Hello all first time poster here.. well second time posting the same message because apparently the first time I wasn't logged in and taking me to the "join" page erased everything so I can type it all out again! Yay.. fml.

First off a lot of you will probably see me as a bad guy or just see this as a bad relationship but bare with me. I met this girl at work, I normally don't get along very well with anyone but this girl made me smile every time I talked to her. She's very cute with an amazing personality. I found out she has three kids but this didn't scare me off, I needed to know more about her. One night I ask her to get drinks with me after work, which she excitedly agrees. There we hit it off even more then at work, everything is comfortable and I have never gotten along with someone so well so quickly.

I also find out the story of her kids while I'm there. Two are from her high school sweetheart and fiancé. One is from an ex who use to be her manager. After her second child her high school sweetheart abandoned her saying he wasn't ready for a family. She had a fling then got into a year long relationship with her manager. The high school sweetheart comes back and tells her that he's ready for a family and to get back together. She broke things off with the manager to go back with her sweetheart who becomes her fiancé. Afterwords she finds out she's pregnant and it's her old managers, and her fiancé goes off to school. While he's at school and 4-5 months after having her 3rd baby is when she met me. It is very easy to tell she is not happy with her fiancé and she continues to tell me how she can see something in me and that she needed to find out more.

One thing leads to another and we start seeing each other 2-5 days out of the week. Every date better then the last, no fights, very little arguments, we get along great, and the sex is amazing for the both of us. She falls in love with me and we start thinking of being together and getting married. She tells me she can never leave her fiancé for another man though and when he comes back from school she takes him in again. We still see each other from time to time but nothing like before until 2-3 months into his being home her fiancé tells her that he cannot love the ex managers child. He refuses to watch him or care for him and this is the last straw for her, she gives him the ring back and breaks up with him.

I didn't get my hopes up at this point but after about 2 months of their breaking up she started to get really close to me again. Her lease was up in a few months and she was going to get a place of her own that I could slowly move into. We started to talk about marriage again and enjoying our time together and I started to feel really happy about the idea of being with her. Until two days ago, after an amazing night and afternoon I'm going to drop her off at work. I do have a bit of trust issues that I try to maintain but when she gets a text from some guy at her old job like she does everyday we get to talking about how every guy she hangs out with falls in love with her. She tells me she doesn't think she can have friends anymore and feels depressed. I tell her that I don't want her to feel lonely that she can have friends, that I'm sorry for getting jealous and I trust her. This some how spirals into her wanting us to take a break.

Texting her later I worry that she wants to break up and I tell her that's not what I want. That I thought things were great and we were both happy. She tells me that's not what she intended but she thinks that's what she wants and doesn't see us getting back together. That she is happy with me the happiest she's ever been. But that she doesn't see a happy ending for us and she can't go on like this if she doesn't. I don't understand because we have never had any problems and I want to know what made her feel this way. She continues to tell me that I wouldn't understand and that talking about it wouldn't matter. The only thing she would tell me is that basically she is afraid of leaving her ex-fiance. That she doesn't know how the kids will react and that she owes so much to his family for helping her out. That she doesn't want to go through a custody battle and these are all the things blocking her view of our happy future. Also, that she had been keeping those feelings from me.

What I don't understand is she broke up with him before we started all this again. She told me over and over that she doesn't want to go back with him that she wasn't happy and that him wanting her to give up her youngest child was just the last straw. The same day she broke up with me she told me not to assume she would go running back to him.. but then she would go through all of that anyway. So what's the point of breaking things off with me and why so sudden?

I haven't seen her for the past two days sense I dropped her off, she told me she needs space. I haven't done a great job of that (texting and calling her) because I felt that I needed some answers or to at least talk to her. But I'm going to try and wait until I see her in person now.

Let it be my friend, sometimes loving someone means letting go, and it seems as if she's doing exactly that. She doesn't want to drag you into custody battles and the two fathers of her children. That's all I can make of this. As far as getting and exact answer of how she feels, well we're not her, and don't know what she's feeling or thinking. It could be anything, but my direction finder is pointing towards her not wanting to hurt you. Let her simmer down, and maybe she might even come up with an answer to all of this, but as of now, there's nothing you can really do, pushing on her will just push her away.

You were and most likely always was just the back up plan, You moved in way to soon after a break up and she never got over her ex ( if he really was a ex) My though you were just someone to fill time with, have sex and perhaps buy her things, while the ex was away.

And it is very possible that the other person texting was a new possible boyfriend replacement

Move on, find someone new and slow down, slow way down when you jump into a relationship

You were and most likely always was just the back up plan, You moved in way to soon after a break up and she never got over her ex ( if he really was a ex) My though you were just someone to fill time with, have sex and perhaps buy her things, while the ex was away.

And it is very possible that the other person texting was a new possible boyfriend replacement

Move on, find someone new and slow down, slow way down when you jump into a relationship

True I did move in to soon. She did and does still love her ex-fiance. So I shouldn't have gotten in-between that. I could just tell she wasn't happy with him. I just wanted to see where things would go because everything was so great with her. I felt that we became something amazing and she would love me enough that it would help get over him. But maybe not I still don't know if they're getting back together or what she plans.

Maybe I am the back up plan. If things were perfect with the father of her children and high school sweetheart she would probably be with him. Was thinking they were over but like you say I probably jumped the gun getting my hopes up.

She doesn't have a lot of time to fill between work and kids. I really don't buy her things, most of the stuff I got her gifts and such she didn't want to accept and she always returned the favor. I doubt the other person texting her is anything more then a friend but I could be wrong, she would have to be very devious for that to be true.. Would have to see some evidence to believe it. Sex was amazing, said she never had an orgasm during sex before me but I think we were more then that. Idk thanks for your help these are some of the same shots in the dark I've tried to make for this strange act.

Let it be my friend, sometimes loving someone means letting go, and it seems as if she's doing exactly that. She doesn't want to drag you into custody battles and the two fathers of her children. That's all I can make of this. As far as getting and exact answer of how she feels, well we're not her, and don't know what she's feeling or thinking. It could be anything, but my direction finder is pointing towards her not wanting to hurt you. Let her simmer down, and maybe she might even come up with an answer to all of this, but as of now, there's nothing you can really do, pushing on her will just push her away.

Thanks that's exactly what I have been thinking myself. Very hard to just leave it be but I don't want to push her away. Helps to hear it from someone else.

Hey there I have some updates on our crazy relationship.. I was fully planning on leaving her be but apparently the things I was telling her helped because that night she wanted to meet me for a late night walk and talk. We met up and talked things out a bit then got back together.. we made love that night and the next four nights we slept together. Then I didn't see her for 3 days.. Which is ordinary, she tends to spend two of those three days with her kids and ex as a family. (Says that will stop she she moves out in two weeks.) Also turns out her younger sister got pregnant with her second kid. We had a date after that and made love once again. Day after that I went to go sleep with her once her ex went off to work, turns out she passed out on me and then called me an hour later telling me how she was sorry and still wanted to see me yada yada, I go back over there and tell her how I feel she doesn't appreciate me sometimes.. (a whole nother issue that should be resolved by her living on her own) This has her wondering why I love her and she doesn't feel she's worth me going through all this. I told her that I love when we are together, that I think she is worth it, and we have much more good times than bad. Soon as we start getting comfortable and drifting off in each-others arms her door opens and it's her Ex. He of course gets pissed and tells me to get out of his bed. Knowing he's been paying for rent as well and not wanting to start a fight in her home I grab my stuff and give them time to talk stuff out. An hour later I give her a call to make sure she's all right, she said he's packing up his stuff and taking the kids to his mom's house for a couple weeks.

This is what she was afraid of sense we started seeing each other and wanted to avoid to make custody easier to deal with when they broke up. ( She had hoped for a more civil break up where they respected each other still.) I pick her up 20 min later and we drive around for a few hours, the whole time she's worried about custody and getting a new place to live in two weeks. She says they had an arrangement where he was going to help her move into a new place and she was going to help him with a car later.. This of course has me skeptical on if she was really getting a place of her own when the lease was up in two weeks, but she say that was her plan.

Anyway as we are driving she gives me a weird look and won't tell me what it's about at first. Then an hour or so later she tells me she was wondering if we are worth all of this and didn't want to tell me because I would just argue it. Told her that I wouldn't, that I do think we are worth it and we could be happy together but that was for her to decided for herself as well. She then told me that what happened that day was her choosing me over her ex, this confused me because it wasn't planned, she told me she wouldn't leave him for another man a long time ago, and she had her own reasons for leaving him months ago thus them being broken up. I told her this and she tells me that they could have worked and god knows she loves him (she had told me she always would in the past so this was no shocker).

After that I dropped her off at work but sent her a text because I couldn't get how she defended her and her ex's relationship like that out of my head. I told her that I don't understand why she constantly defends the idea they could work when they obviously don't. That all I have done is point out how he has wronged her in her own words. That she needs to make up her mind and stop viewing him in this light as a good guy. Hell on that same drive she told me he was a vindictive bastard who took their kids in their last break up and was going to move out of state with them out of spite because she had moved on. (Mind you their first break up was because he left her when he decided he didn't want a family.) They haven't been happy together sense I met her and she admits this so how can she defend that relationship or him as a person?

In any case, she told me after the look but before the explanation that she was going to put us on the back-burner while she got things sorted out. Sense working together that afternoon She wouldn't answer my text or calls and refuses to see me, I thought this was strange, but she says she doesn't want to talk to anyone right now. Yesterday she reconfirmed that she wanted to be left alone, so I plan on leaving her be and see how things work out. Told her that I'm sorry if I was being pushy in my first few messages and I will be here when she's ready to talk again.

You haven't learned, you're still going back to that back burner relationship, and that's all you'll ever be. Move on, before she turns off the heat, and leaves you cold.

You havn't learned, you're still going back to that back burner relationship, and that's all you'll ever be. Move on, before she turns off the heat, and leaves you cold.

IDK about all that.. She says she loves me more then she's ever loved anyone before and doesn't think she will feel as strongly about anyone. She want's to build a stronger relationship with me but needs to take care of her previous relationship and her kids. I can understand how her future living arrangements and her kids would take priority over seeing each other.. It is also common for her to withdraw from everyone when she gets depressed, and she's not necessarily depressed about her ex but about her kids and the situation they are all in.

Now it's another story if she is upset about her Ex and is thinking of patching things up with him. That she is just keeping me as a back up or whatever. I know she says she will always love him.. says when she loves someone it's for life.. but she's also said sense their last break up months ago multiple times that she wouldn't go back to him. It's hard to say and I wish I knew which is why I would like to talk things out with her.. but she doesn't want to talk right now, I have been told that is best to leave her be for now and that's what I feel as well.

Think depending on what she's going through and the decisions she makes now we will either end things completely or we'll work on becoming a better couple. I will probably need her to feel like we are worth fighting for, to realize that her and her ex won't work or isn't worth all the pain it would take to work for things between us to really work out. When she's not depressed or stressed about what her kids are going through or will be going through with the break up she seems happy and wants for us to really work.

Actions speak louder than words, and her actions say otherwise. I can't tell you to give her up and move on, but it's the best thing to do, before you waste more time, and get hurt more.

Actions speak louder than words, and her actions say otherwise. I can't tell you to give her up and move on, but it's the best thing to do, before you waste more time, and get hurt more.

That's true there are more then a few red flags.. This will be a decisive time, if she loves me and wants us to work then she will have to show it. If not then it was a good trip with some fond memories.

The woman is taken, and you need to learn to respect that. This relationship will not work, not only because she has so many things still going on with other relationship, but because you have chosen to disrespect her and her family. Her lust is still telling her to be with you, maybe because the sex IS in fact great, but that will die down, and what have you built? You have helped her cheat and have cheated yourself, you really think if you were to get what you are looking for which is being and living with her she isn't going to do the same thing you are doing now? You are just another one in a group, maybe just the next baby daddy before she moves onto the next guy.

Have some self respect and leave this woman alone to sort out her problems, more than 3,300,000,000 women in this world and you have chosen this one? Maybe it is time to higher your standards.

The woman is taken, and you need to learn to respect that. This relationship will not work, not only because she has so many things still going on with other relationship, but because you have choosen to disrespect her and her family. Her lust is still telling her to be with you, maybe because the sex IS in fact great, but that will die down, and what have you built? You have helped her cheat and have cheated yourself, you really think if you were to get what you are looking for which is being and living with her she isn't going to do the same thing you are doing now? You are just another one in a group, maybe just the next baby daddy before she moves onto the next guy.

Have some self respect and leave this woman alone to sort out her problems, more than 3,300,000,000 women in this world and you have choosen this one? Maybe it is time to higher your standards.

She was taken, when I first asked her out I didn't realize. But I enjoyed her company so much I didn't mind I just wanted to see where it went and we fell for each other. She wasn't happy with her ex because he mistreated her and acted childish. It's true she did cheat and I was involved in it, but I don't think it would have happened if she was happy with him in the first place. Not saying what we did was right but it happened 2 years ago not here and now.

If she goes back to him then that's that, but as of now she is single. If she chooses to be with me then I will trust her. I do have pretty high standards and I'm an extremely loyal person so I respect a healthy relationship.. all I can say is I enjoy her company more than any other, if we work we work if not there are other fish in the sea.