I'm in a bit of an uncomfortable situation. I'm the MOH in the wedding of my old coworker and former roommate. She no longer lives in the area because she moved in with her fiancé a few states away. We have remained great friends ever since she moved away and we've even visited each other a few times. My problem is that I don't want to attend her bachelorette weekend because if she isn't giving me problems for wanting to get my own hotel room separate from the group then another bridesmaid is telling the bride everything I say in any message thread between the bridesmaids and I (the bride hasn't been included in most of the threads). To add to all of this, every time I have an idea or suggest something that costs too much according to this one bridesmaid who keeps ratting me out, the answer is no or I just get ignored. At this point I've stopped making suggestions for obvious reasons. This all started when the bridesmaids on the message thread were already picking who was going to be in their room when we had to book a hotel. I said to not worry about me because I would be getting my own room. I am not a heavy sleeper and hear everything at night so basically I don't want to share a room with like 3-5 people but I don't mind sharing a room with the bride. I never mentioned to the bride that I would be getting my own room and paying for it with my own money but somehow she found out that I said this on the message thread. You can just imagine which bridesmaid ratted me out. The bride confronted me in a message (an angry message) saying that she did not think it was fair that I had my own room and then said "i guess it's okay if you're paying for it." She has a point there and yes it's none of her business what I'm paying for especially when I'm not asking anyone to contribute to my expense. I told her that I have no problem sharing a room with her but it seemed to make no difference and I think it made no difference because she probably wants everyone to be together in one hotel room. The whole hotel thing went out the window because plans changed and now we're back to the hotel thing and I'm dreading the fact that I even have to go. I'm also the kind of person that doesn't want to go somewhere once she's made up her mind. That one bridesmaid has consistently been after me. She once saw that my dress size was smaller than hers and decided to say " you're a size ___ i'm jealous!" Mind you I'm not friends with this girl and only know her because she's a bridesmaid. I don't feel comfortable telling my friend that I don't want to go because of the fact that she's going to give me crap about wanting to get my own hotel room and this one bridesmaid who gets on my nerves. I know you could say to ignore her but she's going to be there and gets jealous when I say that I have no problem paying for something and she can't afford to pay for it. I obviously can't tell the bride that this bridesmaid bugs the crap out of me because she'll then go tell the bridesmaid and you can just imagine how bad the wedding weekend would be for me. In the past when I haven't been able to attend the bride's birthday celebration hours away or I've canceled at the last minute she gets mad. She couldn't attend my birthday celebration this year but I didn't get mad. Of course we're different people but could she at least be understanding? Please help! Thanks!

The bride should understand your feelings, and in a perfect world, she would. However, and this is my experience being a MOH in 3 weddings, the bride only cares about herself and her wedding. If there is trouble with the bridesmaids, the bride doesn't want to deal with it, she thinks she has too much on her plate as it is with the wedding preparation. That's why she has a MOH, to help with some of that stress. I would just be blunt with the BM that is causing trouble for you. Be very upfront with her, tell her how she makes you feel and if that still doesn't work, then go to the bride. Brides get mad over the littlest of things that doesn't go their way because in the months and days leading up to their wedding, in their mind, everything (and I mean EVERYTHING) is about them.

Hope this helps a little bit.