happened; someone trained in talking to children and determining the truth talks to them. You could only make things worse.

So - let's see. You won't ask your daughter if she was molested beause if she was it's going to hurt you - ?

I think you're trying to do the right thing but I'm not sure you know what the right thing is.

The right thing is keeping your kids safe.

Being a good mother isn't all about parks and zoos and skating - it's about keeping kids safe. You had a suspicion, from what I'm reading, and did nothing.

Now it's time to do something.

So why does your family think you've moved back in with them - I see you telling bits and pieces of this story as you need to. That's not healthy AND what if your husband shows up and wants to see the kids, take the kids, something else? Your family apparently doesn't know they'd be in danger.

If you don't care about yourself care about them.

You need to keep yourself and your children safe, whatever that takes - an order of protection, whatever.

YOU don't ask your children what happened; someone trained in talking to children and determining the truth talks to them. You could only make things worse.

So - let's see. You won't ask your daughter if she was molested beause if she was it's going to hurt you - ?

I think you're trying to do the right thing but I'm not sure you know what the right thing is.

The right thing is keeping your kids safe.

Being a good mother isn't all about parks and zoos and skating - it's about keeping kids safe. You had a suspicion, from what I'm reading, and did nothing.

Now it's time to do something.

So why does your family think you've moved back in with them - I see you telling bits and pieces of this story as you need to. That's not healthy AND what if your husband shows up and wants to see the kids, take the kids, something else? Your family apparently doesn't know they'd be in danger.

If you don't care about yourself care about them.

No I don't ask my daughters because like you just said someone skilled talks to them & finds the truth & that's what they told me not to say anything to my children because it was make things worse & I'm not worrie about it hurting me because I know in my heart that it has happened my parents know he is controlling & an alcoholic & are just trying to keeping me away from him anyway. I know I need to tell them & he won't try & get them because I am getting supervised visitations because he is an alcoholic & can't be trusted with them alone without risking their lives. I have done something as soon as I suspected it by taking them to be interviewed where they told me case is closed & not to talk to my children about it because it makes things worse. But I am trying I don't know what else to do expect stay away from him

You go to Court and get a protective Order - what is there that you aren't understanding?

YOU have supervised visitation but HE'S the one who abused them?

I just re-read this. Is he your husband or your boyfriend? I am reading both.

I don't think you have any plan.

You need to leave and stay away. My mother was sexually abused as a young child, and she has multiple personality disorder because of it. File for child support, full custody with no visitation citing he is a sex offender and you have reason to believe he sexually abused your children, get a job and take care of your girls. You also need to get you and your oldest into counseling ASAP. And please please please do not go out and party, date, or screw around until you fix yourself and then only then you should date (good men with jobs, no addictions, and treat you well). It will be lonely for you, but you let your children be in that environment that could have potentially screwed them up for the rest of their lives so now you need to step it up as a mother 110%. I'll be praying for you and your girls.

Ok I just reread all of this, & I am posting all of this from my phone & I can see a lot of it doesn't make sense, so I apologize for the confusion. He is my husband we got married about 3 yrs ago. I got pregnant 6 months after dating him, my oldest was 1 when we met, I was 18. My first child( with him )was about 3 when he first started acting out bringing meth around & started drinking. She is almost six now, our youngest daughter that we have together is 7 months today. My oldest turned 8 last week she was 1 when we got together so we been together for going on 8 yrs. I know I need counseling because I have let him get away with too much, I am opening my eyes now. The first 4 or 5 yrs together were wonderful I felt like he really loved my. But after the drugs & drinking we fought all the time & he really mean to me & I got scared but I thought I loved him to keep letting him abuse me but now my kids are involved. I am going to take every step possible to put him behind bars where he belongs & to never bring my kids around that abuse ever again. I have one more ? Since she isn't disclosing anything can I request an exam where they would be able to see if she been abused? Because when she had the interview they told me they will do an exam if she disclosing anything but she didn't so they did the home visit & talked to my husband & then sent a letter closing the case

You need to leave and stay away. My mother was sexually abused as a young child, and she has multiple personality disorder because of it. File for child support, full custody with no visitation citing he is a sex offender and you have reason to believe he sexually abused your children, get a job and take care of your girls. You also need to get you and your oldest into counseling ASAP. And please please please do not go out and party, date, or screw around until you fix yourself and then only then you should date (good men with jobs, no addictions, and treat you well). It will be lonely for you, but you let your children be in that enviornment that could have potentially screwed them up for the rest of their lives so now you need to step it up as a mother 110%. I'll be praying for you and your girls.


Calling him a sex offender when there is suspicion but no finding is never a good idea - and that's from a legal standpoint.

Otherwise, yes, OP should pick a version of her story and go to Court. She will not be able to block visitation based on what I am reading here - she MIGHT be able to get an order for supervised visitation only. She also needs to drop the "young and stupid" argument and face up to the fact that she is minimally 26 years old at this point, able to stand on her own feet and not use her learning disability as an excuse for the abuse f her children.

Wait so is he a registered sex offender or isn't he? That's what she stated in the first post.

Judy, it was stated in her original post;


Now he is a registered sex offender for sleeping with a 14 yr old when he was 19,

This is the scary part of all of this. This man is already a registered sex offender, but the OP is questioning her own eyes, what she saw. Very sad.

I am a survivor of molestation. Not by my parents, they were the best parents ever. I was molested by my cousin starting at the age of 5 and lasting for years. I never told a soul. If I had my father would have died in jail for killing my cousin. So I kept my mouth shut.

It had a huge impact on my life. I often wonder who I would be now if this hadn't happened to me. But with therapy, and the wonderful people on this site (who helped me far more than they'll ever fully understand), I've come a long way from that scared 5 year old child.

I have 2 children. If anything, because of my past, I am more vigilant than most. Sometimes I worry that it's too much, that I coddle them, or try to protect them too much. But I know what lurks out there. I know what can happen when a parents back is turned.

To the OP, you need to get your kids out of this home and away from this man. Getting a restraining order based on what you've seen shouldn't be a problem, he's already a registered sex offender!

Therapy for your kids, and for you. Also, parenting classes.

Fact is, if I hadn't read the entire thread first, I would have told you exactly what the others did, that you're not a good mom. I'm willing to hold off judging you. I'll wait to see what you do next. But, if you don't remove these children from this man, even if he didn't sexually abuse them, you are not the good mom you think you are. Far from it. Frankly, I would have left the first time he got high.

You're the mom, no matter how naïve and brainwashed, and all the other excuses you have. You are their mom. So be a mom! Protect your children!

Wait so is he a registered sex offender or isn't he? That's what she stated in the first post.

Right, he also turned from her boyfriend to her husband somewhere along the thread.

It's difficult for me to believe that he's a registered sex offender, she reported him, nothing was done, he was "allowed" to live with the older, non-blood-related child.

This is one of those threads where you have to wonder.

As you read and post you'll develop a second sense - I call mine my Spidey Senses and you'll see people quoting me.

Right, he also turned from her boyfriend to her husband somewhere along the thread.

It's difficult for me to believe that he's a registered sex offender, she reported him, nothing was done, he was "allowed" to live with the older, non-blood-related child.

This is one of those threads where you have to wonder.

As you read and post you'll develop a second sense - I call mine my Spidey Senses and you'll see people quoting me.

I do agree. So far the OP has been caught in a few lies, so what's to say that she's not lying about her boyfriend/husband, whatever he is, being a registered sex offender?

Needle buddy?

Needle buddy?

That's what I'm thinking. The OP went from never doing drugs to doing drugs a few times.

Frankly, the story has changed too many times. There are too many inconsistencies.

I'm sure that part of the story is true. I don't think this is just a troll making things up looking for attention. I think this is a case of someone wanting people to say "you poor thing, how can we help", and getting the truth "you're a bad mother, get your kids out of this home!" and not liking the truth, because she knows that it is the truth.

Now she's backtracking, making things up, hoping to make herself look better. Sadly, that's not what she's doing. She's just making herself look worse and worse.

To the OP, if you want to lie, if you want people to give you sympathy, then talk to your friends. If you want the truth, and real help, then we expect to hear the truth.

You may not like what we tell you, but we will be honest with you, and maybe you need to hear the truth so you can get your head out of your arse and look after these young children that are relying on you to protect them. So far you haven't been doing that, and that's not even taking the sexual abuse into account. Even if he didn't sexually abuse them, he's still a drug addict, and you've allowed your children to live in that environment. That doesn't make you a good mom, and saying that you are over and over again doesn't change anything.

I think the OP would set her hair on fire if it would get attention for her.

I don't know if she would know the truth if it walked up and bit her in the...

Judy, it was stated in her original post;



This is the scary part of all of this. This man is already a registered sex offender, but the OP is questioning her own eyes, what she saw. Very sad.

I am a survivor of molestation. Not by my parents, they were the best parents ever. I was molested by my cousin starting at the age of 5 and lasting for years. I never told a soul. If I had my father would have died in jail for killing my cousin. So I kept my mouth shut.

It had a huge impact on my life. I often wonder who I would be now if this hadn't happened to me. But with therapy, and the wonderful people on this site (who helped me far more than they'll ever fully understand), I've come a long way from that scared 5 year old child.

I have 2 children. If anything, because of my past, I am more vigilant than most. Sometimes I worry that it's too much, that I coddle them, or try to protect them too much. But I know what lurks out there. I know what can happen when a parents back is turned.

To the OP, you need to get your kids out of this home and away from this man. Getting a restraining order based on what you've seen shouldn't be a problem, he's already a registered sex offender!

Therapy for your kids, and for you. Also, parenting classes.

Fact is, if I hadn't read the entire thread first, I would have told you exactly what the others did, that you're not a good mom. I'm willing to hold off judging you. I'll wait to see what you do next. But, if you don't remove these children from this man, even if he didn't sexually abuse them, you are not the good mom you think you are. Far from it. Frankly, I would have left the first time he got high.

You're the mom, no matter how naive and brainwashed, and all the other excuses you have. You are their mom. So be a mom! Protect your children!



Yes he is a registered sex offender, thanks for correcting Judy on that! I was molested as a child by my uncle & moms best friends husband & never told my parents because It only happened once with both men & I was scared to tell, so at first I thought maybe I was just trying to react that way because of what happened to me. Idk what happened to him, he wasn't a bad guy when I met him. I think that the drugs & alcohol were to blame for too. I did research and a lot of molesting is with drug or alcohol use. Im not deafening him in any way. I am just pointing out that in the beginning of our relationship was really good! He told me about his past before we got serious & took me to talk to the detective that he registers with & seen that it was consensual sex but lied about her age, same thing happened to my brother recently. Just thought I would point that out to the people that we're judging me for even being with him after I found out her was a sex offender, I got to know him first & didn't judge because of his past... now if he was charged with rape on a younger child that's a different story, but you can't just judge people from their past. & I'm not even sure what all I saw that night I just know that I was really tired our youngest was only a few months at the time & I was lacking sleep & my eyes were blurry. But I gathered what I did think I saw & put it all together & it just makes me believe he has abused her... I am In the process of moving all my stuff to a storage building & staying with my parents until I get an apartment... & if he is guilty & my dad finds out he will also die in jail for killing my husband

I'm out of here.

I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt, and I do have doubts.

I was molested as a child, I was raped as a teen. I have two children, a wonderful husband, we've been together for more than half our lives.

I never did hard drugs, but I dabbled in minor stuff, mainly because of my past. Actually, only because of my past. I had no respect for myself. I didn't care what happened to me, or what people did to me, because I felt worthless. That was a product of what I went through.

As a mom, as a survivor of molestation and rape, I can say that I'm over diligent when it comes to my kids. I sometimes worry that I'm too careful, that I'm too diligent. I worry that I'm not allowing them to make their own mistakes. But then, I know what evil there is in the world.

My molester was my cousin, my babysitter. I was 5 when it started, she was a teen. Yes, she. Talk about messing with your mind!

As a mom I can only say that if I were in your situation, and frankly, due to my past, I'd never be in your situation, I would take my kids, run, hide, and do everything I could to protect them.

Where there's smoke there's fire. You started this thread because you suspect that your husband is molesting your children. You can't second guess that! Trust your gut! If that isn't enough, he's a meth addict. That's reason enough to leave.

So what are you waiting for? Get off the computer, pack your bags, and protect your children! Anything less makes you a bad mother.

I do agree. So far the OP has been caught in a few lies, so what's to say that she's not lying about her boyfriend/husband, whatever he is, being a registered sex offender?





I have not lied about anything, I am just typing all of this really fast & I have said 3 times that he is my husband we got married 3 yrs ago. We never filed for the marriage license but I do have papers saying we r married it just isn't totally legal.


I said in the first post that he IS a registered sex offender & I'm not making anything up. I was upset when I posted the first post & was trying to gather up when everything fell in the time frame... With the first time he brought drugs around, the first insident. I am posting all of this from a phone so there is so much I can type at once & I'm leaving things out by mistake & corrected some time frame that I made a mistake on... But nothing has changed from my first post!!

I have not lied about anything, I am just typing all of this really fast & I have said 3 times that he is my husband we got married 3 yrs ago. We never filed for the marriage license but I do have papers saying we r married it just isn't totally legal.


I said in the first post tht he IS a registered sex offender & I'm not making anything up. I was upset when I posted the first post & was trying to gather up when everything fell in the time frame.... With the first time he brought drugs around, the first insident. I am posting all of this from a phone so their is so much I can type at once & I'm leaving things out by mistake & corrected some time frame that I made a mistake on... But nothing has changed from my first post!!!!

Your original question states that he's your boyfriend, not your husband. I am married, I never call my husband my boyfriend, because he's not. Do you not understand why that would raise questions?

One question. If he's a registered sex offender, how was he ever allowed around our first child, the one that's no his, in the first place? There are restrictions for registered sex offenders.

Also, how is he not in jail now that you've gone to the authorities and claimed that your children may have been molested by this man?

Bottom line, your posts don't line up. It's a lot harder to keep lies straight. The truth is easy, and I still don't believe we're getting the whole truth.

I can tell you that if you decide to be honest, I may be mad, but I won't judge. I'll help. I'll stay, and I'll give you advice. But right now I really don't believe what you're saying, because it doesn't make sense.

I do agree. So far the OP has been caught in a few lies, so what's to say that she's not lying about her boyfriend/husband, whatever he is, being a registered sex offender?




AND There is NO LAW SAYING YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER... The detective told me after my kid was interviewed that he know of my husbands background & of his crime & that there is no law saying you can't live with a sex offender. CPS never questioned me on that, they interviewed my husband & believed him of my child. So apparently CPS doesn't do their job too well!

AND THEIR IS NO LAW SAYING YOU CAN'T LIVE WITH A REGISTERED SEX OFFENDER.... The detective told me after my kid was interviewed that he know of my husbands background & of his crime & that their is no law saying you can't live with a sex offender. CPS never questioned me on that, they interviewed my husband & believed him of my child. So apparently CPS doesn't do their job too well!

Again, that makes no sense.

No, there's no law stating that you can't live with a registered sex offender. But there are restrictions for people on the sex offenders list, and one of those restrictions is not being in proximity to children, or minors.

If he's a registered sex offender, he never would have been allowed to live with you and your child, the one that isn't biologically his.

You knew about his past, you knew about his drug abuse, maybe not from the beginning, but you obviously figured it out. You saw many incidents with your children that weren't okay, yet you're still with him.

So leave! If you don't leave, don't protect your children, then you're exactly what everyone else has stated, a bad mom.

I'm done. You've gotten the only advice we can give. Accept it, and do something about it, or stay and suffer the consequences. Sadly, you won't be the one suffering, your children will.

The next move is up to you. We can't do anything else for you. We've given the best advice we can. Your turn. Do the right thing, or continue ignoring what's going on right in front of you.

Your original question states that he's your boyfriend, not your husband. I am married, I never call my husband my boyfriend, because he's not. Do you not understand why that would raise questions?

One question. If he's a registered sex offender, how was he ever allowed around our first child, the one that's no his, in the first place? There are restrictions for registered sex offenders.

Also, how is he not in jail now that you've gone to the authorities and claimed that your children may have been molested by this man?

Bottom line, your posts don't line up. It's a lot harder to keep lies straight. The truth is easy, and I still don't believe we're getting the whole truth.

I can tell you that if you decide to be honest, I may be mad, but I won't judge. I'll help. I'll stay, and I'll give you advice. But right now I really don't believe what you're saying, because it doesn't make sense.



Yes I see that I posted he is my bofriend on the first Thread & I can see why that would raise questions. We r not legally married because we never got the marriage license so I still have to use my last night & paper work seperatly!


And the only restriction for sex offenders are that they can't live within so many miles of a school or park. There is no law that you can't live with a sex offender & no law saying that one can't have a family. He had sex with a 14 yr old when he was 19 & I saw the papers where it was consensual & she lied about her age so I didn't think anything of it when I first met him. He isn't in jail because my daughter didn't disclose of anything, I told them about my suspicions but she didn't disclose any information the CPS did in home visit & seen it's a safe home with utilities, food own bedroom with seperatly beds then talked to my husband. They closed the case & told me that they are trained in that area & that it's safe for me to go home because I had to stay at my parents until the investigation was over so that I don't mess the investigation up or I would have went to jail. They told me It was safe to go home so I was totally confused in what to think but it has still stuck in my head. I have already moved out still in the process of moving some things!


I will post this here since its easier::, after 4 years of dating he introduced me to meth but I never got into it because my kids mean more to me<-- from my original post... I never got into it meaning that I have tried it a few times. I never said that I didn't do drugs I tried it a few times & it's not far me. So the person that got confused about that needs to re read my original post! I don't do drugs

Again, that makes no sense.

No, there's no law stating that you can't live with a registered sex offender. But there are restrictions for people on the sex offenders list, and one of those restrictions is not being in close proximity to children, or minors.

If he's a registered sex offender, he never would have been allowed to live with you and your child, the one that isn't biologically his.

You knew about his past, you knew about his drug abuse, maybe not from the beginning, but you obviously figured it out. You saw many incidents with your children that weren't okay, yet you're still with him.

So leave! If you don't leave, don't protect your children, then you're exactly what everyone else has stated, a bad mom.

I'm done. You've gotten the only advice we can give. Accept it, and do something about it, or stay and suffer the consequences. Sadly, you won't be the one suffering, your children will.

The next move is up to you. We can't do anything else for you. We've given the best advice we can. Your turn. Do the right thing, or continue ignoring what's going on right in front of you.



Guess what... He registered at the same address with me and my daughter that isn't biologically his for yrs & they never arrested him for it or said anything. They can't live so many miles by school and parks but they can have family's!! And parole out to family with children, I have stated 3 or 4 times that I moved out... I did my part

You don't do drugs? You tried meth! You have done drugs, and meth is highly addictive, so you can't say you don't do drugs. You have, which means you could again.

As for the rest of your post, who are you protecting? Sounds like you're protecting him, and making excuses for him.

He's a rapist, it doesn't matter if the girl consented, she wasn't of legal age to consent, she was a child, he was an adult. That's why he's a registered sex offender!

I'm tired of your excuses.

You've gotten the only advice we can give, follow it, or don't, your choice.

I'm out.

Guess what... He registered at the same address with me and my daughter tht isn't biologically his for yrs & they never arrested him for it or said anything. They can't live so many miles by school and parks but they can have family's!!! And parole out to family with children, I have stated 3 or 4 times that I moved out.... I did my part

If you moved out then why are we here? Why are we bothering?

Good, you moved out. Have a great life, and protect your children.

Good luck.

Good bye.

No, there's no law stating that you can't live with a registered sex offender. But there are restrictions for people on the sex offenders list, and one of those restrictions is not being in close proximity to children, or minors.

This is not always true. It depends on the level of the offense as well as what his probation/parole outlines.

This is not always true. It depends on the level of the offense as well as what his probation/parole outlines.

I didn't know that, but I do stand by the rest of my post.

The OP has seen the sexual abuse, but still questions it. She's gotten the best, and only advice we can offer, and frankly, I only believe 1/4 of what she's said, because of the proven inconsistencies.

I think we're wasting our time. Boyfriend/husband, she doesn't do drugs, she does do drugs, she only tried drugs, she witnessed her boyfriend masturbating in the bed with her child, she saw her child's panties pulled down, while the bf/husband was in bed with them, but she doesn't know if her kids are being molested because a child is too afraid to tell the truth?

I'm done. She either saves her children, or she allows them to be molested, or be in the same home as a meth addict. Those are her options. One makes her a reasonably good mother, even though it took long enough. I say reasonably because it took her 7 years to wake up! The other option makes her a neglectful mother whose children should be take away.

Either way, I'm done. I'm no longer sympathetic to anyone other than those poor kids, and since they have no choice, I'm done helping the one person that does. She knows what she has to do, so she should do it. No further discussion needed.

Alty out.

I will just state I have left, & yes I did try meth but it's only addictive if you allow it to be, I never let it control me. Everyone makes mistakes & no body is perfect! I know what I saw & I'm not questioning it, I am not doubting it. I was confused & was looking for answers on what to do. I am going to protect my kids from him & take care of them. I have 3 girls to look out for. I just needed to hear it I guess to process it all. & I didn't let it go on for 7 yrs I said it was recent behavior