For some reason this question got deleted in the criminal law category, so I figured id ask it in a different one and see what happens.

My ex boyfriend and I are pregnant, and a few years back (after 18 years of age) got arrested for what he claims is underage drinking and weapon class A charge. He also claims he threatened to kill the cop with his knife. At first he thought this was a felony because companies he applied for denied him because they told him it was a felony. A few months ago he got a lawyer and the lawyer said it was just a misdemeanor. He says the threat must not be on the report, but he's not positive. He had to do 3 months of drinking and anger classes at the courthouse. So my questions are...

1. Can this be used against him during a child custody case due to his involuntary nature?
2. Can the court find the police records of that night?
3. Is it possible the threat is not on the report?
4. Does having texts of him saying what happened that night, and where it happened help me at all?

For some reason this question got deleted in the criminal law category, so i figured id ask it in a different one and see what happens.

First, your original question was not removed. I found it. However since your question is about custody, not criminality, this is the more appropriate forum so I have now removed the other one.


My ex boyfriend and I are pregnant,

Really? Your boyfriend is pregnant too? How did that happen?

Sorry, couldn't resist.



and a few years back (after 18 years of age) got arrested for what he claims is underage drinking and weapon class A charge. He also claims he threatened to kill the cop with his knife. At first he thought this was a felony because companies he applied for denied him because they told him it was a felony. A few months ago he got a lawyer and the lawyer said it was just a misdemeanor. He says the threat must not be on the report, but he's not positive. He had to do 3 months of drinking and anger classes at the courthouse. So my questions are...

1. Can this be used against him during a child custody case due to his involuntary nature?
2. Can the court find the police records of that night?
3. Is it possible the threat is not on the report?
4. Does having texts of him saying what happened that night, and where it happened help me at all?

1. Yes, but if this is the only blot on his record and he completed the anger management courses its not going to be given much weight.

2. Maybe

3. Anything is possible.

4. No

The likelihood is you will get primary physical custody and he will get joint legal custody and visitation (assuming that's what you are asking about). At most you might get supervised visitation initially.

... 4. Does having texts of him saying what happened that night, and where it happened help me at all?


... 4. No
...

I believe the texts would be admissible as an admission. You don't think they would be relevant?

You can claim he said it, in court he can just say he was talking trash about pulling a knife on a cop, had it done it for real, he would be doing a year or more in jail, and would have been charged with it, So it is not true and it was only talking trash, you can prove he was a lying but not that he really pulled a knife, unless your attorney talks to the police officer involved and that police officer will testify in court there was a knife.

Your attorney will pull or get a actual criminal record report to show the actual crimes convicted of.

Also none of that means much if you went back to him after it happened, since of course it proves you did not see him as a threat or a danger

I believe the texts would be admissable as an admission. You don't think they would be relevent?

No I don't think an arrest for underage drinking even with a weapons charge and even with threatening a police officer that occurred a "few years back" would be seriously relevant in a custody battle now.

As the mother, the OP would be highly likely to get primary physical custody. But I doubt if this incident would preclude the court from awarding the father joint legal custody and visitation if this is the only incident. That's what I said and I stand by it. The most that might happen is the court will order supervised visitation initially.

Also none of that means much if you went back to him after it happened, since of course it proves you did not see him as a threat or a danger[/QUOTE]

I didn't know of this until 4 months after I dated him, which happened to be when I got pregnant. And his whole family knows about the situation too.

Why would it come up in companies as a felony though?

And he also has had anger issues... he got kicked out of his apartment for damaging an elevator screen, damaging blinds, and lights in the apartment.

Also none of that means much if you went back to him after it happened, since of course it proves you did not see him as a threat or a danger

I didn't know of this until 4 months after I dated him, which happened to be when I got pregnant. And his whole family knows about the situation too.

Why would it come up in companies as a felony though?

And he also has had anger issues... he got kicked out of his apartment for damaging an elevator screen, damaging blinds, and lights in the apartment.[/QUOTE]


Apartment building I should say

It "comes up" as a felony - I would guess - because it was charged as a felony. In NY I think any assault or attempted assault on a Police Officer is a felony.

So up until you found all of this out he was a calm individual, someone you chose to co-parent a child?

It "comes up" as a felony - I would guess - because it was charged as a felony. In NY I think any assault or attempted assault on a Police Officer is a felony.

So up until you found all of this out he was a calm individual, someone you chose to co-parent a child?

No he was immature and reckless... I didn't plan to get pregnant with him, obviously not after 4 months of knowing him..

no he was immature and reckless....i didnt plan to get pregnant with him, obviously not after 4 months of knowing him..


Sorry, but the "obvious" part isn't always so obvious. AMHD answers question after question on this subject every day.

Let me put it another way - you chose to have the child?

Sorry, but the "obvious" part isn't always so obvious. AMHD answers question after question on this subject every day.

Let me put it another way - you chose to have the child?

If I'm talking about custody I'm pretty sure I'm "chosing to have the child" just because we made a mistake doesn't mean I don't want the life of a baby. Id be a good mother... him, I'm worried about.

no he was immature and reckless....i didnt plan to get pregnant with him, obviously not after 4 months of knowing him..

And you didn't understand that engaging in sexual intercourse risks getting pregnant? So he was immature and reckless, good qualifications for a sex partner but not a father, right?

Hopefully you have learned that no one should engage in sexual intercourse unless they are prepared to have a child.

And you didn't understand that engaging in sexual intercourse risks getting pregnant? So he was immature and reckless, good qualifications for a sex partner but not a father, right?

Hopefully you have learned that no one should engage in sexual intercourse unless they are prepared to have a child.

Thanks buddy, but unfortunately this isn't a forum on you getting to judge how I got pregnant, is it? Umm... no. its called a mistake for a reason, and honestly, you have no right to even know that. But thanks anyway.

Maybe, since the courts may view the same issues, you list all the bad reasons he should not get custody ( joint custody) the court will ask at times why you were OK with all of this when you were with them, You will be "judged" in court by your choices and behavior just as he is, you accepting his behavior then will be considered negative for you as well as him.

No one said I wasn't ready to have a child, like I said, I am, my whole discussion about this boards pupose is because I think he is an unfit parent, now if anyone wants to read what I've wrote about him and help me on that, id appreciate it, otherwise its no ones business why he is the father of my child.

, otherwise its no ones business why he is the father of my child.

Apparently, you don't understand how this site works. You post here asking, essentially, how to eliminate or curtail the rights of your child's father. Therefore, that father's character and your decision to have sex with him are pertinent. Clearly you made a mistake, a mistake you are paying dearly for and you have my sympathies. But you need to understand the realities of that mistake. The responsibilities and obligations you will have because of that mistake. You will be judged for that mistake for the rest of your life. So you better get used to it.

Maybe, since the courts may view the same issues, you list all the bad reasons he should not get custody ( joint custody) the court will ask at times why you were ok with all of this when you were with them, You will be "judged" in court by your choices and behavior just as he is, you accepting his behavior then will be considered neg for you as well as him.

I didn't accept his behavior, I was working on it with him because I cared for him. He was very nice to me, but when we broke up for a little bit during that time he acted irrationally and his anger got him kicked out of his apartment. If I choose to not always be with him, I don't need him taking the anger out on me or the child. So just because I was never there to witness these actions and never did harm to me doesn't mean his actions on other things were not involuntary. Would I want him as a father of my child? no. but did it happen, yes.

Apparently, you don't understand how this site works. You post here asking, essentially, how to eliminate or curtail the rights of your child's father. Therefore, that father's character and your decision to have sex with him are pertinent. Clearly you made a mistake, a mistake you are paying dearly for and you have my sympathies. But you need to understand the realities of that mistake. The responsibilities and obligations you will have because of that mistake. You will be judged for that mistake for the rest of your life. so you better get used to it.

I agree, but that doesn't make you have the right to tell me that I wasn't ready for a child because I made a mistake and think my ex boyfriend is unfit. I will be judged by the court, not by you. And I'm pretty sure they are not going to ask me sarcastic questions like "and you didnt understand engaging in intercourse could result in pregnancy?" I'm pretty sure its common sense...

no one said i wasnt ready to have a child, .

Actually YOU said it:


i didnt plan to get pregnant with him,


but that doesnt make you have the right to tell me that i wasnt ready for a child ...

I didn't say you weren't "ready" I said you weren't "prepared". Since, as you admitted, you didn't plan it, then you weren't prepared.


if i'm talking about custody im pretty sure im "chosing to have the child"

No you are choosing to KEEP the child. You already admitted you didn't choose to have the child.


i'm pretty sure they are not going to ask me sarcastic questions

Don't be so sure. Judges are human and are not immune to sarcasm.

Bottom line here is that I don't see enough to severely curtail the father's rights should he choose to exercise them. I don't see enough to rule him unfit, maybe enough to require supervised visits.

No you are choosing to KEEP the child. You already admitted you didn't choose to have the child. .


And you say I just admitted I didn't chose to have the child? I did choose to have the child... thats why I'm having it, and why we are talking about custody. I didn't ask if for you to judge me as an unfit parent, or whatever you would like to think, I asked in this forum if these things could be used against my ex boyfriend in a custody case. That is all.

and you say i just admitted i didnt chose to have the child? I did choose to have the child...thats why im having it, and why we are talking about custody. I didnt ask if for you to judge me as an unfit parent, or whatever you would like to think, i asked in this forum if these things could be used against my ex boyfriend in a custody case. that is all.

Do you have a problem with the english language? You keep misreading what I am saying and attributing the wrong meaning to my words.

Again YOU said you didn't plan to have this child. That means you did not choose to have the child. However once you found yourself pregnant you chose to keep the child, which is to your credit and I applaud you for it.

And no where did I or anyone say you were unfit as a parent. We are talking about the father having custody which is the issue you raised.

I think the Court may very well see bad judgment on both parts.

And when you post on a public board you really shouldn't expect everyone to agree with you.

What is an "involuntary nature"?

I think the Court may very well see bad judgment on both parts.

And when you post on a public board you really shouldn't expect everyone to agree with you.

What is an "involuntary nature"?


No one said they had to agree with me, but its nice to have answers and not be judged for something I did not ask about on this forum...

Involuntary nature... involuntary meaning done without conscious control. Concerned in bodily processes that are not under the control of the will...

Do you have a problem with the english language? You keep misreading what I am saying and attributing the wrong meaning to my words.

Again YOU said you didn't plan to have this child. That means you did not choose to have the child. However once you found yourself pregnant you chose to keep the child, which is to your credit and I applaud you for it.

And no where did I or anyone say you were unfit as a parent. We are talking about the father having custody which is the issue you raised.

No where did I ask if the father could have custody, all I asked was if it could be used against him in the court of law. Id appreciate if you'd read the forum question correctly.

No one said they had to agree with me, but its nice to have answers and not be judged for something i did not ask about on this forum...

involuntary nature....involuntary meaning done without conscious control. Concerned in bodily processes that are not under the control of the will......

Involuntarily drinking and threatening to kill a Police Officer with a knife? Who told you that was a criminal charge?

The answers you received are based on what YOU posted. You are anonymous. "We" don't know you. We DO know you are pregnant by someone with a criminal record, a serious criminal record. Your concern is custody of your child - which is understandable.

You are the one who dated this guy.

And I'll share a story - I was divorced some years ago. I was telling a friend what a lousy rat he was and I was going on and she said, kindly and sweetly, her hand on my arm, "Remember. You have to live with it." And I sputtered at her and she said, "You chose him."

And, so, you got pregnant by this guy. Your judgment when you are criticizing him comes into play.

And it will come into play in Court.

Now - if you'd rather hear that the Court will believe every word you say, ban him from the child's life, refuse to give him any visitation, then believe that and go into Court totally unprepared and possibly be surprised by the outcome.

This is the Family Law forum. "We" tell it like it is.

No where did i ask if the father could have custody, all i asked was if it could be used against him in the court of law. id appreciate if you'd read the forum question correctly.

Maybe you need to read your own questions before you make a fool of yourself. This is what you said in the intitial post:


Can this be used against him during a child custody case

So yes you did ask about a custody case. Plus other threads you started make it clear what you were asking about. All we have done is try to help you, by making you aware of the legal realities. And you give us lip over it.

Involuntarily drinking and threatening to kill a Police Officer with a knife? Who told you that was a criminal charge?

The answers you received are based on what YOU posted. You are anonymous. "We" don't know you. We DO know you are pregnant by someone with a criminal record, a serious criminal record. Your concern is custody of your child - which is understandable.

You are the one who dated this guy.

And I'll share a story - I was divorced some years ago. I was telling a friend what a lousy rat he was and I was going on and she said, kindly and sweetly, her hand on my arm, "Remember. You have to live with it." And I sputtered at her and she said, "You chose him."

And, so, you got pregnant by this guy. Your judgment when you are criticizing him comes into play.

And it will come into play in Court.

Now - if you'd rather hear that the Court will believe every word you say, ban him from the child's life, refuse to give him any visitation, then believe that and go into Court totally unprepared and possibly be surprised by the outcome.

This is the Family Law forum. "We" tell it like it is.


How do you "choose" someone after knowing them for 4 months? You don't. People have sex with people they don't CHOOSE for a father. That's just how it happens, not everyone who has sex thinks hey, this is who I'm going to have my child with. When you look back at his violent history by getting kicked out of his apartment and threatening the cops, I think its quite reasonable I'm questioning the type of person he is, knowing him for such a short amount of time, and not having a criminal record myself.

The chargers were underage drinking and weapon class A, I'm pretty sure weapon charge is cirminal, but who knows, I could be wrong.

Maybe you need to read your own questions before you make a fool of yourself. this is what you said in the intitial post:



So yes you did ask about a custody case. Plus other threads you started make it clear what you were asking about. All we have done is try to help you, by making you aware of the legal realities. And you give us lip over it.

Yes it is about a custody case, but I never once said I wanted to take away his custody, maybe just supervised visits... in reality, I only asked if in a custody case, it could be used against him. That's all. I didn't ask if I would win, or if I could take away all of his parenting rights, that wasn't what I asked. But thank you for the added information.

how do you "choose" someone after knowing them for 4 months? you dont. people have sex with people they dont CHOOSE for a father. thats just how it happens, not everyone who has sex thinks hey, this is who im going to have my child with. when you look back at his violent history by getting kicked out of his apartment and threatening the cops, i think its quite reasonable i'm questioning the type of person he is, knowing him for such a short amount of time, and not having a criminal record myself.

the chargers were underage drinking and weapon class A, i'm pretty sure weapon charge is cirminal, but who knows, i could be wrong.


Sorry, but, no, not all people have sex with people they've known for 4 months. You are lucky that all you "caught" was pregnant.

And, yes, you know, I DO look at every man I'm considering being intimate with as a possible father for my possible child and I DO ask questions and decide if a person is truthful or not - or at least I try.

If you DON'T, you are, quite frankly, a fool.

Everyone makes mistakes. Stop putting "everyone" in the same category of having recreational sex at some point in a 4-month relationship. Speak for yourself - not for me.

This man is problematical, to say the least - and you are having a child with him.

And I'll repeat - keep wearing blinders, get into Court, have the Judge ask you about your relationship and look like more of a fool.

how do you "choose" someone after knowing them for 4 months? you dont. people have sex with people they dont CHOOSE for a father. thats just how it happens, not everyone who has sex thinks hey, this is who im going to have my child with.

And this is what I object to. Sex is NOT a recreational sport. It is something to be shared between two people in a long term committed relationship. Whenever one engages in sexual intercourse, they are risking a pregnancy so they SHOULD be thinking 'is this person someone I want as the parent of my child?' Maybe if more people thought this way there would be less problems in this world.

But your posts clearly implied that you were trying to block or limit his custody. And we have given you answers to help with that. So stop arguing with us.

But your posts clearly implied that you were trying to block or limit his custody. And we have given you answers to help with that. So stop arguing with us.


And if this attitude carries into the Courtroom OP is going to lose. Sad, but true.

I see NOTHING in his past that keeps him from visiting with his child - nothing. Supervised, perhaps. No visitation? No.

And, as we "regulars" know, the Court will decide who is BEST suited to parent.

And this is what I object to. Sex is NOT a recreational sport. It is something to be shared between two people in a long term committed relationship. Whenever one engages in sexual intercourse, they are risking a pregnancy so they SHOULD be thinking 'is this person someone I want as the parent of my child?' Maybe if more people thought this way there would be less problems in this world.

But your posts clearly implied that you were trying to block or limit his custody. And we have given you answers to help with that. So stop arguing with us.


Yeah and supervisiion wouldn't have been implied at all... im sorry.
And you are right, I'm not saying I did it right, or he did it right, we both messed up, and that's that. Pepole have sex like that okay... why do you think there are girls who are 16 and pregnant? It happens.

And if this attitude carries into the Courtroom OP is going to lose. Sad, but true.

I see NOTHING in his past that keeps him from visiting with his child - nothing. Supervised, perhaps. No visitation? No.

And, as we "regulars" know, the Court will decide who is BEST suited to parent.

I'm obviously not going to be arguing to a judge like I am with you two, I'm not an idiot. Thanks though.

Sorry, but, no, not all people have sex with people they've known for 4 months. You are lucky that all you "caught" was pregnant.

And, yes, you know, I DO look at every man I'm considering being intimate with as a possible father for my possible child and I DO ask questions and decide if a person is truthful or not - or at least I try.

If you DON'T, you are, quite frankly, a fool.

Everyone makes mistakes. Stop putting "everyone" in the same category of having recreational sex at some point in a 4-month relationship. Speak for yourself - not for me.

This man is problematical, to say the least - and you are having a child with him.

And I'll repeat - keep wearing blinders, get into Court, have the Judge ask you about your relationship and look like more of a fool.

And you've never misjudged anyone in your life right? That's why all your relationships worked out... haha. Okay.

pepole have sex like that okay...why do you think there are girls who are 16 and pregnant? it happens.

Getting off topic, but yes I am painfully aware if that, but I will continue to carry on my fight against it as best I can.

Getting off topic, but yes I am painfully aware if that, but I will continue to carry on my fight against it as best I can.

Everyone's agreeing with you that its wrong, so really there's no need to fight.

and you've never misjudged anyone in your life right? thats why all your relationships worked out...haha. okay.


We're not talking about me. We're talking about YOU and your baby and the father with a criminal history. And, no, I don't have any children with people with criminal records.

If I want your advice, I'll open at thread.

"Haha." How old are you?

im obviously not going to be arguing to a judge like i am with you two, i'm not an idiot. thanks though.



"Obviously" you aren't going to argue. How does "obviously" come into this? I see you fighting tooth and nail to prove you are right. I don't think attitude changes when you walk into the Courtroom.

No one ever said you're an idiot. That's for you to prove or disprove (which, actually, is a word).