My son is 22. He shows all the signs of a socialised psychopath and he is a quiet poison to the rest of my family. He has no respect for me and has no shame or guilt about his cold exemption of me whilst all full of 'love' for his brother - 15 and his father who does not live with me. My 22 year old keeps ties with my family who I have disowned because they do not believe my father raped me.
my son's father just idly listens and watches as my son lives with him and dumps his hatred about me on my other son and daughter. Then my x comes to my place and covers for my boy who is this way. I don't trust my x any more because of this. I told him so. I don't talk to my 22 year old either now but he would say I am crazy and making up stories and he would make sure the extended family get all the grit as well.
My eldest is poison to me. I am afraid he will do damage somewhere soon as he had all the signs of a hateful son as soon as he could think. Because I was a mess I get all the blame but I had a family to nuture my sons hatred and an x to fuel his rage against me.
I am a good person. I have changed. I don't deserve to be punished by this quiet deceitful bully. Maybe he is just bad genes like my father. Anyone else got trouble like this?

You say you have changed. What were you like before?

A mess, the kind that makes murders dear

A mess, the kind that makes murders dear
That doesn't help me! Would it be anything your family is holding against you now?

Ok I'm confused.
You have killed someone.
But changed.
So now everyone should just be okay with everything now? No worries at all. Nothing to have to deal with or work through?


What is REALLY going on here?

I meant to type the kind of mess that makes murderers. Apparently... I was only 21 when my son was born and I was a mess myself from years and years of incest and other rapes beside being my families crazy little scapegoat. I suffered debilitating depression and everything was screwed up for me. I had no skills and was not equipt to give my son the security he needed. I hurt him with my pain and sometimes I hit him when he was little. No excuse but I stopped all of that and changed my life around... gradually, as best I could and have made all the amends I can and I do the best I can. I am good, kind careful and I do not hurt my kids any more and I never did this in my youth with a premeditated kind of cruelty... I was just a mess as any one of you would be too...
Does that clarify?

Thanks. That helps a lot.

Have you ever thought of counseling? That might be a good first step to healing your family. (Can you tell? I'm a counselor. ;))

Others may never know or accept you have changed, part of counseling is accepting that you have to be happy because of you, not others.

And if your ex is so much trouble, why is he coming over, don't ever see him, there is no reason you have to.

I assume your ex was considered fit to raise the kids, since they live with him, so I will assume also, since it is not said, that he has legal custody.

But stop contact with the 22 year old, and live your life, if he wants contact, control it, to the point that if it is no longer good, end the meeting.

[QUOTE=Fr_Chuck;3130617]Others may never know or accept you have changed, part of counseling is accepting that you have to be happy because of you, not others.

Thanks for kind advice. The courts have imposed shared care. I have only another few years to left to deal with this. My eldest boy has returned to live with his father after burning all his bridges and ruining his relationships and job elswhere. He is back to wreek havock and his father just watches and quietly lets him.

This has ruined the trust we as parents had built up. I will keep the x on polite terms from now on and I have withdrawn our friendship as I can not tolerate lies and deciet - hiding the truth hurts me and I hurt worse than most people because of the backlog of compounded pain that lives in my body... I just greive safely now.

My boy thinks he is God's gift to the world and that he is better than every one. He wouldn't have a bar of counselling and believes he has all the answers anyway. I just have to grieve my loss. I guess I knew it was always going to be like this. My son has been as cold and bad as possible to me as soon as he could show me he can make his own rules - with his fathers help.

I am counting my blessings that my other two children are doing all they can to help me feel secure that they won't be poisoned by their brother. They forgive the mistakes I have made and unlike my eldest, they both show me respect. I have just had enough and can't hurt any more. I find it really difficult to cope with this situation where I get to be the bad guy again because I am breaking up the family - again - by telling the truth and refusing to be deceived and treated like a low life while others pretend the onslaught of disrespect is not happening!!

I am right aren't I? Surely I don't need to be doing penance all the time do I?