Well I broke up with my boyfriend of nine months earlier this week.

It's been really tough. Im over the fact he left for the most part,because I like another guy, but he hates me now. At first he said he wanted to be friends. I wrote him a note saying it would be hard for me to be friends because it would hurt and he took it to mean I didn't want to be friends. He wrote me back asking why I didn't want to be friends and saying not to write back or call and we should go our separate ways.

So I caught up to him after school and he snapped at me to go away and that it was over (I was buggin a little to get him back but I haven't recently). I explained I wanted to be friends and he asked if we could be,and I said we could. So I went home thinking everything was fine.

Well, I went to talk to him today,just to say I,and got the same 'GO AWAY IT'S OVER' type reaction. I told him like,'what's going on? U said we could be friends' and he started denying it and said he doesn't want to be friends because he thought I'm just doing it to be around him because I want to get back together. I told him I like somebody else and he got mad and told me if I have somebody else why don't I go talk to him. He kept saying I don't want to be friends which is ridiculous because I do. He's mad that I try to call him and I sent him an IM. He asked me who my new boyfriend was then said if I talked to him again he'd go to the counsilor at school.

Well,he's really mad. I don't know what to do.I want to have him as a friend,he's a good guy, and I don't know what I'll do if he won't be.He won't listen to me or anything. Please help.

OK this is where you need to just act like him being an doesn't bother you. That you know you can do without him. (cuz you can) I think he is just a little uncomfortable about acting all buddy buddy with someone who he was with for nine months. Just give him time to adjust. If you are meant to be friends then it will happen.

I'm having a really hard time trying not to call him and stuff. I'm sososo afraid he'll hate me forever. How is ignoring him now going to help?

OK well whenever you feel like you have to call him, you need to either find something to do, or call a friend and talk to them. And by ignoring them it will make them look twice on how good of a person you were. OK isn't he ignoring you... and look how you feel... it makes you feel like crap and it makes you want to talk to him. What do you think it will do to him... the same thing.

It seems to me like this guy still likes you - he is acting out in jealousy. All the anger, yelling and threatening probably means that he still has strong feelings for you. BUT - do not push for anything from him. He won't admit he feels this way and you should just go on with your life. Perhaps he does want to be friends with you eventually but he is just not ready yet. Getting in his face, calling him, running after him - it will do nothing but push him away more.

Give him space and time to deal with the end of your relationship. Perhaps he regretted breaking up with you and that's when he asked if you guys could be friends. When you wrote back it hurt his feelings and he acted out in hurt anger. You don't need to get caught up in this game - trying to second guess his motivations is a dangerous thing because you could be wrong. It is just too soon - he is still dealing with feelings that even he doesn't understand. You being around is just too much for him to handle right now.

He got mad when you told him you liked another guy - jealous even, hence the angry reaction at you. But maybe he also felt trapped in a relationship, too. There may be a lot of reasons he broke up with you. But he doesn't want to be with you in that way yet he isn't ready for you to be with anyone else, either. This doesn't mean you should put your romantic life on pause though - he broke up with you and you have the right to get on with your life. Let him throw his tantrums - ignore him and concentrate your attention elsewhere.

Guys are strange characters sometimes - he broke up with you but he is the one who is angry about it. And in order to get over you he may decide to stay angry at you for a long time, even though you never did anything. Just keep in mind that this is his problem, not yours. Don't get caught up in this emotional tug-of-war. The only person really at risk of getting hurt is you - if you keep trying to make him happy like this then he might be able to keep you hooked long enough, making you conveniently available at his beck and call, until he finally works through all his feelings and gets over you - then he'll move on while your still wondering what happened!

Don't be his emotional safety net - he doesn't want to see you with anyone else so he is dragging you into this when he really just wants to get over you. Taking you out of the dating circle by making you feel sorry for him or guilty for liking someone else leaves him feeling relieved and safe - but beware that he is moving on in his own life in the meantime. It makes some people feel good to know that they have that much control over someone's life - don't buy into this! Don't let him string you along and most of all don't make decisions in your life based on his needs - don't start thinking "how would this make him feel?" before you decide to go out with someone else, for example. You can be sure he isn't giving you the same consideration.

The thing to realize here is that it is over, at least for the immediate future. He has things that he needs to sort out on his own and your popping up everywhere isn't helping this process - it will just anger and confuse him. Until he gets his act together there is no hope of friendship or anything more. And even when things do calm down and he's sorted through his feelings, he may decide that breaking up with you was a good thing and not want to be your friend at all.

You have to be prepared for this. And you have to deal with your lingering feelings for him. This is totally normal - you guys were together for a long time! But you should confront the fact that a part of you still loves him - and this is okay as long as it isn't romantic love. You might always care for him but you might need to deal with the possibility of seeing him with someone else. Don't get desperate and follow him around - bugging him is a surefire way to bring this touchy situation to an explosive ending.

You should take this time to concentrate on yourself and your needs. Let him go. If you guys are going to be friends then you will be sooner or later, but pressuring him isn't the way to make it happen. Admit your feelings, allow yourself to be angry, sad, happy - whatever you feel. Work through them, don't repress them. Then throw yourself into a project - something to get you focused on another topic. Make yourself busy and above all resist calling him! The urge will pass soon, just give it time and be strong.

Meanwhile, don't try and hold onto hopes of getting back together with him. Sure, he may have been jealous of the other guy you like but he isn't trying to get back into a serious thing with you, either. Waiting around for him might just get you hurt more. He is confused and angry - let him go on his way and do your own thing.

As you said, you weren't the one who broke up the relationship - if he made a mistake then hopefully he'll figure it out but you shouldn't put your life on pause hoping that he does because it may never happen - he may move on while you're waiting on him to come back to you. Remember - you are both free to live your lives as you see fit - you have no obligations to each other. If you really do like this other guy then see where that leads. You have new beginnings and a fresh start to look forward to - it can be an exciting time after you are over him! Just keep thinking in that direction!