Okay so there is this guy, me and him have been together for over 5 years now (we started really young) and are totally in love with each other. The problem is that we have a huge difference in our background, like casting system and stuff which my family is not supportive of. But I don't care about that I think I can get my family to agree cause my family matters a lot but that's not the problem.

The problem is... well I'm 19 and he's 21 there's a difference of 2 and half years between us and well he still hasn't graduated high school yet. There were a lot of family problems he had to go through and he's been struggling through his life the entire time and I'm really supportive of him I'm just really scared. Really really scared of how we're going to make it. Where I live a girl of age 26+ HAS to be married asap... ASAP. It's a cultural thing and um please no one be offensive about that. It's just that I graduate high school this year and will hopefully start my university this year too (please God let me!) and he's distracted from his aims and stuff because of the marriage pressure. I support him all the way but he says he wants to do MBBS which requires straight A's in school which he doesn't have. And MBBS is going to take so much time and doctors here have to work their asses off to get a higher income.

I'm really worried about our future. I want my family to be with me when we get married but how will they accept him when he doesn't earn enough? It makes me really sad. I have this great passion for earning but my family considers it really bad when a housewife has to work and that stuff and I want to support him a lot too but then again he has man pride! Which is a little annoying but he's not doing anything wrong he just gets hurt if I ever have to help him. I have assured him that no matter what happens I'm with him and that he should do whatever he can to follow his dream cause I don't want to pressurize him. Its not that I don't trust him or love him enough I love him like crazy and he's the only person I trust I just don't trust my family. Me and them don't have a very good thing going on. Its complicated and to top it all they hate him cause the neighbours caught us and they created A HUGE! Drama out of it and my family had to face humiliation and our relationship now has to be a secret.

Please don't tell me to leave him or to stop caring about my family cause I can't do either. My father isn't really the problem my older (2 years) brother is -_- he's just so annoying always going against and around my business to get me into trouble. He also has a girlfriend and is willing to do ANYTHING to be with her i.e. jeopardize MY relationship!

The thing is that he's in love with our cousin who is like 3 or 4 months younger than me. He's completed his bachelors and is now going to hunt for a job for experience and stuff and then do his masters. He's going on a super fast pace to be able to be with her. The problem is he can only marry her when I'm married. It's a cultural thing that a sister has to be married first (yeah I know I don't understand it either but please no one be offensive about it please).

But I can't get married until the guy I love is able enough which will take some time like maybe when I'm 27 or stuff (or even more). My family wouldn't want that EVER! Especially if my aunt gets my cousin married because she got 26 and in that case my brother will lose her because of me. And he can only get her if I get married early like right after graduation (which I so don't want!) so that they can get married. It is so complicated, I will lose him and that's what my family wants but I know there is no one I can be happy with except for with him (and yes, I have tried dating other people, being on a break and everything)

Everything can be solved if my family lets me marry this guy on my age 25, 26 whatever! So that we can live together and earn together and I can be supportive of him in making his career and that way my brother can marry who ever the hell he wants. I don't know how to get my family to agree with our relationship? They don't trust him, they don't like the caste he belongs to because of bad experience (weird people I know but its family), he's just the very bad guy in front of them in every way possible -sighs- anyone? Any advise on how to get into my family's heads that I can only be happy with this guy and no one else? How do I get them to agree? My guy always keeps stressing about our future, he's struggling a lot for us to be together, he started from scratch to be with me and support his family at the same time.

I know this is long and very complicated and my family wants the best for me but they need to understand that I'm in love with this guy I won't be happy with anyone else and anyone who took the time to read it please be kind enough to guide me and ask additional details.

You have a few years to decide such things since you are only 19. So just relax and see what the guy does to make himself a presentable husband. I wish you luck, and assure you that its not just your cultural thing to want the best for a daughter, and have her marry well.

Mine does too, but just has a lot less, if anything to do about it. I would say that you have much pressure from your brother since he is ready before you, but he can't make you do anything, so just stick to YOUR plan, and let him worry about his own plan!

I think your tradition, and custom allows this but don't expect him to be happy about it. For sure don't expect any of your family to be happy about YOUR decision, but its something you have to deal with, if you are set on what YOU want.

You have a few years to decide such things since you are only 19. So just relax and see what the guy does to make himself a presentable husband. I wish you luck, and assure you that its not just your cultural thing to want the best for a daughter, and have her marry well.

Mine does too, but just has a lot less, if anything to do about it. I would say that you have much pressure from your brother since he is ready before you, but he can't make you do anything, so just stick to YOUR plan, and let him worry about his own plan!

I think your tradition, and custom allows this but don't expect him to be happy about it. For sure don't expect any of your family to be happy about YOUR decision, but its something you have to deal with, if you are set on what YOU want.


Well yeah I do have time but it's just that I don't want to lose my dad. Even though we have this strange relationship in which we only share a few sentences in a week I just don't want to lose him.

Why would you lose him? Is he also pressuring you too?

Why would you lose him? Is he also pressuring you too?

Well.. I don't know. It's complicated. He doesn't like the guy but I have hope that I can make him like him. Like I was able to do it the last time (when the humiliation incident happen) but that's when my brother stepped in, feuled him against me and my guy and then my dad just got depressed and was like very disappointed. He wanted us to get engaged at that time and when we'd grow we could marry but my brother stepped in and ruined everything cause if I had gotten engaged my cousin would too -sighs- I don't know what his problem is. He's like it's wrong to be in a relationship while he's in one himself and in his defence he says 'we have the same family name' and its just ridiculous. What does a family name have to do with anything. My brother is 2 years older but he's so controlling he's been giving me ideas that if we belong to the family name ABC you will only marry an ABC guy you won't go in any other family :(

You cannot possibly please everyone, and can control NO ONE, just yourself, and that's where you focus, keeping things simple, by waiting until you and your fellow are ready, and preparing NOW, and leave the complication that others like your brother, brings into the situation by his opinion, which serves his interest, but no one else's.

Relax, you have the best hand, and the time, no matter how he pushes, or shakes everyone up! He is but an obstacle that distracts you from your goal, and has no power over you, unless you give it to him. Stop listening to his noise.

Don't make this more complicated by worry, and fear of how things will work out, just keep working at your own pace. Walk your path.

You cannot possibly please everyone, and can control NO ONE, just yourself, and thats where you focus, keeping things simple, by waiting until you and your fellow are ready, and preparing NOW, and leave the complication that others like your brother, brings into the situation by his opinion, which serves his interest, but no one elses.

Relax, you have the best hand, and the time, no matter how he pushes, or shakes everyone up! He is but an obstacle that distracts you from your goal, and has no power over you, unless you give it to him. Stop listening to his noise.

Don't make this more complicated by worry, and fear of how things will work out, just keep working at your own pace. Walk your path.


Heh yeah I guess I can stop listening to his noise. Thank you for taking your time in considering my situation. I feel a little hopeful than before.