I've been in a relationship for 4 years now and it's all been a blur. I've known him for quite some time, he lived in New York and I lived in San Diego. He basically flew to San Diego and I left with him to New York leaving everything else behind. I've done my part as to being controlling and making him do things he didn't want or excludin himself from friends. I was wrong and have changed I was only 19 at the time and I hate his friends. The one thing he did wrong to me was sexing with some girl from an iPhone app. Wow pretty lame, but it still hurts. And on top of that it was all happening when I was pregnant about the last couple of months and I didn't find out until after I gave birth. At first he said he didn't do anything wrong and doesn't feel bad about it since it was nothing physical, but it still hurt me a lot. After that he hasn't done anything like that and is sorry for what happened. He knows he messed up, I gave him all my trust and he just betrayed me. It's been a year since all that has happened and I just can't seem to let go. I feel betrayed and question him even though I know in the back of my head he isn't doing anything, which is true. Today we got into an argument on him attempting to do the same thing when he was no where near doing anything like that. How do you hold on tight enough to keep someone, but loose enough so they don't slip away. Just like that saying with sand and how holding too tight can make it slip out of your hands and holding too loosely will do the same, but holding onto it just right will keep it in place. Where and how can I find balance and what is balance in a relationship?

In addition I was 22 when I had my son and it all happened around that time.