I am 23 and have a wonderful husband who I think cares about me and a beautiful boy about to turn 1.. the problem? I am tearing my marriage apart.. do I think I need help? Yes. Do I want to get help? no. why? Because I am ashamed. Here's my problem... I have horrible terrible self esteem. Ive been bulimic since I was 12. Ever since having a baby, and my husband always watching porn I feel.. hideous, worthless, disgusting, embarrassed. I can't even go out in public to get gas in fear that someone will look at me and think how nasty I am. Im 5'5 and 143lbs. And I'm not okay with it, I get angry when a pretty girl is on TV and my husband sees her, I get furious when a pretty girl is walking down the street, in the store, at the park etc... it causes a 2 week long fight with my husband and I because I can't seem to basically love myself. My entire day, energy, and life revolves around how I look. I hate absolutely everything about my body. EVERYTHING!! From my fingers to my toes. Everyone tells me I'm beautiful, everyone tells me I look great, but why can't I see it? Why is every single day filled with nothing but negative thoughts about myself. Sometimes I feel like smashing my head into a wall just to get them to stop. Sometimes I wish nothing more than to just die rather than feel/think like this. All I ever care about, talk about, think about is how I look, how I'm not attractive, how so and so (could be a complete stranger) is sooo much better than me, skinnier, tanner, prettier, more eye appealing to my husband. I imagine the perfect girl, nice sun kissed skin, long flowing hair, size 0, all happy and out going not giving a damn about anyone or anything.. then I think about how I wish I was more like her and how my husband would be better off with her.. this fake girl I've created in my mind,. I just want these thoughts to go away.. FOREVER!! HELP ME PLEASE!!

The world is full of pretty girls, so let's get to work on getting your head straightened out and some self esteem created.

Have you ever gone for counseling about the bulimia or the body image problem?

The world is full of pretty girls, so let's get to work on getting your head straightened out and some self esteem created.

Have you ever gone for counseling about the bulimia or the body image problem?

No I haven't, I've thought about it, hell I've even made appointments to go, but I always convince myself that I'm okay and ill get over it, but I haven't. In 11 years I still have yet to get over it. Im just afraid if I tell someone I'm bulimic they will be like " whaaaat? you? a fat , bulimic? pleease!" I'm terrified of being judged..

The first lesson we learn in counseling school is not to judge or comment or make stupid comments. We aren't your friend; we're your counselor, trying to help you get your act together.

I agree you should go to consuling. Learn to love yourself. Honestly if your husband doesn't love you then why is he staying with you? Answer he loves you and thinks your perfect. Stop trying to find the flaws in yourself and look at the great things about you