How do you tell if a guy likes you for you or just to use you for sex?

If you can answer that question than you would put a million players out of work...

Well I don't know the answer so I guess a lot of people are SOL.

Don't have sex with him and see how long he stays around.

Don't have sex with him and see how long he stays around.

Spot on advice...

Few guys will turn down free sex with a decent looking woman... some wouldn't even turn it down from an ugly woman...

And a guy doesn't even have to like you as a person to have sex with you. Which is actually opposite how a woman thinks.

There are no ugly women at closing time.

Liking you as a person would not automatically mean he has deeper feelings. A 'Friends with benefits' relationship is about two people who are friends having sex because they aren't in other relationships. They don't 'love' each other in a romantic way, but they do care about and like each other.

I suggest if you are uncertain or confused that you stop having sex with him and talk with him about your concerns. Make certain you are both on the same page. Part of being a consenting adult is knowing what you are consenting to.

Well here's what happened so I talked to this guy and got his number and all. We talked everyday since then. It was a week or 2 after when we actually had a date and all. Well after the date we didn't have intercourse but did some other things, but I know he wanted sex with me. I know it has only been only three or four days since our date, but now he barely talks to me. I know he has a tough work schedule, but still he talked to me more before the date. So I'm not sure if he just wanted it or not. Maybe I'm just over reacting, I don't know.

Well here's what happened so I talked to this guy and got his number and all. We talked everyday since then. It was a week or 2 after when we actually had a date and all. Well after the date we didn't have intercourse but did some other things, but I know he wanted sex with me. I know it has only been only three or four days since our date, but now he barely talks to me. I know he has a tough work schedule, but still he talked to me more before the date. So I'm not sure if he just wanted it or not. Maybe I'm just over reacting, I don't know.

My advice.. based on a guys experience in his younger dating days...

He was more interested in getting into your pants.. than getting into your heart... he put a few days work into it and it wasn't paying off so he's moving on to someone else to use as a sex toy.

Well he did tell me that he has only had sex once, but I highly doubt that. He texted me at like 2:30 in the morning saying that he feels bad because he thinks that I'm not texting him back but it's his phone that's not sending the message. But after I said It's fine my phone does that all the time he still hasn't replied and I sent that at 8:30 in the morning.

And you believe him? I have some Oklahoma beachfront property I'd like to sell.

No I don't believe him so I guess I'll just not talk to him till he talks to me. I'll just play him like he's playing me right now.

Getting even makes you as small as he is.

Getting what?

Getting what??


Even. Re-read what I posted.

I haven't even done anything yet and how does that make me small if I'm just wanting to show him what he's doing to me really hurts. I have been played like this before and I didn't do anything about it, I'm not going to sit back and let it happen again. That's how I will get taken advantage of if I act like everything is fine when it's not.

She means this tit-for-tat thing about having to get even being childish. Or in other words... "two wrongs don't make a right."

Also... telling yourself... "I'm better than he is and I won't lower myself to his level to play in the mud."

Think about those things and that desire to "get even" should diminish.

I haven't even done anything yet and how does that make me small if I'm just wanting to show him what he's doing to me really hurts. I have been played like this before and I didn't do anything about it, I'm not going to sit back and let it happen again. That's how I will get taken advantage of if I act like everything is fine when it's not.


You've had this same conversation with other members of AMHD in the past - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-make-guy-jealous-621481.html You seem to go from crisis to crisis. Maybe you should consider some other course of action.

I haven't even done anything yet and how does that make me small if I'm just wanting to show him what he's doing to me really hurts. I have been played like this before and I didn't do anything about it, I'm not going to sit back and let it happen again. That's how I will get taken advantage of if I act like everything is fine when it's not.

A better course is to walk away with your held high. Take what you have learned from this and other experiences and see where you need to adapt and change your own actions and reactions before looking for another 'maybe'. What signals are you sending out? Are you making them think you want the same thing they do just to get a date? Why did you allow sexual intimacy on the first date?

Talking to someone over the phone is all well and good. So is getting to know them in a group setting. However, you cannot know what the person is really like until you are in an actual dating situation and you have to work communications and contact around daily schedules and stresses. It is also when and how you learn if you are compatible as anything more than a friend, if that.

Why are you clinging to this male before you even get to know him? Why are you expecting his schedule to stay the same from week to week? You haven't known him long enough to know who he is and what his life is like. A couple of weeks talking and one date with 'not quite intercourse' is not a relationship. Demanding attention at this point shows immaturity, clinginess, and insecurity. It leads to the other person lying and ignoring you to get some space. That is not good.

How does 'showing him' change how men you met in the future treat you? Future dates will not about this unless you tell them or you become grist for the campus rumor mill. Is that what you want really want? Do you want to 'burn' him so that he spreads the story to his friends and other people? That's where this is headed if you try to play games.

Really, why are you allowing yourself to feel 'hurt' by someone you don't even know? That is your issue-not his. I suggest not dating until you can create a stronger foundation inside yourself to build your half of a relationship on. Once you have a firm foundation for your own support, you won't be as worried about what he is or isn't doing hours after a date or why he might need some space.

Good luck.

I guess I just don't know how to handle this, that's why I came here for help. I don't really know what to do. I have been in this situation numerous of times and I don't know what to do about it. I know I am ready to have a relationship, but I can't push something that's not going to happen. I fall for guys easily and I used to not be like that, I guess it just happened because of my last relationship. Also I'm not expecting his schedule to stay the same from week to week, he even told me he works a lot because he has a full time job.

You keep asking the same question, more or less. You get helpful answers and suggestions (and some which I admit you do not find helpful) and time passes and you post the same problem again. You don't seem to be "learning" from your past problems/mistakes.

If you are starting sexual relationships too early in the relationship, then that's the problem you need to work on.

How do you tell if a guy likes you for you or just to use you for sex?
How? You don't give him sex at all, not even any related kinds of intimacy. Don't even kiss him. Totally hands off until you have gotten to know him after at least six months. Group dates and activities are best so you aren't alone together.

I know I am ready to have a relationship, but I can't push something thats not going to happen.

There's your starting point. Don't push. Don't even think about pushing.

If you find yourself falling for men more easily than you did, then back up and work on a different relationship. The one you have with yourself.

Falling for one male after another and even thinking about pushing a relationship are symptoms of looking for something in others that you are missing in yourself. What do you do that you enjoy? Things that make you feel good to be you and it doesn't matter who else is around? How are your relationships with your friends? Do you enjoy hanging out and having fun with no expectations of anything other than a few laughs or heart-to-hearts as the conversations shape up?

What support do you give yourself? How confident are you in who you are and what you want in life?

See my problem is I just don't know how to say no even with friends, like if my friends want to go somewhere and If I don't I just say yes anyway.

What would happen if you said no to anyone?

Nothing would happen, but I just give in easily and I guess I'm too nice and don't want people to be mad at me. I'm too concerned about what people think about me.

I'm too concerned about what people think about me.
And if you say no, how will they feel about you?

I'm not sure how they would feel, it depends on the person what they are thinking.

If you say no, how do YOU think they would feel about you?

I don't know maybe angry but they would get over it.

If you really believe that, why can't you ever say no?

Nothing would happen, but I just give in easily and I guess I'm too nice and don't want people to be mad at me. I'm too concerned about what people think about me.

What would you think about yourself if you said 'no'? What do you think about yourself when you say 'yes'? Why do their opinions of you mean more than your own?

I don't know sometimes it's hard to say no, It has been a problem with me sometimes. I tend to care about other people's feelings than myself. That's how I get taken advantage of a lot. I probably would feel good if I said no.

"I probably would feel good if I said no."

Well, then.

Look at it from this angle... You wouldn't give your house or apartment keys to someone you just met... why are you giving them that just as easily.


There is a right time for everything... and I won't criticize you for doing it say at like the 5th or 10th date if things go well... but not before you know his last name.

And a guys speaking here... yes we really like when someone puts out right away for us... but we don't respect you any more than if we had to wait a bit before we got it...

That might get my Man-Card revoked... but I'm 50 and married... what am I going to do with it anyway.

Well it's just hard to figure out guys, most guys do want it right away and if you do give it to them right away then they leave. So I just don't get it.

Since the dawn of time, guys have dropped their dirty clothes on the floor, let the dog lick the dirty plates clean and then put them away, allowed the dust bunnies to pile up in the corners, and "wanted it" right away right after meeting us, but it is up to us to civilize them. ;)

Lol good way of putting that.

It sounds like he doesn't want to hurt your feelings by telling you he doesn't want to talk to you any more. He is a guy so you gave him a piece of the pay and when he gets the whole pie you can be sure he will stop talking to you. Best advice just stop txting him and c how long it takes him to txt you back. If he doesn't txt you back than well you got your answer.