Upsidedown255
Jun 7, 2012, 12:21 AM
Me and my best mate have been friends for quite some time now. About 9 years. We became friends after I met him through a friend of mine then we happened to have moved in next to each other in an apartment block. We both shared the same interest in games and cars so we both hit it off.
Throughout the friendship we have had issues. Some big and some small. But we always made it through. One day we had a large argument (but not the largest by far) over rather petty things. He called me over to help fix a fuel pump and chill for a bit. So I brought some vodka and head around about midday. When I get there he was just starting to get parts of the car out. In all honesty there was little I could do since it was in the middle of his coupé behind the back seat. I couldn't fit in the car. I essentially helped put a few things together and handed him the occasional tool. (I thought the thing was in the bonnet :/ ). So we head inside, play some xbox and drink vodka. At the time I had started to quit smoking, about 2 weeks into it so I was still a bit agitated and snappy. It was the first time I had drank since I quit. Somehow the conversation heads towards exercise as I was on a health kick. My mate starts to tell me what to do and advising me what I should do as a routine and diet, etc. but I really didn't want to do it with him. I am a tall broad shouldered 100kg bloke and he's a rather skinny 65-70kg bloke (we've done stupid pranks where I launch him off my feet or he curls into a ball and I throw him several meters into bean bags, rather hilarious). So I didn't want to take his advice when we had completely different bodies. I tried explaining to him that I would need to see a professional or someone with the same frame and structure to get what I really wanted. It also lead to dating relatives somehow. He asked about his ex and I said she wasn't my type (im 26, he's 28) since I thought she was too young (19). I said it reminded me of my sister who was also 19. He put the scenario forward of him dating my sister, I knocked it back saying I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone dating my sister. Its my job to be over protective . He got rather insulted buy the whole thing. There was alcohol involved so things were exaggerated but nothing vile or vindictive was said. My GF came to pick me up and the conversation cooled down. We said our friendly goodbyes and he even offered to play games online.
Anyhow, next day arrives and nothing is said. 2 weeks pass and he hasn't even logged into steam (big deal since he logs in like every day to play games). After a month he appears online. I say hello and ask if he was avoiding me. He dodges the question like 3 times in a row until I flat out ask him "why have you been avoiding me?"
He goes into this triad of vague but specific at the same time reasons how I'm not keeping my word and such. One of the first reasons was how I rocked up to fix a car wearing jeans and a nice shirt. He brings up an issue from over a year ago where I didn't go to his birthday at his parents or how don't trust him. Im very insulted by the whole thing but I was also expecting it. So I tell him fine, I apologise for being a but he should have the decency to at least tell me to my face since we were such close friends to at least give me a chance to defend myself. We rant on for ages and the conversation starts getting rather mature. I said we would need to speak in person to sort this out, he agrees. However we both were busy on the weekend so I said during the week.
Couple days went by and nothing. He then deactivated his Facebook account and didn't log into steam or any online games for over 2 months. Completely dropping off the radar.
Now he's come back online and is pretending like I'm not there. He's started playing games again and reactivated Facebook.
I really miss him as a friend but he's unwilling to do anything. He hasn't bothered to contact me AT ALL in the whole time this has gone on. We were both nearly identical in the gaming levels we played and understood one another quite well however I feel like he's punishing me for not wanting to confront an issue which probably isn't an issue in the first place.
He says I don't trust him but just a week before I put him up for a job interview at my work putting my reputation on the line. He bombed the interview by telling them he wanted to finish early on Fridays to attend a play.
He got upset over the fact I wore a jeans and a nice shirt to fix a car but the stuff I wore wasn't new, it was comfortable and I thought it was in the bonnet
He got upset over the fact I didn't attend his birthday lunch last year (this was like 8 months ago). He didn't speak to me for over a month after this. We had actually made plans to go out on the Sat night. He cancelled on Friday night and asked me to come to lunch instead. I turned him down because the lunch was over an hours drive away in the country at his parents place on a day where I had already pushed all the housework to because we had an inspection later on in the week. This really upset me as I later on in the night AFTER I spent the day weeding and cleaning out the crap in the house I drove to his house and gave him his present in person. He forgot my birthday entirely this year. Not to mention the year he forgot my 21st birthday party at night because, his own words, "Slept in". His housemate rocked up and told me he woke him to come and he just mumbled "ill be there later". I never threw this back in his face. there's no reason to, its in the past. And I feel like I have to apologise for not going to his lunch...
So yeah, I'm angry, but I'm angry at the fact he is ignoring me and over something so petty. He said it wasn't the exercising or anything like that but more so "lots of little things like the birthday or car thing.
I miss the friendship and i think the whole thing is all over nothing but hes the one avoiding me so what can i do?
Alternatively i think alot of it could have to do with a girl or two. He was seeing his ex at the same time possibly seeing this other girl too. This would have prompted him to deactivate facebook so they didnt "bump" into one another online. It would also explain he may have entered the "Girlfriend Cave" and hence 0 games in 2 months (he use to play almost every day for several hours. He was toting the release of Diablo 3 like the 2nd coming of christ but didn't even bother to buy it).
So yeah. Not sure if he is either mega stubborn, bitter or just got kidnapped by a new girlfriend.
What do I do? Apologise over something I've already apologised for to someone who is actively avoiding me? Id like my mate back but not sure how to handle it.
Throughout the friendship we have had issues. Some big and some small. But we always made it through. One day we had a large argument (but not the largest by far) over rather petty things. He called me over to help fix a fuel pump and chill for a bit. So I brought some vodka and head around about midday. When I get there he was just starting to get parts of the car out. In all honesty there was little I could do since it was in the middle of his coupé behind the back seat. I couldn't fit in the car. I essentially helped put a few things together and handed him the occasional tool. (I thought the thing was in the bonnet :/ ). So we head inside, play some xbox and drink vodka. At the time I had started to quit smoking, about 2 weeks into it so I was still a bit agitated and snappy. It was the first time I had drank since I quit. Somehow the conversation heads towards exercise as I was on a health kick. My mate starts to tell me what to do and advising me what I should do as a routine and diet, etc. but I really didn't want to do it with him. I am a tall broad shouldered 100kg bloke and he's a rather skinny 65-70kg bloke (we've done stupid pranks where I launch him off my feet or he curls into a ball and I throw him several meters into bean bags, rather hilarious). So I didn't want to take his advice when we had completely different bodies. I tried explaining to him that I would need to see a professional or someone with the same frame and structure to get what I really wanted. It also lead to dating relatives somehow. He asked about his ex and I said she wasn't my type (im 26, he's 28) since I thought she was too young (19). I said it reminded me of my sister who was also 19. He put the scenario forward of him dating my sister, I knocked it back saying I wouldn't feel comfortable with anyone dating my sister. Its my job to be over protective . He got rather insulted buy the whole thing. There was alcohol involved so things were exaggerated but nothing vile or vindictive was said. My GF came to pick me up and the conversation cooled down. We said our friendly goodbyes and he even offered to play games online.
Anyhow, next day arrives and nothing is said. 2 weeks pass and he hasn't even logged into steam (big deal since he logs in like every day to play games). After a month he appears online. I say hello and ask if he was avoiding me. He dodges the question like 3 times in a row until I flat out ask him "why have you been avoiding me?"
He goes into this triad of vague but specific at the same time reasons how I'm not keeping my word and such. One of the first reasons was how I rocked up to fix a car wearing jeans and a nice shirt. He brings up an issue from over a year ago where I didn't go to his birthday at his parents or how don't trust him. Im very insulted by the whole thing but I was also expecting it. So I tell him fine, I apologise for being a but he should have the decency to at least tell me to my face since we were such close friends to at least give me a chance to defend myself. We rant on for ages and the conversation starts getting rather mature. I said we would need to speak in person to sort this out, he agrees. However we both were busy on the weekend so I said during the week.
Couple days went by and nothing. He then deactivated his Facebook account and didn't log into steam or any online games for over 2 months. Completely dropping off the radar.
Now he's come back online and is pretending like I'm not there. He's started playing games again and reactivated Facebook.
I really miss him as a friend but he's unwilling to do anything. He hasn't bothered to contact me AT ALL in the whole time this has gone on. We were both nearly identical in the gaming levels we played and understood one another quite well however I feel like he's punishing me for not wanting to confront an issue which probably isn't an issue in the first place.
He says I don't trust him but just a week before I put him up for a job interview at my work putting my reputation on the line. He bombed the interview by telling them he wanted to finish early on Fridays to attend a play.
He got upset over the fact I wore a jeans and a nice shirt to fix a car but the stuff I wore wasn't new, it was comfortable and I thought it was in the bonnet
He got upset over the fact I didn't attend his birthday lunch last year (this was like 8 months ago). He didn't speak to me for over a month after this. We had actually made plans to go out on the Sat night. He cancelled on Friday night and asked me to come to lunch instead. I turned him down because the lunch was over an hours drive away in the country at his parents place on a day where I had already pushed all the housework to because we had an inspection later on in the week. This really upset me as I later on in the night AFTER I spent the day weeding and cleaning out the crap in the house I drove to his house and gave him his present in person. He forgot my birthday entirely this year. Not to mention the year he forgot my 21st birthday party at night because, his own words, "Slept in". His housemate rocked up and told me he woke him to come and he just mumbled "ill be there later". I never threw this back in his face. there's no reason to, its in the past. And I feel like I have to apologise for not going to his lunch...
So yeah, I'm angry, but I'm angry at the fact he is ignoring me and over something so petty. He said it wasn't the exercising or anything like that but more so "lots of little things like the birthday or car thing.
I miss the friendship and i think the whole thing is all over nothing but hes the one avoiding me so what can i do?
Alternatively i think alot of it could have to do with a girl or two. He was seeing his ex at the same time possibly seeing this other girl too. This would have prompted him to deactivate facebook so they didnt "bump" into one another online. It would also explain he may have entered the "Girlfriend Cave" and hence 0 games in 2 months (he use to play almost every day for several hours. He was toting the release of Diablo 3 like the 2nd coming of christ but didn't even bother to buy it).
So yeah. Not sure if he is either mega stubborn, bitter or just got kidnapped by a new girlfriend.
What do I do? Apologise over something I've already apologised for to someone who is actively avoiding me? Id like my mate back but not sure how to handle it.