All right, here's what's up if anyone's reading.

First off, I have never had a girlfriend in my life until my senior year of high school. Sad, I know, but I just never clicked with anyone (not to mention I'm not exactly the most beautiful guy on the planet). Until the summer of my junior year going to my senior year. I met this girl at a pool party and asked her out at an ice rink after about a month or so of talking. So we got together and were known as the couple who never fought and were just so cute together.. Well, that was for about the first 9 months. Then we might have had like... one argument a month.

Then it progressed and the past month or so of our relationship was arguing in every other conversation. It was always who had to be right, there was listening to each other, but no hearing.. I don't know what happened to us. We decided it was time for a talk because we knew things were spinning out of control. I figured it was because she was still in high school and I'm in college. Both of us with two jobs now so hardly any time to actually see each other. But it was "the talk".. She came in my house and actually said there was no intention of breaking up.. Which there really wasn't. It just progressed into that.

So we sat and talked for a couple hours.. And then cried to each other for a long time.. I kept trying to tell her I could do it. Make myself better and all that.. But she said she couldn't see that future with me anymore.. She said that spark was gone.. The fire I lit two years ago was gone.. I was so heartbroken.. I couldn't eat for like.. 3 days.. Just after two years of dating and seeing myself with her and kids in the future.. was gone

It's been a week and 3 days since the breakup. I've talked to her every couple days.. Even went to see her at work.. Talked to her mom every night (whom of which I've been ever closed to than my own mom.) And she is devastated too. But she's basically been my (our) counselor.

So I've really just turned to God. Some of you may think it's great, others may not agree. But I'm feeling better. So this whole thing is just mainly me trying to release myself some more. So I'm thankful for those of you who read this, and just would like your input, because they all tell me... get her off your mind.. But it's so much easier said than done..

Statistically, relationships dissolve when people go off to different schools, especially one to college while the other is still in HS. I'm sure you know all the reasons already, and you aren't asking about them anyway. You are asking the age old question: how to get over it. You are here, and that's one good way (you could even jump in and answer other questions on the topic). God is helping for you. Work, study, keeping busy. Most people find band aids in family and friends (but I think it isn't wise to go to her mother). Just say 'take me with you, let me tag along, don't try to cheer me up, I won't go on and on about my grief but I won't be the life of the party either.' Time is the only healer, and filling time while you wait is all mere distraction to make it go faster.

First break ups suck, sorry, they all do, and will. Nobody recovers from a failed relationship in 3 days, NOBODY! Mourn your loss properly, and begin to put the pieces of your life back together.

First if you are going over to see her and her parents every day or two you are not broke up yet.

Time to cry it out and stop going over, stop taking, stop texting, stop email, stop looking at Facebook pages and just move on.

there was listening to each other, but no hearing

You have already learned a very valuable lesson from this relationship. You can have all the communication in the world, and all the talking in the world, but if couples done hear each other, nothing changes. Eventually, people simply burn out, because nothing is resolved.

All you can do is what you are doing, accept that the relationship is over, and you have lived to learn, and eventually not be overshadowed with it, in your next, and subsequent relationships. You will better know down the road, about compatibility, from what you've learned along the way.

I agree that it isn't a great idea to have your ex girlfriend's mother in your life so much. While she has been helpful and kind, it is inappropriate to add a third party that is directly related to the ex. It also puts your ex girlfriend in an awkward position with her mother, knowing that you are hanging on, and doing so, with her mother.

It has to come to an end, and you should maybe try to accept that it is time to move on, from both of them. Allow yourself some time to heal and reflect, and don't be in a rush to replace one relationship with another. Be fair to yourself, and make sure you are ready to date again, without continuously reflecting on the past.

Good luck to you.

If I were your ex-girlfriend and you kept contacting my mom, I'd be done with you, too.

Yes, take time to heal and move on.

Are you saying in some fashion that you are doing what God wants you to do?

Oh right... I should probably clarify..

I only texted her mom the first night she left my house, to make sure she made it home okay (because I knew she was crying the whole way home) and then she started talking to me. And then checking up on me every day, basically being my counselor.

Again, I was closer to her mom than I was my own. She knows more about me than my own mom does (for multiple reasons I probably shouldn't talk about). And we are more alike than her and my ex are as far as emotionally speaking. Because when my ex has emotional break downs.. she shuts herself down and goes to figure things out herself and will let no one in on it. Her mom and I are (obviously it's apparent for me) the type that feels they need tl tell people, not for attention, but for help because we NEED the help. And since she's been through this and want us back together, she has been trying to help us both, but without letting my ex know how much I actually do have contacts with her. Hope that cleared some things up lol.

As far as God... I'm still prettying new at it all. Because the past two years I've only.gone to church to see my girlfriend more. Here recently I have felt more... attentive? I guess would be the right word.. I just feel so much more concentrated as far as christ goes.(her mom was basically coaching me.on that as well.

I don't think I mentioned this either, but I am trying to get back with her if that means anything

Break ups suck, and let me tell you, welcome to the team. Main things to keep in mind is that you need to keep yourself busy, thinking about your life, moving forward, concentration on school, pick up a sport or maybe a book. Let time fly by and you continue living your life and eventually, you will move on. It takes time, there is nothing you can do to rush the process except cut complete contact with her, which is crucial to you getting over it. You will learn how to be alone again, the feelings of desesperation, anxiety, and loneliness will go away eventually as well. Let it sink in, accept the reality of the situation, that all the dreams you had with a certain person are now gone... it is OKAY!! You will one day relive those dreams but with someone that was meant for you, instead of with someone that made the mistake of betraying your love because of an uncomfortable situation. Remember that as long as you do your best, in the future, a woman that loves you will stand by you no matter what, this is obviously not that particular woman, time to start looking again, but only after having properly healed. The hunt is fun too after you have healed, getting to know someone else is fun, new experiences await and your boat has barely left the docks, keep a positive mindset and everything will be all right. If you have any problems, you know that we are here to help you.


I don't think I mentioned this either, but I am trying to get back with her if that means anything

Do not try to get back with her, this will only prolong your healing process, don't make the mistake that probably everyone in this website has made in the past.

Originally Posted by csbryant945
I don't think I mentioned this either, but I am trying to get back with her if that means anything

She left on her own, she can come back on her own. Leave her alone to make her choice without your influence and start doing your own thing. Stay away from her mom and her church. Find your own church, if that's what you want to do.

Yep... for anyone who cares to read this.. I did just find out she doesn't want to even think about a future with me anymore. Before, she had her door open for any oppturnities to arise. But now, out of the blue, it's just over. She doesn't think I'll have a chance tomorrow, next week, next year, or 30 years from now.. I need help on recovery..