I am lonely because I have no one to talk to at home and I can't really start conversations with my classmates in college for example. People at home keep using the word, "you" (referring to me), whenever they start arguing about something. How can they "know" what is going on in my mind when I haven't explained my thoughts are yet? This is annoying. I always get misunderstood and whenever I do state my mind, they don't like it and continue to use the word,"you" (referring to me), endlessly. When I am in school, I think I don't talk to other people that much because I feel like I don't want to be judged,the way they judge me at home. I feel misunderstood in such a big family and world. Is there a way out of this?

Drgnfly25,

First of all, I welcome you to this wonderful and beautiful site. The problem which you are facing is of socilization. You are not properly intitiated to socialization. As a beginning, you look at your classmates, and there is definitely a person (of same or opposite sex), whom you can befriend, who has the hobbies, passions and habits, equal or identical to you, I mean almost same nature as you have. Talk with him/her, go on outing with him/her. Gradually, befriend other buddies. Slowly and steadily, you will be very much in the swim of things. This will help in your personal growth and social development.

At home, you talk with family members calmly. Ask one person (your mom, for example) as to why are you always pointed out or singled out. Tell her that you are a responsible person, and ask her to give you any domestic assignment, and complete that in time and in perfection and win her heart and slowly extend it to other family members. Moreover, when you will enter good books of your mother or a few other members also, you will slowly learn this art perfectly well, and your case will be solved and resolved.

Good Luck!

Kahani Punjab,
Thanks for your help! Basically, I come from a family with a lot of issues... mental illness is in the family. I am too nice, to the point that I am taken advantage of. It's sad but I need to find a way so that people listen to me at home. I understand, my classmates have nothing to do with my problems. I should socialize more.
Drgnfly25

How about asking good questions that will get people talking about themselves -- "Mom, tell me what toys you played with when you were a little girl" or "[Brother], show me how to [?? ]." People not only like to talk about themselves, but also like to be an "expert" and show you how to do something.

I have tried a number of approaches and it seems as if people in my family just don't listen much. I would say listening well is a huge part of good communication. Talking doesn't work most of the time... it has something to do with people's ego problem for example. They let ego get in the way most of the time. It's a bit confusing.

Then play up to that ego.

That's effective for people who are not too selfish. People at home just don't act normal. They are not nice people. They would put up a front when interacting with people outside of the house. I'm like "Huh? Are you kidding me?" So I just let things go the way they go and hope for the best. Really, karma comes into play especially in the long run.

But meanwhile, you aren't relating to and connecting with anyone at home. Improve their karma (and your own).

I see what you mean. It's like a vicious cycle. It's hard for me to genuinely connect with the people at home. I think I give them too many chances. I need to put my foot down if that is what it takes... for my sake. It is like I don't get much in return.

I suspect you aren't giving them the right kind of chances. Putting your foot down with them is NOT the answer. Setting good boundaries is, but you can do that in a positive way.

I always explain a lot about what goes on in my mind, whenever I get the chance to when they would listen to me. I go into the details in order to prove to them that what I say is true. I have this habit of paying attention to details "too much," according to them. They don't want to hear it,so they either ignore me or talk over me. Even when I keep my explanation short, they just don't get it because they don't know what my whole story is. They are very bitter people I would say. It is like putting water into a pot with oil in it. I need to continue to explain myself whenever I get the chance. I admit I am not the type to get that angry like them. So at times, I just walk away.

What are you so eager to explain to them?

It's like they don't retain much of what I say to them. For some reason, they think I am a softie because I don't get angry most of the time somehow. Well, I wonder why they don't really take what I say seriously unless what I say them they take to their advantage. I feel a need to explain myself so that they will understand me more.

Don't get angry and become one of them. What are you trying to explain?

You see, it goes something like this. I am one out of eight and also the older twin. One of the younger ones in the family. I end up playing older sister to my twin sister all the time and rarely do I get a chance to get my way. My twin always gets her way since she is "younger" than me. I am the third youngest, sort of like an outcast in the family... or the one with all the answers whenever my siblings need me to explain something to back themselves up. So selfish of them to be this way. They call me the camera. It's funny. But at the same time, they don't listen to me whenever there is some sort of conflict between me and them. Sometimes, I feel like their punching bag.

Hello, I happen to be one of the siblings in the middle of the family and the people in the family don't pay much if any attention to me. I feel like I am taken advantage of most of the time. For example, my siblings only "talk" to me when they want some information from me. I am literally like their "an answer machine." When they want information, they think can get it from me. But not anymore because of how the treat me afterwards. They give themselves the credit for the information I told them. The older siblings tend to be mean and the younger ones,well, they get the attention they get. Funny but true.

No, I don't think that the "middle child" gets less attention than the older/younger children. The oldest child tends to be the test child, the one to set an example.

What kind of information do your siblings get from you?

You have another thread on the same subject - I have asked that the threads be combined. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/emotional-wellbeing/why-am-so-lonely-667248-2.html

You are in College?

I was the oldest child, the test kid, as Judy so succinctly put it. There were two middle children who caused problems for the family, and then there was the "baby" whom my parents thought could do no wrong. (By the time he came along, they were tired of raising kids... ) The two middle kids never "explained" anything to the baby brother or me. I too would like to know what you are explaining to siblings.

Just interesting things that apply to what the "conversation" is about. It's like they have a knowledge complex as the older ones. They think they should know more than the younger one. I think they are like this because they are mean as hell. I wonder why.

What is everyone's age?

Well, by now we are all adults. So, maybe we are really growing apart. Sure feels like it.

Like, adults in their 20s or 40s or 60s?

And Judy, yes, I am in college.

So you and your sibs are just barely scraping over the adult eligibility line?

Adullts in their 20s, 30s, and 40s. Basically, it's just difficult when they are so mean. It's like the younger ones become mean too,to get back. It's ridiculous.

If you are in college, and in the middle, how old is the youngest? I'm still waiting for ages. Specific ages.

What information do these people want from you? I'm still not clear on that.

I'm not clear on any of this - I'm hung up on "rarely do I get to get my way" and explaining to the family what's going on in OP's mind.

I don't think this is about sibling rivalry.

I am one of the four in the middle and I feel lost in the family at times. I don't get much attention because I am the "mild" one. So, I get "pushed" around whenever. I just hate it when this happens. Probably the reason why I just let it be more so nowadays.