suffragette
Jun 17, 2012, 07:44 AM
My son's father married a few months ago. The person he married is ill. (I have been told she has Crohn's disease). She is in and out of the hospital regularly. She has as many as 5-10 surgeries a year. She just had her most recent surgery and has been in ICU for about a week now. She and my son do not have a close relationship and never have. They spend very little time together and never spend 'one on one' time (and never have). What little bit of time they spend 'together' is spent with his father involved, for instance a trip to the movies, a family gathering here and there, etc. My son does not speak of her as someone that he cares about or loves. My son does not ever refer to her as special to him, etc. (I don't ask my son these things as I'm not sure it would be appropriate, I just observe for myself). She doesn't wake up when my son does when he spends the night at his father's house. She does not and never has cared for my son in a motherly or 'parental' way. (It may be significant to note that my son has a three year old brother who is the product of his father and this woman).
My question is: How much should his father be involving him in her illness and or possible death? (I hear about her being in the hospital so much that I can only assume that she is possibly dying). He took my son to the ICU to see her the other day and as a parent the things that occurred to me are this: Is it in my son's best interest to be involved and if so to what extent and is it necessary to expose him to the germs at the hospital? He does not ask about his father's wife. He has never expressed any concern for her. He has never asked me if she was going to be okay. He does not and has never expressed anything about this woman so why is it appropriate for him to be involved in something that could possibly have a negative affect on him when it is not his parent, family member or someone he is close to who is suffering? I want to know that my concerns are legit before I confront his father with the issue. (There are many times when his wife is ill and will stay at her mother's or sister's house and when my son goes to spend the weekend with his father, his father doesn't make a point to take my son to go see her over there so why would it be necessary to take him to see her in the hospital)? I just don't want my son to be hurt if it can be avoided. I don't want him to have to deal with something as awful as illness and death if it is not 'necessary'.
My question is: How much should his father be involving him in her illness and or possible death? (I hear about her being in the hospital so much that I can only assume that she is possibly dying). He took my son to the ICU to see her the other day and as a parent the things that occurred to me are this: Is it in my son's best interest to be involved and if so to what extent and is it necessary to expose him to the germs at the hospital? He does not ask about his father's wife. He has never expressed any concern for her. He has never asked me if she was going to be okay. He does not and has never expressed anything about this woman so why is it appropriate for him to be involved in something that could possibly have a negative affect on him when it is not his parent, family member or someone he is close to who is suffering? I want to know that my concerns are legit before I confront his father with the issue. (There are many times when his wife is ill and will stay at her mother's or sister's house and when my son goes to spend the weekend with his father, his father doesn't make a point to take my son to go see her over there so why would it be necessary to take him to see her in the hospital)? I just don't want my son to be hurt if it can be avoided. I don't want him to have to deal with something as awful as illness and death if it is not 'necessary'.